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sets many a poor woman to work. But here comes Flip. So I shall spoil her. (Aside.] Pray miss. I hope I shall help her into the holy state Heaven the girl don't debauch me. too, ere long: And when she's once there, if she Cor. Look you : In short, he may think what don't play her part as well as the best of 'em, I'm he pleases ; he may think himself wise; but mistaken. Ha’n't I lost the letter I'm to give thoughts are free, and I may think in my turn. her?-No, here 'tis; so, now we shall see how I'm but a girl, 'tis true, and a fool too, if you bepure nature will work with her, for art she knows lieve him ; but let him know, a foolish girl may none yet.
make a wise man's heart ache; so he had as good Enter Corinxa.
be quiet.—Now it's out.
Flip. Very well, I love to see a young woman Cor. What does my mother-in-law want with have spirit : it's a sign she'll come to something. me, Flippanta? They tell me she was asking for Cor. Ah, Flippanta, if you would but encou
rage me, you'll find me quite another thing: I'm Flip. She's just gone out, so I suppose 'twas a devilish girl in the bottom. I wish you'd but no great business.
let me make one amongst you. Cor. Then I'll go into my chamber again. Flip. That never can be, till you are married.
Flip. Nay, hold a little, if you please. I have Come, examine your strength a little. Do you some business with you myself, of more concern think you durst venture upon a husband? than what she had to say to you.
Cor. A husband! Why, a—if you would but Cor. Make haste then, for you
father encourage me. Come, Flippanta, be a true friend won't let me keep your company ; he says, you'll now. I'll give you advice, when I have got a litspoil me.
tle more experience. Do you in your very conFlip. I spoil you! He's an unworthy man, to science and soul think I am old enough to be give you such ill impressions of a woman of my married? honour.
Flip. Old enough! Why, you are sixteen, are Cor. Nay, never take it to heart, Flippanta, for you not ? I don't believe a word he says. But he does so Cor. Sixteen! I am sixteen, two months, and plague me with his continual scolding, I'm almost odd days, woman. I keep an exact account. weary of my life.
Flip. The deuce you are ! Flip. Why, what is't he finds fault with? Cor. Why, do you then truly and sincerely Cor. Nay, I don't know, for I never mind him; think I am old enough? when he has babbled for two hours together, ne- Flip. I do, upon iny faith, child. thinks I have heard a mill going, that's all : it Cor. Why then, to deal as fairly with yoli, does not at all change my opinion, Flippanta: it Flippanta, as you do with me, I have thought so only makes my head ache.
any time these three years. Flip. Nay, if you can bear it so, you are not to Flip. Now I find you have more wit than ever be pitied so much as I thought.
I thought you had; and to shew you what an Cor. Not pitied! Why, is it not a miserable opinion I have of your discretion, I'll shew you a thing, such a young creature as I am should be thing I thought to have thrown in the firc. kept in perpetual solitude, with no other company Cor. What is it, for Jupiter's sake? but a parcel of old fumbling masters, to teach me Flip. Something will make your heart chuck geography, arithmetic, philosophy, and a thousand within yon. useless things ? Fine entertainment, indeed, for Cor. My dear Flippanta! a young maid at sixteen! Methinks one's time Flip. What do you think it is? might be better employed.
Cor. I don't know, nor I don't care, but I'm Flip. Those things will improve your wit.
mad to have it. Cor. Fiddle, faddle! Ha'n't I wit enough al- Flip. It's a four-cornered thing. ready? My mother-in-law has learned none of Cor. What, like a cardinal's cap ? this trumpery, and is not she as happy as the day Flip. No, 'tis worth a whole conclave of 'em. is long?
How do you like it? (Shewing the letter. Flip. Then you envy her, I find ?
Cor. O lard ! A letter !- Is there ever a token Cor. And well J inay. Does she not do what in it? she has a mind to, in spite of her husband's Flip. Yes, and a precious one too. There's a teeth?
handsome young gentleman's heart. Flip. Look you there now. [Aside.] If she has Cor. A handsome young gentleman's heart ! not already conceived that as the supreme bless- (Aside.] Nay, then, it's time to look grave. ing of life!
Flip. There. Cor. I'll tell you what, Flippanta; if my mo- Cor. I sha'n't touch it. ther-in-law would but stand by me a little, and Flip. What's the matter now encourage me, and let me keep her company, I'd Cor. I sha'n't receive it. rebel against my father to-morrow, and throw all Flip. Sure you jest. my books in the fire. Why, he cann't touch a Cor. You'll find' I don't. I understand myself groat of my portion : do you know that, Flip- better than to take letters, when I don't know
who they are from.
