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therefore I don't doubt but many civil things have , let him take away his master, scour him clean pass’d between you.—Your very humble servant. with a little soap and

sand, and so put him to-bed. L. Brute. (Aside to Con.] Pray be gone; he's L. Brute. Come, Belinda, I'll e'en lie with you so drunk he cann't hurt us to-night, and to-mor-to-night, and in the morning we'll send for our row morning you shall hear from us.

gentlemen, to set this matter even. Con. I'll obey you, madam.—Sir, when you Bel. With all my heart. are cool, you'll understand reason better-s0 L. Brute. Good night, my dear. then I shall take the pains to inform you. If not,

(Making a low curtsey to Sir Johx. I wear a sword, sir, and so good bye t'ye. Come Both. Ha, ha, ha!

(Excunt. along, Heartfree.

[Ereunt. Sir John. Wear a sword, sir!-And what of

Enter Rasor. all that sir? He comes to my house ; eats my Rasor. My lady there's a wag-my master meat; lies with my wife; dishonours my family; there's a cuckold. Marriage is a slippery thinggets a bastard to inherit my estate-And when I

Women have depraved appetites—My lady's a ask a civil account of all this-Sir, says he, I wag-I have heard all; I have seen all ; I underwear a sword.— Wear a sword, sir!—Yes, sir, says stand all; and I'll tell all—for my little Frenchhe, I wear a sword. It may be a good answer at

woman loves news dearly. This story will guin cross purposes, but 'tis a danned one to a man in

her heart, or nothing will. [To his Muster.) Come, my whimsical circumstances.-Sir, says he, I wear sir, your head's too full of fumes at present, to a sword.—[To Lady Brute.) And what do you make room for your jealousy; but I reckon we wear now? Ha! tell me. (Sitting down in a great shall have rare work with you when your pate's char.-What, you are modest, and cann't

empty. Come to your kennel, you cuckoldy, Why then, I'll tell you, you slut you. You wear

drunken sot you.

(Carries him on his back. -an impudent lewd face--a damned designing heart-and a tail-and a tail full of

My master's asleep in his chair, and a-snoring, (He falls fast asleep, snoring. My lady's abroad, and—Oh rare matrimony ! L. Brute. So, thanks to kind Heaven, he's fast

(Exit. for some hours.

Bel. 'Tis well he is so, that we may have time SCENE III.- Lady FANCYFUL's House. to lay our story handsomely; for we inust lie like the devil to bring ourselves off.

Enter Lady FANCYFUL and MADEMOISELLE. L. Brute. What shall we say, Belinda ?

L. Fun. But why did not you tell me before, Bel. [Musing.)-I'll tell you : it must all light Mademoiselle, that Rasor and you were fond ? upon Heartfree and I. We'll say he has courted

Madem. De modesty binder me, matam. me some time, but, for reasons unknown to us,

L. Fun. Why, truly, modesty does often hinder has ever been very earnest the thing might be

us from doing things we have an extravagant kept from Sir John. That therefore hearing him mind to. But does he love you well enough yet, upon the stairs, he run into the closet, though

to do any thing you bid him? Do you think, to against our will

, and Constant with him, to pre oblige you, he would speak scandal? vent jealousy. And to give this a good impudent Nadlem. Matam, to oblige your ladyship, he face of trut”, (that I may deliver you from the shall speak any thing. trouble you are in,) I'll e'en, if he pleases, marry L. Fan. Why then, Mademoiselle, I'll tell yon him.


you shall do. You shall engage him to tell L. Bruie. I'm beholden to you, cousin ; but his master all that passed at Spring Garden. I that would be carrying the jest a little too far, bave a mind he should know what a wife and a for your own sake : you know he's a younger niece he has got. brother, and has nothing.

Madem. Il le fera, madame. Bel. 'Tis true; but I like him, and have fortune enough to keep above extremity: I cann’t Enter a Footman, who spcuks to MADEMOISELLE say I would live with him in a cell, upon love and

apart. bread and butter; but I'd rather have the man I love, and a middle state of life, than that gentlea sires to speak with you.

