"of my fore-finger and my thumb, so that I cannot hold my pen."

..

7. Bull. "That's all one, let me write for you." Lewis." But I have a misfortune, that I cannot read any body's hand but my own

ני

7. Bull. " Try what you can do with your left-hand.". Lewis." That's impotlible; it will make such a scrawl, "that it will not be legible."

As they were talking of this matter, in came Efquire South*, all dreffed up in feathers and ribbons, stark staring mad, brandishing his sword, as if he would have cut off their heads; crying. "Room, room, boys, for the "grand Efquire of the world! the flower of Efquires ! "What! covered in my prefence? I'll crush your fouls, " and crack you like lice!" With that he had like to have ftruck John Bull's hat into the fire; but John, who was pretty ftrong fifted, gave him fuch a fqueeze as made his eyes water. He went on ftill in his mad pranks "When I am Lord of the univerfe, the fun fhall pro"ftrate and adore me! Thou, Frog, fhalt be my bai"liff; Lewis my taylor; and thou, John Bull, fhalt be my fool!"

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ALL this while Frog laughed in his fleeve, gave the Efquire t'other noggan of brandy, and clapped him on the back, which made him ten times madder.

POOR John food in amaze, talking thus to himself: "Well, John, thou art got into rare company! One has 66 a dumb devil, the other a mad devil, and the third a "fpirit of infirmity. An honeft man has a fine time "on't among fuch rogues. What art thou asking of "them, after all? Some mighty boon one would think! "only to fit quietly at thy own fire-fide. 'Sdeath, what "have I to do with fuch fellows! John Bull, after all "his loffes and croffes, can live better without them, "than they can without him. Would to God I lived "a thousand leagues off them! but the devil's in't, John Bull is in, and John Bull must get out as well as " he can."

As

The Archduke was now become Emperor of Germany: being unanimously elected upon the death of Jofeph I.

As he was talking to himself, he obferved Frog and old Lewis edging towards one another to whisper*; so that John was forced to fit with his arms a-kimbo, to keep them afunder.

SOME people advised John to blood Frog under the tongue, or to take away his bread and butter, which would certainly make him speak; to give Efquire South hellebore; as for Lewis, fome were for emollient pulteffes, others for opening his arm with an incifion knife.

CHAP. XI. t

The apprebending, examination, and imprisonment of Jack for fufpicion of poisoning.

TH

HE attentive reader cannot have forgot, that the ftory of Yan Ptfchirnfooker's powder was interrupted by a meffage from Frog. I have a natural compaffion for curiofity, being much troubled with the di temper myfelf; therefore to gratify that uneafy itching fenfation in my reader, I have procured the following account of that matter.

Yan Ptfchirnfooker came off (as rogues ufually do up on fuch occafions) by peaching his partner; and being extremely

X 2

* Some attempts of fecret negotiation between the French and the Dutch.

+ The receiving the holy facrament as adminiftred by the church of England once at least in every year, having been made a neceffary qualification for places of truft and profit, many of the diffenters came to the altar merely for this purpose. A bill to prevent this practice had been three times brought into the house and rejected, under the title of A bill to prevent occafional conformity. But the Earl of Nottingham having brought it in a fourth time under another name, and with the addition of fuch claufes as were faid to enlarge the toleration, and to be a further fecurity to the proteftant fucceffion, the Whigs, whofe caufe: the Earl then appeared to espouse, were perfuaded to concur; fome, because they were indeed willing that the bill fhould pafs, and others, because they believed the Earl of Oxford would at laft procure it to be thrown out. The four following chapters contain the hiftory of this transaction.

tremely forward to bring him to the gallows. Jack was accufed as the contriver of all the roguery *. And indeed it happened unfortunately for the poor fellow, that he was known to bear a molt inveterate spight against the old gentlewoman and confequently, that never any ill accident happened to her, but he was fufpected to be at the bottom of it. If the pricked her finger, Jack, to be fure, laid the pin in the way; if fome noife in the street difturbed her reft, who could it be but Jack in fome of his nocturnal rambles ? If a fervant ran away, Jack had debauched him every idle tittle tattle that went about, Jack was always fufpected for the author of it: however, all was nothing to this laft affair of the temperating, moderating powder.