Flip. I am afraid I commended your wit too Flip. Um-I cann't say they all die-No, I
cann't say they all do; but, truly, I believe it Cor. 'Tis all one: I sha’n't touch it, unless I wou'd go very hard with the colonel. know who it comes from.
Cor. Lard, I would not have my hands in blood Flip. Hey-day ! open it, and you'll see. for thousands; and therefore, Flippanta —if Cor. Indeed I shall not.
you'll encourage me Flip. Well-then I must return it where I Flip. O, by all means an answer. had it.
Cor. Well, since you say it then, I'll e'en in Cor. That won't serve your turn, madam. My and do it, tho' I protest to you, (lest you should father must have an account of this.
think me too forward now,) he's the only man Flip. Sure you are not in earnest?
that wears a beard, I'd ink my fingers for. May Cor. You'll find I am.
be, if I marry him, in a year or two's time I Flip. So, here's fine work. This 'tis to deal mayn't be so nice.
(dside. with girls before they come to know the distinc
[Exit CORINNA. tion of sexes. Cor. Confess who you had it from, and per
FLIPPANTA sola. haps, for this once, I mayn't tell my father. Now Heaven give him joy; he's like to have a
Flip. Why then, since it must out, 'twas the rare wife o' thee. But where there's money, a colonel. But why are you so scrupulous, ma- man has a plaster to his sore. They have a dam?
blessed time on't, who marry for love. See !Cor. Because if it had come from any body here comes an example-Araminta's dread else I would not have given a farthing for it. lord.
[Twitching it eagerly out of her hand. Flip. Ah, my dear little rogue. (Kissing her.]
Enter MONEYTRAP. You frightened me out of my wits.
Mon. Ah, Flippanta! How do you do, good Cor. Let me read it, let me read it, let me read Flippanta ? How do you
do? it, let me read it, I say. Um, um, um—“ Cupid's” Flip. Thank you, sir, well, at your service. -um, um, um-“Darts”-um, um, um—“Beau- Mon. And how does the good family, your ty” -um-" Charms'
- um, um, um—" Angel” master, and your fair mistress ? Are they at -“ Goddess
[Kissing the let- home? ter)--am, um, um-" Truest lover”-hum, Flip. Neither of them; my master has been um-“ Eternal constancy”–um, un, um-- gone out these two hours, and ny lady is just gone “ Cruel”-um, um, um—“ Racks”-um, um- with
wife. “Tortures”-um,um—“Fifty daggers”-um, um Mon. Well, I won't say I have lost my labour, -“ Bleeding heart”-um, um-—“ Dead man.” however, as long as I have met with you, Flip
- Very well, a mighty civil letter, I promise panta; for I have wish'd a great while for an you; not one smutty word in it: I'll go lock it opportunity to talk with you a little. You won't up in my comb-box.
take it amiss, if I should ask you a few quesFlip. Well—but what does he say to you? tions ?
Cor. Not a word of news, Flippanta ; 'tis all Flip. Provided you leave me to my liberty in about business.
my answers. What's this cot-quean going to pry Flip. Does he not tell you he's in love with into now?
Mon. Pr’ythee, good Flippanta, how do your Cor. Ay, but he told me that before.
master and mistress live together? Flip. How so? He never spoke to you.
Flip. Live! Why-like man and wife, geCor. He sent me word by his eyes.
nerally out of humour, quarrel often, seldom Flip. Did he so ? Mighty well! I tlought you agree, complaia of one another; and perhaps had been to learn that language.
both have reason. In short, 'tis much as 'tis at Cor. O, but you thought wrong, Flippanta. your house. What, because I don't go a visiting, and see the Mon. Good-lack! But whose side are you world, you think I know nothing. But you generally of? shou'd consider, Flippanta, that the more one's Flip. O'the right side always—my lady's. And alone, the more one thinks; and 'tis thinking if you'll have me give you my opinion of these that improves a girl. I'll have you to know, matters, sir, I do not think a husband can ever be when I was younger than I am now, by more in the right. than I'll boast of, I thought of things would have Mon. Ha ! made you stare again.
