fervants give him any trouble, disturbance, or moleftation whatsoever, but to oblige them all to do their duty quietly in their respective stations: and whereas the faid John Bull, from the affured confidence that he has in my friendship, has appointed me executor of his last will and teftament, and guardian to his children, I do undertake for me, my heirs and affigns, to fee the fame duly executed and performed, and that it fhall be unalterable in all its parts, by John Bull, or any body else: for that purpose it shall be lawful and allowable for me to enter his houfe at any hour of the day or night; to break o- . pen bars, bolts, and doors, chests of drawers, and strong boxes, in order to fecure the peace of my friend John Bull's family, and to fee his will duly executed.

II. IN confideration of which kind neighbourly office of Nicholas Frog, in that he has been pleased to accept of the aforefaid truft, I John Bull, having duly confidered, that my friend, Nicholas Frog, at this time lives in a marshy foil and unwholesome air, infefted with fogs and damps, deftructive of the health of himfelf, wife, and children; do bind and oblige me, my heirs and affigns, to purchase for the faid Nicholas Frog, with the best and readieft of my cash, bonds, mortgages, goods, and chattles, a landed eftate, with parks, gardens, palaces, rivers, fields, and outlets, confifting of as large extent, as the faid Nicholas Frog fhall think fit. And whereas the faid Nicholas Frog is at prefent hemmed in too close by the grounds of Lewis Baboon, mafter of the science of defence, I the said John Bull do oblige myself, with the readiest of my cash, to purchase and inclose the faid grounds, for as many fields and acres as the faid Nicho las fhall think fit; to the intent that the faid Nicholas may have free egrefs and regress, without lett or mole. ftation, fuitable to the demands of himself and family.

III. FURTHERMORE, the faid John Bull obliges himself to make the country neighbours of Nicholas Frog allot a certain part of yearly rents to pay for the repairs of the faid landed eftate, to the intent that his good friend Nicholas Frog may be eafed of all charges.

IV. AND whereas the faid Nicholas Frog did contract with the deccafed Lord Strutt about certain liberties, privileges, and immunities, formerly in the poffeffion of the

faid John Bull; I the faid John Bull do freely by these prefents, renounce, quit, and make over to the faid Nicholas, the liberties, and privileges, and immunities contracted for, in as full a manner, as if they never had belonged to me.

V. THe faid John Bull obliges himself, his heirs and affigns not to fell one rag of broad or coarfe cloth to any gentleman within the neighbourhood of the faid Nicholas, except in fuch quantities and fuch rates, as the faid Nicholas fhall think fit.

Signed and fealed,

JOHN BULL,
NIC. FROG.

The reading of this paper put Mrs Bull in fuch a paffion, that the fell downright into a fit, and they were forced to give her a good quantity of the fpirit of hartfhorn before the recovered.

D. Diego. Why in fuch a paffion, coufin ? confidering your circumftances at that time, I do not think this fuch an unreasonable contract. You fee Frog, for all this, is religiously true to his bargain; he fcorns to heark en to any compofition without your privacy.

Mrs Bull. You know the contrary Read that letter

́[Reads the fuperfcription] For Lewis Baboon, mafter c the the noble science of defence.

I

SIR,

UNDERSTAND, that you are, at this time, treating with my friend John Bull, about reftoring the Lord Strutt's cuftom, and befides allowing him certain privileges of parks and fish-ponds; I wonder how you, that are a man that knows the world, can talk with that simple fellow. He has been my bubble these twenty years, and, to my certain knowledge, understands no more of his own affairs than a child in swadling cloaths. I know

he

* In the mean time the Dutch were fecretly negociating with France.

he has got a fort of a pragmatical filly jade of a wife, that pretends to take him out of my hands: but you and the both will find yourselves mistaken; I will find those that fhall manage her; and for him, he dares as well be hanged as make one step in his affairs without my consent. If you will give me what you promifed him, I will make all things eafy, and ftop the deeds of ejectment against Lord Strutt if you will not, take what follows: I fhall have a good action against you, for pretending to rob me of my bubble. Take this warning from

Your loving friend,

NIC. FROG.

I am told, coufin Diego, you are one of those that have undertaken to manage me, and that you have faid you will carry a green bag yourself, rather than we shall make an end of our law-fuit: I will teach them and you too to manage.

D. Diego. For God's fake, Madam, why fo choleric? I fay this letter is fome forgery; it never entered into the head of that honeft man, Nic. Frog, to do any fuch thing.

