reft to feem well with it, yet few wish for a near alliance, because it is proud, and takes little pains to please.

15. Wit is little influenced by the external circumftances of our lot. Riches never confer, Poverty cannot crufh it. I know a true Wit, and a Humourist too, who is melancholy four out of five in the whole four-andtwenty.

16. Wit is an amusement, not an employment. Learning is more valuable, and creates more permanent esteem and fame. Of many late Wits it may be afked, "Alas! where are your gibes and jokes NOW ?"

The Simple Hufband. An Anecdote.
T

It familiar faying in

familiar in one country it must have fome truth for its bafis every where, that when a man has had the bonour of being converted into a cornuto, he is generally the laft perfon in the parish who is confcious of his fituation, or in any degree apprised of the fact.

A certain gentleman who shall be namelefs, one, however, to whom Nature has been lefs profufe than Fortune in her gifts, having business in town, laft fummer, which required his immediate interference in perfon, brought with him his cara fpofa, whom he was proud to extol in every circle as a prodigy of conjugal love, and, in point of domeftic prudence, a very model for her fex! At fupper with her one evening, in a room full of company, the converfation turned on the danger of living in London, from the aftonishing increase in the depredations of boufe-breakers.

"Ah!" cried our hero from the country, "fellows like thefe are the very pefts of fociety and I am aftonished to find that in thefe days of profligacy, even our youth of fafhion and quality hardly blush to be ranked in the number of them.

The lady knew not which way to look. "Thereby hangs a tale," thought fhe; and accordingly, for reajuns best known to herfely, the gently pulled her dearly beloved by the fleeve, and coaxingly whispered to him to drop the subject.

This, however, only rendered him more impatient to continue it, and the company, perceiving the gentleman to be as anxious to relate the ftory as the lady was unwilling, begged, with one voice, that he would proceed.

more effectually convince the world that we were a fabionable as well as an agreeable couple than to fleep in separate apartments and we accordingly did so very comfortably, I affure you!

"Well, on my return from the coffee house, a few evenings after, a whim came into my head, that, as my wife could hardly be yet afleep, I would ftep into her cham ber, and with her a good night. As I opened the door, though not without having politely knocked at it, Blefa me! thought I there is fomebody in the room more than ought to be! and prefently, liftening with attention, I plainly heard a noise under the bed-yes, my very wife's bed....

"In the whole houfe we had neither a

that I was not a little alarmed; and as for my wife, poor foul! fhe was ready to go into hysterics. At length, however, having plucked up a little courage, I ventured to take a peep beneath, and who, do you think, fhould iffue from the very place I fufpected, but a fine-dreffed bandjome tripling, a perfect Adonis, as fome ladies would have thought him. "He feemed to have no weapon or inftrument whatever about him; a circumftance which, while it infpired me with freth refolution, made me think he muft be a fool, indeed, to commence boufe breaker, without furnishing himself with the neceffary implements of his calling.

"ileavens!" cried I, in my rage, "what bufinefs have you here, firrah?”

"Alas! Sir," mildly returned the youth, though trembling, you may be fure, from top to toe, "I pray you forgive me! I confefs that it was my defign to rob your lady; but as my crimes are happily prevented, and I never knew what it was to be guilty, even intentionally, before, I hope you will not be fo cruel as to expofe me to the world!"

"I could have found in my heart to make an example to the rafcal, notwithstanding his fine looks and fine speeches. At first, therefore, I infifted loudly on ordering up my fervant, and fending for a conftable; but my wife, my dear wife, interpofing with a flood of tears, and the young fellow crying bitterly himself alfo, my heart relented, and I contented myself with turning him out of doors.

pointing

"It may be fo, replied I; but, egad, the young Lord as you call him, is no better than he fhould. Why, Sir, he is a downright thief; and if it had not been for me, he would in all probability have been hanged a month ago!"

To this fimpleft of all fimple narratives fucceeded, as it may be fuppofed, a general effufion of merriment. The fagacious hero of his own tale feemed alfo heartily to enjoy the joke; but with this difference, that while he was keeping the laugh up with the company, the company were ready to burft their fides in laughing at him.

To the Editor of Exfbaw's Magazine.

SIR,

The following original Latin Effay upon Nonfenfe was lately found by a learned antiquarian among fome other curious manufcripts, which are thortly to be placed in the Bod. Lib. Oxon. It is thought to be the production of that eminent and truly venerable critic, Martinus Scriblerus. Indeed the fpirit of that phoenix

in erudition animates the whole, The criticular acumen, the pompous language of that great man ftrongly mark the differtation; nor would I hefitate long in pronouncing it to be the production of his latter years. By the bye. For the benefit of the English readers, it is cloathed in a British drefs.

