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querer would not demand allegiance: for fuch unequal protection, nor hazard his empire by fuch intemperate

arrogance.

It is not whether the Orangeman or the Catholic is to have the preponderance in civil or political affairs that is now under difcuffion, as thank heaven the cause of our mutual coun try and our individual happiness fuperfedes local prejudices, and bigotted follies. As our fufferings are not feparated, our common interefts cannot be misunderfood..

To exhibit an example of the rapid decline of the country by the A& of Union, we have only to defire any man, and every family in Dublin, to inveftigate the ftate of their refpective affairs fince the enactment of that fatal measure, and fuch a deduction will arife from the inquiry as muft frighten every parent, and alarm every friend of order, at the declining vaJue of building property, and the progrefs of difaffection.

This very beautiful city has been progreffively enlarged, by the means which a refident gentry and refident legiflature beftowed on induftry in the various departments of life; and to provide a property for children d old age, people naturally fecured, as they conceived, under the certainty of Dublin continuing to be the metropolis of an independent kingdom, part of that property in erecting or buying houfes,

What profpect has any unhappy parent, or retired tradefman, but mifery for his defcendants and mendicity for himfelf, if the Union is not immediately repealed? his great city will be deferted by the indulłeious, as it has been fold and deferted by the rich, and our children will have nothing to inherit but empty walls, naked counters, the importu nities of tax-gatherers and the authoty of mercenaries,

This inevitable condition will not be partial; the loyal and the fafpected will have no paramount authority; when misfortune is diftributing her malignities the will take little meafures to felect one abode from another, fhe will be equal in her difpenfations

the Catholic and the Proteftant muft alike depart to other regions for bread; and, as Offian defignates the figure of defolation "the fox will be feen looking out of the windows.”

MR. CONWAY.

If the illuftrious fhade of the SHAM Squire can witness the tranfitory fcenes of this life, how exqui fitely muft his exalted fpirit feel, at the improved manner in which bis literary property is arranged, by a perfon fo exactly after his own mind, fo fertile in ftratagem, fo guarded in his conduct, and fo various in management. CON, like his great precurfor, obferved with eagle eye, that religion was a good difpofeable article in skilful hands, and fo took care to lay in a reasonable stock in Cunnemara, for the Dublin market - Proteftant and

Catholic alternately, he can fing the
De pro fundis in found Latin, or
chaunt Hopkins and Sternhold in
Nafal English.

CON'S LOYALTY.

Fxadly a miniature copy of the SHAM; he has a difpofeable loyalty for emergencies, and for this great purpose he has the care of a little outwork in Thomas-ftreet, a literary watch tower, to which he repairs once a week, armed with his printed pike; there he gives "the feathered arrow wings to kill,' and dispatches a trusty Messenger" to warn the friends of the constitution of the enormities of the UNION STA", the profligacy of that "deteltable mifcellany the Irish Magazine," and of the confpiracies of the Catholics.

46

CON'S

CON'S VIGILANCE.

He has difcovered and made known through the agency of his little Messenger, that WALTER Cox was an affallin, that he was author of the UNIONSTAR, killed a carpenter in 1797, and is now engaged in abuting Major Sirr and Mr. Beresford in the Irish Magazine Healfo made known to his Majesty's Government by his Messenger that Sil. Coftigan, Billy Murphy, John Keogh, Counsellor Clinch, and other difaffected Papiits, met contrary to the ftatute, made and provided, in fecret council, in a certain house in the parish of St. Michael the Archangel, for the purpofe of fubfcribing certain fums of money. for the maintenance of the infant children of General Theobald Wolfe Tone, who was found guilty of high treafon, and murdered accordingly, for which faid fubfcribers may be one day half-hanged or piketted, when ever Conway, or his friend, the Major, decree a feafon for fuch wife purposes.

CON'S DEXTERITY.

After fixing his centinels, and difpatching his Messenger, CON returns to the city to commence his Iiterary labours on the SHAM'S Journal; there he figures in another character, fince that very immaculate paper was allowed to foar into the regions of patriotifm, by having the little ballaft of 1,2007. a year thrown over board, that kept it floating over the Calle. For his labours, on the paper part of poor Higgins's farm, CON is paid three guineas a week, and no no acquits himfelf better for a Restoration of the Conftitution of 1782, Catholic Emancipation, Clean Footways, Wide Streets, and Lamp lighting, and other great queftions, that his Journal difcuffes in revenge for the lofs of its penfion.

CON'S ECONOMY.

In the fummer of 1809, poor Con fell into fome pecuniary difficulties, Twelve ill natured Dublin (hopkeep. ers charged him 2001. for not unfolding a tale on one Dwyer a player, in his little Messenger. This unfortunate dilemma threw Con into a plaguy fituation, but his fpirit foon refumed its accustomed vigour-Con appealed to the public, declared the twelve fhopkeepers had made an at-, tack on the Liberty of the Prefs, and advertised for fubfcriptions to be received in his behalf, in all porter houfes, banking houfes, and taverns in Dublin; but the public not feeling themfelves fo uneafy in the bufinefs as poor Cox, neglected his call, and abandoned him to another effort of ingenuity. Con advertifed a Benefit Play to be performed in Peter-treet, on the 21st of Auguft last, printed his profpectus and tickets, and hawked them from the Commercial Coffee houfe to Kearney's Smoaking Club; but the fons of mirth were as unfeeling as the twelve shopkeepers, and the poor Messenger man was left to his own refources, to the prejudice of his appearance, in foiled cra vat and unheeled boots.