Mrs Bull. I cannot abide you: you have been railing thefe twenty years at Efquire South, Frog, and Hocus, calling them rogues and pick-pockets, and now they are turned the honefteft fellows in the world. What is the meaning of all this?

D. Diego. Pray tell me how you came to employ this Sir Roger in your affairs, and not think of your old friend Diego?

Mrs Bull. So, fo, there it pinches. To tell you truth, I have employed Sir Roger in feveral weighty affairs, and have found him trufty and honeft, and the poor man always fcorned to take a farthing of me. I have abundance that profefs great zeal, but they are damnable greedy of the pence. My husband and I are now in fuch circumstances, that we must be ferved upon cheaper terms, than we have been.

D. Diego. Well coufin, I find I can do no good with you; I am forry that you will ruin yourself by trufting this Sir Roger.

CHAP.

CHAP. XVI.

How the guardians of the deceafed Mrs Bull's three daughters came to John, and what advice they gave him; wherein are briefly treated, the characters of the three daughters: alfo John Bull's answer to the three guardians".

I

TOLD

you in a former chapter, that Mrs Bull, before the departed this life, had bleffed John with three daughters. I need not here repeat their names, neither would I willingly ufe any fcandalous reflections upon young ladies, whofe reputations ought to be very tenderly handled; but the characters of these were fo well known in the neighbourhood, that it is doing them no injury, to make a fhort description of them.

THE eldeft + was a termagant, imperious, prodigal, lewd, profligate wench, as ever breathed: the used to rantipole about the house, pinch the children, kick the fervants, and torture the cats and the dogs; fhe would rob her father's strong box, for money to give the young fellows that she was fond of: fhe had a noble air, and fomething great in her mein, but fuch a noisome infectious breath, as threw all the fervants that dreffed her, into confumptions; if the fmelt to the fresheft nofe-gay, it would fhrivel and wither as it had been blighted: fhe ufed to come home in her cups, and break the china and the looking-glaffes; and was of fuch an irregular temper and fo intirely given up to her paffion, that you might argue as well with the north wind, as with her Ladyfhip: fo expenfive, that the income of three dukedoms was not enough to fupply her extravagance. Hocus loved her beft, believing her to be his own, got upon the body of Mrs Bull.

THE fecond daughter ‡, born a year after her fister, was a peevish, froward, ill conditioned creature as ever was, ugly as the devil, lean, haggard, pale, with fauVOL. VII.

S

The debates in parliament were however still continued.
Polemia, war.
Difcordia. faction.

cer

cer eyes, a fharp nofe, and hunch-backed: but active, fprightly, and diligent about her affairs. Her ill complexion was occafioned by her bad diet, which was coffee, morning, noon, and night: fhe never refted quietly a bed; but used to disturb the whole family with fhrieking out in her dreams, and plague them next day with interpreting them, for fhe took them all for gofpel: fhe would cry out murder, and disturb the whole neighbourhood; and when John came running down ftairs to enquire, what the matter was: nothing, forfooth, only her maid had ftuck a pin wrong in her gown: fhe turned away one fervant for putting too much oil in her fallad, and another for putting too little falt in her water-gruel; but fuch, as by flattery had procured her efteem, fhe would indulge in the greateft crime. Her father had two coachmen, when one was in the coach box, if the coach fwung but the least to one fide, the used to shriek fo loud, that all the street concluded the was overturned; but tho' the other was eternally drunk, and had overturned the whole family, fhe was very angry with her father for turning him away. Then the used to carry tales and ftories from one to another, till fhe had fet the whole neighbourhood together by the ears; and this was the only diverfion he took pleafure in. She never went abroad. but she brought home fuch a bundle of monftrous lies, as would have amazed any mortal but fuch as knew her: of a whale that had fwallowed a fleet of fhips; of the lions being let out of the Tower to deftroy the proteftant religion; of the Pope's being feen in a brandyfhop at Wapping; and of a prodigious ftrong man. that was going to fhove down the cupola of St Paul's, of three millions of five pound pieces, that Efquire South had found under an old wall; of blazing ftars, flying dragons, and abundance of fuch ftuff. All the fervants in the family made high court to her, for the domineered there, and turned out and in whom the pleased; only there was an old grudge between her and Sir Roger, whom the mortally hated, and ufed to hire fellows to fquirt kennel water upon him, as he paffed along the ftreets; fo that he was forced conftantly to wear a furtout of oiled cloth, by which means he came home pretty clean, except where the furtout was a little fcanty.

As