And sometimes comes she, with a tithe-pig's tail,
Tickling the parson, as he lies asleep;
Then dreams he of another benefice.
Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck;
And then he dreams of cutting foreign throats;
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades;
Of healths five fathoms deep; and then, anon,
Drums in his ears; at which he starts and wakes;
And, being thus frighten'd, swears a prayer or two—
And sleeps again.

Shakspeare.

Contest between the Eyes and the Nose.

BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose:
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong:
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig-full of learning;
While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.

"In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,
And your lordship," he said," will undoubtedly find,
That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear,
Which amounts to possession time out of mind."
Then, holding the spectacles up to the court,
"Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle,
As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short,
Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle.
Again, would your lordship a moment suppose--
'Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again-
That the visage or countenance had not a Nose,
Pray who would, or who could wear spectacles then?
On the whole, it appears, and my argument shows,
With a reasoning the court will never condemn,
That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose,
And the Nose was as plainly intended for them."
Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how,
He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes;
But what were his arguments few people know,

For the court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn toneo-nik
Decisive and clear, without one if or but,
That whenever the Nose put his Spectacles on-
By day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shut.

Cowper.

ALAS! what pity 'tis, that regularity
Like Isaac Shove's, is such a rarity.
But there are swilling wights in London town
Term'd-Jolly dogs-Choice spirits-alias swine,
Who pour, in midnight revel, bumpers down,
Making their throats a thoroughfare for wine..

These spendthrifts, who life's pleasures thus run on,
Dozing with headachs till the afternoon,
Lose half men's regular estate of sun,

By borrowing too largely of the moon.

One of this kidney-Toby Tosspot hight-
Was coming from the Bedford, late at night:
And being Bacchi plenus,-full of wine,
Although he had a tolerable notion
Of aiming at progressive motion,
'Twasn't direct-'twas serpentine.

He work'd with sinuosities along,

Like Monsieur Corkscrew, worming through a cork, Not straight, like Corkscrew's proxy, stiff Don Prong, a fork.

At length, with near four bottles in his pate,
He saw the moon shining on Shove's brass plate,

When reading," Please to ring the bell,"

And being civil beyond measure,

Ring it!" says Toby-" very well;

I'll ring it with a deal of pleasure."

Toby, the kindest soul in all the town,
Gave it a jerk that almost jerk'd it down.
He waited full two minutes-no one came;
He waited full two minutes more; and then,
Says Toby," If he's deaf, I'm not to blame,
I'll pull it for the gentleman again.”

And sometimes comes she, with a tithe-pig's tail,
Tickling the parson, as he lies asleep;
Then dreams he of another benefice.
Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck;
And then he dreams of cutting foreign throats;
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades;
Of healths five fathoms deep; and then, anon,
Drums in his ears; at which he starts and wakes;
And, being thus frighten'd, swears a prayer or two—
And sleeps again.
Shakspeare.

Contest between the Eyes and the Nose.

BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose:
The spectacles set them unhappily wrong:
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows,
To which the said spectacles ought to belong.

So the Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause
With a great deal of skill, and a wig-full of learning;
While chief baron Ear sat to balance the laws,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.

In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear,

And your lordship," he said," will undoubtedly find, That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind."

Then, holding the spectacles up to the court,

"Your lordship observes they are made with a straddle, As wide as the ridge of the Nose is; in short, Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your lordship a moment suppose-'Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be againThat the visage or countenance had not a Nose, Pray who would, or who could wear spectacles then? On the whole, it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them." Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how, He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes; But what were his arguments few people know,

1

For the court did not think they were equally wise.

So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone,
Decisive and clear, without one if or but,
That whenever the Nose put his Spectacles on-
By day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shut.
Cowper.

Toby Tosspot.

ALAS! what pity 'tis, that regularity
Like Isaac Shove's, is such a rarity.

But there are swilling wights in London town
Term'd-Jolly dogs-Choice spirits-alias swine,
Who pour, in midnight revel, bumpers down,
Making their throats a thoroughfare for wine..

These spendthrifts, who life's pleasures thus run on,
Dozing with headachs till the afternoon,
Lose half men's regular estate of sun,

By borrowing too largely of the moon.

One of this kidney-Toby Tosspot hight-
Was coming from the Bedford, late at night:
And being Bacchi plenus,-full of wine,
Although he had a tolerable notion
Of aiming at progressive motion,
'Twasn't direct-'twas serpentine.

He work'd with sinuosities along,

Like Monsieur Corkscrew, worming through a cork, Not straight, like Corkscrew's proxy, stiff Don Prong, a fork.

At length, with near four bottles in his pate,

He saw the moon shining on Shove's brass plate,

66

When reading, “ Please to ring the bell,"
And being civil beyond measure,
"Ring it!" says Toby-" very well;
I'll ring it with a deal of pleasure."

Toby, the kindest soul in all the town,
Gave it a jerk that almost jerk'd it down.
He waited full two minutes-no one came;
He waited full two minutes more; and then,
Says Toby, "If he's deaf, I'm not to blame,
I'll pull it for the gentleman again."

But the first peal woke Isaac, in a fright;
Who, quick as lightning, popping up his head,
Sat on his head's antipodes, in bed,
Pale as a parsnip,-bolt upright.

At length, he wisely to himself doth say,—
Calming his fears,-

"Tush! 'tis some fool has rung and run away;"
When peal the second rattled in his ears!

Shove jump'd into the middle of the floor;

And, trembling at each breath of air that stirr'd, He groped down stairs, and open'd the street-door; While Toby was performing peal the third.

Isaac eyed Toby, fearfully askant,—

And saw he was a strapper-stout and tall;
He put his question-" Pray, sir, what d'ye want?"
Says Toby," I want nothing, sir, at all."

"Want nothing, sir!--you've pull'd my bell, I vow,
As if you'd jerk it off the wire."

Quoth Toby,-gravely making him a bow,—
"I pull❜d it, sir, at your desire"

"At mine!"—" Yes, yours; I hope I've done it well:
High time for bed, sir; I was hastening to it;
But, if you write up- Please to ring the bell,'
Common politeness makes me stop and do it."

Colman.

The Charitable Barber.

A SCHOLAR of that race, whom oft we meet,
Hungry and friendless, wandering through the street,
Though bless'd with gifts, life's noblest scenes to grace,
Was forced, through want, to seek a tutor's place.

At length, when pining in extreme distress,
The starving wretch was led to hope success,
And got a sudden summons to repair
Before the guardians of a titled heir:
In Phoebus' livery dress'd from top to toe,
Our wit in this dire plight was loathe to go;
His hat, an hostler for a sieve might use,

His wig was bald, his toes peep'd through his shoes;
His hose through many a rent display'd his skin,
And a beard three weeks old adorn'd his chin: