J. Bull. I believe I fhall have those two honeft Majors discount on my fide in a little time.

Nic. Frog. Why all this higgling with thy friend about fuch a paltry fum? Does this become the generofity of the noble and rich John Bull? I wonder thou art not afhamed. Oh Hocus! Hocus! where art thou? It used to go another guife manner in thy time. When a poor man has almost undone himself for thy fake, thou art for fleecing him, and fleecing him; is that thy conscience, John?

7. Bull. Very pleafant indeed! It is well known thou retaineft thy lawyers by the year, fo a fresh lawfuit adds but little to thy expences; they are thy cuftomers; I hardly ever fell them a farthing's worth of any thing; nay, thou haft fet up an eating-house, where the whole tribe of them fpend all they can rap or run. If it were well reckoned, 1 believe thou getteft more of my money, than thou fpendeft of thy own; however, if thou wilt needs plead poverty, own at least, that thy accompts are falfe.

Nic. Frog. No marry won't I; I refer myself to these honest gentlemen; let them judge between us. Let Ef quire South fpeak his mind, whether my accompts are not right, and whether we ought not to go on with our law-fuit.

7. Bull. Confult the butchers about keeping of lent. Doft think, that John Bull will be tried by Piepowders †? I tell you once for all, John Bull knows where his shoe pinches none of your Efquires fhall give him the law, as long as he wears this trufty weapon by his fide, or has an inch of broad-cloth in his fhop.

:

Nic. Frog. Why there it is, you will be both judge and party; I am forry thou difcovereft fo much of thy head

The money spent in Holland and Flanders.

+ Court of Piepowders (curia pedis_pulverizati} is a court of record incident to every fair; whereof the fteward is judge, and the trial is by merchants and traders in the fair. It is fo called, because it is most usual in the fummer; and because of the expedition in hearing caufes, for the matter is to be done, complained of, heard and determined the fame day, that is, before the duft goes off of the feet of the plaintiffs and defendants.

head-ftrong humour before these strange gentlemen: have often told thee it would prove thy ruin fome time or other let it never be faid, that the famous John Bull has departed in defpite of court.

7. Bull. And will it not reflect as much on thy character, Nic. to turn barretter in thy old days; a stirrer of quarrels amongst thy neighbours? I tell thee, Nic. fome time or other thou wilt repent this.

up

BUT John faw clearly, he should have nothing but wrangling, and that he should have as little fuccefs in fettling his accompts, as ending the compofition." Since "they will needs overload my fhoulders, quoth John, I "fhall throw down the burden with a fquafh amongst "them, take it up who dares; a man has a fine time of "it amongst a combination of sharpers, that vouch for "one another's honefty. John, look to thyfelf; old "Lewis makes reasonable offers; when thou haft spent "the small pittance that is left, thou wilt make a glo"rious figure, when thou art brought to live upon Nic. Frog and Efquire South's generofity and gratitude: if they ufe thee thus, when they want thee, what will "they do when thou wanteft them? I fay again, John, "look to thyfelf."

JOHN wifely ftifled his refentments, and told the company, that in a little time he should give them law, or fomething better.

All. Law! law! Sir, by all means *. What is twenty-two poor years towards the finishing a law-fuit? For the love of God more law, Sir!

7. Bull. Prepare your demands, how many years more of law do you want, that I may order my affairs accordingly? In the mean while farewel.

Clamours for continuing the war.

CHAP.

CHA P. XVII.

How John Bull found all his family in an uproar at home *

N

TIC. FROG, who thought of nothing but carrying John to the market, and there difpofing of him as his own proper goods, was mad to find that John thought himfelf now of age to look after his own affairs. He refolved to traverse this new project, and to make him uneafy in his own family. He had corrupted or deluded most of his fervants into the most extravagant conceits in the world; that their mafter was run mad, and wore a dagger in one pocket, and poifon in the other; that he had fold his wife and children to Lewis, difinherited his heir, and was going to fettle his estate upon a parish-boy; that if they did not look after their mafter, he would do fome very mischievous thing. When John came home, he found a more furprizing scene than any he had yet met with, and that you will fay was fomewhat extraordinary. He called his cook-maid Betty to befpeak his dinner: Betty told him," That she begged his pardon, she could not drefs dinner, till fhe knew what he intended to do "with his will." 66 Why; Betty, quoth John, thou art "not run mad, art thou? My will at prefent is to have "dinner." "That may be, quoth Betty, but my con"fcience won't allow me to drefs it, till I know whe"ther you intend to do righteous things by your heir?" "I am forry for that, Betty, quoth John, I must find fomebody else then." Then he called John the barber. Before I begin, quoth John, I hope your honour "won't be offended, if I ask you, whether you intend "to alter your will? If you won't give me a positive "anfwer, your beard may grow down to your middle, "for me. "" 66 'Igad, fo it fhall, quoth Bull, for I will never truft my throat in fuch a mad fellow's hands." Where's Dick the butler? "Look ye, quoth Dick, "I am very willing to ferve you in my calling, d'ye

