CHAPTER V.

The Steamer afloat-FLOURISH at fault-" the amiable" wanting-afraid to attack the Duchess-DOLEFUL and Coroners' Inquests; or, the World's End! a hoax-A few words more respecting SCAPEGRACE, but not quite ripe for exposure. MAKEMONEY delighted-his description of the variety seen in a Trip by Steam-Cocknies adrift-Freshwater Sailors; versus, the Rough Sons of the Ocean-Debarking from the Steamer-Greenwich Park-Kissing in the Ring-National habits ought to be preserved; a legal opinion on the subject. An invitation to dinner; a rhetorical display, vulgarly termed the gift of the gab! WILHELMINA and SERAPHINA, a pair of female Portraits— live and learn, stay at home, and know nothing-What a world we live in !-The self-sufficient FLOURISH COMpletely outwitted.

DURING the previous harangue, or rather piece of satire from Makemoney to the Alarmist, Flourish had been strolling up and down the deck of the steamer, ogling the old Duchess and her two daughters, but he could not exactly make up his mind in what manner he should address her; and not the slightest circumstance had occurred on which he could make any point of conversation. No opening being left to him but to make a direct attack, he felt quite at a loss, hesitated, and could not assume courage enough to enact "the amiable!" although he had brushed up his hair two or three times-placed his shirt-collar in the best point of view-put his diamond pin in a prominent situation-looked at himself, again and again-still he appeared waiting for something like a cue to commence the siege.

Whether his ardour might have been damped by the definition given of the Duchess by his brother Pilgrim, James Sprightly, did not appear, but his unblushing impudence, which had, upon all other occasions, prompted him forwards, it should now seem had totally deserted him, in case he might meet with a Tartar in disguise. Yet, nevertheless, he was determined not to be idle; and, on passing Doleful, he appeared more at his ease, and ventured, with a sort of insolent freedom, to ask him " if he was not going to Greenwich to attend a Coroner's Inquest?"

Doleful, harmless in the extreme, screwed up his melancholy phiz, not quite a yard and a half in length, and almost as hollow

as a lanthorn, with a great deal of civility, observed, 'No, sir, I never heard of any such thing!

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"I am quite surprised at that," answered Flourish, with a face of clay, and without moving a muscle, while young Sprightly was ready to burst his sides with laughter; you are a finisher, I believe (Doleful stared at him with the most piteous aspect) —I mean, an undertaker; that is, you put people out of sight very cheap.' Yes, yes, I am right-I well remember you finished off in good style Churchwarden Swallow-Mutton, who was choked with a bone at a vestry-supper; and so extremely low were your charges, that had I not have known you to have been a man of strict integrity in all your dealings, I should have thought you had not come honestly by your materials.”

"Have you got a card about you?" Doleful put his hand in his pocket, and gave Flourish one. (Jem, on witnessing this circumstance, was so overcome with risibility, that he was compelled to run to another part of the steamer, in order not to spoil the joke)-" That's right; I will recommend you to a job directly. Now, if you go to the World's End'—that is, I mean the sign of it, at Greenwich-there is a Coroner's Inquest sitting, and the foreman of the jury, a friend of mine, John Hookham Snivey, Esq., will make it all right for you to bury him. A poor simple chap had laid a wager that he would climb up to the steeple of Greenwich Church, but, unfortunately for himself, he made only one false step, which caused his exit before he expected, and he never told any person how the accident happened."

"How very shocking!" replied Doleful; and, pulling out his pocket-book, noted down the World's End,' and 'Hookham Snivey, Esq.' with all the gravity attending a real circumstance, and quite pleased with the job he had in view, not being bound down to any precise terms of contract, exclaiming, at the same time, to himself," I shall leave the Park and the casualties to themselves to-day- a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush at any 999 time."

