How Bull and Frog went to law with Lord Strutt about the premifes, and were joined by the rest of the tradefmen.

ALL endeavours of accommodation between Lord

Strutt and his drapers, proved vain; jealoufies increased, and indeed it was rumoured abroad, that Lord Strutt had bespoke his new liveries of old Lewis Baboon. This coming to Mrs. Bull's ears, when John Bull came home, he found all his family in an uproar. Mrs. Bull, you must know, was very apt to be choleric. "You fot, (fays fhe,) you

loiter about ale-houses and taverns, fpend your "time at billiards, nine pins, or puppet-fhows, or "flaunt about the ftreets in your new gilt chariot,

never minding me nor your numerous family. "Don't you hear how Lord Strutt has bespoke his "liveries at Lewis Baboon's fhop? Don't you fee "how that old fox fteals away your customers, and

turns you out of your bufinefs every day, and

you fit like an idle drone with your hands in your "pockets? Fie upon't! up man, rouze thyfelf; "I'll fell to my fhift, before I'll be foufed by that "knave." You must think Mrs. Bull had been pretty well tuned up by Frog, who chimed in with her learned harangue. No further delay now, but to council learned in the law they go, who unanimously affured them both of the justice and infallible fuccefs of their law-fuit.

I told you before, that old Lewis Baboon was a fort of a Jack of all trades, which made the rest of

* the parliament precipitated into the war as a principal. Among

Allies were

the

the tradefmen jealous, as well as Bull and Frog; they hearing of the quarrel, were glad of an oppor tunity of joining against old Lewis Baboon, provided that Bull and Frog would bear the charges of the fuit; even lying Ned *, the chimney-fweeper of Savoy, and Tom †, the Portugal duftman, put in their claims; and the caufe was put into the hands of Humphrey Hocus the attorney .

A declaration was drawn up to fhew," That "Bull and Frog had undoubted right by prescrip "tion to be drapers to the Lord Strutts; that there were several old contracts to that purpose; that "Lewis Baboon had taken up the trade of clothier

and draper, without ferving his time or purcha ❝fing his freedom; that he fold goods, that were "not marketable, without the ftamp; that he " himself was more fit for a bully than a tradesman, " and went about through all the country fairs challenging people to fight prizes, wrestling and "cudgel-play; and abundance more to this pur "pose."

CHA P. V.

The true characters of John Bull, Nic. Frog, and Hocus.

FOR the better understanding the following hifto

ry, the reader ought to know, that Bull, in the main, was an honeft plain-dealing fellow, choleric, bold, and of a very unconftant temper; he dreaded not old Lewis either at back-fword, fingle faulchion,

the Duke of Savoy, and

the King of Portugal; and

John Churchill Duke of Marlborough was appointed general in chief of the confederate army.

£ 2

or

or cudgel-play; but then he was very apt to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pretended to govern him: if you flattered him you might lead him like a child. John's temper depended very much upon the air; his fpirits rofe and fell with the weather-glafs. John was quick, and understood his business very well; but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accounts, or more cheated by partners, apprentices, and fervants. This was occafioned by his being a boon companion, lø. ving his bottle and his diverfion; for, to fay truth, no man kept a better house than John, nor spent his money more generoufly. By plain and fair dealing John had acquired fome plumbs, and might have kept them, had it not been for his unhappy law-fuit.

Nic. Frog was a cunning fly whorefon, quite the reverse of John in many particulars; covetous, frugal; minded domestic affairs; would pinch his belly to fave his pocket; never loft a farthing by careless fervants, or bad debtors. He did not care much for any fort of diverfions, except tricks of High German artists, and leger-demain: no man exceeded Nic. in thefe; yet it must be owned that Nic. was a fair dealer, and in that way acquired mmenfe riches.

Hocus was an old cunning attorney; and though this was the first confiderable fuit that ever he was engaged in, he fhewed himfelf fuperior in addrefs to most of his profeffion he kept always good clerks, he loved money, was fimooth-tongued, gave good words, and feldom loft his temper: he was not worse than an infidel, for he provided plentifully for his family; but he loved himfelf better than them all the neighbours reported, that he was hen-pecked; which was impoffible by fuch a mild-fpirited woman as his wife was.

CHAP.

L

CHAP. VI.

Of the various fuccefs of the law fuit.

**

AW is a bottomlefs pit; it is a cormorant, a harpy, that devours every thing. John Bull was flattered by the lawyers, that his fuit would not last above a year or two at most; that before that time he would be in quiet poffeffion of his business: yet ten long years did Hocus fteer his caufe through all the meanders of the law, and all the courts. No skill, no addrefs was wanting; and, to say truth, John did not ftarve his caufe; there wanted not yellow boys to fee council, hire witneffes, and bribe juries: Lord Strutt was generally caft, never had one verdict in his favour; and John was promised that the next, and the next would be a final determination; but alas! that final determination and happy conclufion was like an inchanted island, the nearer John came to it, the farther it went from him: new trials upon new points ftill arofe; new doubts, new matters to be cleared; in fhort, lawyers feldom part with fo good a caufe till they have got the oyster, and their clients the fhell. John's ready money, book-debts, bonds, mortgages, all went into the lawyers pockets: then John began to borrow money upon Bank stock and Eaft-India bonds; now and then a farm went to pot: at lalk it was thought a good expedient to fet up Efquire

The war was carried on againft France and Spain with great fue tefs, and a peace might have been concluded upon the principles of the alliance; but a partition of the Spanish dominions in favour of the house of Austria, and an engagement that the fame perfon fhould never be king of France and Spain, were not now thought fuficient. South's

S 3

South's title *, to prove the will forged, and difpoffefs Philip Lord Strutt at once. Here again was a new field for the lawyers, and the caufe grew more intricate than ever. John grew madder and madder; where ever he met any of Lord Strutt's fervants, he tore off their cloaths: now and then you would fee them come home naked, without fhoes, ftockings, or linen. As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his last shift, though he had as many as any other: his children were ređuced from rich filks to Doily ftuffs, his fervants in rags, and bare-footed; inftead of good victuals, they now lived upon neck-beef and bullock's liver: in fhort, no body got much by the matter, but the men of law.

How John Bull was fo mightily pleased with his fuc cefs, that he was going to leave off his trade, and turn lawyer.

IT

T is wifely observed by a great philofopher, that habit is a fecond nature : this was verified in the cafe of John Bull, who, from an honest and plain tradesman, had got fuch a haunt about the courts of juftice, and fuch a jargon of law-words, that he concluded himself as able a lawyer as any that pleaded at the bar, or fat on the bench: he was overheard one day talking to himself after this man"How capriciously † does fate or chance difpofe of mankind? How seldom is that business al

ner.

It was i fifted, that the will in favour of Philip was contrary to treaty, and there was a parliamentary declaration for continuing the war, till he should be dethroned.

The manners and fentiments of the nation became extravagant himerical.

"lotted