Alas! O my miniftry, how fhall I lament thee? O all ye my friends tender my cafe, and pity my perfon, that am fo dangeroutly wounded! Pity me, O ye my friends, for that I have now trodden under foot the feal and cognifance of my pro feffion; and joined in league with the devil! Pity me, O ye my friends, for that I am rejected and cast away from before the face of God almighty. There is no forrow comparable to my forrow. There is no affliction that exceeds my affliction. No bitterness that paffeth my bitterness! No lamentation more lamentable than mine: neither is there any fin greater than mine; and there is no falve for me. Where is that good Shepherd of fouls? Where is he that went down from Jerufalem to Jericho, which falved and cured him that was wounded by thieves? Seek me out, O Lord, that am fallen from the higher Jerufalem; who have broken the vow which I made in baptifm. Alas that ever I was a Doctor; and now occupy not the room of a Difciple. Thou knoweft, O Lord, that I fell against my will; whereas I went about to enlighten others, I darkened myself. When I endeavoured to bring others from death to life, I brought myself from life to death. When I minded to prefent others before God, I prefented myself before the devil. When I defired to be found a friend and favourer of godlinefs, I was found a foe, and a furtherer of iniquity. When I fet myself against the affemblies of the wicked, and reproved their doings, there found I fhame, and the most peftilent wound of the devil. Some promnifed me that they would be baptifed; but after I palled from them, the devil transformed himself into an angel of light, and faid unto me, When thou art up in the morning, go and bring them unto God. But the devil going before me, prepared the way, and I fkipping out of my bed at the dawn of day, could not finish my wonted devotion, neither accomplish my ufual prayers; defiring that all men might be faved, and come to the knowledge of the truth. I gat me to thofe wicked men, and required them to perform the promife made the night before. But I knew not

their fubtilty, till we came to the place of baptifm. O blinded heart, how didft thou not remember! O foolish mind, how didft thou not bethink thyfelf. But it was the devil that lulled thee afleep, and in the end, flew thy wretched foul. O Satan, what haft thou done unto me! How haft thou wounded me! I bewailed fometimes the fall of Sampfon; but now have fallen worfe myself. Sampon had his hair cut off; but the crown of glory is fallen from my head. Sampfon loft the eyes of his body; but my fpiritual eyes are put out. It was the wilinefs of a woman that brought confufion upon him; but it was my tongue that brought me into this finful. condition.

"Alas! my church liveth; yet I am a widower. My fons are alive; yet I am barren. Every creature rejoiceth; and I alone am defolate and forrowful. Bewail me, O ye bleffed people of God, who am banished from God. Bewail me, who am fhut out of the wedding chamber of Chrift. Bewail me who am abhorred of the angels, and fevered from the faints. Who knoweth whether the Lord will have mercy on me, and pity my fall? Whether he will be moved with my defolation? Whether he will have refpect to my humiliation, and incline his tender compaffions towards me? I will proftrate myself before the threshold and porch of his church, that I may entreat all people, both finall and great, faying unto them, trample and tread me under foot, who am the unfavoury falt; tread upon me, who have no tafte nor favour of God; tread upon me who am fit for nothing.

"Now let the elders mourn, for that the ftaff whereon they leaned is fallen.

"Now let the young men mourn, for that their school-mafter is fallen.

"Now let the virgins mourn, for that the advancer of virginity is defiled.

"Now let the minifters mourn, for that their patron and defender is fhamefully fallen.

"Wo is me, that I fell fo fouly! Wo is me that I fell most dangerously, and cannot rife again! Affift me, O holy Spirit, and give me grace to repent: let the fountain of tears be opened, and gush out into ftreams, to fee, if peradventure I may have grace thoroughly to repent, and to wipe out of the book of my confcience, the accufations printed therein against me. But thou, O Lord, think not upon my polluted lips, neither weigh thou the tongue that hath uttered lewd things; but accept of my repentance, and have mercy upon me, and raise me up out of the mire of corruption; for the puddle thereof hath even choaked me. Wo is me that was fometimes a pearl glittering in the golden garland of glory; but now am thrown into the duft, and trodden in the mire of contempt. Wo is me, that the falt of God now lieth on the dunghil.

