208

ITS OUTWARD AND VISIBLE EFFECTS.

sures made of himself by the Champion and Guardian of the Liberty of the Press.

Shepherd. Whether, sir, did you admire maist the Grey Festival here in Embro', or the Durham Demonstration yonner in Glasgow ?1

North. Ask Tickler.

Tickler. For your opinion? Hem. Pray, Kit, what was demonstrated by the Durham Demonstration?

North. That the stomachs of the Glasgow Radicals revolt from wine.

Shepherd. Was that a'?

North. Not all-but the most important point, established by the plainest proofs.

Shepherd. I could hae telt that beforehaun; for wine's waur nor wersh in the mooth to workmen, either in toon or kintra;—and forbye bein' waur nor wersh in the mooth, it's sickenin to the stamack, and it's irritatin to the temper, and gars folk throw up ither things in folk's faces than mere indigested political maitters. I've seen that happen even amang Tories in the Forest, and we never thocht o' ca'in't by ony ither than the ordinar idiomatic name; but noo we shall adopt that grand-soundin descriptive phraseology-Durham Demonstration.

Tickler. Your justification of the Glasgow Radicals is as complete, James, as your justification of the Edinburgh Whigs.

Shepherd. It's founded, sir, on the same constitutional principles-and in baith cases the chief blame lies at the door o' the fresh air. Fifteen hunder men o' the hunder and fifty thousand-I like roun' nummers-to whose care and custody Lord Durham said he was wullin to intrust his property and his life (I wunner hoo mony years' purchase they would in that case be worth), comin frae the caller air o' the open

1 The Earl of Durham was fêted by the Glasgow Radicals on the 29th October 1834. "The chair," says the Spectator, 66 was taken a little before six o'clock by Mr James Oswald, Member for Glasgow. The croupiers were Messrs Colin Dunlop, John Douglas ("the Glasgow Gander"), and A. G. Speirs. There were no titled guests besides him in whose honour the feast was held. Lord Kinnaird's brother attended. Messrs Wallace, Gillon, and Buckingham represented the House of Commons; Professor Mylne the University; and there was no want of most respectable gentlemen, merchants, and other persons of consideration in Glasgow and the neighbourhood."

WHIG-RAD UNANIMITY.

209

Green intil the foul air o' the closebox o' the Pavilion, and sookin port, couldna be expeckit to get wi' impunity to the dregs at the bottom o' the bottle. But the Men o' the Wast are a strang generation, and no sune coupit-sae they keept their seats in spite o' the soomin round o' the wa's—and a' attempts o' the seats theirsels to steal a march out frae beneath them—and opened their mouths for a public Durham Demonstration on a great scale. They made, in fack, a virtue o' necessity; and as it is wrang to hide your talent under a napkin, they exhibited the fruits o' theirs on the table.

Tickler. By way of dessert.

Shepherd. They were determined, sirs, that everything should be aboon board-and disdainin to keep doun their risin emotions, to mak a clean breist. In this way, it may be said, by a metonymy

Tickler. A metonymy !

Shepherd.that they discharged their consciences, and were entitled, with as good a grace as Lord Brougham, to hauld them up and exclaim, "These hands are clean.'

North. It must have been a proud sight for the wives and daughters of the Demonstrators, and that anonymous class of ladies whom the Gander alluded to, as dearer even than wives and daughters

Shepherd. Wha are they?

North. He best knows. I should have felt for Lord Durham at the shockingly insulting stop put to his return of thanks on an occasion on which I verily believe no man was ever so interrupted before-not even at a supper after the Beggars' Opera in Poossie Nancy's-had he not had the ineffable baseness to exclaim, "That comes from a Tory-there's an enemy in the camp." It required no readiness to improvise such a foolish falsehood-and he must have been ashamed of himself for venting it, when, sick of the scene, he retired from the Pavilion, in vain attempting to pick his steps among the disjecta membra of the Durham Demonstration, that had for hours been oozing through the joints of the deal-tables, till they adorned the floor.

Shepherd.

"O laith! laith! was the Durham Lord,

To wat his high-heeled shoon."

North. Lord Grey exultingly asked the wise men of the

210

THE MELBOURNE MINISTRY DISSOLVED.

East, if any symptoms of reaction were visible in that magnificent show; Lord Brougham told them that he had been all over the North, and could assure them that there were none visible to the naked eye, on hill or dale; and to crown all, Lord Durham-with the most extraordinary symptoms of reaction before him ever disclosed to the human senses-declared there was none in the West; and yet these three very Lords were all the while at loggerheads and daggers-drawing, about men and measures; and two of them-the learned Lord and the unlearned Lord-objects of mutual hatred,-that feeling in the one being mitigated by contempt, and in the other exasperated by envy.

Tickler. Brougham insidiously ousts Grey, and Grey indig nantly cuts Brougham.

North. Brougham sneeringly glances at Durham, and Durham savagely growls at Brougham.

Tickler. Brougham accuses Durham of clipping and paring the Bill of Reform.

North. And Durham-had his father-in-law not told him that only bad boys broke oaths and told lies-would have accused Brougham of proposing to castrate it.