Foot. Mademoiselle, yonder's Mr Rasor deman in the chair there, and twice your ladyship’s Madem. Tell him I come presently. (Erit splendour.

Foulmun.]-Rasor be dere, matam. L. Brute. In truth, niece, you are in the right

L. Fun. That's fortunate: Well, I'll leave you on't: but 'tis late: let's end our discourse for to

together; and if you find him stubborn, Madenight, and, out of an excess of charity, take a

moiselle--hark you-don't refuse him a few reasmall care of that nasty drunken thing there--Do sonable little liberties, to put him in humour. but look at him, Belinda.

Mudem. Laissez moi faire. (Erit L. FAN. Bel. Ah'tis a savoury dish.

L. Brute. As savoury as ’tis, I'm cloyed with Rasor peeps in, and seeing Lady FANCYFUL it. Pr'ythee call the butler to take away,

gone, turns to MADEMOISELLE, takes her Bel. "Call the butler!-call the scavenger. [To

about the neck, and kisses her. « Servant within.] Who's there !--Call Rasor : Dladem. How now, confidence !

Rasor. How now, modesty!

bled by that young liquorish whipster, Heartfree. Madem. Who make you so familiar, sirrah? Now, are you satisfied ? Rasor. My impudence, hussy.

Madem. No. Madem. Stand off, rogue-face.

Rasor. Right woman—always gaping for more. Rasor. Ah, Mademoiselle-great news at our Madem. Dis be all, den, dat you know? house.

Rasor. All !--Ay, and a great deal too, I Mudem. Why, vat be de matter?

think. Rasor. The matter ! --why, uptails all's the Madem. Dou be fool ; dou know nothing. matter.

Ecoute, mon pauvre Rasor.-Dou sees des two Madem. Tu te mocque de moi,

eyes ? Des two eyes have see de devil. Rasor. Now do you long to know the parti. Rasor. The woman's mad. culars—the time when-the place where-the Madem. In Spring Garden, dat rogue Constant manner how: but I won't tell you a word more. meet dy lady. Madem. Nay, den dou kill me, Rasor.

Rusor. Bon. Rasor. Come, kiss me, then.

Madem. I'll tell dee no more. (Clapping his hands behind. Rusor. Nay, pr’ythee, my swan. Madem. Nay, pridee tell me.

Madem. Come, kiss me, den. Rasor. Good bye t'ye.

(Going (Clapping her hands behind her, as he did Madem. Hold, hold—I will kiss dee.

before. (Kissing him.

Rusor. I won't kiss you, not I. Rasor. So, that's civil :—Why now, my pretty

Mudem. Adieu.

(Going Poll—my goldfinch-my little water-wagtail, you Rasor. Hold-Now proceed. must know that Come, kiss me again.

(Gives her a hearty kiss. Madem. I won't kiss dee no more.

Madem. A çà-I hide myself in one cunning Rasor. Good bye t'ye.

(Going, place, where I hear all, and see all. First dy Madem. Doucement; dere; es tu content? drunken master come mal à propos; but de sot

{Kissing him. no know his own dear wife, so he leave her to Rasor. So: now I'll tell thee all. Why, the her sport. Den de game begin. De lover say news is, that cuckoldom in folio is newly printed, soft ting; de lady look upon de ground. (As she and matrimony in quarto is just going into the speaks, RASOR still acts the man, and she the press. Will you buy any books, Mademoiselle? woman.) He take her by de hand : she turn her

Madem. Tu parle comme un libraire; dle devil head on oder way. Den he squeeze very hard : no understand dee.

den she pull-very softly. Den he take her in Rasor. Why then, that I may make myself in- his arms: den she give him littel pat. Den he kiss telligible to a waiting-woman, l'Il speak like a va- her tettons : den she say—pish, nay, fie. Den let de chambre.—My lady has cuckolded my he tremble: den she sigh. Den he pull her into

de arbour: den she pinch him. Madem. Bon.

