A DISPUTE ABOUT A HORSE

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me in person. I consented. He came. It was his own particular request. He began a story. I asked him if he would return the money. He said no-but he would exchange. He asked an exorbitant price for his other horses. I told him that he was a thief. He said he was an officer and a man of honour, and pulled out a Parmesan passport signed by General Count Neipperg. I answered, that as he was an officer, I would treat him as such; and that as to his being a Gentleman, he might prove it by returning the money as for his Parmesan passport, I should have valued it more if it had been a Parmesan Cheese. He answered in high terms, and said that if it were in the morning (it was about eight o'clock in the evening) he would have satisfaction. I then lost my temper: "As for THAT," I replied, "you shall have it directly it will be mutual satisfaction, I can assure you. You are a thief, and, as you say, an officer; my pistols are in the next room loaded; take one of the candles, examine, and make your choice of weapons." He replied that pistols were English weapons, he always fought with the Sword. I told him that I was able to accommodate him, having three regimental swords in a drawer near us: and he might take the longest and put himself on guard.

All this passed in presence of a third person. He then said No; but to-morrow morning he would give me the meeting at any time or place. I answered that it was not usual to appoint meetings in the presence of witnesses, and that we had best speak man to man, and fix time and instruments. But as the man present was leaving the room, the Lieutenant Rossi, before he could shut the door after him, ran

out roaring "help and murder" most lustily, and fell into a sort of hysteric in the arms of about fifty people, who all saw that I had no weapon of any sort or kind about me, and following him, asking him what the devil was the matter with him. Nothing would do: he ran away without his hat, and went to bed, ill of the fright. He then tried his complaint at the police, which dismissed it as frivolous. He is, I believe, gone away, or going.

The horse was warranted, but, I believe, so worded that the villain will not be obliged to refund, according to law. He endeavoured to raise up an indictment of assault and battery, but as it was in a public inn, in a frequented street, there were too many witnesses to the contrary; and, as a military man, he has not cut a martial figure, even in the opinion of the Priests. He ran off in such a hurry that he left his hat, and never missed it till he got to his hostel or inn. The facts are as I tell you: I can assure, he began by "coming Captain Grand over me, or I should never have thought of trying his "cunning in fence"; but what could I do? He talked of "honour, and satisfaction, and his commission "-he produced a military passport: there are severe punishments for regular duels on the continent, and trifling ones for rencontres, so that it is best to fight it out directly; he had robbed, and then wanted to insult me; what could I do? My patience was gone, and the weapons at hand, fair and equal: besides, it was just after dinner, when my digestion is bad, and I don't like to be disturbed. His friend Ostheid is at Forli; we shall meet on my way back to Ravenna. The Hanoverian seems the greater rogue of the two;

A QUARREL WITH THE POPE'S CARABINIERS 43

and if my valour does not ooze away like Acres's"Odds flints and triggers!" if it should be a rainy morning, and my stomach in disorder, there may be something for the obituary.

Now pray, "Sir Lucius, do not you look upon me as a very ill-used gentleman?" I send my Lieutenant to match Hobhouse's Major Cartwright: "and so good morrow to you, good Master Lieutenant."

(1819, August 29, Bologna. Letter 750, to John Murray, Vol. IV., p. 350.)

I have incurred a quarrel with the Pope's carabiniers, or gens-d'armerie, who have petitioned the Cardinal against my liveries, as resembling too nearly their own lousy uniform. They particularly object to the epaulettes, which all the world with us have on upon gala days.

I have sent a trenchant reply, as you may suppose; and have given to understand that, if any soldados of that respectable corps insult my servants, I will do likewise by their gallant commanders; and I have directed my ragamuffins, six in number, who are tolerably savage, to defend themselves in case of aggression; and, on holidays and gaudy days, I shall arm the whole set, including myself, in case of accidents or treachery. I used to play pretty well at the broad-sword, once upon a time, at Angelo's; but I should like the pistol, our national buccaneer weapon, better, though I am out of practice at present. However, I can "wink and hold out mine iron." It makes me think (the whole thing does) of Romeo and Juliet "now, Gregory, remember thy swashing blow."

All these feuds, however, with the Cavalier for his wife, and the troopers for my liveries, are very tiresome to a quiet man, who does his best to please all the world, and longs for fellowship and good will.

(1820, June 9, Ravenna. Letter 804, to Thomas Moore, Vol. V., p. 42.)

I have been called in as Mediator or Second at least twenty times in violent quarrels, and have always contrived to settle the business without compromising the honour of the parties, or leading them to mortal consequences; and this too sometimes in very difficult and delicate circumstances, and having to deal with very hot and haughty Spirits-Irishmen, Gamesters, Guardsmen, Captains, and Cornets of horse, and the like. This was of course in my youth, when I lived in hot-headed company. I have had to carry challenges from Gentlemen to Noblemen, from Captains to Captains, from lawyers to Counsellors, and once from a clergyman to an officer in the Life-guards. It may seem strange, but I found the latter by far the most difficult.

The business being about a woman. I must add too that I never saw a woman behave so ill, like a cold-blooded heartless whore as she was; but very handsome for all that. A certain Susan C. was she called. I never saw her but once, and that was to induce her but to say two words (which in no degree compromised herself), and which would have had the

SUSANNAH AND THE LEVITE

45

effect of saving a priest or a Lieutenant of Cavalry. She would not say them, and neither N. or myself (the Son of Sir E. N., and a friend to one of the parties) could prevail upon her to say them, though both of us used to deal in some sort with Womankind. At last I managed to quiet the combatants without her talisman, and, I believe, to her great disappointment. She was the d--st b--h that I ever saw, and I have seen a great many. Though my Clergyman was sure to lose either his life or his living, he was as warlike as the Bishop of Beauvais, and would hardly be pacified: but then he was in love, and that is a martial passion.

("Detached Thoughts," 1821-22. "Thought" 36, Vol. V., p. 428.)

(4) His Melancholic Temperament

A thousand thanks, my dear and Beloved Augusta, for your affectionate Letter, and so ready compliance with the request of a peevish and fretful Brother; it acted as a cordial on my drooping Spirits and for a while dispelled the Gloom which envelopes me in this uncomfortable place. You see what power your letters have over me, so I hope you will be liberal in your epistolary consolation.

(1804, April 9, Burgage Manor. Letter 10, to the Hon. Augusta Byron, Vol. I., p. 26.)

I am afraid... that when I shall take up my pen, you will not be greatly edified or amused, especially at present, since, I sit down in very bad