CON'S SENSIBILITY.

A few Sundays ago, Con was ri ding with his employer and lady by Kilbarrack churchyard, where the remains of the SHAM are depofited under a magnificent tomb, and fplendid infcription. The party naturally topped to pay a grateful tribute to departed worth; Cos mounted the finty covering, and after reading with impaffioned energy the eulogium it bore, burst into tears, and declared upon his honor, the compofition was unequalled in the hiftory of fepul

chrai literature.

(To be continued.)

CATHO

CATHOLICUS IPSE DINNER. tack on Clinch, Bill, and Sil, and his

In confequence of a general fum mons, the manufacturers of Catholicus Ipse met at Counsellor Scully's, Merrion-fquare, to take into confideration the prefent ftate of Mr. John Keogh's afthma, and the ftate of bowels of his agent, Mr. Clinch, in confequence of the fevere dofes that had been adminiftered them, by Doctor Nicolianus Conway and Co. in the Weekly Meffenger. They wished to know for certain how far Mr. Keogh had been feared by the late abufe, in all fhapes, that was emptied upon him from the eminent charac ters employed, and how far Mr. Clinch was terrified from coming to any future meetings of the Catholics; and to know what fituation would

challenge to Dr. Brenan; and the Doctor moved that Mr.Conway be advanced half-a-guinea a week, until the fete. tlement of his account in November. The motion was feconded by Counfelior Piftol Jackanapes, and was carried nem con.

Jack Squintum made a very pretty fpeech in favour of Mr. Conwayand fpoke of his liberality (being an Orangeman) in joining a Popi caufe upon fo low wages. He ended by an invective against Watty Cox and Doctor Brenan, and a panegyric upon Mr. Jemmy Ryan, for his dignified ingratitude to that low fcoundrel Mr. John Keogh, of Mount Jerome.

After bufinefs was fettled, the company retired to a fplendid entertainment, which the Catholic adviser bad prepared for his friends. The viands, or in Tipperary phrafe, the butchers' meat, was worthy of the name of the advice-giving, bullock-feeding, fheepftabbing, butchering Scully-fat and

best fit the members of the legion, who might now treat, with government upon the bufinefs, as probably Keogh and his fatellites had been extinguished by the exertions of Mr. Conway of the Meffenger, by P. Qlean never appeared fo claffically mar and J. B. C. and by Jack Squintum, and Hackball Jackadandy.

The company affembled at 12, when Mr. Scully took the chair Mr. Conway rofe and spoke with his ufualenergy. He detailed his fervices, his attack on Keogh's honefty, his deprecation of Clinch's learning, his challenge to Dr. Brenan, which he begged to have read, and which was encored by Jack Taplafh. Thefe were the chief points of his difcourfe, and which ended by a hint at the fmailnefs of the loaf, and an expec tation of a rife in his wages.

Dr Drumfauffle rofe, and fpoke for four hours and a minute, upon matters and things, and he conclu ded by obferving that the thanks of the meeting were due to Mr.onway, for his able and fhameless conduct in the business of Catholicus Ipse, his at

bled-the cook did every justice to the firloin; the wines were exquisite: the porter met the approbation of Sir Squintum Jackadandy, and Dr. Drum fnuffle declared, that during his clerkship to a celebrated brewer, ere he became a Doctor, that he never “chronicled fmall beer" to equal the fparkling Taplafh of the Catholic advifer.

The company fat down, fatigued from fpeaking and hearing, at fix o'clock, and having eaten ad satura. tionem, and drank Q. S. or fufficiently, Sir Squintum Jackadandy call ed on Mr. Conway for a fong. Mr. Conway pleaded hoarfenefs from railing at Jack Fofter in the Freeman's Journal, from railing at Jack Fofler's enemies in the Patriot, from railing at John Keogh in the Mefflenger, and from the diftrefs that was put upon him to prove that he was not the

Meffenger's

Meffenger's dagger man, and the perton who infinuated against Dwyer what the Bird-cage walk-man, Polly Kane, was hanged for infinuating in England, and what no man ever hinted to a man, but a fellow who was no man, and who had not the feelings of a man, nor the honor of a man, and who felt too lightly the enormity of what a man would be afhamed of his nature to infinuate against a man. He flurred Mifs Waltein's bufinefs, which makes Mr. Conway as black with women as Dwyer's bafinefs makes him with men, and after fome time he said he would fing a fong that united all fentiments and feelings-and he fung "The Vicar of Bray." This was received very well, but a gentleman rofe to obferve that the fongs muft be in character, and Mr. Conway was obliged to fing again, and he accordingly chaunted the following ftanzas with the happiett effect:

(Tune, Na Bokalisb.)

Billy Conway's my name and the fame I will never deny,

I came from Cunnamara to Galway's flourishing town.

Whilft polifhed Mr. Martin's fine boots for tozzle the eye,

As a Chart r-school Proteftant I whiftled fweer Croppy Lie Down."

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Upon hearing this confeffion, Dr. Souffle faid that Mr. Conway was entitled to the honors of the fitting, for the humility and hiftorical can dor and poetry of the fong, and he put it in the way of a Refolution; but he had no feconder, and the motion fell, and the Doctor was called upon by his brother Conway to fing. The Doctor like all good fingers had an excufe, and he pleaded in apology an attack of the Piles. He fhewed from his reading of REGA on Sympathy, that the piles injured vocal powers, and he pleaded REGA'S authority

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