Flourish, strutting off like a crow in a gutter, in a sort of audible whisper to his brother Pilgrim Jem, said, "I have finished off Old Doleful in good twig;" but before he could congratulate himself on the success of his joke, "Finished off!" muttered a voice, “I should like to finish you off a little bit, for imposing on a simple tradesman!" Flourish, with his face half turned round, recognized the well-known countenance of the daring Scapegrace! but he wisely took no notice of it.

"Aye, you may look; its me," said Scapegrace, in a low voice, but a murderous tone of accent," I owe you one upon an old account-and perhaps I may chance to wing you, some day, when you least expect it! It won't do now, I perceive; but the time will come-and then-if you get off as well as the Old Shroud Maker has done-think yourself lucky! Now that's what I mean-and no mistake!"

This sort of side-wind murmur, and coming when least expected from the dangerous and determined Scapegrace, almost produced an attack of the ague on the frame of Flourish; at another time, it might completely have paralysed his efforts : but the latter was too well supported on board of the steamer to experience any rough treatment-so he pocketed the affront,' as the safest mode to get rid of it-by putting it off with a smile!

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Makemoney, whose time had been occupied with several other objects, on returning to his friends, felt rather surprized at the sight of Scapegrace close to the elbow of Flourish, and, to all appearance, his lip quivering with rage, and his face looking more like a disappointed demon than a Christian, and ejaculating "Revenge!' Makemoney, with great eagerness, said-" Has that fellow, Scapegrace, been saying any thing unpleasant to your feelings in the shape of a threat! I know he is perfectly capable of such an action: and I am sure we do not stand at all well in his estimation; and, if he had a convenient opportunity, I think he would not mind to do any of us an injury. He bears the character of a vindictive fellow-therefore, keep out of his clutches-give him no cause for reproach—but more anon, when I am at leisure!"

Flourish thought it the most prudent method to put a stop to any more argument on the subject, by observing" I did not hear him say any thing, although, in passing by me, he appeared in anger, as if some person had irritated him. However, I heed him not!" yet thinking to himself, at the same time, that it might be as well for him, if he remained quiet during the short voyage to Greenwich.

"He may be a desperate character, and in an assassin-like manner, be inclined to take a cowardly advantage of us in private; provided he could conceal himself, and without the fear of detection! But let him, if he dare, come to an open contest," said Sprightly, in a high-spirited tone of challenge-" and although I hate and despise anything like boasting, I care not for the threats of fifty Scapegraces! Therefore, at present, let us not bestow another thought upon him. Do not let such a fellow as that, whom no one knows any thing about, mar, in the slightest degree, our pursuits or pleasure. A good general, I am told, is always prepared for his enemy-therefore, only keep a good look out; and I am certain it is out of his power, or malice, to do either of us any harm. A fig for his threats, Flourish, if he did make any! Yet I have some faint recollection of the subject of his anger towards us! But another time!"

Here the discourse was finished, and Scapegrace was forgotten, by the band playing the animating gallopade from the opera of Gustavus-the company gaily promenading up and down the deck, and several of them from the movement of their feet quite anxious to commence the Gallope!' But no leader, or master

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of the ceremonies, presented themselves to give the eclat necessary to the dance; and Flourish still tardy about making up his mind to challenge the fair daughters of the 'old Duchess,' to join the party on the 'light fantastic toe.' the tune was permitted to finish, and the deck resumed its former appearance.

Old Makemoney then addressed his nephew, in a quiet, colloquial manner, "Travelling in a steamer, more especially on the Thames, where scarcely any thing like danger is apprehended is, in my humble opinion, of the most delightful description; for instance-refreshments can be had at any time, in case the breezes should operate on the appetite, and hunger require sustenance: an elegant cabin for retirement-books for those who have a taste for reading; and where, frequently, several ladies may be seen quite wrapped up in excitement at the tale of the last new novel.

