86

Pray, dear Mr. Grildrig, if you are acquainted with any remedy for this disorder incurable as it appears to me, do communicate it as speedily as possible for the benefit of Your's, &c.

ANTHONY ABSOLUTE."

My correspondent is afflicted with a malady by no means uncommon, but which when once suffered to take root, is not easily eradicated. The spirit of contradiction, particularly if united, as it generally is, to the desire of displaying our abilities in the argumentative way, increases, like all other disorders of body or mind, by indulgence; until it becomes at length a constituent part of the system, and a necessary aliment of the imagination. Truly pitiable is the lot of him, who falls within the gripe of an Anthony Absolute. Let him not flatter himself, good man! that any situation whether public or private; any company select or numerous, will shelter him from the attack of this formidable foe: even silence itself will not prove a sufficient safe guard; for he will trouble himself very little whether you really asserted or not what he is striving with all his might to confute; and while you sit the dumb victim of his eloquence, will continue to heap proof upon argument with the greatest

unconcern.

You may perhaps hug yourself in the conceit, that by assenting to every one of his propositions; by perfectly agreeing with him on every point, to avert the storm of words, and too btain a short interval of peace and quiet; but here again you will be grievously mistaken; for having once entrapped your assent, he will seize upon you as lawful prey; or in other words will proceed to contradict what he admitted himself but a few moments before, merely because your opinion happens to coincide with his own: in short, no artifice, no subterfuge, nothing but a precipitate retreat can deliver you from his claws, if you are by any mischance within their reach.

There are however some distinguishing traits, by means of which a tolerable adept in physiognomy will be able to recognize one of this tribe on his first approach, and to avoid him accordingly. The nose is invariably sharp and pointed; the eye brows contracted and frowning; the whole aspect is darkened by a sour peevishness, which paints in legible characters the temper of the mind on the features of the face. Moreover the discourse of such a being is seasonably interlarded with peculiar formularies of speech, which like the rattle of the American serpent, will serve to forewarn the imprudent of their danger; such as, " I crave

your pardon sir," but, "give me leave sir, if I am not mistaken," and so on; all which are universally preludes to a direct contradiction, or a flat negative. In short his malady, betrays itself in every part of his behaviour and conduct, rendering him as disagreeable to himself, as he is to others.

In compliance with the wish of my correspondent, I will propose those remedies which occur to me as probably competent to remove, or at least to diminish, the virulence of his disorder. I am surprized that it has never fallen under the consideration of the faculty, and that among the numberless panaceas, by which certain charitable and well-disposed members of the community, kindly, and almost gratis offer to heal every complaint which can afflict their fellow creatures, none has been advertised for the cure of this mental distemper. We have powders to exterminate the humours which infest the human body; we have the infallible rat powder which promises in a very short time to purify Great Britain of every species of vermin; so that Ireland will no longer boast the sole enjoyment of her envied privilege. Why therefore, should there not be a powder for the extinction of all the humours, the agitation, and torments, which those possessed with the rage for con

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tradiction and argument unquestionably suffer? The ingredients might consist of some drams of good temper, a scruple or two of common sense, together with a grain of modesty. The mixture to be taken whenever the disorder is troublesome. If however this remedy should be impracticable or ineffectual, I can only advise Anthony Absolute as his last resource, to enlist himself a member of the Pythagorean School, and to deny himself for a period of five years, the use and abuse of his tongue.

N.

THE

MINIATURE,

NUMB. VIII.

MONDAY, June 11, 1804.

Having received the following Composition from an unknown Correspondent, I have ventured to present it to the Public, without any alteration or comment upon its merits.

Nil intentatum nostri liquere Poetœ.

HOR. A. P. 285.

No path to Fame our poets left untried.

IT is a trite but true observation, that the frivolous whims and fanciful dictates of fashion have more effect upon the mind, and enforce their commands with more irresistible sway, than all the precepts and admonitions of prudence or wisdom. might however seem probable, that fashion would have contented herself with arranging the tasty fa

It

bric of a lady's head dress, or the cut of a beau's