Rasor. Ay, but not so hard, you baggage you. Rasor: Which we take very ill from her hands, Madem. Den he grow bold: she grow weake: I can tell her that. We cann't yet prove matter he tro her down, il tombe dessu, le diable assist, of fact upon her.

il emport tout.- [Rasor struggles with her, as Madem. N'importe.

if he would throw her down.)-Stand off, sirrah. Rasor, we can prove at matter of fact Rusor. You have set me a-fire, you jade you. bad like to have been upon her.

Madem. Den go to de river and quench dyself. Mudem. Ouy-da!

Rusor. What an unnatural harlot this ! Rasor. For we have such terrible circumstan- Madem. Rasor.

(Looking languishingly on him. Madem. Sans doute.

Rasor. Mademoiselle. Rasor. That any man of parts may draw tick- Madem. Dou no love me? ling conclusions from 'em.

Rusor. Not love thee!-More than a FrenchMadem. Fort bien.

man does soup Rasot. We found a couple of tight, well-built Mudem. Den you will refuse nothing dat I bid gentlemen stuffed into her ladyship's closet. dec? Madem. Le diable !

Rasor. Don't bid me hang myself then. Rasor. And I, in my particular person, have Madem. No, only tell dy master all I have discovered a most damnable plot, how to per- tell dee of dy laty. suade my poor master that all this hide and seek, Rasor. Why, you little malicious strumpet this Will in the Wisp, has no other meaning than you-should you like to be served so? a Christian marriage for sweet Mrs Belinda. Mudem. Dou dispute den ?--Adieu. Madem. Une marriage ? Ah, les droles.

Rusor. Hold-But why wilt thou make me be Rusor. Don't you interrupt me, hussy. 'Tis such a rogue, my dear? agreed, I say ; and my innocent lady, to wriggle Madem. Voilà un vrai Anglois ! Il est amouherself out at the back-door of the business, turns reux, et cependant il veut raisonner. Va t'en au marriage-bawd to her niece, and resolves to de- diable. liver up her fair body, to be tumbled and mum- Rusor. Hold, once more.-In Lopes thou'lt



marry ?

give me up thy body, I'll make a present of my Heurt. Why, I say, it's worse than the disease. honesty.

Con. Here's a fellow for you. There's beauty Madem. Bon, écoute donc; if dou fail me-1 and money on her side, and love up to the ears never see dee more. If dou obey me-Je on his; and yet m'abandonne à toy, à toy. (She takes him about Heart. And yet, I think, I may reasonably be the neck, and gives him a smacking kiss. allowed to boggle at marrying the niece, in the

(Exit MADEMOISELLE. very moment that you are deluding the aunt. Rasor. (Licking his lips.] Not be a rogue ! Con. Why, truly, there may be something in -Amor vincit omnia.

(Exit Rasor. that. But have not you a good opinion enough

of your own parts, io believe you could keep a Enter Lady FANCYFUL and MADEMOISELLE. wife to yourself? L. Fan. Marry, say ye? Will the two things Heart. I should have, if I had a good opinion

enough of hers, to believe she could do as much Madem. On le va faire, madame.

by me. But pr’ythee advise me in this good and L. Fun. Look you, Mademoiselle-in short, I evil, this life and death, this blessing and curse, cann't bear it-no, I find I cann't. If once I see that is set before me. For to do 'em right, after 'em a-bed together, I shall have ten thousand | all, the wife seldom rambles, till the husband thoughts in my head, will make me run distract- shews her the way. ed. Therefore, run and call Rasor back imme. Con. 'Tis true, a man of real worth scarce ever diately, for something must be done to stop this is a cuckold, but by his own fault. Women afe impertinent wedding. If I can but defer it four- not naturally lewd; there must be something to and-twenty hours, I'll make such work about urge 'em to it. They'll cuckold a churl out of town, with that little pert slut's reputation, he revenge; a fool, because they despise him; a shall as soon marry a witch.

beast, because they loath him. But when they Madem. [Aside.) La voilà bien intentionée. make bold with a man they once had a well

[Ereunt. grounded value for, 'tis because they first see

themselves neglected by him.
SCENE IV.-CONSTANT's Lodgings. Heurt. Shall I marry, or die a maid?

