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Flip. Who is she?
Flip. In love! Brass. Corinna.
Clar. With Araminta. Flip. What would he be at?
Flip. Impossible! Brass. At herif she's at leisure.
Clar. This letter from her is to give me an acFlip. Which way?
count of it. Brass. Honourably–He has ordered me to de- Flip. Methinks you are not very much alarmed. mand her of thee in marriage.
Clar. No; thou knowest I'm not much tortured Flip. Of me?
with jealousy: Brass. Why, when a man of quality has a mind Flip. Nay, you are much in the right on't, to a city-fortune, wouldst have him apply to her madam; for jealousy’s a city passion ; 'tis a thing father and mother?
unknown amongst people of quality. Flip. No.
Clar. Fie! a woman must indeed be of a meBrass. No, so I think; men of our end of the chanic mould, who is either troubled or pleased town are better bred than to use ceremony. With with any thing her husband can do to her. a long periwig we strike the lady; with a you. Pr’ythee mention him no more ; 'tis the dullest know-what we soften the maid; and when the theme. parson has done his job, we open the affair to the Flip. 'Tis splenetic indeed. But when once family. Will you slip this letter into her prayer- you open your basset-table, I hope that will put book, my little queen? It's a very passionate one him out of your heal. -It's sealed with a heart and a dagger; you may Clar. Alas, Flippanta, I begin to grow weary see by that what he intends to do with himself. even of the thoughts of that too.
Flip. Are there any verses in it? If not, I Frip. How so? won't touch it.
Clar. Why, I have thought on't a day and Brass. Not one word in prose; it's dated in a night already, and four-and-twenty hours, thou rhyme.
(She takes it. kpowest, is enough to make one weary of any Flip. Well-but have you brought nothing else? thing.
Brass. Gad forgive me; I'm the forgetfullest Flip. Now, by my conscience, you have more dog I have a letter for you too-here—'tis in woman in you than all your sex together: You a purse; but it's in prose; you won't touch it. never know what you would have.
Flip. Yes, bang it, it is not good to be too Clar. Thou mistakest the thing quite. I aldainty.
ways know what I lack, but I am never pleased Brass. How useful a virtue is humility! Well, with what I have. The want of a thing is perchild, we shall have an answer to-morrow, sha'n'i plexing enough, but the possession of it is into
lerable. Flip. I cann't promise you that, for our young Flip. Well, I don't know what you are made of, gentlewoman is not so often in my way as she but other women would think themselves bless'd would be. Her father (who is a citizen from the in your case: handsome, witty, loved by every foot to the forehead of him) lets her seldom con- body, and of so happy a composure, to care a verse with her mother-in-law and me, for fear tig for nobody. You have no one passion but she should learn the airs of a woman of quality. that of your pleasures, and you have in me a serBut I'll take the first occasion. See, there's my vant devoted to all your desires, let them be as lady; go in and deliver your letter to her. (Exeuni. extravagant as they will : yet all this is nothing :
you can still be out of huinour. SCENE II.-A Parlour.
Clar. Alas, I have but too much cause.
Flip. Why, what have you to complain of? Enter CLARISSA, followed by FLIPPANTA and
Clar. Alas, I have more subjects for spleen BRASS.
than one: Is it not a most horrible thing that I Clar. No messages this morning from any body, should be but a scrivener’s wife ?- -ComeFlippanta? Lard, how dull that is! O, there's don't flatter me; don't you think Nature designBrass : I did not see thee, Brass. What news ed me for something plus elevé ? dost thou bring?
Flip. Nay, that's certain ; but, on the other Brass. Only a letter from Araminta, madam. side, methinks you ought to be in some measure
Clar. Give it me-open it for me, Flippanta ; I content, since you live like a woman of quality, am so lazy to-day.
(Sitting down. tho' you are none. Brass. (To Flip.] Be sure now you deliver my Clur. O fie! the very quintessence of it is master's as carefully as I do this.
wanting. Flip. Don't trouble
thyself ; I'm no novice. Flip. What's that? Clar. (To BRASS.) 'Tis well; there needs no Clar. Why, I dare abuse no body : I'm afraid answer, since she'll be here so soon.
to affront people, though I don't like their faces; Brass. Your ladyship has no farther commands or to ruin their reputations, though they pique then?
me to it, by taking ever so much pains to preClar. Not at this time, honest Brass. Flip- serve 'em : I dare not raise a lie of a man,
(Exit Brass. though he neglects to make love to me; nor reFlip. Madam.
port a woman to be a fool, tho’she's handsomer Clar. My husband's in love.
than I am. In short, I dare not so much as bid
my footman kick the people out of doors, though Clar. Why dost thou stare, and look so unthey come to ask me for what I owe them. gainly ? Don't I speak to be understood ? Flip. All this is very hard indeed.