"Now I will addrefs myfelf unto God. Why haft thou lifted me up, and caft me down? I had not committed this impiety, unless thou hadft withdrawn thine hand from me. But why, O Lord, haft thou fhut my mouth by the holy Prophet David? Have I been the firft that finned, or am I the fift that fell? Why haft thou forfaken me, being defolate, and banished me from amongst thy faints, and aflonifhed me, when I fhould preach thy law? David himfelf, who hath fhut up my mouth. finned too bad in thy fight; yet upon repentance, thou receivedst him to mercy. Peter, that was a pillar, after his fall, wipes it away with briny tears, not continuing long in the puddle of infidelity.

"Now, I humbly befeech thee, O Lord, call me back, for that I have trodden a moft perilous and deflructive way; grant me that good Guide and Inftructor, the Holy Ghofl, that I become not the habitation of devils; but that I may tread under foot the devils that trode upon me, and overcoming all his flights, may be again reflored to the joys of thy falvation.

"Now, all ye who behold my wound, tremble for fear, and take heed that ye flumber not, nor fall into the like crime; but rather let us affemble together, and rend our hearts. I

mourn,

mourn, and am forry at the heart, O ye my friends, that ever I fell.

"Let the angels lament over me, because of this my dangerous fall.

"Let the affemblies of faints lament over me, for that I am fevered from their bleffed focieties.

"Let the holy church lament over me, for that I am wofully declined.

"Let all the people lament over me, for that I have my death's wound.

"Bewail me, that am in like cafe with the reprobate Jews; for this which was faid unto them, why doft thou preach my law, &c. now foundeth alike in my ears. What fhall I do, that am thus befet with manifeft mifchiefs. Alas! O death, why doff thou linger? O Satan, what mifchief haft thou brought unto me? How haft thou pierced my breaft with thy poifonous dart? Thinkeft thou, that my ruin will avail any thing at all? Thinkeft thou to procure to thy felf any case or reft, whilst I am grievously tormented? Who is able to fignify unto thee, whether my fins be wiped and done away? whether I fhall not again be coupled with, and made a com panion to the faints? O Lord, I fall before thy mercy-seat ; have mercy upon me, who mourns thus out of meafure, becaufe I have greatly offended! Rid my foul, Lord, from the roaring lion. The affembly of the faints doth make interceffion for me, who am an unprofitable fervant. Shew mercy, O Lord, to thy wandering sheep, who are subject to the rending teeth of the ravenous wolf! Save me, O Lord out of his mouth! Let my fack-cloth be rent asunder, and gird me with joy and glad nefs. Let me be again received into the joy of my God. Let me be thought worthy of his kingdom, through the earnest petitions of the church, which forroweth over me, and humbleth herself to Jefus Chrift, in my behalf. To whom with the Father and the Holy Ghoft, be all glory and honour, for ever and ever." Amen.

VOL. X.

L1

LETTERS.

LETTER S.

LETTER

CCCCXXV.

[From Mrs. S. N. to the Rev. J. Wefley.]

Rev. Sir,

You

Ramsbury-Park, Nov. 29, 1774.

OUR letter put me upon the clofeft felf-examination; fearing I might imperceptibly have loft ground. I compared my prefent experience with the paft; at those times efpecially, when I was most abundantly filled with divine confolations. By this means I found that formerly I did not enjoy an uninterrupted fenfe of the prefence of God; but had frequent caufe to complain that my Beloved had withdrawn. himself. Whereas now, I do not lose him for a moment; but my foul abideth in him as the branch abideth in the vine.

Perhaps the decrease of joy which I formerly felt, was owing to fevere exercifes of mind; for within thefe two years, my heart has been pierced through with many forrows, under which my body could sometimes hardly bear up. And fince I wrote laft, I have felt much from a variety of caufes; but in the deepest diftrefs, thofe words feemed to be given me for a fupport, "These are they of whom the world was not worthy," by which I conceived a little of the hardfhips which the faints of old endured; who were, neverthelefs, precious in the fight of God.

My foul is in continual pursuit of more of the divine image. I figh for entire conformity to Jefus. And though I cannot yet fay, "My daily exercifes are my delight; it is not my meat and drink to fuffer;" yet, God has hitherto enabled me to poffefs my foul in patience, when feemingly I have been tried to the uttermoft. Pray for me, dear Sir, and thereby you will greatly oblige your unworthy Servant in the Gospel,

S. N..

LETTER.