HONEYWOOD. No, Jarvis; it's enough that we have lost what he has stolen; let us not add to it the loss of a fellow-creature! JARVIS. Very fine! well, here was the footman just now, to complain of the butler: he says he does most work, and ought to have most wages. HONEYWOOD. That's but just; though perhaps here comes the butler to complain of the footman. JARVIS. Ay, it's the way with them all, from the scullion to the privy-counsellor. If they have a bad master, they keep quarrelling with him; if they have a good master, they keep quarrelling with one another. Enter BUTLER, drunk. BUTLER. Sir, I'll not stay in the family with Jonathan; you must part with him, or part with me, that's the ex-ex-exposition of the matter, sir. HONEYWOOD. Full and explicit enough. But what's his fault, good Philip? BUTLER. Sir, he's given to drinking, sir, and I shall have my morals corrupted by keeping such company. HONEYWOOD. Ha! ha! he has such a diverting way— O, quite amusing. JARVIS. BUTLER. I find my wine's a-going, sir; and liquors don't go without mouths, sir; I hate a drunkard, sir. HONEYWOOD. Well, well, Philip, I'll hear you upon that another time ; so go to bed now. JARVIS. To bed! let him go to the devil. BUTLER. Begging your honour's pardon, and begging your pardon, Master Jarvis, I'll not go to bed, nor to the devil neither. I have enough to do to mind my cellar. I forgot, your honour, Mr Croaker is below. I came on purpose to you. tell HONEYWOOD. blockhead? Why didn't you show him Show him up, all's one to me. up, BUTLER. sir! With all my heart, sir. Up or down, 1 JARVIS. [Exit. Ay, we have one or other of that family in this house from morning till night. He comes on the old affair, I suppose. The match between his son that's just returned from Paris, and Miss Richland, the young lady he's guardian to. HONEYWOOD. Perhaps so. Mr Croaker, knowing my friendship for the young lady, has got it into his head that I can persuade her to what I please.. JARVIS. Ah! if you loved yourself but half as well as she loves you, we should soon see a marriage that would set all things to rights again. HONEYWOOD. Love me! Sure, Jarvis, you dream: No, no; her intimacy with me never amounted to more than friendshipmere friendship. That she is the most lovely woman that ever warmed the human heart with desire, I own. But never let me harbour a thought of making her unhappy, by a connexion with one so unworthy her merits as I am. No, Jarvis, it shall be my study to serve her, even in spite of my wishes; and to secure her happiness, though it destroys my own. JARVIS. Was ever the like? I want patience. HONEYWOOD. Besides, Jarvis, though I could obtain Miss Richland's consent, do you think I could succeed with her guardian, or Mrs Croaker, his wife; who, though both very fine in their way, are yet a little opposite in their dispositions, you know. JARVIS. Opposite enough, Heaven knows! the very reverse of each other: she, all laugh and no joke; he, always complaining and never sorrowful; a fretful poor soul, that has a new distress for every hour in the four-andtwenty HONEYWOOD. Hush, hush, he's coming up, he'll hear you. JARVIS. One whose voice is a passing-bell— HONEYWOOD. Well, well; go, do. JARVIS. A raven that bodes nothing but mischief; a coffin and cross bones; a bundle of rue; a sprig of deadly nightshade; a[Honeywood stopping his mouth, at last pushes him off. Exit JARVIS. I must own my old monitor is not entirely wrong. There is something in my friend Croaker's conversation that quite depresses me. His very mirth is an antidote to all gaiety, and his appearance has a stronger effect on my spirits than an undertaker's shop.-Mr Croaker, this is such a satisfaction Enter CROAKER. CROAKER. A pleasant morning to Mr Honeywood, and many of them. How is this! you look most shockingly to-day, my dear friend. I hope this weather does not affect your spirits. To be sure, if this weather continues-I say nothing-But God send we be all better this day three months. HONEYWOOD. I heartily concur in the wish, though, I own, not in your apprehensions. CROAKER. May-be not. Indeed what signifies what weather we have in a country going to ruin like ours? taxes rising and trade falling. Money flying out of the kingdom, and Jesuits swarming into it. I know at this time no less than a hundred and twenty-seven Jesuits between Charing-cross and Temple-bar. HONEYWOOD. The Jesuits will scarce pervert you or me, I should hope. CROAKER. May-be not. Indeed, what signifies whom they pervert in a country that has scarce any religion to lose! I'm only afraid for our wives and daughters. HONEYWOOD. I have no apprehensions for the ladies, I assure you. CROAKER. May-be not. Indeed, what signifies whether they be perverted or no? the women in my time were good for something. I have seen a lady drest from top to toe in her own manufactures formerly. But now-a-days, the devil a thing of their own manufacture's about them, except their faces. HONEYWOOD. But, however these faults may be practised abroad, you don't find them at home, either with Mrs Croaker, Olivia, or Miss Richland? CROAKER. The best of them will never be canonized for a saint when she's dead. By the by, my dear friend, I don't find this match between Miss Richland and my son much relished, either by one side or t' other. I thought otherwise. HONEYWOOD. CROAKER. Ah, Mr Honeywood, a little of your fine serious advice to the young lady might go far: I know she has a very exalted opinion of your understanding. HONEYWOOD. But would not that be usurping an authority that more properly belongs to yourself? CROAKER. My dear friend, you know but little of my authority at |