THE hue and cry went after Jack to apprehend him dead or alive where ever he could be found. The conftables looked out for him in all his ufual haunts; but to no purpose. Where d'ye think they found him at last? Even fmoaking his pipe very quietly at his brother Martin's; from whence he was carried with a vast mob at his heels before the worshipful Mr Juftice Overdo. Several of his neighbours made oath, that of late the prifoner † had been obferved to lead a very diffolute life, renouncing even his ufual hypocrify, and pretences to fobriety: that he frequented taverns and eating houses, and had been often guilty of drunkennefs and gluttony at my Lord Mayor's table: that he had been feen in the company of lewd women: that he had transferred his ufual care of the engroffed copy of his father's will, to bank-bills, orders for tallies, and debentures: these he now affirmed, with more literal truth, to be meat ||, drink, and cloth, the philofopher's flone, and the uni-verfal medicine: that he was fo far from fhewing his cuftomary reverence to the will, that he kept company with those

All the misfortunes of the church charged upon the prefbyterian party.

The manners of the diffenters changed from their former Arictnefs.

Dealing much in flock-jobbing.

Tale of a Tub..

thofe that called his father a cheating rogue, and his will a forgery: that he not only fat quietly and heard his father railed at, but often chimed in with the difcourfe, and hugged the authors as his bofom friends ; "That instead of asking for blows at the corners of the "streets," he now bestowed them as plentifully as he begged them before. In fhort, that he was grown a mere rake; and had nothing left in him of old Jack, except his fpight to John Bull's mother.

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ANOTHER Witnefs made oath, That Jack had been o verheard bragging of a trick || he had found out to manage the old formal jade, as he ufed to call her. "Damn "this numb skull of mine, quoth he, that I could not light on it fooner. As long as I go in this ragged tattered "coat, I am fo well known, that I am hunted away "from the old woman's door by every barking cur a"bout the houfe; they bid me defiance. There's no "doing mischief as an open enemy, I muft find fome "way or other of getting within doors, and then I fhall "have better opportunities of playing my pranks, be"fides the benefit of good keeping.'

Two witneffes fwore II, that feveral years ago, there came to their miftrefs's door a young fellow in a tattered coat, that went by the name of Timothy Trim, whom they did in their confcience believe to be the very prifoner, refembling him in fhape, ftature, and the features of his countenance: that the faid Timothy Trim being taken into the family, clapped their miftrefs's livery over his own tattered coat: that the faid Timothy was extremely officious about their mistress's perfon, endeavouring by flattery and tale-bearing to fet her against the rest of the fervants no-body was fo ready to fetch any thing that was wanted, to reach what was dropt: that he used to fhove and elbow his fellow-fervants to get near his miftrefs, especially when money was a paying or receiving; X: 3 then

:

Herding with deifts and atheists.
Tale of a Tub.

Getting into places and church preferments by occafional conformity.

Betraying the interefts of the church, when got into pre

ferments.

then he was never out of the way: that he was extremely diligent about every body's business, but his own : that the faid Timothy, while he was in the family, used to be playing roguish tricks; when his mistress's back was turned, he would loll out his tongue, make mouths, and laugh at her, walking behind her like Harlequin, ridiculing her motions and gestures; but if his mistress looked about, he put on a grave, demure countenance, as if he had been in a fit of devotion: that he used often to trip up stairs fo fmoothly, that you could not hear him tread, and put all things out of order: that he would pinch the children and fervants, when he met them in the dark, fo hard, that he left the print of his forefinger and his thumb in black and blue, and then flink into a corner, as if no-body had done it: out of the fame malicious design he used to lay chairs and joint-stools in their way, that they might break their nofes by falling over them: the more young and unexperienced he useď to teach to talk faucily, and call names: during his stay in the family, there was much plate miffing; being catched with a couple of filver fpoons in his pocket, with their handles wrenched off, he said, he was only going to carry them to the goldfmith's to be mended: that the faid Timothy was hated by all the honeft fervants for his illconditioned, fplenetic tricks, but efpecially for his flanderous tongue: traducing them to their mistress as drunkards, thieves, and whore-mafters: that the faid Timothy by lying stories used to fet all the family together by the ears, taking delight to make them fight and quarrel; particularly one day fitting at table, he spoke words to this effect: “ I am of opinion, quoth he, that little short "fellows, fuch as we are, have better hearts, and could "beat the tall fellows; I wish it came to a fair trial; I "believe thefe long fellows, as flightly as they are, "fhould find their jackets well thwacked."

A parcel of tall fellows, who thought themfelves affronted by the discourse, took up the quarrel, and to it they went, the tall men and the low men, which continues ftill a faction in the family, to the great diforder of

Our

The original of the diftinction in the names of Low-churchmen and High-church-men.