* Clamours about the danger of the fucceffion.

66 fee;

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fee; but there are ftrange reports, and plain-dealing is beft, d'ye fee; I must be satisfied if you intend to leave "all to your nephew, and if Nic. Frog is ftill your executor, d'ye fee; if you will not fatisfy me as to these "points, you may drink with the ducks." And fo I " will, quoth John, rather than keep a butler that loves "my heir better than myfelf." Hob the fhoemaker, and Pricket the taylor told him, " They would moft willing"ly ferve him in their several stations, if he would pro"mise them never to talk with Lewis Baboon, and let "Nicholas Frog linen-draper manage his concerns; that "they could neither make fhoes nor cloaths to any, that "were not in good correfpondence with their worthy "friend Nicholas."

J. Bull. Call Andrew my journey-man. How goes affairs, Andrew? I hope the devil has not taken poffeffion of thy body too.

Andrew. No, Sir; I only defire to know what would do if you were dead?

J. Bull. Juft as other dead folks do, Andrew.This is amazing!

you

[Afide.

Andrew. I mean, if your nephew fhall inherit your eftate?

F. Bull. That depends upon himself. I shall do nothing to hinder him.

Andrew. But will you make it fure ?

7. Bull. Thou meaneft, that I fhould put him in poffeffion, for I can make it no furer without that; he has all the law can give him.

Andrew. Indeed poffeffion, as you say, would make it much furer; they fay, it is eleven points of the law.

JOHN began now to think that they were all enchanted; he inquired about the age of the moon ; if Nic. had not given them fome intoxicating potion, or if old mother Jenifa was ftill alive? "No, o'my faith, quoth Harry,' I believe there is no potion in the case, but a little aurum potabile. You will have more of this by and by." He had fcarce fpoke the word, when another friend of John's accofted him after the following manner.

"Since thofe worthy perfons, who are as much con"cerned for your fafety as I am, have employed me as "their orator, I defire to know whether you will have VOL. VIII.

Z

"it

"it by way of fyllogifm, enthymem, dilemma, or fori

" tes."

JOHN now began to be diverted with their extravagance.

7. Bull. Let's have a farites by all means; tho' they are all new to me.

Friend. It is evident to all, who are verfed in hiftory, that there were two fifters that played the whore two thousand years ago: therefore it plainly follows, that it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourfe with Lewis Baboon: if it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourse (correspondence, if you will, that is much the fame thing), then a fortiori, it is much more unlawful for the said John to make over his wife and children to the faid Lewis: if his wife and children are not to be made over, he is not to wear a dagger and ratsbane in his pockets: if he wears a dagger and ratfbane, it must be to do mischief to. himself, or fomebody else: if he intends to do mifchief, he ought to be under guardians, and there is none fo fit as myfelf, and fome other worthy perfons, who have a com miffion for that purpose from Nic. Frog, the executor of his will and teftament.

With

7. Bull. And this is your forites, you fay.that he fnatched a good tough oaken cudgel, and began to brandish it; then happy was the man that was first at the door crouding to get out, they tumbled down stairs; and it is credibly reported, fome of them dropped very valuable things in the hurry, which were picked up by others of the family.

"

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"That any of these rogues, quoth John, should imagine, I am not as much concerned as they about ha"ving my affairs in a settled condition, or that I would wrong my heir for I know not what! Well, Nic. I ⚫ really cannot but applaud thy diligence: I must own this is really a pretty fort of a trick, but it fhan't do thy business for all that."

66

CHAP.