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Of choirs celestial to attune my
MRS. H. MORE
XL. THE QUALITY OF MERCY.
XLI. — OTHELLO'S FAREWELL.
O! NOW for ever
PART NINTH. — HUMOROUS PIECES.
I. – AN ORATOR'S FIRST SPEECH IN PARLIAMENT.
you have — spoken for your country's weal!
- almost falls stares — strokes his chin -
I must proceed ; 6 And, for the first time in my life, I think I think - that no great orator
* Much in little.
# M. P. is the abbreviation for member of Parliament ; but the letters here are to be spoken.
And, therefore, - Mr. Speaker - I, for one —
- why, then
II. — YORKSHIRE ANGLING. It happened once that a young Yorkshire clown, but newly come to far-famed London town, was gaping round at many a wondrous sight, grinning at all he saw, with vast delight; attended by his terrier Tyke, who was as sharp as sharp may be; and thus the master and the dog, d’ye see, were very much alike.
After wandering far and wide, and seeing every street and square, — the parks, the plays, the Queen, and the Lord Mayor, with all in which your “Cockneys " place their pride ; and, being quizzed by many a city spark for coat* of country cut and red-haired pate, he came at length to noisy Billingsgate. saw the busy scene with mute surprise, opening his ears and wondering eyes at the loud clamor, and the monstrous fish, hereafter doomed to grace full many a dish.
Close by him was a turbot on a stall, which, with stretched mouth, as if to pant for breath, seemed in the agonies of death. Said Lubin, “ What name, zur,
that fish call ?" “ A turbot,” answered the sarcastic elf; “ 2 flat, you see — so something like yourself." “ D’ye think,” said Lubin, “ that he 'll bite ? "
Why,” said the fishman, with a roguish grin, “ his mouth is open; put your finger in and then you 'll know.” “Why, zur," replied the wight, “ I should n't like to try; but there's my Tyke shall put his tail there, an' you like.” “Agreed," rejoined the man, and laughed delight.
Within the turbot's teeth was placed the tail, and the fish bit with all its might. · The dog no sooner felt
the bite, than off he ran, the dangling turbot holding tight. The astonished man began most furiously to bawl and rail; but, after numerous escapes and dodgings, Tyke safely got to Master Lubin's lodgings. Thither the fishmonger in anger flow. Says Lubin,“ Lunnon tricks on ine won't do! I’ze come from York to queer such flats as you ; and Tyke, my dog, is Yorkshire, too!” Then, laughing at the man, who sneaked away, he had the fish for dinner that same day.
* Give the oa, in this word, the full sound of long e, in note, &c. Speakers are apt to shorten it.
BEAUTIES OF THE LAW.
III. - SYMPATHY.
A KNIGHT and a lady once met in a grove,
O, never was knight such a sorrow that bore !
0, had but my swain been one quarter as true !
IV. --- BEAUTIES OF THE LAW.
I.-BULLUM versus BOATUM. What a profound study is the law! How shall I define it? Law is -law. Law is — law; and so forth, and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country dance; people are led up and down in it till they are tired. It is like physic; they that take the least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman; very well to follow. Law is like a scolding wife; very bad when it follows us. Law is like a new fashion ; people are bewitched to get into it: it is also like bad weather; most people are glad when they get out of it. We shall now mention, in illustration, a case that came before us, — the case of Bullum versus Boatum. It was as follows:
There were two farmers farmer A and farmer B. Farmer A was seized or possessed of a bull; farmer B was seized or possessed of a ferry-boat. Now, the owner of the ferry-boat, having made his boat fast to a post on shore, with a piece of hay twisted rope-fashion, or, as we say, vulgo vocato, a hay-band, - after he had made his boat fast to the aforesaid post (as it was very natural for a hungry man to do) went up town dinner. Farmer A's bull (as it was natural for a hungry bull to do) came down town to look for a dinner; and, observing, discovering, seeing, and spying out, some turnips in the bottom of the ferry-boat, the bull scrambled into the ferry-boat, ate up the turnips, and, to make an end of his meal, fell to work upon the hay-band. The boat, being eaten from its moorings, floated down the river with the bull in it: it struck against a rock, beat a hole in the bottom of the boat, and tossed the bull overboard; whereupon, the owner of the bull brought his action against the boat for running away with the bull. The owner of the boat brought his action against the bull for running away with the boat. And thus notice of trial was given, Bullum versus Boatum, Boatum versus Bullum.
The counsel for the bull began with saying, “ My lord, and you, gentlemen of the jury, we are counsel in this cause for the bull. We are indicted for running away with the boat. Now, my lord, we have heard of running horses, but never of running bulls before. Now, my lord, the bull could no more run away with the boat than a man in a coach may be said to run away with the horses ; therefore, my lord, how can we punish what is not punishable ? How can we eat what is not eatable? Or, how can we drink what is not drinkable? Or, as the law says, how can we think what is not thinkable? Therefore, my lord, as we are counsel in this cause for the bull, if the jury should bring the bull in guilty, the jury would be guilty of a bull."
The counsel for the boat observed, that the bull should be nonsuited, because, in his declaration, he had not specified what color he was of; for thus wisely, and thus learnedly, spoke the counsel : - My lord, if the bull was of no color, he must be of some color; and, if he was not of any color, what color could the bull be of?”: I over-ruled this motion myself, by observing the bull was a white bull, and that white is no color; besides, as I told my brethren, they should not trouble their heads to talk of color in the law, for the law can color any thing. This cause being afterwards left to a reference, upon the award, both bull and boat were acquitted, it being proved that the tide of the river carried them both away; upon which I gave it as my opinion, that, as the tide of the river carried both bull and boat