Flip. Yes, I understand you well enough; but Clar. Ah, Flippanta, the perquisites of quality Mrs Amletare of an unspeakable value.
Clar. But Mrs Amlet must lend me some Flip. They are of some use, I must confess; money: where shall I have any to pay her else? but we must not expect to have every thing. You Flip. That's true; I never thought of that, have wit and beauty, and a fool to your husband : truly. But here she is. come, come, madam, that's a good portion for one. Clar. Alas, what signifies beauty and wit,
Enter Mrs AMLET. when one dares neither jilt the men, nor abuse Clar. How d’you do? How d’you do, Mrs the women? 'Tis a sad thing, Flippanta, when Amlet? I ha'n't seen you these thousand years, wit's confined; 'tis worse than the rising of the and yet I believe I'm down in your books. lights: I have been sometimes almost choaked Mrs Am. 0, madam, I don't come for that, with scandal, and durst not cough it up, for want alack. of being a countess.
Flip. Good morrow, Mrs Amlet.
Mrs Am. Good morrow, Mrs Flippanta. Clar. O ! liberty is a fine thing, Flippanta ; it's Clur. How much am I indebted to you, Mrs a great help in conversation to have leave to say | Amlet? what one will. I have seen a woman of quality, Mrs Am. Nay, if your ladyship desires to see who has not had one grain of wit, entertain a your bill, I believe I may have it about me.whole company the most agreeably in the world, There, madam, if it be not too much fatigue to only with her inalice. But 'tis in vain to repine : you to look it over. I can't mend my condition till my husband dies; Clar. Let me see it, for I hate to be in debt, so I'll say no more on't, but think of making the where I am obliged to pay. (Asideo] [Reads.) most of the state I am in.
* Imprimis, For bolstering out the Countess of Flip. That's your best way, nradam; and in Crump’s left hip’-0 fie! this does not belong order to it, pray consider how you'll get some ready money to set your basset-table going; for Mrs Am. I beg your ladyship's pardon: I mis
took indeed : 'tis a countess's bill I have writ Clur. Thou say'st true; but what trick I shall out to little purpose. I furnished her two years play my husband to get some, I don't know; ago with three pair of hips, and am not paid for for my pretence of losing my diamond necklace them yet: but some are better customers than has put the man into such a passion, I'm afraid
There's your ladyship’s bill, madam. he won't hear reason.
Clar. “For the idea of a new-invented comFlip. No matter; he begins to think 'tis lost mode"- -Ay, this may be mine, but 'tis of a prein earnest; so I fancy you may venture to sell it, posterous length. Do you think I can waste and raise money that way.
time to read every article, Mrs Amlet? I'd as Clar. That cann't be, for he has left odious lief read a sermon. no es with all the goldsmiths in town.
Mrs Am. Alack-a-day, there's no need of faFlip. Well, we must pawn it then.
tiguing yourself at that rate ; cast an eye only. Clar. I'm quite tired with dealing with those if
your honour pleases, upon the sum total. pawn-brokers.
Clar. Total, fifty-six pounds—and odd things. Flip. I'm afraid you'll continue the trade a Flip. But six-and-fifty pounds ! great while, for all that.
(Aside. Mrs Am. Nay, another body would have made
it twice as much ; but there's a blessing goes Enter JESSAMIN.
along with a moderate profit. Jes. Madam, there's the woman below that Clar. Flippanta, go to my cashier ; let him give sells paint and patches, iron boddice, false teeth, you six-and-fifty pounds. Make haste. Don't and all sorts of things to the ladies ; I cann't you hear me ? Six-and-fifty pounds. Is it so dif. think of her name.
ficult to be comprehended ? Flip. 'Tis Mrs Amlet; she wants money, Flip. No, madam; I, I comprehend six-and
Clar. Well, I ha'n't enough for myself ; it's an fifty pounds, butunreasonable thing she should think I have any Clar. But go and fetch it then. for her.
Flip. What she means I don't know; (Aside ;] Flip. She's a troublesome jade.
but I shall, I suppose, before I bring her the Clar. So are all people that come a dunning. money.
[Erit FLIP. Flip. What will you do with her?
Clur. (Setting her hair in a pocket glass.] The Clar. I have just now thought on't. She's trade you follow gives you a great deal of trouble, very rich, that woman is, Flippanta; I'll borrow Mrs Åmlet ? some money of her.