Differtation upon Nonfenfe.

Nor

ed by moft of the ancients. I find the works of Homer abfolutely deftitute of her charms, and we are to toil through his long work withot one ray of nonfenfe to dart a luftre on the infipidity of the whole. Strange infatuation! that a man of Mæonides' conceptions fhould be blind to this indifpenfable quality: fed humanum eft errarı, and Humour himself was but a man. fhall we meet with more fuccefs in the examination of the other worthies of antiquity. They were all in one error. They were totally infenfible to the beauties of our divine Goddefs. But what furprises me most, what I have often with aftonishment wondered at, we find even the tragic poets, in our times thofe fuccessful cultivators of nonfenfe, as faulty as any of the reft in their omiffion, their deplorable omiffion of this ingredient. Ob banc rem bujus ætatis cothurno gratulor. The bufkin is now worn with becoming propriety. O! how has my midriff quivered with joy, to fee the farts, to hear the rant, to read the ecftatic flights often amazed, have been as it were thunof modern tragedy! Verily I have been der-ftruck. To hear a flave deliver a fimple mellage in the pompous expreflions of fublimity, how noble, how beyond Nature, that tyrant of the ancients! When a foldier informs his commander that the troops the poet exprefs bimfelf, when, infpired by are ready for battle, how inexpreffibly doth our goddefs, he exclaims,

Flame to the fun, the loud repeated shouts A thousand fcymeters Of ardent warriors call for inflant fight! Check not their generous rage.

In this quotation, reader, may be seen the bleifed effects of that independence of nature fo un fuccefsfully fought after in the fimple strains of Sophocles, Efchylus,

learned Martinus Scriblerus.

I wore apter upon a dry;

T will perhaps neceffary, gentle reader,

plex a nature, to define the meaning of the word Nonfenfe." As this alone can

be done by the help of metaphyfics, I fhall endeavour to inveftigate it in as perfpicuous a manner as poffible. Nonfenfe is the daughter of Dulnefs and the mother of Impudence. Its ideas are independent, and, bits dam, wrapt up in the admiration of iticif, it cannot attend to the claims of others. -Having thus explained the meaning of tife term, I fhall now proceed upon a crisical investigation of this chief qualification in modern writing.

Upon examining the compofitions of the most recondite ages, I find with indignation the general contempt with which this fa

of the learned was univerfally treats

hero would exprefs his refentment to his mortal enemy, a judicious modern poet exclaims,

I'll frown thee into ftone: very artfuly hinting a qualification in his hero perhaps never heard of before, viz. of his having a Gorgon's head, and the property of petrefaction. Verily, the thought is truly unnatural, worthy of a modern tragedian. O heav'n, O hell! How anguith tears my foul, my inmoft foul! I'm mad to defperation!

Here again, reader, obferve the nobleness of thought! the enthusiasm of the exclamation; the hero is not content with telling us that" anguish tears his foul," but it even tears his inmoft foul; thereby reviving the old notion of man's being polletfed of twa fouls inucad of one. And the more fouls there are the better, fay I. To clevate and

furprize

fur prize, as a certain learned fellow laboured in the mines of erudition tells us, ought to be the primary principle in all compofition, but more especially fo in that of tragedy. Now when a hero ftorms, or a meffage is delivered in rhime, what elevates and furprifes more? When anguifh was exprefled in a fimple oh paffion and hafte in an exclamatory ah! what more affecting? what can more nobly deviate from the rule of Nature, once more I fay that tyrant of antiquity! Not, however, to confine ourselves entirely to obfervations on the ftage, let us enquire into the progrefs of Nonfenfe in the other walks of literature. Little, as I have obferved before, can be caught of this infpiring goddess from the tones of antiquity. We have in vain fought after her among the Greeks, and as little fall we meet of her among the Romans. Nature was itil followed; in their obedience to her they were abfolutely fervile. Juftly therefore I exclaim with Horace, one of the meaneft flaves of the train. Odi profanum vulgus, Virgil, the prince of Roman epic poetry in this point, was loft indeed! Tho' the labours of innumerable annotators, among whom I have the honour of being numbered, have endeavoured, kindly endeavoured to make him think with propriety, and agreeably to their fentiments; yes, alas! it was labour in vain. Heu ca cus eiror! Tho' whole volumes of annotations have been written on the fubject, yet the ignorance of the world would prefer the duodecimo of Virgil to folios of his commentators, tho' replete with fuch fage remarks and afonihing erudition. One advantage, however, has accrued to literature from this perverfenefs in ancient writers for had they not wrote as they did, we thould never have been bleffed with the labours of a Scaliger, a Lipfius, an Euftathius, a Voffius, &c. &c. &c. &c. excellent man, friends of learning! His jaltem accumulem donis et fungar amico Munere

