"that he himself was more fit for a bully than a tradefman, and went about through all the country fairs. challenging people to fight prizes. wrestling and cud"gel-play" and abundance more to this purpose.

CHAP. V.

The true characters of John Bull, Nic. Frog, and Hocus.

OR the better understanding the following hiftory,

the reader ought to know, that Bull, in the main, was an honeft plain-dealing fellow, choleric. bold, and of a very unconftant temper; he dreaded not old Lewis either at back-fword, fingle faulchion, or cudgel-play; but then he was very apt to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pretended to govern him if you flattered him you might lead him like a child. John's temper depended very much upon the air: his fpirits rofe and fell with the weather glass. John was quick, and underflood his bufinefs very well; but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accompts, or more cheated by partners, apprentices, and fervants. This was occafioned by his being a boon companion, loving his bottle and his diverfion; for, to fay truth, no man kept a better houfe than John, or spent his money more generously. By plain and fair dealing John had acquired fome plumbs, and might have kept them, had it not been for his unhappy law-fuit.

NIC. FROG was a cunning fly whorefon, quite the reverfe of John in many particulars; covetous, frugal; minded domestic affairs; would pinch his belly to fave his pocket; never loft a farthing by careless fervants, or bad debtors. He did not care much for any fort of diver. fions, except tricks of high german artists, and leger-demain: no man exceeded Nic. in thefe; yet it must be owned, that Nic. was a fair dealer, and in that way acquired immenfe riches.

Hocus was an old cunning attorney; and though this was the firft confiderable fuit, that ever he was engaged in, he fhewed himself superior in addrefs to most of his

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profeffion: he kept always good clerks, he loved money, was smooth-tongued, gave good words, and feldom loft his temper: he was not worse than an infidel, for he provided plentifully for his family; but he loved himself better than them all: the neighbours reported, that he was henpecked; which was impoffible by fuch a mild-fpirited woman, as his wife was.

L

CHAP. VI.

Of the various fuccefs of the law-fuit.

*

AW is a bottomlefs pit; it is a cormorant, a bar- . py, that devours every thing. John Bull was flattered by the lawyers, that his fuit would not last above a year or two at moft; that before that time he would be in quiet poffeffion of his business: yet ten long years did Hocus fteer his caufe through all the meanders of the law, and all the courts. No skill, no addrefs was wanting; and, to fay truth, John did not ftarve his caufe; there wanted not yellow-boys to fee counfel, hire witnesfes, and bribe juries: lord Strutt was generally cast, never had one verdict in his favour; and John was promifed that the next, and the next, would be the final determination; but alas! that final determination and happy conclufion was like an inchanted ifland, the nearer John came to it, the further it went from him: new trials upon new points ftill arofe; new doubts, new matters to be cleared; in fhort, lawyers feldom part with fo good a caufe, till they have got the oyster, and their clients the fhell. John's ready money, book-debts, bonds, mortgages, all went into the lawyers pockets: then John began to borrow money upon bank stock and Eaft India. bonds; now and then a farm went to pot: at last Q 2

it

* The war was carried on against France and Spain with great fuccefs, and a peace might have been concluded upon the principles of the alliance; but a partition of the Spanish dominions in favour of the house of Auftria, and an engagement that the fame perfon fhould never be King of France and Spain, were not now thought fufficient.

it was thought a good expedient to fet up Efquire South's title, to prove the will forged, and difpoffefs Philip lord Strutt at once. Here again was a new field for the lawyers, and the cause grew more intricate than ever. John grew madder and madder; wherever he met any of lord Strutt's fervants, he tore off their clothes : now and then you would fee them come home naked without fhoes ftockings, or linen. As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his latt fhift, though he had as many as any other his children were reduced from rich filks to Doily ftuffs, his fervants in rags, and bare-footed; intead of good victuals, they now lived upon neck-beef, and bullock's liver: in fhort, no-body got much by the matter, but the men of law.

:

CHA P. VII.

How Jolm Bull was fo mightily pleafed with his furcefs, that he was going to leave off his trade, and turn lavyer.