Mrs Am. Alack-a-day, a world of pain, maFlip. Borrow ! Sure you jest, madam. dam, and yet there's small profit, as your honour
Clar. No, I'm in earnest ; I give thee commis. sees by your bill. sion to do it for me.
Clar. Poor woman! Sometimes you have great Flip. Me!
losses, Mrs Amlet?
Mrs Am. I have two thousand pounds owing, sirrah, I hear of your tricks: You disown me for me, of which I shall never get ten shillings. your mother, and say I am but your nurse. Is
Clar. Poor woman! You have a great charge not this true ? of children, Mrs Amlet?
Dick. No, I love you, I respect you, (Taking Mrs Am. Only one wicked rogue, madam, her hand,] I am all duty. But if you discover who I think will break heart.
me here, you ruin the fairest prospect that man Clar. Poor woman!
ever had. Mrs Am. He'll be hang'd, madam—that will Mrs Am. What prospect? ba? Come, this is be the end of him. Where he gets it, Heaven a lie now. knows; but he's always shaking his heels with Dick. No, my honoured parent, what I say is the ladies, and his elbows with the lords. He's true: I'm about a great fortune. I'll bring you as fine as a prince, and as gimn as the best of home a daughter-in-law in a coach and six horses, them ; but the ungracious rogue tells all he if you'll but be quiet : I can't tell you more now. comes near that his mother is dead, and I am Mrs Am. Is it possible ? but his nurse.
Dick. 'Tis true, by Jupiter. Clar. Poor woman !
Mrs Am. My dear ladMrs Am. Alas, madam, he's like the rest of Dick. For Heaven's sakethe world; every body's for appearing to be more Mrs Am. But tell me, Dickthan they are, and that ruins all.
Dick. I'll follow you home in a moment, and Clar. Well, Mrs Amlet, you'll excuse me: I tell you all. have a little business: Flippanta will bring you Mrs Am. What a shape is there ! your money presently. Adieu, Mrs Amlet. Dick. Pray, mother, go.
[Exit CLARISSA. Mrs Am. I must receive some money here Mrs Am. I return your honour many thanks. first, which shall go for thy wedding-dinner. (Sola) Ah, there's my good lady, not so much Duck. Here's somebody coming. S'death! as read her biil: if the rest were like her, I she'll betray me. [He makes signs io his mother. should soon have money enough to go as fine as Dick himself.
Dick Good morrow, dear Flippanta : How do Enter Dick.
all the ladies within ? Dick. Sure Flippanta must have given my let- Flip. At your service, colonel ; as far at least ter by this time. (Aside.] I long to know how it as my interest goes. has been received.
Mirs Am. Colonel! -Law you now,
how Mrs Am. Misericorde ! what do I see! Dick's respected!
(Aside. Dick. Fiends and hags--the witch my
mother! Dick. Waiting for thee, Flippanta, I was maMrs Am. Nay, 'tis he! Ah, my poor Dick, king acquaintance with this old gentlewoman what art thou doing here?
here. Dick. What a misfortune!
(Aside. Dirs Am. The pretty lad, he's as impudent as Mrs Am. Good Lard! how bravely decked
(Aside. thou art. But it's all one; I am thy mother still; Dick. Who is this good woman, Flippanta ? and though thou art a wicked child, Nature will Flip. A gin of all trades; an old daggling cheat, speak : I love thee still. Ah, Dick, my poor Dick ! that hobbles about from house to house, to bubble
[Embracing him. the ladies of their money. I have a small busiDick. Blood and thunder! will you ruin me? ness of yours in my pocket, colonel.
[Breaking from her. Dick. An answer to my letter? Mrs Am. Ah, the blaspheinous rogue, how he Flip. So quick indeed! No, it's your letter swears!
itself. Dick. You destroy all my hopes.
Dick. Hast thou not given it then yet? Mrs Am. Will your mother's kiss destroy you, Flip. I ha'n't had an opportunity; but it won't varlet? Thou art an ungracious bird: kneel down be long first. Won't you go in and see my lady? and ask my blessing, sirrah.
Dick. Yes, I'll go make her a short visit. Dick. Death and furies !
But, dear Flippanta, don't forget: my life and Mrs Am. Ah, he's a proper young man; see fortune are in your hands. what a shape he has. Ah, poor
Flip. Ne'er fear ; I'll take care of 'em. [Running to embrace him, he still avoiding her. Mrs Am. How he traps 'em! let Dick alone. Dick. Oons! keep off: the woman's mad. If
[ Aside. any body comes, my fortune's lost.
Dick. Your servant, good madam. Mrs Am. What fortune, ha? Speak, graceless.
