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devil * My brother John, quoth fhe, is grown won"derous kind-hearted all of a fudden, but I meikle doubt, whether it be not mair for their own conveniency than for my good; he draws up his writs and his "deeds, for footh, and I must fet my hand to them, unfight, "unfeen. I like the young man he has fettled upon well enough, but I think I ought to have a valuable confi"deration for my confent. He wants my poor little farm, because it makes a nook in his park-wall: ye may e'en tell him, he has mair than he makes good "ufe of; he gangs up and down drinking, roaring, "and quarrelling, thro' all the country markets, making foolish bargains in his cups, which he repents when he is fober; like a thriftlefs wretch, fpending "the goods and gear that his forefathers won with the fweat of their brows; light come, light go, he cares "not a farthing. But why fhould I ftand furety for his "contracts? the little I have is free, and I can call it my awn; hame's hame, let it be never fo hamely. I ken "him well enough, he could never abide me, and when he "has his ends, he'll e'en ufe me as he did before. I am "fure I fhall be treated like a poor drudge; I fhall be fet "to tend the bairns, dern the hofe, and mend the linen. "Then there's no living with that old carline his mother; "fhe rails at Jack, and Jack's an honefter man than any "of her kin: I fhall be plagued with her spells and her Pater-nofters, and filly old-world ceremonies; I mun "never pare my nails on a Friday, nor begin a journey

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on Childermas-day; and I mun ftand becking and "binging, as I gang out and into the hall. Tell him "he may e'en gang his get; I'll have nothing to do with him; I'll ftay, like the poor country-moufe, in my "awn habitation." So Peg talked; but for all that, by the interpofition of good friends, and by many a bonny thing that was fent, and many more that were promifed Peg, the matter was concluded, and Peg taken into the boule upon certain articles: one of which was, that she might have the freedom of Jack's converfation +, and might

* The Scots expreffed their fears for the prefbyterian government, and of being burdened with the English national debts. The act of toleration.

might take him for better and for worse, if she pleased; provided always, he did not come into the house at unfeasonable hours, and difturb the rest of the old woman, John's mother.

CHAP. V.

Of fome quarrels that happened after Peg was taken into the family*.

IT

T is an old observation, that the quarrels of relations are harder to reconcile than any other; injuries from friends fret and gall more, and the memory of them is not fo eafily obliterated. This is cunningly reprefented by one of our old fages, called Æfop, in the ftory of the bird, that was grieved extremely at being wounded with an arrow feathered with his own wing; as alfo of the oak, that let many a heavy groan, when he was cleft with a wedge of his own timber.

THERE was no man in the world lefs fubject to rancour than John Bull, confidering how often his good nature had been abufed; yet I do not know, but he was too apt to hearken to tattling people, that carried tales between him and his fifter Peg, on purpofe to fow jealoufies, and fet them together by the ears. They say that there were some hardships put upon Peg, which had been better let alone; but it was the business of good people to restrain the injuries on one fide, and moderate the refentments on the other; a good friend acts both parts; the one without the other will not do.

THE purchase money of Peg's farm was ill paid † ; then Peg loved a little good liquor, and the fervants shut up the wine-celler; but for that Peg found a trick, for she made a falfe key‡. Peg's fervants complained that

they

Quarrels about fome of the articles of union, particularly the

peerage.

By the 15th article of the treaty of union, it was agreed that Scotland fhould have an equivalent for feveral customs and excises to which he would become liable, and this equivalent was not paid.

Run wine.

they were debarred from all manner of business, and newer fuffered to touch the least thing within the house* ; if they offered to come into the warehouse, then strait went the yard flap over their noddle; if they ventured into the counting-room, a fellow would throw an ink-bottle at their head; if they came into the best apartment, to fet any thing there in order, they were faluted with a broom; if they meddled with any thing in the kitchen, it was odds but the cook laid them over the pate with a ladle; one that would have got into the ftables, was met by two rafcals, who fell to work with him with a brush and a curry-comb; fome climbing up into the coach-box, were told, that one of their companions had been there before, that could not drive; then flap went the long whip about their ears.