Con. Why, faith, Heartfree, matrimony is like

an army going to engage. Love's the forlora Con. But what dost think will become of this hope, which is soon cut off; the marriage knot business?

is the main body, which may stand buff a long Heart. 'Tis easier to think what will not be long time; and repentance is the rear guard, come on't.

which rarely gives ground, as long as the main Con. What's that?

body has a being. Ilcurt. A challenge. I know the knight too Heart. Conclusion then-you advise me to well for that; his dear body will always prevail rake on as you do. upon his noble soul to be quiet.

Con. That's not concluded yet. For though Con. But though he dare not challenge me, marriage be a lottery, in which there are wonperhaps he may venture to challenge his wife. drous many blanks, yet there is one inestiniable

Heart. Not if you whisper him in the ear, you lot, in which the only beaven on earth is writte won't have him do't; and there's no other way Would your kind fate but guide your hand to left, that I see. For, as drunk as he was, he'll that, though I were wrapped in all that luxury it. remen ber you and I were where we should not self'could clothe me with, I should envy you. be; and I don't think him quite blockhead enough Heart. And justly too; for to be capable of yet, to be persuaded we were got into his wife's loving one, doubtless, is better than to possess a closet only to peep into her prayer-book. thousand. But how far that capacity's in me,

alas, I know not ! Enter a Serpant with a letter.

Con. But you would know? Serr. Sir, here's a letter-a porter brought it.

Heart. I would so. Con. O no, bere's instructions for us. (Reads.] Con. Matrimony will inform you. Come, que “ The accident that has happened has touched flight of resolution carries you to the land of er: our invention to the quick. We would sain come perience, where, in a very moderate time, you'l off

' without your help, but find that's impossible. know the capacity of your soul and your bały In a word, the whole business must be thrown both, or I'm mistaken, upon a matrimonial intrigue between your friend and mine. But if the parties are not fond enough

SCENE V.—Sir John BRUTE's House. to go quite through with the matter, 'tis sufficient for our turn, they own the design. We'll find

Enter Lady BRUTE and BELINDA. pretences enough to break the match. Adieu." Bel. Well, madam, what answer have you from -Well, women for invention! How long would 'em ? my blockhead have been producing this! Hey, L. Brute. That they'll be here this moment

. Heartfree? What, musing, man! Pr’ythee be I fancy 'twill end in a wedding: I'm sure he's a cheerful. What say'st thou, friend, to this matri- fool if it don't. Ten thousand pounds, and such monial remedy?

a lass as you are, is no contemptible offer to a


upon him.

younger brother. But are not you under strange trigue will beget another, as soon as beget a son agitations ? Pr’ythee, how does your pulse beat? or a daughter.

Bel. High and low; I have much ado to be Con. I am very sorry, sir, to see you still seem valiant. Is it not very strange to go to bed with unsatisfied with a lady, whose more than coma man?

mon virtue, I am sure, were she my wife, should L. Brute. Um-it is a little odd at first, but it

meet a better usage. will soon grow easy to you.

Sir John. Sir, if her conduct has put a trick Enter ConsTANT and HEARTFREE.

upon her virtue, her virtue's a bubble, but her

husband's the loser. Good morrow, gentlemen : how have you slept Con. Sir, you have received a sufficient answer after your adventure ?

already, to justify both her conduct and mine, Heart. Some careful thoughts, ladies, on your You'll pardon me for meddling in your family ataccounts, have kept us waking.

fairs; but I perceive I ain the man you are jeaBel. And some careful thoughts on your own, lous of, and therefore it concerns me. I believe, have hindered you from sleeping. Pray, Sir John. Would it did not concern me, and how does this matrimonial project relish with then I should not care who it concerned. you?

Con. Well, sir, if truth and reason won't conHeart. Why, faith, e'en as storming towns tent you, I know but one way more, which, if does with soldiers, where the hopes of delicious you think fit, you may take. plunder banishes the fear of being knocked on the Sir John. Lord, sir, you are very basty: if I head.

had been found at prayers in your wife's closet, Bel. Is it then possible, after all, that you dare I should have allowed you twice as much time to think of downright lawful wedlock ?

come to yourself in. Heurt. Madam, you have made me so fool- Con. Nay, sir, if time be all you want, we have hardy, I dare do any thing.

no quarrel. Bel. Then, sir, I challenge you, and matrimo- Heart. I told you how the sword would work ny's the spot where I expect you.

