a quarter of a pound of foap and fand to fcowre the rooms; but especially, that she would not allow her maids and apprentices the benefit of John Bunyan *, the London Apprentices, or the Seven Champions in the blackletter.

CHAP. VIII.

A continuation of the conversation betwixt John Bull and his wife.

you

Mrs Bull. IT is a most fad life we lead, my dear, to be fo teased, paying intereft for old debts, and ftill contracting new ones. However, I do not blame for vindicating your honour, and chastising old Lewis : to curb the infolent, protect the oppreffed, recover one's own, and defend what one has, are good effects of the law the only thing I want to know, is, how you came to make an end of your money, before you finished your fuit.

7. Bull. I was told by the learned in the law, that my fuit ftood upon three firm pillars; more money for more law, more law for more money, and no compofition. More money for more law, was plain to a demonftration, for who can go to law without money? and it was plain, that any man that has money, may have law for it. The third was as evident as the other two; for what compofition could be made with a rogue, that never kept a word he faid?

Ms Bull. I think you are most likely to get out of this labyrinth by the fecond door, by want of ready money to purchase this precious commodity: but you feem not only to have bought too much of it, but have paid too dear for what you bought; elfe, how was it poffible to run fo much in debt, when at this very time, the yearly income of what is mortgaged to thofe ufurers, would difcharge Hocus's bills, and give you your belly full of law for all your life, without running one fixpence in debt? You have been bred up to bufinefs; I fuppofe you can cypher; I wonder you never used your pen and ink.

J. Bull.

*Reftraining the liberty of the press by act of parliament.

7. Bull. Now you urge me too far; prithee, dear wife, hold thy tongue. Suppofe a young heir, heedless, raw, and unexperienced, full of fpirit and vigour, with a favourite paffion, in the hands of money-fcriveners; such fellows are like your wire-drawing mills; if they get hold of a man's finger, they will pull in his whole body at laft, 'till they squeeze the heart, blood, and guts out of him. When I wanted money *, half a dozen of these fellows were always waiting in my antichamber with their fecurities ready drawn. I was tempted with the ready, fome farm or other went to pot. I received with one hand, and paid it away with the other to lawyers, that like fo many hell-hounds were ready to devour me. Then the rogues would plead poverty, and fcarcity of money, which always ended in receiving ninety for the hundred. After they had got poffeffion of my best rents, they were able to fupply me with my own money. But what was worse, when I looked into the fecurities, there was no clause of redemption.

Mrs Bull. No clause of redemption fay you? that's hard.

J. Bull. No great matter, for I cannot pay them. They had got a worse trick than that; the fame man bought and fold to himself, paid the money, and gave the acquittance; the fame man was butcher and grafier, brewer and butler, cook and poulterer. There is fomething ftill worse than all this; there came twenty bills upon me at once, which I had given money to discharge; I was like to be pulled to pieces by brewer, butcher, and baker; even my herb-woman dunned me as I went along the streets. (Thanks to my friend Sir Roger, elfe I must have gone to goal.) When I asked the meaning of this, I was told the money went to the lawyers; counfel wont tick, Sir; Hocus was urging: my book-keeper fat fotting all day, playing at put and all-fours: in fhort, by griping ufurers, devouring lawyers, and negligent fervants, I am brought to this pafs.

Mrs Bull. This was hard ufage ! but, methinks, the least reflection might have retrieved you.

U 3

J. Bull.

* Methods of preying upon the neceffities of the government.

Part II. 7. Bull. It is true: yet confider my circumstances; my honour was engaged, and I did not know how to get out; befides, I was for five years often drunk, always muddled; they carried me from tavern to tavern, to alehoufes and brandy-fhops, and brought me acquainted with fuch ftrange dogs!" There goes the prettieft fel"low in the world, fays one, for managing a jury ; "make him yours. There's another can pick you up "witneffes: ferjeant fuch-a-one has a filver tongue at "the bar." I believe, in time I fhould have retained every fingle perfon within the inns of court. The night after a trial, I treated the lawyers, their wives and daughters, with fiddles, hautboys, drums, and trumpets. I was always hot-headed; then they placed me in the middle, the attornies and their clerks dancing about me, whooping, and hollowing, Long live John Bull, the "glory and fupport of the law !"

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Mrs Bull. Really, husband, you went thro' a very notable course.

