THE HUMOUR OF SIMPLETON.

ARGUMENT NEEDLESS,

It being a Thorow Farce, and very
well known.

Actors Names.

Simpleton the Old, Simpleton the Young, Doll a Wench, two Gentlemen-Braves, Rivals

Old Simple

ton.

in her Affection.

Enter Old Simpleton.

Fever Dog was weary of his day, then have I cause to be weary of my Life.

I am a Black-smith by my Trade, and although I say it I have been counted a good

Work-man too, but I could never yet forge or hammer out means enough to satisfie the insatiate gut of my Son Simpleton, he hath a Stomach may well defye a Gyant or the great eater of Kent, for no sooner is his head out of the Ale, but his nose is in the Cupboard. But I have thought upon a course, which he shall either take in hand, or grass with Hob my Horse? Sirrah Simpleton, where are

you.

Young Simpleton within. Here, here, Father.

O. Simpl. Where, where, Sirrah?

Y. Simpl. At the Cupboard, Father; at the Cupboard.

O. Simpl. I thought as much, but come you hither, Sirrah, or I shall make your Ears sing Prick-song for you.

Enter Young Simpleton with a great
peice of Bread and Butter.

Y. Simpl. Tis a miserable condition that a

man cannot eat a little bit for his Afternoons Lunchin, but he must be disturbed in the best of his Stomach.

O. Simpl. A bit! dost thou call it? O' my Conscience this devouring Rascal, old as I am, would eat me if he found me in the Cupboard.

Y. Simpl. I do not think there is such a genteel Smith in the Town, that hath such an old niggardly Coxcomb to his Father as I: he knows I have no better a stomach then a young Green-sickness Girl, and yet he grutches me every bit I eat.

O. Simpl. Leave off your muttering, and lend me an Ear a while.

Y. Simpl. Truly I cannot spare one, Father: yet now I think on't, you have great occasion for one ever since the last Pilloryday; but since you are my Father, I will vouchsafe to listen a while.

O. Simpl. You know that I am old.

Y. Simpl. The more's the pity that you were not hang'd while you were young.

O. Simpl. Thou hast drunk most of my

Means away.

Y. Simpl. I'll eat out the rest.

O. Simpl. Leave your ill breeding, and give me sensibly a Reason why you will not work.

Y. Simpl. Because I am lazie, Father.
O. Simpl. Nay that's true.

Y. Simpl. True? why, do you think I would be so unmannerly to tell you a Lye, Father?

O. Simpl. How I shall maintain that coming stomach of yours, unless you yourself endeavour for it, I know not: but if thou wilt be ruled, I'll make thee a Man.

Y. Simpl. A Man! why what am I now, a Mouse? what would you make of me? O. Simpl. An Asse, an Asse, a gross Asse.

Y. Simpl. You may well make me a gross Asse, you have so good a pattern.

O. Simpl. Listen to me: you know the Widows Daughter at the Corner, sweet Mis