Flip. Little, peeking, creeping, sneaking, stinF'ip. Well, since you are so well vers’d in gy, covetous, cowardly, dirty, cuckoldy things. your business, I suppose I need not inform you, Mon. Ha ! ibat if you don't write your gallant an answer Flip. Fit for nothing but tailors and dry-nur-he'll die. Cor. Nay, row, Flippanta, I confess you
Mon. Ha! me something I did not know before. Do you Flip. A dog in a manger, snarling and biting, speak in serious sadness ? Are men given to die, to starve gentlemen with good stomachs. if their mistresses are sour to 'em ?
Flip. A centry upon pleasure, set to be a art none of my friend ; thou dost not love me at plague on lovers, and damn poor women before all; no, not at all. their time.
Flip. And whither is this little reproach going Mon. A busband is indeed
to lead us now? Flip. Sir, I say, he is nothing—A beetle with- Mon. You have power over your fair mistress, out wings, a windmill without sails, a ship in a Flippanta. calm.
Flip. Sir! Mon. Ha !
Mon. But what then? You hate me. Flip. A bag without money-an empty bottle Flip. I understand you not. -dead small-beer.
Mon. There's not a moment's trouble her Mon. Ha!
naughty husband gives her, but I feel it too. Flip. A quack without drugs.
Flip. I don't know what you mean. Mon. Ha !
Mon. If she did but know what part I take in Flip. A lawyer without knavery.
her sufferingsMon. Ha !
Flip. Mighty obscure. Flip. A courtier without flattery.
Mon. Well, I'll say no more; but-
Flip. All Hebrew.
Flip. Still darker and darker. Alon. Why, truly, Flippanta, I cann't deny but Mon. I should not be ungrateful. there are some general lines of resemblance. But Flip. Ah, now I begin to understand you. you know there may be exceptions.
Mon. Flippanta, there's my purse. Flip. Hark you, sir ; shall I deal plainly with Flip. Say no more ; now you explain, indeed you ? Had I got a husband, I wou'd put him in -You are in love? mind that he was marry’d as well as I. (Sings. Mon. Bitterly—and I do swear by all the
godsFor were I the thing call'd a wife,
Flip. Hold-Spare 'em for another time; you And my fool grew too fond of his pow'r, stand in no need of 'em now. A usurer that He should look like an uss all his life,
parts with his purse, gives sufficient proof of his For a prunk that I'd play in an hour.
sincerity. Tol lol la ra tol lol, &c.—Do you observe that, Mon. I hate my wife, Flippanta. sir ?
Flip. That we'll take upon your bare word. Mon. I do, and think you wou'd be in the Mon. She's the devil, Flippanta. right on't. But, pr’ythee, why dost not give this Flip. You like your neighbour's better. advice to thy mistress?
Mon. Oh! an angel. Flip. For fear it should go round to your wife, Flip. What pity it is the law don't allow sir; for you know they are play-fellows. trucking!
Mon. O, there's no danger of my wife; she Mon. If it did, Flippanta ! knows I'm none of those husbands.
Flip. But since it don't, sir-keep the reins Flip. Are you sure she knows that, sir? upon your passion : Don't let your Hame rage
Mon. I'm sure she ought to know it, Flippan- too high, lest my lady shou'd be cruel, and it ta, for really I have but four faults in the world. should dry you up to a mummy. Flip: And pray what may they be?
Mon. "Tis impossible she can be so barbar. Mlon. Why, I'm a little slovenly; I shift but ous, to let me die.
Alas, Flippanta, a very once a week.
small matter wou'd save my life. Flip. Fough!
Flip. Then y'are dead-for we women never Mon. I am sometimes out of humour,
grant any thing to a man who will be satisfied Flip. Provoking !
with a little. Mon. I don't give her so much money as she'd Mon. Dear Flippanta, that was only my mohave.
desty; but since you'll have it out--I am a very Flip. Insolent !
dragon; and so your lady'll find-if ever she Mon. And a—perhaps I may’nt be quite so thinks fit to be-Now I hope you'll stand my young as I was.
friend. Flip. The devil !
Flip. Well, sir, as far as my credit goes, it Mon. O, but then consider how 'tis on her shall be employ'd in your service. side, Flippanta. She ruins me with washing, is Mon. My best Flippanta— tell her-I'm all always out of humour, ever wanting money, and hers—tell her my body's hers—tell her-my will never be older.
soul's hers—and tell her--my estate's hers. Lard Flip. That last article, I must confess, is a lit- have mercy upon me, how I'm in love ! tle hard upon you.
