Fal Call him in; [Erit BARDOLPH.] Such Brooks are welcome to me that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ha! nustress Ford and mistress Page, have I encompassed you? go to; via! Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You 're welcome. What 's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in Letter plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion: for they say, if money go before all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles e: if you will help to bear it, sir John, take all, or Lalf, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you-and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many warlike, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O, sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against me: What say you to 't, sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good sir! Fal. I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her, (I may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blessed in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her hus- jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the band's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give ber, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me, which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: **Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues." Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house built on another man's round; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, ret, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far that here is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold :--come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this!My heart is ready to crack with impatience.-Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adop tion of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends! but cuckold! wittolcuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass! he will trust his wife, he will not be jealous; I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then p she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in their hearts they may effect they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour. -I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villainy, take your rapier. Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and Page. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian, king Urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, master Page? SCENE I-A Field near Frogmore. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page. Page. "T is true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician and sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice :-ah, monsieur Mockwater.a Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat? Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much mock-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And, moreover, bully,--But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHAL., and SLEN. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: sheathe thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house, a feasting: and thou shalt woo her: Cried game? said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you vor dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 't is good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. ACT III. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's servingman, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himseif doctor of physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. Castilian. The Host ridicules the Doctor through his ignorance of English. He is a "heart of elder," the elder being filled with soft pith; he is a Castiliau, that name being an opprobrious designation for the Spaniards. Pittie-ward is of the same import as petty-ward. A part of Windsor Castle is still called the lower ward, and in the same way another pait might have been known as the vask-ward. 'Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Melodions birds sing madrigals: Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. To shallow rivers, to whose falls,-a Era. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENder. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Page. Save you, good sir Hugh! Era. Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Era. There is reasons and causes for it. Eva. As I am a christians soul, now, look yon, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul; French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the nomotions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:-Give me -Boys of art, I have dethy hand, celestial; so.ceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow. follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt SHAL., SLEN., PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting. stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same Page. We are come to you to do a good office, scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the master parson. Era. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belke, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Era. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eea. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons :-Keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let then keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you let-a me speak a word vit your ear; Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eca. Pray you, use your patience: in good time. John ape. Era. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends:-I will knog your urinal about your knave's cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine host de Jar terre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? The exquisite little poem whence this couplet is quoted is found in the edition of Shakspere's Sonnets printed by Jaggard 1599; but is given to Marlowe in England's Helicon,' 1600. Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise tc bring me vere is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray you, follow. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The Street in Windsor. Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, I see you'll be a courtier. Enter FORD. Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go you? Mrs. Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife; Is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. There is such a league between my good man and he! Ford. Indeed, she is. see her. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir:-I am sick, till I [Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may N my ambling gelding, than my wife she plots, then she ruminates, then what they think in their hearts the will break their hearts but they w be praised for my jealousy!-Eleve -I will prevent this, detect my w Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I three hours too soon than a minute cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! SCENE III.-Field ne Enter CAIUS and Caius. Jack Rugby! Caius. Vat is the clock, Jac Rug. T is past the hour, si: to meet. Caius. By gar, he has sa come; he has pray his Pible by gar, Jack Rugby, he is de Rug. He is wise, sir; he kill him if he came. Caius. By gar, de herrin kill him. Take your rapier, I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot i Enter Host, SHALLOW, Host. 'Bless thee, bully d Shal. Save you, master de Page. Now, good master Slen. Give you good-morro Caius. Vat be all you, one, Host. To see thee fight, to traverse, to see thee here, to se pass thy punto, thy stock, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Eth Francisco? ha, bully! What my Galen? my heart of elder: Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de cowa vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian," k of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you, bear vitness tl. or seven, two, tree hours for him, and Shal. He is the wiser man, master curer of souls and you a curer of bodie fight, you go against the hair of your I not true, master Page? SCENE I.-A Field near Frogmore. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's se man, and friend Simple by your name, which way you looked for master Caius, that calls himseif do of physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-wa every way; old Windsor way, and every way traordinary in thee. Come, I art this and that, like a many buds, that come like women in I like Bucklersbury in simplelove thee; none but thee; and etray me, sir. I fear you love iwell say I love to walk by the as hateful to me as the reek of leaven knows how I love you; find it. nind; I'll deserve it. I must tell you, so you do; or that mind. stress Ford, mistress Ford! here 's doo, sweating, and blowing, and would needs speak with you pre t see me; I will ensconce me be you, do so she's a very tattling [FALSTAFF hides himself. STRESS PAGE and ROBIN. *! how now? mistress Ford, what have you done? ou 're overthrown, you 're undone for aat's the matter, good mistress Page? well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an our husband, to give him such cause of That cause of suspicion? Fal. I love thee. Help me away: let me creep 111 here; I'll never [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: Call your men, mistress Ford :-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What John, Robert, John! [Exit ROBIN. Re-enter Servants.] Go take up these clothes here, quickly; where's the cowl-staff?a look, how you drumble; carry them to the laundress in Datchet inead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why, then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we 'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first :-so, now uncape. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 't is no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. What cause of suspicion ?-Out upon his search. mistook in you! Why, alas! what's the matter? Your husband's coming hither, woman, ficers in Windsor, to search for a gentleays, is here now in the house, by your te an ill advantage of his absence: You Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS, Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We will do it; let him be sent for tomorrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, I do so. Mrs. Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! |