(Sir Joux muses. Heurt." 'Tis enough ; I'll not fail. {Aside.) So, Con. Let him muse; however, I'll lay fifty now I am in for Hobbes's voyage; a great leap in pounds our foreman brings us in not guilty. the dark.

Sir John. [ Asisle.] 'Tis very well-o'tis very L. Brute. Well, gentlemen, this matter being well-In spite of that young jade's matrimonial concluded then, have you got your lessons ready? intrigue, I am a downright stinking cuckold—Here for Sir John is grown such an atheist of late, he'll they are-Boo—[Putting his hand to his forebelieve nothing upon easy terms.

head.] Methinks I could butt with a bull. What Con. We'll find means to extend his faith, ma- the plague did I marry for? I knew she did not dam. But pray how do you find him this morn- like me; if she had, she would have lain with

nie; for I would have done so, because I liked L. Brute. Most lamentably morose; chewing her ; but that's past, and I have her. And now the cud after last night's discovery, of which, what shall I do with her ?-If I put my horns inhowever, he has but a confused notion e'en now. to my pocket, she'll grow insolent-if I don't, But I'm afraid the valet de chambre has told him that goat there, that stallion, is ready to whip me all; for they are very busy together at this mo- through the guts.- The debate then is reduced to ment. When I told him of Belinda's marriage, this; shall I die a hero, or live a rascal ?-Why, I had no other answer but a grunt; from which wiser men than I have long since concluded, that you may draw what conclusions you think fit. a living dog is better than a dead lion. [To Con, But to your notes, gentlemen : he's here. and HEART.] Gentlemen, now my wine and my

passion are governable, I must own, I have neEnter Sir John and Rasor.

ver observed any thing in my wife's course of Con. Good morrow, sir.

lite, to back me in my jealousy of her ; but jeaHeart. Good morrow, Sir John; I'm very lousy's a mark of love; so she need not trouble sorry my indiscretion should cause so much dis- her head about it, as long as I make no more order in your family.

words on't. Sir John. Disorders generally come from indiscretion, sir: 'tis no strange thing at all.

Lady FANCYFUL enters disguised, and addresses

BELINDA apurt, L. Brute. I hope, my dear, you are satisfied there was no wrong intended you.

Con. I'm glad to see your reason rule at last. Sir John. None, my dove.

Give me your hand : I hope you'll look upon me Bel. If not, I hope my consent to marry Mr as you used to do. Heartfree will convince you. For, as little as I Sir John. Your humble servant. (Aside.] A know of amours, sir, I can assure you, one in wheedling son of a whore ! trigue is enough to bring four people together, Heart. And that I may be sure you are friends without further mischief.

with me too, pray give me your consent to wed Sir John. And I know too, that intrigues tend your niece. to procreation of more kinds than one. One in- Sir John, Şir, you have it with all my heart;


damn me if you ha’n’t. [:lside.] 'Tis time to get Sir John. Zoons, what do you both mean? rid of her; a young pert pimp: she'll make an

[Heart. and Bel. walk chafing about. incomparable bawd in a little tinie.

Rasor. (Aside.] Here is so much sport going to

be spoiled, it makes me ready to weep agaid. Enter a Servant, who gives HEARTFREE a

A pox o'this impertinent Lady Fancyful, and Letler.

her plots, and her Frenchwoman too; she's a Bel. Heartfree your husband, say you ? 'Tis whimsical, ill-natured bitch, and when I have got impossible !

my bones broke in her service, 'tis ten to one but L. Fan. Would to kind Heaven it were ; but my recompence is a clap: I hear them tittering 'tis too true; and in the world there lives not without still. I'cod, I'll e'en go lug them both in such a wretch. I'm young; and either I have by the ears, and discover the plot, to secure my been flattered by my friends, as well as glass, or pardon.

(Exii. Nature has been kind and generous to me.

