LIVING UPON LIES. 191 your power to tell me your trade must be an entertaining one: sit down on the stone, and let me know something of your profession; I have often thought of turning fortune-teller for a week or two myself." "Master," replied the beggar, "I like your frankness much; God knows "He saw, at some distance, a beggar approaching him."-Page 190 I had the humour of plain-dealing in me from a child; but there is no doing with it in this world; we must live as we can, and lying is, as you call it, my profession; but I was in some sort forced to the trade, for I dealt once in telling truth. "I was a labourer, sir, and gained as much as to make me live: I never 192 PHILOSOPHY OF FORTUNE-TELLING. laid by, indeed, for I was reckoned a piece of a wag, and your wags, I take it, are seldom such, Mr Harley." "So," said Harley, "you seem to know me." "Ay, there are few folks in the country that I don't know something of: how should I tell fortunes else?" "True; but to go on with your story. You were a labourer, you say, and a wag; your industry, I suppose, you left with your old trade; but your humour you preserve to be of use to you in your new.” What signifies sadness, sir? A man grows lean on 't; but I was brought to my idleness by degrees; first, I could not work, and it went against my stomach to work ever after. I was seized with a jail fever at the time of the assize being in the county where I lived; for I was always curious to get acquainted with the felons, because they are commonly fellows of much mirth and little thought-qualities I had ever an esteem for. In the height of this fever, Mr Harley, the house where I lay took fire, and burnt to the ground. I was carried out in that condition, and lay all the rest of my illness in a barn. I got the better of my disease, however, but I was so weak that I spit blood whenever I attempted to work. I had no relation living that I knew of, and I never kept a friend above a week, when I was able to joke. I seldom remained above six months in a parish, so that I might have died before I had found a settlement in any. Thus I was forced to beg my bread, and a sorry trade I found it, Mr Harley. I told all my misfortunes truly, but they were seldom believed; and the few who gave me a halfpenny as they passed, did it with a shake of the head, and an injunction not to trouble them with a long story. In short, I found that people cared not to give alms without some security for their money. A wooden leg or a withered arm is a sort of draft upon heaven for those who choose to have their money placed to account there; so I changed my plan, and, instead of telling my own misfortunes, began to prophesy happiness to others. This I found by much the better way: folks will always listen when the tale is their own; and of many who say they do not believe in fortunetelling, I have known few on whom it had not a very sensible effect. I pick up the names of their acquaintances; amours and little squabbles are easily gleaned among servants and neighbours; and, indeed, people themselves are the best intelligencers in the world for our purpose. They dare not puzzle us for their own sakes, for every one is anxious to hear THE BEGGAR REWARDED. 193 what they wish to believe; and they who repeat it, to laugh at it when they have done, are generally more serious than their hearers are apt to imagine. With a tolerable good memory, and some share of cunning, with the help of walking a-night over heaths and churchyards, with this, and showing the tricks of that there dog, whom I stole from the serjeant of a marching regiment (and, by the way, he can steal, too, upon occasion), I make shift to pick up a livelihood. My trade, indeed, is none of the honestest; yet people are not much cheated neither, who give a few halfpence for a prospect of happiness, which I have heard some persons say is all a man can arrive at in this world. But I must bid you good-day, sir; for I have three miles to walk before noon, to inform some boarding-school young ladies whether their husbands are to be peers of the realm, or captains in the army-a question which I promised to answer them by that time." Harley had drawn a shilling from his pocket; but Virtue bade him consider on whom he was going to bestow it: Virtue held back his arm; but a milder form, a younger sister of Virtue's, not so severe as Virtue, nor so serious as Pity, smiled upon him : his fingers lost their compression; nor did Virtue offer to catch the money as it fell. It had no sooner reached the ground, than the watchful cur (a trick he had been taught) snapped it up; and, contrary to the most approved method of stewardship, delivered it immediately into the hands of his master. |