providence, in so ordering me and my family and my affairs hitherto; and further, that I may be directed to part from this place, with the contentment of all my relations, both spiritual and natural; and that I may do nothing unworthy of my profession, or that in any measure may give just occasion of offence.

The 26th day. I had much matter to be thankful, for the Lord's presence with me in my journey, since I came from my own house; not only in restoring me to better health, but also for the success I had in my affairs, beyond my expectation; wishing that the Lord's goodness, in these things, may not be forgotten, and that he would direct me, in the rest of my journey, and in my pilgrimage here, until he bring me unto glory! And O! that I could walk worthy to that hope of glory, and thankful for all the mercies I am meeting with here, both to myself and family, of whom I had gotten late advertisement, that they were all in good health.

The 30th of September, 1658, I came safely to my own house at Abbey Hill, and found my wife and children all in good health.

[Here, at the 189th page, or rather leaf, the first part or book of the manuscript breaks off, the remainder being, doubtless, lost. That which follows, is taken from some tattered fragments of another similar pocket volume, in the same hand-writing, but in a much worse state of preservation.]

CHAPTER X.

1659: ALEXANDER JAFFRAY VISITS GENERAL MONK-THE AFFLICTED CONDITION OF THE THREE NATIONS-HIS OWN "FORMALITY IN PERFORMING ORDINANCES," &c.-HE CONTEMPLATES "SALUTING" GENERAL MONK ON HIS MARCHING FOR ENGLAND-HIS OCCASIONS FOR HUMILIATION-1660: "THE STILL SMALL VOICE TO BE HEEDED," &c-ON THE MOTIONS OF THE FLESH, AND OF THE SPIRIT-BIRTH OF A SON: HIS VIEWS ON HAVING HIM "BAPTIZED" HE IS COMMITTED PRISONER TO THE TOLBOOTH OF EDINBURGH]— ON DYING DAILY TO TEMPORAL DELIGHTS-THE ILLNESS OF SEVERAL OF HIS CHILDREN-HIS STRONG TEMPTATIONS-HE USES ENDEAVOURS FOR LIBERATION FROM PRISON-PETITIONS THE COMMITTEE OF ESTATES-THE LORD CHANCELLOR'S PREJUDICE AGAINST HIM-THE LIGHT OF THE LORD'S COUNTENANCE WITHHELD FROM HIM: HE IS REDUCED TO SILENCE IN PRAYER-ON ENLARGEMENT IN PRAYER-THE DEATH OF HIS DAUGHTER SARAH-HIS CONCERN ON BEHALF OF HIS SON ALEXANDER.

THE 26th and 27th days [of "October," 1659,] I had, from sad experience, a proof of the truth of what is expressed in the end of the last page, [this page, or rather leaf, of the manuscript, being marked the 40th,]—that the victory over sin is not attained, but through much wrestling and fear; for want of which, I was sadly insnared, and my corruption had victory over me. Upon which, my desires of being, for the time to come, more watchful, were weakly renewed, as I could attain to; and these two Scriptures were looked on, and some way made use of, Isai. xxxviii. 14, "I am oppressed; undertake for me;" and Psal. lxxix. 8, "O remember not against us former iniquities let thy tender mercies speedily prevent us; for we are brought very low!"

About this time, also, through my unwatchfulness, I was well near run upon another snare. In a visit

K

given to General Monk, (after his engaging for the Parliament, in the division betwixt them and the army,) though I did no ways approve of his way and acting; yet I had matter to be afraid, that my visit and carriage, at that time, might have seemed to have imported the contrary. And in this, was I the more to blame myself,-that I did not seek God's direction by prayer, before I gave him that visit; which, I hope, will teach me to be more wary for the time to come, in matters of that kind, that my carriage do not contradict my judgment in any thing.

The 29th day, I was desiring to remember the sad and afflicted condition of these three nations, now so rent and divided, as never was their case so low, God having written vanity upon, and stained the pride of all our glory; the Parliament being not only broken, but the Prince broken that brake them, and yet more like to break in pieces one another. I read Isai. ii. [beginning] from verse 10:-"Enter into the rock, and hide thee in the dust, for fear of the Lord, and for the glory of his majesty. The lofty looks of man shall be humbled," &c. also chap. li. 18, 19, 20; and concluded with a few thoughts and desires, put up upon the consideration of these Scriptures, and that of Micah, vii. 9; wishing, that the Lord's people in these lands may be prepared to bear the indignation of the Lord, while he comes forth so dreadfully threatening it against them. And, O! that I may be helped rightly to consider, what great duty there is on me, to be very earnest and serious with God in this case; I having so much both private and public guiltiness to mourn for.

The 31st day, I set apart some time, to seek God in the particulars following:

First, My own condition being so very dark and much deserted, by reason of distance from God, before I durst venture to seek God on behalf of others, I was labouring to make sure an interest for myself.

Secondly, My desire was, to present the condition of these three nations [before the Lord;] being much convinced of the justness and equity of what the Lord is threatening against us :-should he inflict it to the uttermost, I chose rather to desire the removal of the sin, than of the threatened judgment for it, and that the Lord's people may be prepared to bear his indignation, because they have sinned against him. Micah, vii. 9. Only I was desiring to seek, as I might, that the Lord would rather let his own hand be immediately on us, than that his people should be so far divided, as to "devour one another." Another thing I was helped, as I thought, to seek of the Lord,-that if the wicked of these lands, shall be the rod by which the Lord will have his people corrected, he would provide so far against their insulting, that they may not blaspheme his holy name or insult over his work, by denying that ever he owned it, or has done any thing for his people in it;—that thus, his glory for what is done may not, because of our guiltiness, be so cancelled; but that, though we, for our drawing back, and not carrying on his work with singleness of heart, may justly be deprived of the honour of seeing more of the glory of it, He may not want his praise for what is already done;-and then, that our poor posterity may behold the rest of it, and though our carcases should justly fall in this wilderness, yet they may behold the glorious presence of the Lord in that promised land. Further, that he would provide against the reproach of religion and holiness, the in

crease of error, blasphemy, antichristian persecution, and idolatry; which being granted, and the increase of light, and promotion of the gospel made way for,let come of us what pleaseth him, I was desiring to seek of the Lord, such a humble, submissive frame of spirit, as I could, both for myself and all that fear him, against whom his hand is at this time so lifted up. [SEE APPENDIX, JJ.]

Thirdly, I was presenting the condition of my family, and more particularly that of my son Andrew, to the Lord.

The 9th of November. In prayer, I was helped to desire of the Lord, that he would search and try my heart to the uttermost, and find out and discover to me the vileness and vanity thereof to the full; for I dare no more listen to my own searching, having been thereby deceived so often. I thought I was desirous to be honest, in this my prayer, to have my evil heart, and the vileness and deceitfulness of it, wholly made known to me; and that grace and strength might be given, to hate and abhor what I [do] see.-I was also desiring to remember, the sad deserted condition of the work and people of God, in these lands.

The 21st day. I was putting up in prayer these things. First, Being sensible of much deadness and formality in my performing of ordinances, I was desiring to be quickened and made more lively; and if, as to the external, sensible way of assistance, I were not helped, that yet, as to the inward frame and fervour of heart, my desires might be enlarged that way; that so, although sense were not pleased, faith might be more exercised, and I fitted to meet such a case as is mentioned in Isaiah, 1. 10, to stay myself on my God, though I were left in darkness and had no light.