Flip. Poor man! what a sweat he's in! But Mon. Ab, Flippanta, didst thou but know the hark--I hear my master: For Heaven's sake comdaily provocations I have, thou’dst be the first to pose yourself a little; you are in such a fit, o’my excuse my faults. But, now I think on't-Thou conscience, he'll smell you out.
gone abroad, sir.
Mon. Ah dear, I'm in such an emotion, I dare | think you see in her, are only here, here, here, not be seen; put me in. this closet for a mo- in your head. (Thumping his forehead. ment.
Gripe. She is then, in thy opinion, a rcasonFlip. Closet, man! it's too little; your love able woman? wou'd stifle you. Go air yourself in the garden Flip. By my faith, I think so. a little ; you have need on't, i'faith.
Gripe. I shall run mad—Name me an extra[She puts him out. vagance in the world she is not guilty of.
Flip. Name me an extravagance in the world FLIPPANTA sola.
she is guilty of A rare adventure, by my troth. This will be Gripe. Conie then : Does not she put the curious news to the wives. Fortune has now whole house in disorder: put their husbands into their hands, and I think Flip. Not that I know of, for she never they are too sharp to neglect its favours. comes into it but to sleep.
Gripe. 'Tis very well. Does she employ any Enter GRIPE.
one moment of her life in the government of her Gripe. O, here's the right-hand; the rest of | family? the body can't be far off. Where's my wife, Flip. She is so submissive a wife, she leaves it huswife!
entirely to you. Flip. An admirable question !
- Why, she's
Gripe. Admirable ! Does she not spend more
money in coach-hire and chair-hire, than would Gripe. Abroad, abroad? abroad already? Why, maintain six children? she used to be stewing in her bed three hours Flip. She's too nice of your credit to be seen after this time, as late as 'tis: What makes her daggling in the streets. gadding so soon?
Gripe. Good ! Do I set eye on her sometimes Flip. Business, I suppose.
in a week together? Gripe. Business! She has a pretty head for Flip. That, sir, is because you are never stirbusiness truly. O ho, let her change her way of ring at the same time; you keep oud iours; living, or I'll make her change a light heart for a you are always going to bed when she's rising, heavy one.
and rising just when she's coming to bed. Flip. And why would you have lier change Gripe. Yes, truly, night into day, and day into her way of living, sir ! You see it agrees with night; bawdy-house play, that's her trade; but her. She never look'd better in her life.
these are trilles : Has she not lost her diainond Gripe. Don't tell me of her looks; I have done necklace ? Answer me to that, trapes. with her looks long since. But I'll make her Flip. Yes; and has sent as many tears after change her life, or
it, as if it had been her husband. Flip. Indeed, sir, you won't.
Gripe. Ah- -the pox take her; but enough. Gripe. Why, what shall hinder me, insolence ? 'Tis resolved, and I will put a stop to the course
Flip. That which hinders most husbands- of her life, or I will put a stop to the course of contradiction.
her blood, and so she shall know, the first time Gripe. Suppose I resolve I won't be contra- meet with hier ; (Aside ;) which, though we are dicted?
man and wife, and lie under one roof, 'tis very Flip. Suppose she resolves you shall ? possible may not be this fortnight. (Exit GRIPE. Gripe. A wife's resolution is not good by law. Flip. Nor a husband's by custom.
FLIPPANTA sola. Gripe. I tell thee I will not bear it.
Nay, thou hast a blessed time on't, that must Flip. I tell you, sir, you will bear it.
be confessed. What a miserable devil is a hus. Gripe. Oons, I have borne it three years al band ! Insupportable to himself, and a plague to ready.
every thing about him. Their wives do by them Flip. By that you see 'tis but giving your as children do by dogs—teaze and provoke 'em, mind to it.
'till they make them so curs’d, they snarl and Gripe. My mind to i:! Death and the devil! bite at every thing that comes in their reach. My mind to it !
This wretch here is grown perverse to that deFlip. Look ye, sir, you may swear and damn, gree, he's for his wife's keeping at home, and and call the furies to assist you, but till you ap making hell of his house, so he may be the devil ply the remedy to the right place, you'll never in to torment her. How niggardly soever he cure the disease. You fancy you have got an is, of all things he possesses, he is willing to purextravagant wife: is't not so?
chase her misery, at the expence of his own Gripe. Pr’ythee change me that word fancy, peace. But he'd as good be still, for he'll miss and it is so.
of his aim. If I know her, (which I think I do, Flip. Why, there's it. Men are strangely she'll set his blood in such a ferment, it shall troubled with the vapours of late. You'll won- bubble out at every pore of him; whilst hers is der now, if I tell you, you have the most reason. so quiet in her veins, her pulse shall go like a able wife in town; and that all the disorders you , pendulum.