J. Bull. One of the things that firft alarmed me, was, that they fhewed a fpite against my poor old mother. "Lord, quoth I, what makes you fo jealous of a poor, "old, innocent gentlewoman, that minds only her

prayers, and her practice of piety: fhe never meddles in any of your concerns? Foh, fay they, to fee a "handfome, brisk, genteel, young fellow, fo much go"verned by a doating old woman! why don't you go "and fuck the bubby? Do you confider fhe keeps you "out of a good jointure? She has the beft of your estate "fettled upon her for a rent charge: hang her, old thief, turn her out of doors, feize her land, and let "her go to law, if the dares." "Soft and fair, gen"tlemen, quoth I; my mother's my mother; our fami"ly are not of an unnatural temper. Tho' I don't "take all her advice, I won't feize her jointure; long " may fhe enjoy it, good woman; I don't grudge it "her, fhe allows me now and then a brace of hundreds

for my law-fuit; that's pretty fair." About this time the old gentlewoman fell ill of an odd fort of a diftemper;

temper"; it began with a coldnefs and numbness in her limbs, which by degrees affected the nerves, (I think the phyficians call them) feized the brain, and at last ended in a lethargy. It betrayed itfelf at first in a fort of indifference and careleffnefs in all her actions, coldness to her best friends, and an averfion to ftir or go about the common offices of life. She, that was the cleanlieft creature in the world, never fhrunk now, if you fet a closeftool under her nofe. She, that would fometimes rattle off her fervants pretty fharply, now, if fhe faw them drink or heard them talk profanely, never took any notice of it. Instead of her ufual charities to deferving perfonst, fhe threw away her money upon roaring fwearing bullies and beggars, that went about the ftreets. "What "is the matter with the old gentlewoman, faid every body, she never used to do in this manner?" At last the diftemper grew more violent, and threw her downright into raving fits; in which the fhrieked out fo loud, that the difturbed the whole neighbourhood. In her fits. fhe called upon one Sir William: "Oh! Sir William||, "thou haft betrayed me! killed me! ftabbed me! fold me to the cuckold of Dover-ftreet! See, fee, Clum "with his bloody knife! feize him, feize him, ftop "him! Behold the fury with her hiffing fnakes! "Where's my fon John! Is he well, is he well! poor Iman, I pity him ;" and abundance more of fuch ftrange ftuff, that no-body could make any thing of. I knew little of the matter; for when I enquired about her health, the answer was, "that fhe was in a good mo"derate way." Phyficians were fent for in hafte: Sir Roger, with great difficulty, brought Ratcliff; Garth came upon the firft meffage. There were feveral others called in; but, as ufual upon fuch occafions, they differed ftrangely at the confultation. At laft they divided into two parties, one fided with Garth, the other with Ratcliff,

Careleffness in forms and difcipline.

+ Difpofing of some preferments to libertine and unprincipled perfons.

The too violent clamour about the danger of the church. Sir William, a cant name of Sir Humphry's for Lord Trea furer Godolphin.

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Part II. cliff. Dr Garth*." This cafe feems to me to be plain"ly hysterical; the old woman is whimfical; it is a common thing for your old women to be fo; I'll pawn my life, blisters, with the steel diet, will recover her." Others fuggefted strong purging, and letting of blood, because she was plethoric. Some went fo far as to fay the old woman was mad, and nothing would be better than a little corporal correction. Ratcliff. " Gentlemen, you are mistaken in this cafe; it is plainly an acute di❝ftemper, and she cannot hold out three days, unless "fhe is fupported with strong cordials." I came into the room with a good deal of concern, and asked them, what they thought of my mother?" In no manner of danger, "I avow to Gad, quoth Garth, the old woman is hyfte"rical, fanciful, Sir, I avow to Gad." I tell you, "Sir, fays Ratcliff, the cannot live three days to an end, "unless there is fome very effectual courfe taken with "her; fhe has a malignant fever." Then fool, puppy, and blockhead were the best words they gave. could hardly restrain them from throwing the ink-bottles at one another's heads. I forgot to tell you, that one party of the phyficians defired, I would take my fifter Peg into the house to nurse her, but the old gentlewoman would not hear of that. At last one phyfician asked, if the lady had ever been used to take laudanum? Her maid answered, not that she knew; but indeed there was a High-German liveryman of hers, one Yan Ptfchirnfookert, that gave her a fort of quack-powder. The phyfician defired to fee it: " Nay, fays he, there is o

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I

pium in this, I am fure." Mrs Bull. I hope you examined a little into this mat

ter.

f. Bull. I did indeed, and difcovered a great mystery of iniquity. The witneffes made oath, that they had heard fome of the Livery-ment frequently railing at their mistress. "They faid, fhe was a troublesome fiddle"faddle old woman, and fo ceremonious, that there was 66 no

*

Garth, the low-church party. Ratcliff, high church party. Yan Ptfchirnfooker, a bishop at that time, a great dealer in politics and phyfic.

The clergy.