:

LETTER IX.

To a mafqu'd lady.

HO'I doubt not, madam, but you have made

the most confiderable conquefts under the fun, yet give me leave to fay, you never made any fo extraor dinary as this before: you have fubdu'd without the conqueror's common vanity, of making your felf known, and have gain'd the moft abfolute victory in the world, without fo much as unfheathing your face. I, who never knew a woman cou'd overcome me, am now overcome by I know not who; and can both boast of the greatest paffion, and greatest faith in nature together the feeing you, which is the reason of other people's love, might, for ought I know, destroy mine; for I have rais'd idea's of you, to which it is very difficult for any thing in nature to arrive. I imagine you the most charming creature in the universe, and at the fame time fancy you to be fomewhat more than I ima. gine. I have drefs'd you up in all the different shapes of nature. In whatever you appear, it has been always the most amiable: and after having fuppofed you maid, wife, and widow by turns, I find I can love you infinitely, be you any one of them. Did I know in which ftate you were, I wou'd certainly make love to all of it, 'till I arriv'd at you; and for want of that, I am forc'd to confine my felf to womankind. I leave it to your own conscience, madam, whether you can leave the moft conftant lover in nature, in this condition; tho' if it feel no remorfe for the laft difappointment, I fhall very hardly ever truft it more: yet however extrava

gant

gant my paflion is, do not apprehend that I fhou'd make any malicious reflections on you to the world; let my other virtues be what they will, my fidelity is unquestionable and affure your felf, there is no man breathing lefs apt to tell a fecret that he does not know, than

MADAM,

Yours, &c.

SIR,

LETTER X.

To a friend. ·

OR friend I can hardly call you, fince under that

difguife you have done me one of the greatest injuries in the world; and it is vain for me to guard my territories against the malicious defigns of enemies and rivals, when you, whom I never took for either, have more prejudiced me in an amour, than they cou'd with all their forces together. But that I may not condemn you without a cause, nor conclude you guilty "till I hear what you can fay in your own juftification, I will give you a plain account of the bufinefs. Meeting one of the ladies laft night, with whom I am in love, the began a difcourfe of lovers, wherein the fhew'd the many inconveniences that attended the having a man of wit in that capacity. I, who do not naturally love to difpute with a fair lady, especially, in a caufe where I thought my felf no more concern'd than if she had talk'd of Jews or Mahometans, agreed with her in all the faid; when the turn'd briskly upon me, and told me,

for

for that reafon a woman muft have a care of having any thing to do with me. I told her that was acting after the manner of fome late judges; call a thing treason without law, and then hang a man for it without proof; that I appeal'd to all the world for my innocence in the matter, and defied my greatest enemies to bring any evidence of my guilt. She told me she had it from fuch a one, who had it from another; and that, in fine, the original author of this calumny was your felf. Now tho' I grant you that fome people might have faid fuch a thing as this, out of inadvertency; yet I can hardly believe a man of your prudence to have done it upon that account. You who very well know, that to commend a man for a wit to the women, is like commending him for a good proteftant to the fathers of the inquifition; and he that reported me an eunuch among 'em, cou'd not do it upon a more malicious account. They love a tame, easy, governable fool, and fancy all wits ill-natur'd and proud; have not you often told me fo? and after that to put me upon 'em for one! well, fir, I am a gentleman, nor fhall I pafs by fuch a thing as this, without fatisfaction. I expect therefore you fhou'd either give it me under your hand, that you never faid any fuch thing of me; or if you really faid it, that you fhou'd go immediately to the perfons to whom you did it; and affure 'em you were mifinform'd in the thing, and that to your knowledge, Ireland itself never bred a more tame, easy fool than I am: for here lyes the greateft danger; I have gotten a rival of that country, and you know how difficult it is to fucceed in a conteft with one of them, when want of wit is to give the preference. After all, methinks if you wou'd be hearty in the thing, you may bring me out of these difficulties: I know you have wit enough to convince 'em that I have none; and if the worst come to the

worft,

worst, it is but carrying you to 'em, to fhew the dif ference. In that hope, I resume the title of

Your, &c.

LETTER

XI.

To a lady in the country who was going to be married.

A

Fter having written you a letter upon your first going down, I have never dar'd to venture one fince, left I fhould be mistaken in my address; and for ought. I know, to write to you now by the title of Mrs. -, may be as uncivil as to treat the king with the title of prince of Orange. However, madam, blame not me for it, fince we are here in perfect ignorance of the matter. We had very pofitive news one while of your being married; and as positive after, that it was not yet done; which fome here took, I can affure you, for a great act of mercy. Half a dozen sparks of your acquaintance have provided themselves either with lovefongs, or epithalamiums, to fend you, as occafion fhall require, without being yet able to know which wou'd be moft proper: and here are half a dozen more, who have had halters about their necks, ever fince the report of your going to be married; for they are refolved to be ready upon the first notice, that the fame poft which brings the news of your wedding, may carry back that of their deaths. 'Tis true, madam, I took the boldness to advise 'em not to be over-hafty in the affair, fince they might do it afterwards at their own

con

convenience; and experiments of this nature were difficult enough to correct, when they were once ill done. But all I could fay was in vain; they are pofitive in the matter, and half a dozen of the handsomest trees in the park are mark'd out for the execution. I muft confefs, 1 endeavour'd to divert 'em as much as I cou'd from chufing that place, for the benefit of the company that walks there; I told 'em it was contrary to all precedent, to make ufe of elms, or lime trees, fince the willow had time out of mind been reserv'd for that use; and that a lover who did not hang himself according to form had as good never hang himself at all. They answer'd me very furlily, tho' very truly too I must own, that it was not my bufinefs: that it was a very hard cafe people might not hang themselves without asking my leave; and as they wou'd not hinder me whenever I was going about fuch a thing, fo they took it very ill that I fhou'd pretend to hinder them. I must confefs, madam, I cou'd fay very little in the cafe ; and you may believe I had no great mind to enter upon a quarrel with people in their circumftances; but I thought the acquainting you with it, was a duty that became

Your, &c.

LETTER

XII.

To a lady that afk'd him for his heart.

HO' to tell a man that you will difpofe of his

Theart to one who shall ufe it ill, is but a very fmall encouragement for him to part with it; yet fince

you