Tickler. And after all this vulgar bickering, at once anile and childish, we are told the nation is unanimous.

North. And a Whig-Rad government the object of its holy reverence and undying love!

Shepherd. What would the warld say if we three cast out in that gate?

North. Easier far for a new set of men to carry on the government than the Noctes Ambrosianæ.

Shepherd. That's just what the world would say gin it heard on the same day that the Whig government and the Tory magazine had been baith dissolved.

Mr Ambrose (entering in full tail, and looking into his hat in hand). I have this moment, sir, received-by express—a single copy of the Sun newspaper;-and I have-the honour and happiness of being the first to announce-to Mr North—that the Melbourne Ministry is dissolved-and that his Majesty -has-been

that his Majesty-has-been-graciously pleased—to intrust his Grace the Duke of Wellington-with the formation of a Conservative Government.

[Exeunt AMBROSE and Tail, with a bow and a wag.

THE SHEPHERD AND THE KING'S MESSENGER.

Shepherd. That's a curious coincidence.

Tickler. What is ?

211

Shepherd. I was just opening my mouth to predick the dounfa' o' the Whiggamores, when in cam the express!

Tickler. A prophet should never sit with his mouth open for more than five minutes at a time, on the eve of an intended prediction; for "when great events are on the gale," one of them may fly, as it did now, into the aperture, to the discredit of the craft.

Shepherd. Didna I see the conflagration o' baith Houses o' Parliament foretokened in the ribs at Tibbie's ?

Tickler. You certainly did, James.

Shepherd. A King's messenger cam for me frae Lunnon to tak me up for examination before the Preevy Cooncil;' but I kent better than to gang; for the black ggem were packin, and by firin out o' the study-wundow, I could murder a dizzen at ae discharge.

Tickler. O thou Murderer and Incendiary!

Shepherd. Sae I enticed the Cockney to tak a look at the Grey-Mare's Tail, on our way to Moffat for the mail-cotch; and while he was glowerin at the water preevilege-as the Americans ca't-I slippit intil yon cosy cave, kent but to the Covenanters o' auld, and noo but to the shepherds-and left him sair perplexed to think that he had been apprehendin a speerit.

Tickler. I trust, James, you had no hand in the fire?

Shepherd. I shanna say. It seems rather tyrannical in a Whig Preevy Cooncil to send doun an offisher a' the way to the Forest to apprehend the Shepherd, for ha'in the Second Sicht. But they hae met wi' their punishment. They're out.

Tickler. Such events are seldom attributed at the time to the true causes-and ages may elapse before another D'Israeli, in the course of his indefatigable researches, discover that it was the Ettrick Shepherd who overthrew this brazen-faced Dagon with leathern body and feet of clay.

1 Rumours were afloat that the conflagration by which the Houses of Parliament were consumed, was known in parts of England before intelligence of that event could have reached these places. This gave rise to the suspicion that the fire had been the work of incendiaries; but this suspicion was dissipated by the investigation of the Privy Council, who, after a careful examination of witnesses, reported that the fire was accidental, and was wholly attributable to the flues having become over-heated through the burning of a large number of old wooden tables.

212

WHIG HATRED OF ROYALTY.

Shepherd. Unless Girrney let the cat out o' the bag.

Small thin Voice. Hip-hip-hip-hurra! hurra! hurra! Shepherd. Only look, Mr Tickler, at North! lyin back on his chair-wi' shut een— that thochtfu' face o' his calm as a cloud-wi' his hauns faulded on his breist-pressed palm to palm-the fingers pintin towards ye like the tips o' arrows -and the thooms like javelins! Wheesht! he's gaun till

utter.

North. There will be much brutal abuse of the King. The Whigs hated George the Good, and they had not hearts capable of disinheriting the Son of the curses with which they clothed the Sire. That hatred was first transferred to George the Graceful; and then it hovered like a hornet round the head of William the Brave. Lured by the scent of prey, it flew off for a while; but now it will return, hot as hell, and settle, if it be not scared away, on the royal brow. Nay, the filthy fly will attempt the temples of the Queen, and its venomous sting will threaten veins translucent with purest and hallowed blood.

Shepherd. Damn them-I beg my pardon-that was wrang— will they blackguard Queen Adelaide ?

North. What they did they will do again.

Shepherd. The dowgs will return to their vomit.

North. The lowest of the Radicals will join in that charge -nor will the highest gainsay the ribaldry of the rabblebut like philosophers, as they all pretend to be, let human nature take its course. But the PEOPLE OF BRITAIN will not suffer the slander, and high up above the reach of foulest vapours, before their eyes will our Queen be seen shining like

a star.

Shepherd. God bless the people o' Britain! Wi' a' their fauts-and they are great and mony-shaw me sic anither people on the face o' the yearth.

North. As for his Most Gracious Majesty, he has been in fire before now-and our King, who never turned his head aside for hissing balls and bullets, will hold it erect on the Throne of the Three Kingdoms, as he did on the quarterdeck of a man-of-war,-nor heed, if he hear, the vain hurtling of windy words.

Tickler. There is little loyalty in the land now, North.

North. Little compared with that elevating virtue as it