I Con. Pr'ythee explain, Heartfree. had a fortune too was greater far than he could Heurt. À fair deliverance; thank my stars and ever hope for; but with my heart I am robbed my friend. of all the rest. I am slighted and I'm beggared Bel. 'Tis well it went no farther : a base felboth at once; I have scarce a bare subsistence low! from the villain, yet dare complain to none; for L. Brute. What can be the meaning of all this? he bas sworn, if ever 'tis known I am his wife, Bel. What's his meaning, I don't know; but he'll murder me.

[Weeping. mine is, that if I had married him, I had had no Bel. The traitor !

husband. L. Fun. I accidentally was told he courted you : Heurt. And what's her meaning, I don't charity soon prevailed upon me to prevent your know; but mine is, that if I had married her, I misery; and, as you see, I am still so generous, had had wife enough. even to him, as not to suffer be should do any Sir John. Your people of wit have got such thing for which the law might take away his life. cramp ways of expressing themselves, they sel

[Weeping. | dom comprehend one another. Pox take you Bel. Poor creature ! How I pity her! both! will you speak, that you may be understood:

[They continue talking aside. Hrart. [Aside.] Death and the devil !-Let me

Enter Rasor in Sackcloth, pulling in Lody read it again. [Reuds.] “ Though I have a parti

FancYFUL and MADEMOISELLE. cular reason not to let you know who I am till I Rasor. If they won't, here comes an interpresee you, yet you'll easily believe 'tis a faithful ter. friend that gives you this advice. I have lain L. Brute. Heavens! What have we here? with Belinda—(Good !)- I have a child by her- Rasor. A villain—but a repenting villain. (Better and better !)--which is now out at nurse All. Rasor! --(Heaven be praised !)—and I think the founda- L. Brute. What means this? tion laid for another.—(Ha!-old true-penny :) Rasor. Nothing, without my pardon. -No rack could have tortured this story from me, L. Brute. What pardon do you want ? but friendship has done it. I heard of your de. Rasor. Imprimis. Your ladyship’s, for a damsign to marry her, and could not see you abused. nable lie made upon your spotless virtue, and set Make use of my advice, but keep my secret till I to the tune of Spring Garden. (To Sir John.] ask you for't again. Adieu.” (Exit L. Fan. Next, at my generous master's feet I bend, for in

Con. (To Belinda.) Come, madam, shall we terrupting his more noble thoughts with phansend for the parson ? I doubt here's no business toms of disgraceful cuckoldom. (To CONSTANT.] for the lawyers; younger brothers have nothing Thirdly, I to this gentleman apply, for making to settle but their hearts, and that I believe my him the hero of my romance. [To HEARTFREE. friend here has already done very faithfully. Fourthly, your pardon, noble sir, I ask, for clan

Bei. [Scornfuliy.) Are you sure, sir, there are destinely marrying you, without either bidding of no old inortgages upon it?

banns, bishop's licence, friend's consent, or your Heart. (Coldly.] If you think there are, ma- own knowledge. (To Belinda.) And lastly, to dam, it mayn't be amiss to defer the marriage my good young lady's clemency I come, for pretill you are sure they are paid off.

tending the corn was sowed in the ground, before Bel. We'll defer it as long as you please, sir. ever the plough had been in the field.

Heurt. The more time we take to consider Sir John. (Aside.) So that, after all, 'tis a moot on't, madam, the less apt we shall be to commit point whether I am a cuckold or not. oversights; therefore, if you please, we will put Bel. Well, sir, upon condition you confess all, it off for just nine months.

I'll pardon you myself, and try to obtain as much Bel. Guilty consciences make men cowards. from the rest of the company. But I must know Heart. And they make women desperate. then who 'tis has put you upon all this mischief

. Bel. I don't wonder you want time to resolve. Rasor. Satan and his equipage : woman tempt

Heart. I don't wonder you are so quickly deed me, vice weakened me—and so the devil overtermined.

came me: as fell Adam, so fell I. Bel. What does the fellow mean?

Bel. Then pray, Mr Adam, will you make us Heart. What does the lady mean?

acquainted with your Eve?

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