"The lovers of prospects and other objects are equally amused on the deck-and a taste for naval architecture may also be gratified. The great variety of company you meet with connected with all ranks in the scale of society-the different remarks you likewise hear on all passing subjects upon politics, theatres, police, &c. are highly worthy of the attention of any author who is fond of exercising his pen on the subject of men and manners. The delight of popping on an old acquaintance by accident. Viewing others cogitating over a cigar-a few scientific persons engaged at chess. Here and there a few parties may be seen at drafts, dominoes, cribbage, &c., while some of the juvenile company are enjoying themselves skipping about the deck, or in the shape of a dance.

"You may also behold lots of young cockneys, of both sexes, puzzling the man at the helm, it being their first trip by steam, with all sorts of questions, as to What's that ere place?' or 'this ere castle? Travelling by steam also gives the steady merchant a little respite from business-and his mind perhaps, at ease, is at work on the calculating system from the beginning to the end of his journey, and when he hears the man sing out— "Gravesend! Herne Bay! Margate! or Dover!' He feels astonished, as well as pleased, that he has accomplished his place of destination in such a very short time.

"You may also see the 'man of pleasure,' full of gallantry, making himself agreeable to the ladies by his polite attention and conduct to their little wants, and with his spy-glass, he is the very essence of communication, pointing out the situations and names of all the places as they pass along; obtaining the character of what a nice man-a perfect gentleman,' with the whole sex on board. Sometime hearing the remarks—' Really, my dear mamma, it is more than delightful to meet with such intelligent persons.'

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Well, for my part, I must give a preference to steam before any other sort of conveyance-the weather cannot affect your

person-you are enabled to retreat from the attacks of the wind and rain; besides, you are not subjected to trifling quarrels about putting up,' or 'leaving the glasses down!' as in a stage coach: no dust to annoy your feelings, or spoil your clothes;—you experience the pleasure of walking up and down the deck-not only enjoying the requisite towards health and exercise; but you have the gratification to know, at the same time, that you are rapidly proceeding with your journey, and that your progress is not retarded by stopping at the doors of inns on the road to change horses, or coachmen!

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Many other circumstances might be pointed out in favour of steam navigation, if it were necessary to show its great convenience and immense utility-it also conveys a picture of real life -abounding with characters of every description; only witness the veteran tar, nearly three sheets in the wind, a passenger by the steam-boat to join his ship, laughing at the remarks of freshwater sailors, and the fears expressed by the ladies of the approaching danger, talking of the boisterous winds, and the roughness of the sea!— Rough! my darlings-Ha! ha! there an't a thimble-full of wind stirring, and on the rough sea, as you call it, why there's not a ripple to be seen. My eyes, if you had been along with me and my shipmate Jack Dreadnought, who sits beside me, in the Bay of Biscay, then you might have said OLD BOREAS had opened his doors, and went to work with a new pair of bellows-that Daddy Neptune had been kicking up a row in his berth below, and set the foaming billows in rapid motion, making all the craft, big and little, dance mountains high without any music. But never mind, my hearties, every one to his calling (singing.)—

But sailors were born for all weathers

Great guns let it blow high-blow low!
Our duty keeps us to our tether,

And where the gale drives we must go!

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Here, steward, bring us a glass of stiff grog-none of your six upon four stuff-that I may drink to all sound hearts and true bottoms! The tout ensemble, to me, is of the most inviting description; and if you, my worthy brother Pilgrims, enter into the same sort of spirit on the subject, I feel assured that all our trips connected with the Banks of the Thames will not only prove gratifying to our feelings, but instructive to our minds.'

Greenwich Hospital was now in sight, and boats from the shore putting off for the steamer. The Pilgrims immediately were ready to get on land; the Duchess and her companions were equally on the alert; and Doleful appeared so anxious to be off, that he had nearly jumped over the waterman's wherry into the water, so eager was the undertaker to reach the land.

Scapegrace, also, as it were, slunk out of the steamer. Flourish, it should seem, had now screwed his courage to the sticking place, thinking his only chance might be now or never-im

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