[To his Mother Exit Dick. Ah, Dick, thou'lt be hanged, Dick !
Mrs Am. Your honour's most devoted.--A Dick. Good, dear mother, now, don't call me pretty, civil, well-bred gentleman this, Mrs FlipDick here.
panta. Pray, whom may he be? Mrs Am. Not call thee Dick ! Is it not thy Flip. A man of great note-Colonel Shapely. name? What shall I call thee? Mr Amlet? ha? Mrs Am. Is it possible? I have heard much Art not thou a presumptuous rascal ? Hark you, I of him indeed, but never saw him before: One
may see quality in every limb of him: he's a , quality, is a sacred thing, and not to be profan'd: fine man, truly.
'tis consecrated to their pleasures : 'twould be Flip. I think you are in love with him, Mrs sacrilege to pay their debts with it. Amlet.
Nirs dm. Why, what shall we do then? For I Alrs Am. Alas, those days are done with me; lia’n’t one penny to buy bread. but if I were as fair as I was once, and had as Flip. I'll tell you—it just now comes in my much money as some folks, Colonel Shapely head: I know my lady has a little occasion for should not catch cold for want of a bed-fellow. money at this time; so if you lend her-a hun. I love your men of rank; they have something dred pounds-do you see, then she may pay you in their air does so distinguish 'em from the ras- your six-and-fifty out of it. cality.
Mrs Am. Sure, Mrs Flippanta, you think to Flip. People of quality are fine things indeed, make a fool of me. Mrs Amlet, if they had but a little more inoney ; Flip. No, the devil fetch me if I do You but for want of that, they are forced to do things
shall have a diamond necklace in pawn. their great souls are ashamed of. For example- Mrs Am. O ho! a pawn! That's another case. here's my lady-she owes you but six-and-fifty
And when must she have this money? pounds
Flip. In a quarter of an hour. Urs Am. Well.
Mrs Am. Say no more. Bring the necklace to Flip. Well, and she has it not by her to pay. my house: it shall be ready for you. you.
Flip. I'll be with you in a moment. IIrs Am. How can that be?
Mrs Am. Adieu, Mrs Flippanta. Flip. I don't know: her cash-kecper's out of Flip. Adieu, Mrs Amlet. (Exit AMLET. humour: he says he has no money. Mrs Am. What a presumptuous piece of ver
FLIPPANTA sola. min is a cash-keeper! Tell his lady he has no So-this ready money will make us all happy : money ?-Now, Mrs Flippanta, you may see his this spring will set our basset-table going, and bags are full, by his being so saucy;
that's a wheel will turn twenty others. My lady's Flip. If they are, there's no help for’t; he'll young and handsome; she'll have a dozen indo what he pleases, till he comes to make up his trigues upon her hands, before she has been twice yearly accounts.
at her prayers. So much the better : the more Mrs Am. But madam plays sometimes ; so the çrist, the richer the miller. Sure never wench when she has good fortune,
may pay me out got into so hopeful a place: Here's a fortune to of her winnings.
be sold, a mistress to be debauched, and a master Flip. O, ne'er think of that, Mrs Amlet : if to be ruined. If I don't feather my nest, and get she had won a thousand pounds, she'd rather a good husband, I deserve to die both a maid and die in a jail, than pay off a farthing with it. a beggar.
[Erit. Play.money, Mrs Amlet, amongst people of
SCENE I.-Mr GRIPE's House.
Enter CLARISSA and Dick. Clar. What, in the name of dulness, is the matter with you, colonel ? You are as studious as a cracked chemist. Dick. My head, madam, is full of your
Clar. The worst furniture for a head in the universe.
Dick. I am thinking of his passion for your friend Araminta.
Clar. Passion !-Dear colonel, give it a less violent name.
Brass. The affair I told you of goes ill. (To
Clar. What news brings Brass ?
Dick. Before gad, I cann't tell, madam; the dog will never speak out. My lord what-d'vecall-him waits for me at my lodging: Is not that it?
Brass. Yes, sir.
(Ercuné Dick and Brass. Jessamin!
(She sits down. Enter JESSAMIN. Jes. Madam.
Clar. Where's Corinna ? Call her to me, if her father ha'n't locked her up: I want her company.
Jes. Madam, her guitar-master is with her.
Clar. Psha! she's always taken up with her impertinent guitar-man. Flippanta stays an age with that old fool, Mrs Amlet; and Araminta, before she can come abroad, is so long a placing
Enler ARAMINTA. her coquette-patch, that I must be a year without
Clar. Lard, what a tedious while you have let company. How insupportable is a moment's
me expect you! I was afraid you were not well. uneasiness to a woman of spirit and pleasure !
