perienced the last evening, if I am not deceived, the loving-kindness of God in discovering to me the beauty and excellency of eternal truth-of his character. My feelings were similar to what I experienced on the 17th of last February. Let God be true and every man a liar!' was the language of my soul. The impression is still upon my mind, and I dread the thought of being left to myself. Though I feel more strengthened in my hope for heaven by such discoveries, and a surer evidence that I am not deceived, my danger of falling into sin, and the misery of trusting to myself appear greater. If I am saved, it must be of sovereign grace. Oh! I am burdened with this body of flesh. When shall my deliverance come? When shall I cease to wound the blessed Jesus ?-to violate God's law? When shall the tinselled ornaments of a giddy world cease to charm? But why such inquiries? It is the Lord; let him do what seemeth him good.' The Lord's time is the best time. Till then, my soul! be still. The fightings and perils of this life will work for me 'a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.' Let me then go forward in the strength of the Lord. Devils, earth, and hell! ye rage in vain. Jesus is my keeper. A few more conflicts and all will be well; a heaven obtained, not as the price of my miserable duties, but as the gift of a holy God in and through Jesus. Oh! let me enjoy the love of Jesus, and, yé worldlings! take your fill of earthly pleasure. I do not envy you your enjoyments. Hard is your lot-among thorns which are fuel for the fire of hell. Ere long your mirth shall cease. The lord have mercy on thoughtless sinners."

The comforts of the young Christian are often sub

ject to interruptions. Temptations more frequently than with older believers overcome him. He is more liable, such is the ardor of his expectations, to disappointments. All these, however, work together for his good. This "tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed." He thus obtains in the end a "full assurance of hope"-a hope that will not deceive his soul.

It would seem from Mr. B.'s journal, that he had in some way been beguiled by a sort of fashionable religion, and had met with some disappointments in his expectations of pleasure from this source. This gives him occasion two or three weeks after, to express himself as follows:

"God willing, I will make a stand against my enemies. Well I know the source of all my misery. O my enemy! rejoice not over me. Hitherto I have fought alone. God will now be my helper. I shall yet have the victory. Though I fall a thousand times, it will only make me stronger. It will only show me my own weakness. Here lies my strength. Great and eternal God! I thank thee for every denial-for every cross and disappointment. I would trust thy grace. To thee I submit. Here am I, do with me as shall seem good in thy sight. Grant me, I beseech thee, a new heart, and may I live to thy glory, for the sake of Jesus."

"How little," he adds, "do I think of God! Hence all my backslidings; hence all my leanness of soul; hence Satan takes occasion to buffet me and to tickle my fancy with worldly good and honor. I have ventured and anticipated. The phantom has come within

reach, and I see its deformity. I have been duped by the name of religion. I have tried fashionable piety, and it will not do. It does not feed the soul. If God be with me, I will stray no more. I leave the world to those who love it-its honors to those who court them-its ease to those who want it. I was not made for the world-no, not to go a round of pleasure, hang on princes' favor, to attract attention and to live on smiles. I have a soul. Alas! why did I forget it? I have a soul! How solemn the thought! How much does it bring to mind! O thou Immortal Fiat! how have I wronged thee! How have I fed my appetites at thy expense! Blessed be God! the delusion is gone. There is nothing desirable in this evil world but what points to heaven. Mankind are distracted. There is nothing in this outward show-this noisy bustle. For one smile from Jesus I would, were it possible, sell a world with all the ornaments which gild it in the eyes of men. Happiness is as much within my reach as though I had my millions. O blessed God! hear, I beseech thee, the prayer of thy unworthy servant. Be thou my guide and my portion forever."

He continued to smart under this disappointment for a considerable time, and to make it an occasion of humiliation before God. 66 Sunday morning, Aug. 27. I can realize the feelings which I have often experienced in view of the eternal world. When I dared to look to a crucified Savior, and thought I could say• World! stand behind me!'-how sweet were my joys! For a moment the victory appeared complete, and sin vanquished. I looked towards heaven as my home, and like a bewildered traveller exulted with the thought -'erelong I shall leave this world of sorrow, where

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sin tarnishes and mars my joys! Christ keeps his saints'—was a thought which turned every sorrow into pleasure; which gilded the path of life with more than mortal beauty. I looked upon all mankind as my brethren, or as objects of compassion. The childish toys, which catch the feelings of the great, and call forth in their pursuit the wisdom of the wise, excited neither my envy nor my desire. A life of usefulness was my highest wish. Such were my thoughts, and the recollection is still pleasing.

“Oh! had I always lived as I anticipated—had I never thought the world worth having, and still went forward with an eye on heaven, the pleasure had lasted till now. The tempter had never dared to suggest— 'honor is life, and esteem from man with religion' enough to get to heaven the end of life.' He had never said to me—this principle, too rigidly opposed to the pursuits of modern gentlemen, and so incongruous with the vices of fashionable Christians, must be smothered; and that harmless liberality of sentiment adopted.' Where is ‘harmless liberality of sentiment?' What is its import? Every idle word that men shall speak they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.' Whatsoever is liberal beyond- do all to the glory of God'—is sin,—a breach of the moral law -a stain on the morality of a professor. Away, then, religion formed of fashionable principles of the sentiments of the day! May the Lord deliver me from your lusts."

CHAPTER IV.

Leaves Bethlem.-Short abode at Litchfield.-Removes to Fairfield.-Reverence for Dr. Dwight.-Rules for self-examination.-Visits his native place.-Returns to College.-Revisits Durham.-Teacher at Woodbridge, Conn.-Ophthalmia.Finishes his college-course.

HAVING Completed the term of his engagement at Bethlem, he left about September 1st, and made a visit to the home of his youth. Here he remained for nearly three weeks, and was greatly refreshed both in body and mind.

He left Durham, and arrived at Litchfield on the 21st of September, where he remained scarcely two months. His state of mind at this time may be gathered from the following entry in his journal: "September 23. If I were thankful for my pleasures-the good things that I enjoy, if my soul mounted up to heaven at the thought of a suffering Savior, an Almighty friend,—if I shuddered at the thought of wounding anew those hands which were once wounded for sinners,—if the world and its allurements were lost in contemplation of the heavenly mansions,-then should I act the part of a rational being. But alas! what am I? For which of my mercies have I been thankful? Where is my home? 'God! be merciful to me a sinner.'"

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Shortly after we find him musing on the love of his Savior. Saturday evening, Oct. 7. Who can speak the love of Jesus? 'Peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.' A Christian might