On the other hand it was complained, that Peg's fervants were always afking for drink-money†; that they had more than their fhare of the Christmas box: to fay the truth, Peg's lads buftled pretty hard for that, for when they were endeavouring to lock it up, they got in their great fifts, and pulled out handfuls of half-crowns, fhillings and fix-pences. Others in the fcramble picked up guineas and broad-pieces. But there happened a worse thing than all this; it was complained that Peg's fervants had great stomachs, and brought fo many of their friends and acquaintances to the table, that John's family was like to be eat out of houfe and home. Inftead of regulating this matter as it ought to be, Peg's young men were thruft away from the table; then there was the devil and all to do; fpoons, plates, and dishes flew about the room like mad and Sir Roger, who was now major dome, had enough to do to quiet them. Peg faid, this was contrary to agreement, whereby fhe was in all things to be treated like a child of the family; then fhe called on thofe, that had made her fuch fair promifes, and undertook for her brother John's good behaviour; but, alas! to her coft she found, that they were the first and readieft to do her the injury. John at laft agreed to this regulation ;

up.

By the test act diffenters are excluded from places and employments.

Endeavoured to get their share of places.

lation; that Peg's footment might fit with his book-keeper, journey-men, and apprentices; and Peg's better fort of fervants might fit with his footmen, if they pleased.

THEN they began to order plumb porridge and minced-pies for Peg's dinner: Peg told them fhe had an averfion to that fort of food; that upon forcing ‡ down a mefs of it fome years ago, it threw her into a fit till the brought it up again. Some alledged it was nothing but humour, that the fame mefs fhould be ferved up again for fupper, and breakfast next morning; others would have made use of a horn; but the wiser fort bid let her alone, and she might take to it of her own accord.

CHAP. VI.

The converfation between John Bull and his wife.

Mrs Bull.

TH

HO' our affairs, honey, are in a bad condition. I have a better opinion of them, fince you feemed to be convinced of the ill courfe you have been in, and are refolved to fubmit to proper remedies. But when I confider your immenfe debts, your foolish bargains, and the general diforder of your bufinefs, I have a curiofity to know what fate or chance has brought you into this condition.

7. Bull. I wish you would talk of some other subject; the thoughts of it make me mad; our family must have their run.

Mrs Bull. But fuch a ftrange thing as this never hap pened to any of your family before: they have had lawfuits, but tho' they spent the income, they never mortgaged the ftock. Sure you must have fome of the Nor man or the Norfolk blood in you. Prithee give me fome account of thefe matters.

7. Bull. Who could help it? There lives not fuch a 'fellow by bread as that old Lewis Baboon: he is the moft cheating contentious rogue upon the face of the earth.

+ Articles of union, whereby they could make a Scots Commoner, but not a Lord, a Peer.

Introducing Epifcopacy into Scotland, by Charles I.

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earth. You must know, one day, as Nic. Frog and I were over a bottle, making up an old quarrel, the old fellow would needs have us drink a bottle of his Champagne, and fo one after another, till my friend Nic. and I, not being used to fuch heady ftuff, got bloody drunk. Lewis all the while, either by the ftrength of his brain, or flinching his glafs, kept himself fober as a judge. "My "worthy friends, quoth Lewis, henceforth let us live "neighbourly. I am as peaceable and quiet as a lamb, "of my own temper, but it has been my misfortune to "live among quarrelfome neighbours. There is but one thing can make us fall out, and that is the inbe"ritance of Lord Strutt's eftate; I am content. for peace fake, to wave my right, and submit to any expedient to prevent a law-fuit: I think an equal divifion will be the fairest way." Well moved, old Lewis, quoth Frog; and I hope my friend John here will not be refractory. At the fame time he clapped me on the back, and flabbered me all over from cheek to cheek, with his great tongue. De as you pleafe, gentlemen, quoth I; it is all one to fohn Bull. We agreed to part that night, and next morning to meet at the corner of Lord Strutt's park wall with our furveying inftruments, which accordingly we did. Old Lewis carried a chain and a femicircle; Nic. paper, rulers, and a lead pencil; and I followed at fome diftance with a long pole. We began firft with furveying the meadow grounds, afterwards we measured the corn fields, clofe by clofe; then we proceeded to the wood-lands, the copper and tin mines ||. All this while Nic. laid down every thing exactly upon paper, calculated the acres and roods to a great nicety. When we had finished the land, we were going to break into the house and gardens to take an inventory of his plate, pictures, and other furniture.

we

Mrs Bull. What faid Lord Strutt to all this ? J. Bull. As we had almost finished our concern, were accofted by fome of Lord Strutt's fervants: "Hey "day! What's here ? what a devil's the meaning of all "these

A treaty for preferving the balance of power in Europe by a partition of the Spanish dominions.

The West Indies.