How d'ye do to-day?
Aram, As well as a woman can do, that has not
slept all night. Clur. O, art thou come at last ? Pr’ythee, Flip
Flip. Methinks, madam, you are pretty well panta, learn to move a little quicker: thou know awake, however. est how impatient I am.
Aram. O, 'tis not a little thing will make a woFlip. Yes, when you expect money : If you
man of my vigour look drowsy. had sent me to buy a prayer-book, you'd have
Clar. But, pr’ythee, what was't disturbed you? thought I had flown.
Aram. Not your husband; don't trouble yourClar. Well, hast thou brought me any, after self at least ; I am not in love with him yet. all ? Flip. Yes, I have brought some. There, [Gi-matter. I wish you much joy : you have made a
Clar. Well remembered; I had quite forgot that ving her a purse ;] the old hag has struck off her
noble conquest indeed. bill; the rest is in that purse.
Aram. But now I have subdued the country, Clar. 'Tis well ; but take care, Flippanta, my pray is it worth my keeping? You know the husband don't suspect any thing of this : 'twould
ground: you have tried it. vex him, and I don't love to make him uneasy:
Clar. A barren soil, Heaven can tell. go I would spare him these little sort of troubles,
Aram. Yet if it were well cultivated, it would by keeping 'em from his knowledge. Flip. See the tenderness she has for him, and know 'tis in my power to ruin this poor thing of
produce something, to my knowledge. Do you yet he's always complaining of you. Clar. "Tis the nature of 'em, Flippanta : a hus- yours: His whole estate is at my service.
Flip. Cods-fish! strike him, madam, and let my band is a growling animal.
lady go your halves. There's no sin in plunderFlip. How exactly you define 'em !
ing a husband, so his wife has share of the booty. Clar. O! I know 'em, Flippanta: though, I con- Aram. Whenever she gives me her orders, I fess, my poor wretch diverts me sometimes with shall be very ready to obey'em. his ill humours. I wish he would quarrel with
Clar. Why, as odd a thing as such a project me to-day a little, to pass away the time, for I
may seem, Araminta, I believe I shall have a litfind myself in a violent spleen.
tle serious discourse with you about it. But, Flip. Why, if you please to drop yourself in his pr’ythee, tell me how you have passed the night; way, six to four but he scolds one rubbers with for I am sure your mind has been roving upon you.
some pretty thing or other. Clar. Ay, but thou knowest he's as uncertain Aram. Why, I have been studying all the ways as the wind; and if, instead of quarrelling with me, my brain could produce to plague my husband. he should chance to be fond, he'd make me as Clar. No wonder, indced, you look so fresh sick as a dog.
this morning, after the satisfaction of such pleaFlip. If he's kind, you must provoke him; if sing ideas all night. he kisses you, spit in his face.
Aram. Why, can a woman do less than study Clar. Alas, when men are in the kissing fit, mischief, when she has tumbled and tossed here (like lap-dogs,) they take that for a favour.
self into a burning fever for want of sleep, and Flip. Nay, then, I don't know what you'll do
sees a fellow lie snoring by her side, stock-still, with him.
fine breathing sweat Clar. I'll e'en do nothing at all with him.Flippanta.
pers: If my dear would make but one nap of his Flip. Madam.
whole life, and only waken to make his will, I Clar. My hood and scarf, and a coach to the
should be the happiest wife in the universe. But door.
we'll discourse more of these matters as we go, Flip. Why, whither are you going?
for I must make a tour among the shops. Clar. I cann't tell yet, but I would go spend Arum. I have a coach waits at the door: we'll some money, since I have it.
talk of 'em as we rattle along. Flip. Why, you want nothing, that I know of.
Clar. The best place in nature; for you know Clar. How awkward an objection now is that,
a hackney-coach is a natural enemy to a husband. as if a woman of education bought things because
[Exeunt CLAR. and ARAM. she wanted 'em ! Quality always distinguishes itself; and therefore, as the mechanic people buy
FLIPPANTA sola. things because they have occasion for 'em, you What a pretty little pair of amiable persons are see women of rank always buy things because there gone to hold a council of war together! they have not occasion for 'em. "Now there, Flip- Poor birds! What would they do with their time, panta, you see the difference between a woman if plaguing their husbands did not help 'em to that has breeding, and one that has none. Oho! employment ! Well, if idleness be the root of all bere's Araminta come at last,
evil, then matrimony's good for something; for it
- in a fure browse the clifférence of women's tem