SCENE I.--- Mrs AMLET'S House.
Mrs Am. Where she may have a good exam
ple before her eyes. Enter Dick.
Dick, () Lord ! O Lord! O Lord ! Dick. Where's this old woman? Ahey. Mrs Am. I'm a woman that don't so much as What the devil, nobody at home? Ha! her encourage an incontinent look towards me. strong box !.And the key in't ! ”Tis so. Now Dick. I tell you, 'sdeath! I tell youfortune be my friend. What the deuce
Not Mrs Am. If a man shou'd make an uncivil moa penny of money in cash! -Nor a 'chequer tion to me, I'd spit in his lascivious face: and note! -Nor a bank bill- - [Searching the all this you may tell them, sirrah. strong box]-Nor a crooked stick !-Nor å- Dick. Death and furies! the woman's out of
-here's something--a diamond neck-herlace, by all the gods! Oons! the old woman- Mrs Am. Don't you swear, you rascal you, zest! [Claps the necklace in his pocket, then | don't you swear; we shall have you
damn'd runs and usks her blessing. last, and then I shall be disgrac’d.
Dick. Why then, in cold blood hear me speak Enter Mrs AMLET.
to you: I tell you it's a city-fortune I'm about; --Pray, mother, pray to, &c.
she cares not a fig for your virtue ; she'll hear Mrs Am. Is it possible?--Dick upon his of nothing but quality : she has quarrell’d with humble knee! Ah, iny dear child !—May Heaven one of her friends for having a better complexion, be good unto thee.
and is resolved she'll marry, to take place of her. Dick. I'm come, my dear mother, to pay my Mrs Am. What a cherry lip is there! duty to you, and to ask your consent to--- Dick. Therefore, good dear mother, now Mrs Am. What a shape is there !
have a care, and don't discover me ; for if you do, Dick. To ask your consent, I say, to marry a
all's lost. great fortune; for what is riches in this world Mrs Am. Dear, dear, how thy fair bride will without a blessing? And how can there be a be delighted. Go, get thee gone, go: go fetch her blessing without respect and duty to parents ? home, yo fetch her home; I'll give her a sackMrs Am. What a nose he has !
posset, and a pillow of down she shall lay her Dick. And therefore it being the duty of every head upon. Go fetch her home, I say: good child not to dispose of himself in marriage Dick. Take care then of the main chance, without the
my dear mother : remember, if you discover Mrs Am. Now the Lord love thee-[Kissing him)—for thou art a goodly young man. Well, Mrs Am. Go fetch her home, I say. Dick And how goes it with the lady? Are Dick. You promise me thenher eyes open to thy charms? Does she see what's Mrs Am, March, for her own good? Is she sensible of the bless- Dick. But swear to me ings thou hast in store for her ? Ha! is all sure? Mrs Am. Be gone, sirrah. Hast thou broke a piece of money with her ? Dick. Well, I'll reply upon you --But one Speak, bird, do: Don't be modest, and hide thy kiss before Igo. (Kisses her heartily, and runs off. love from thy mother, for I'm an indulgent pa- Mrs Am. Now the Lord love thee; for thou
art a comfortable young man. [Exit MrsAMLET. Dick. Nothing under heaven can prevent my good fortune, but it's being discover'd I am your
SCENE II.-Gripe's House. Mrs Am. Then thou art still asham'd of thy
Enter CORINNA and FLIPPANTA. natural mother-graceless! Why, I'm no whore, Cor. But hark you, Flippanta, if you
think he loves me dearly, don't give him
letDick. I know you are not- -a whore! Bless ter, after all. us all
Flip. Let me alone. Mrs Am. No; my reputation's as good as the Cor. When he has read it, let him give it you best of 'em; and though I'm old, I'm chaste, you again.
Flip. Don't trouble yourself. Dick. Lord, that is not the thing we talk of, Cor. And not a word of the pudding to my mother; but
mother-in-law. Mrs Am. I think, as the world goes, they may Flip. Enough. be proud of marrying their daughter into a var- Cor. When we come to love one another to tuous family.
the purpose, she shall know all. Dick. Oons ! vartue is not the case.
Flip. Ay, then 't will be time enough.