denly turned, and, remarking that this was no place for a gentleman, walked towards the entrance.

"You goin' to let 'em cheat you out of the balance of your money that way, Mose?" asked Miss Cash. He turned again. Finding himself wholly without support, and unwilling to loose the great scene of the "Tooth-drawing," etc., he halted and stood until it was over. By that time he was considerably mollified, and the manager, approaching, apologized for himself, the clown, and all his troupe, and begged that he would join in a glass of the genuine at Spouter's tavern.

How could the Colonel refuse? He could not, and he did not. "Go with us, won't you, sir?" said the manager, addressing Mr. Williams. "We had some little fun at your expense also; but I hope you bear us no malice, as we never intend to hurt feelings."

'Sperrits," answered Mr. Bill, "is a thing I seldom techesthat is, I don't tech it reglar; but I'll try a squirrel-load with you-jes a moderate size squirrel-load."

At Spouter's all was cordially made up. Mr. Bill set Rom and Reme on the counter, and the clown gave them a big lump of white sugar apiece.

"They seem to be nice, peaceable little fellows," said he. "Do they ever dispute?"

"Oh, not a great deal," answered Mr. Bill. "Sometimes Rom -that's the bluest-eyed one-he wants to have all his feed before Reme gits any o' his'n, and he claws at the spoon, and Reme's nose. But when he does that, I jes set him right down, I does, and I makes him wait ontwell Reme's fed. I tends to raise 'em to be peaceable, and to give and take, and to be friends as well as brothers, which is mighty far from bein' always the case in families." Mr. Bill knew that Colonel Grice and his younger brother Abram had not spoken together for years.

"Right, Bill," said the Colonel. "Raise 'em right. Take keer o' them boys, Bill. Two at a time comes right hard on a fellow, though, don't it, Bill? Expensive, eh?" and the Colonel winked pleasantly all around.

"Thank ye, Kurnel; I'll do the best I can. I shall raise em to give and take. No, Kurnel, not so very hard. Fact, I wa'n't a-expectin' but one, yit, when Reme come, I thought jest as much o' him as I did o' Rom. No, Kurnel, it wouldn't be my

desires to be a married man and have nary ar-to leave what little prop'ty I got to. And now, sence I got two instid o' one, and them o' the same size, I feel like I'd be sort o' awk'ard 'ithout both of 'em. You see, Kurnel, they balances agin one another in my pockets. No, Kurnel, better two than nary one; and in that way you can larn 'em better to give and take. Come, Rom, come, Reme-git in; we must be a-travelin'." He backed up to the counter, and the boys, shifting their sugarlumps to suit, stepped aboard and away they went.

After that day Dukesborough thought she could see no reason why she might not be named among the leading towns of middle Georgia.

A PARTY were enjoying the evening breeze on board a yacht. "The wind has made my moustache taste quite salt," remarked a young man who had been for some time occupied in biting the hair that fell over his upper lip. "I know it!" innocently said a pretty girl. And she wondered why all her friends laughed. "People are so childish," she remarked.-Newspaper.

ONE OF MR. WARD'S BUSINESS LETTERS.

To the Editor of the

BY ARTEMUS WARD.

:

SIR-I'm movin' along-slowly along-down tords your place. I want you should rite me a letter, saying how is the show bizniss in your place. My show at present consists of three moral Bares, a Kangaroo (a amoozin little Raskalt'would make you larf yourself to deth to see the little cuss jump up and squeal), wax figgers of G. Washington Gen. Tayler John Bunyan Capt. Kidd and Dr. Webster in the act of killin' Dr. Parkman, besides several miscellanyus moral wax statoots of celebrated piruts & murderers, &c., ekalled by few & exceld by none. Now Mr. Editor, scratch orf a few lines sayin' how is the show bizniss down to your place. I shall hav my hanbills dun at your offiss. Depend upon it. I want you should git my hanbills up in flamin' stile. Also git up a tremenjus excitemunt in yr. paper 'bowt my onparaleld Show. We must fetch the public sumhow. We must wurk on their feelin's. Cum the moral on 'em strong. If it's a temperance community tell 'em I sined the pledge fifteen minits arter Ise born, but on the contery, ef your people take their tods, say Mister Ward is as Jenial a feller as ever we met, full of conwiviality, & the life an' sole of the Soshul Bored. Take,

A GENIAL FELLOW.

don't you? If you say anythin' abowt my show, say my snaiks is as harmliss as the new born Babe. What a interestin study it is to see a zewological animil like a snake under perfect subjecshun! My kangaroo is the most larfable little cuss I ever saw. All for 15 cents. I am anxyus to skewer your inflooence. I repeet in regard to them hanbills that I shall git em struck orf up to your printin' office. My perlitercal sentiments agree with yourn exactly. I know they do, becawz I never saw a man whoos didn't.

Respectively yures,

A. WARD. P. S.-You scratch my back & Ile scratch your back.

WOMAN SUFFRAGE.

BY R. J. BURDETTE.

THE Women in Kansas vote at the school elections, Ata recent election at Osage City one woman went up to vote, but before she got through telling the judges what a time her Willie had with the scarlet fever when he was only two years old, it was time to close the polls and she had forgotten to deposit her ballot.

ON "FORTS."

BY ARTEMUS WARD.

EVERY man has got a Fort. It's sum men's fort to do one thing, and some other men's fort to do another, while there is numeris shiftliss critters goin' round loose whose fort is not to do nothin'.

Shakspeer rote good plase, but he wouldn't hav succeeded as a Washington correspondent of a New York daily paper. He lackt the rekesit fancy and imagginashun.

That's so!

Old George Washington's Fort was not to hev eny public man of the present day resemble him to eny alarmin' extent. Whare bowts can George's ekal be found? I ask, & boldly answer no whares, or any whare else.

Old man Townsin's Fort was to maik Sassyperiller. "Goy to the world! anuther life saived!" (Cotashun from Townsin's advertisemunt.)

Cyrus Field's Fort is to lay a sub-machine tellegraf under the boundin billers of the Oshun, and then have it Bust.

Spaldin's Fort is to maik Prepared Gloo, which mends everything. Wonder ef it will mend a sinner's wickid waze. (Impromtoo goak.)

Zoary's Fort is to be a femaile circus feller.

My Fort is the grate moral show bizniss & ritin choice famerly literatoor for the noospapers. That's what's the matter with me. &., &., &. So I mite go on to a indefnit extent.

Twict Iv'e endevered to do things which thay wasn't my Fort. The fust time was when I undertuk to lick a owdashus cuss who cut a hole in my tent & krawld threw. Sez I, "My jentle Sir, Sez he, "Wade in,

go out or I shall fall onto you putty hevy." Old wax figgers," whereupon I went for him, but he cawt me powerful on the hed & knockt me threw the tent into a cow pastur. He pursood the attack & flung me into a mud puddle. As I arose & rung out my drencht garmints I koncluded fitin wasn't my Fort. I'le now rize the kurtin upon Seen 2nd: It is rarely seldum that I seek consolation in the Flowin' Bole. But in a certain town in Injianny in the Faul of 18—, my orgin grinder got sick with the fever & died. I never felt so ashamed