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rubbed his eyes, and then cried out, conceiving what had happened to be only a part of the performance, and perfectly willing to go through the whole, D-n the fellow, I wonder what the devil he will do next.” Letters on England.
The name of God has often been oddly misapplied. I have got a warming-pan that belonged to Charles II. and was probably used for the beds of his mistresses. It is inscribed, Serve God and live for ever.
Walpoliana, v. 2, p. 155. An itch for punning was a constant attendant of Swift's. He dined one day in company with the lord Keeper, his son, and their two ladies, with Mr Cæsar, treasurer of the navy, at his house in the city. They happened to talk of Brutus, and Swift said something in his praise; when it struck him immediately that he had made a blunder in doing so; and therefore recollecting himself, he said, “ Mr Casar, I beg your pardon.”
Swiftiana, v. 1, p. 131.
Bohn, a lieutenant-general in the Russian service, was of humble birth, but of an enterprising spirit; and, during the steps of rapid promotion, artfully concealed his boundless pride under the shew of unassuming merit. The moment he got the general's staff, its touch seemed to efface from his mind all remembrance of his low parentage, and to extinguish in his heart every emotion of filial love. His poor mother, who had been left a widow in straitened circumstances, on hearing that
her son, then high in military rank, was arrived a Copenhagen, set off with transport to give him joy and clasp him in her fond arms. She called at his lodgings, and hearing that he was not at home, she desired the servants to tell their master that she was his mother, who was come from Bornholm on purpose to see him, and would call again next morning. Upon this information, the general flew into a great passion, saying, his mother had been dead many years ago, and that this must be some needy person or other, or, perhaps, out of her mind; and ordered his aid-de-camp, if she called again, to give her ten ducats, and send her away, that he might not be farther troubled with her. The mother called next morning—the aidde-camp did as he was directed, and offered ber the ten ducats as his master's charity—she threw them indignantly on the ground, and said, with tears in her eyes, “ I did not come here to beg charity, but to see my son, and, since he can both deny and despise his mother, I shall return whence
and trouble him no more.” The upstart general's unnatural conduct soon became the subject of common conversation and common abhorrence, till at length it reached the ears of Catharine I. then empress of Russia, who sent for the woman, and on being fully satisfied that she was the general's mother, commanded him
before her. « What,” said she to Bohn, are you ashamed of having had a minister for your father, and this amiable woman, his widow, for your mother, while I, though sprung from vassals, so far from blushing at, glory in, my humble
birth! Look also at general BAUR-think of his generous behaviour to all his relations, even of a much lower degree than your's. You are a monster, and deserve to be treated as such; but I do not forget your eminent services in the army. Settle immediately two hundred rubles a year on your mother, during her life; and be grateful that my anger does not extend to any severer punishment.”
Light Reading at Leisure Hours, p. 330. INDIRECT answer.—The count Alet, passing by Lyons, was conducted to the king's lieutenant, who asked him, “ My friend what are they saying at Paris?” The count answered him, “ Mass.” “ But what noise is there?” “ That of carriages. “I do not mean that; what is new there i" “ Green pease.” My friend, replied the lieutenant, tired of these evasive answers, name?" The count answered him; “ Fools call me my dear friend, and at court I am called count Alet."
Collectanea, p. 196,
" What is your
ANTIQUARIANS of every description are liable to imposition, and none more so than the credulous in relics. The following from among a thousand absurdities may be adduced as a proof of this assertion.
The church of St. Sophia at Constantinople, they say, possesses one of the robes of our Lord, the end of the lance that pierced his side, the sponge that was offered him to drink from,-and the reed that was put into his hand. I can only say that behind the choir, I was shewn the gridiron on which St. Laurence was broiled,-and a large
stone in the shape of a wash-stand, on which they say, Abraham gave the angels to eat, when they were going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.
Brocquière's Travels, p. 222.
Godwin and Wolstonecroft should have adopted the following motto.
Paracelsus may brag, that he could have made a man live 400 years or more, if he might bring him up from his infancy, and diet him as he list; and some physicians hold, that there is no certain period of man's life, but it may still, by temperance and physick be prolonged.
Burton's Anat. Mel. 0. 1, p. 9.
“I positively forbid,” said Richard Cromwell, to one of his adherents, who reproached him for not. exerting himself with more vigour against the royalįsts, I positively forbid the shedding the blood of a single man in my cause; I would rather relinquish the post I hold, than proceed to such unwarrantable extremities; I wish to retain my situation no longer than shall be consistent with the public good, and the wishes of those I govern."
During the short time that he was protector, the fanatic preachers, who enjoyed, or believed that they had enjoyed, the confidence of Oliver, accused Richard of neglecting the godly and keeping company with the profane. First reproving them for their intolerancy, he clapped his hand on the shoulder of an associate, and thus observed: “ And. here is Dick Ingoldshy, who can neither preach
nor pray, yet I would rather trust him than the holiest man in
tribe.” In the decline of life, he exhibited an afflicting instance of the reverse of fortune; being compelled, hy the unnatural conduct of his daughters, to appear in the Court of Chancery, before sir John Holt, who at a certain time, during the reign of queen Anne, was chief justice, and first commissioner of the seal.
On this occasion, that worthy judge felt for the unhappy parent, whose domestic affliction must have been aggravated by recollecting that he once possessed supreme power: Sir John placed the old gentleman at his right hand on the bench, insisted that his hat should remain on his head, and after severely reprimanding the ingratitude of his children, who had endeavoured to dispossess their father of his property, he made a decree in Richard's favor, to the satisfaction of every one present, as well as the queen, to whom the matter had been misrepresented, but who highly approved of sir John's behaviour, on his properly explaining it.
Richard Cromwell carefully preserved, to the day of his death, two large trunks full of addresses, presented to him when protector, a short time only before he was deposed; these, from the customary expressions used in such compositions, he called the lives and fortunes of the people of England.
Few men ever experienced more vicissitudes of fortune than the famous Alberoni. A bell-ringer, at first starting in life; next, a general's confiden