Tis wifely obferved by a great philofopher, that habit is a fecond nature: this was verified in the cafe of John Bull, who, from an honest and plain tradefman, had got fuch a haunt about the courts of juftice, and fuch a jargon of law-words, that he concluded himfelf as able a lawyer as any that pleaded at the bar, or fat on the beach he was overheard one day talking to himself after this manner. “ How capricioufly + does fate or chance difpofe of mankind? How feldom is that business al"lotted to a man, for which he is fitted by nature? It "is plain, I was intended for a man of law: how did

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my guardians miftake my genius in placing me, like a "mean flave, behind a counter? Blefs met what im"menfe eftates these fellows raife by the law? Befides,

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It was infifted, that the will in favour of Philip was contrary to treaty; and there was a parliamentary declaration for continuing the war, till he fhould be dethroned.

†The manners and fentiments of the nation became extravagant and chimerical.

"it is the profeffion of a gentleman. What a pleasure " is it to be victorious in a caufe? to fwagger at the bar ? "What a fool am I to drudge any more in this woollen "trade? for a lawyer I was born, and a lawyer I will "be; one is never too old to learn." All this while John had conned over fuch a catalogue of hard words, as were enough to conjure up the devil; thefe he used to babble indifferently in all companies, efpecially at coffee-houses; fo that his neighbour tradefmen began to fhun his company as a man that was cracked. Instead of the affairs of Blackwell-hall, and price of broad cloth, wool, and bayfes, he talks of nothing but actions upon the cafe, returns, capias, alias capias, demurrers, venire facias, replevins, fuperfedeas's, certiorari's, writs of error, actions of trover and converfion, trefpaffes, precipe's and dedimus. This was matter of jeft to the learned in law; however, Hocus, and the reft of the tribe, encouraged John in his fancy, affuring him, that he had a great genius for law; that they queftioned not, but in time he might raife money enough by it to reimburse him all his charges; that if he ftudied, he would undoubtedly arrive to the dignity of a Lord chief Juftice as for the advice of honeft friends and neighbours, John defpifed it; he looked upon them as fellows of a low genius, poor groveling mechanics; John reckoned it more honour to have got one favourable verdict, than to have fold a bale of broadcloth. As for Nic. Frog, to fay the truth, he was more prudent; for though he followed his law-fuit clofely, he neglected not his ordinary bufinefs, but was both in court and in his fhop at the proper hours.

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* Hold the balance of power.

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CHAP. VIII.

How John difcovered, that Hocus had an intrigue with his wife; and what followed thereupon.

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OHN had not run on a madding fo long, had it not been for an extravagant bitch of a wife, whom Hocus perceiving John to be fond of, was refolved to win over to his fide. It is a true faying, that the last man of the parish, that knows of his cuckoldom, is himself. It was observed by all the neighbourhood, that Hocus had dealings with John's wife || that were not fo much for his honour; but this was perceived by John a little too late: fhe was a luxurious jade, loved fplendid equipages, plays, treats and balls, differing very much from the fober manners of her ancestors, and by no means fit for a tradefman's wife. Hocus fed her extravagancy (what was ftill more fhameful) with John's own money. Every body faid, that Hocus had a month's mind to her body; be that as it will, it is matter of fact, that upon all occafions the run out extravagantly on the praife of Hocus. When John used to be finding fault with his bills, the ufed to reproach him as ungrateful to his greatest benefactor; one that had taken fo much pains in his lawfuit, and retrieved his family from the oppreffion of old Lewis Baboon. A good fwinging fum of John's readiest cash went towards building of Hocus's country-house †. This affair between Hocus and Mrs Bull was now fo open, that all the world were scandalized at it; John was not fo clod-pated, but at laft he took the hint. The parfon of the parish preaching one day with more zeal

And it was believed, that the General tampered with the parliament,

† who fettled upon him the manor of Woodstock, and afterwards entailed that, with 5000l. per annum, payable out of the poft-office, to defcend with his honours; over and above this an immenfe fum was expended in building Blenheim house. About this time (Nov. 6. 1709.)

Dr Henry Sacheverel preached a fermon against popular refiftance of regal authority.