:

After apologizing for this fhort apoftrophe, I now proceed in my difquifition. No veftigia of our goddefs being to be met with among the authors of antiquity, let us leave them to their beloved tyrant, blittis tineifque, and turn our inquiries to more modern times. This I am the more defirous of doing, as our trouble will be moft amply recompenfed in the fequel.

The beginning of the reign of our royal miftrefs may be dated from the transferring of the chief feat of the Roman empire from Rome to Byzantium. From that period her charms began to attract the eyes of all. But upon the establishment of the papal dominion, the world in general courted her patronage; nor did the refufe her influence. She fmil'd benignant as the purple morn, as Gent. Mag. Oc. 1785.

the genial fun diffufed her warmth, nourishing the opening buds of science. Pardon me,- candid reader, if the very thought charms me! if the raptures break out in the brightness of metophor! But to proceed: The influence of the goddess was now grown univerfal; the prefided in the cells of the monks, and guided the pen of metaphyfics. Marks of her favour were every where to be met with; and the learned were enamoured of her charms. Nor was fhe long before the attained to her meridian height. Her power was acknowledged, and the triumphed over Nature! fuch was her influence, and fuch her dominion through many fucceffive ages! At length, however, fome fiend, envious of her power, ftarted up in the shape of Leo X. For a fhort time Nature was again countenanced, and a malignant cloud seemed to intercept the beams of our goddess. But this foon vanifhed, like the fun fhe was eclipfed but to fhine forth with greater fplendor. Her title was acknowledged; and the has reigned almost without a rival, without interruption, through fucceeding ages.

Having thus given a retrospect of the commencement, progrefs, and final establishment of the throne of Nonfenfe in general, I fhall now, gentle reader, in gratitude to a nation in which I have fo long fojourned, dedicate the reft of my differtation to the obfervations upon thofe bright luminaries of this kingdom, who have cultivated her friendship with any tolerable fuccefs.

Among the first of these venerable worthies, I find the metaphyfical Aquinas and Duns Scotus claiming particular attention; Nobile par.-For learned enquiry, for nice diftinction and wire-drawn fubtleties, perhaps they are unequalled by any but a certain modern. We meet with feveral others in and about that period, no lefs famous, the memory of whom fhall be ever dear to me. But Nonfenfe chiefly, among us, feems to have diffused her radiance from the ftrange. There it fwells in bombaft, whines in metre, rants in ten fyllables, trills in an eunuch's throat, expires in oh's! fwears in damnations, hells, and furies! and in a word, jumps, leaps, and difplays its wooden wit in harlequins. Oh! the tage is a delectable, inexauftible mine!

TH

66

HE King believed and had every reafon to expect, that the Court of Vienna had given up all thoughts of an exchange of Bavaria, or an acquifition thereof in any other manner, after fuch an acquifition had been proved to the faid court to be inadmiffible, in the conferences held at Braunau, in the month of September, 1778; after the faid court had renounced all its pretenfions on Bavaria by the peace of Tefchen, and had become itself, together with the other contracting and mediating powers of that peace, guarantee of the covenants of the Houfe Palatine, whereby that Houfe is not allowed any alienation, or, as it is expreffed, any exchange of its poffeffions:" His Majefty, however, having been apprized in the month of January of the prefent year, by the Duke of Deux Ponts, that the Court of Vienna had, notwithstanding thefe important confiderations, propofed to that Prince an exchange of the whole of Bavaria, together with the Upper County Palatine, and the Dutchies of Neuburg and Sulzbach, for a part of the Auftrian Netherlands: Ilis Majefty was anxious to communicate his uneafinefs on that account to the Emprefs of Ruffia, as guarantee of the peace of Tefchen. The answer which her imperial Majefty gave to the King, through her Minifter Prince Dolgorucki, that after the refufal of the Duke of Deux Ponts, there was no more thought about fuch an exchange," might have been a fufficient aflurance to the King, if his Majefty could have been equally fecure with refpect to the intentions of the Court of Vienna. But that court has too evidently own, by the fteps taken in thecourfe of the prefent year, as well as by the fyftem it has at all times purfaed, that it cannot bring itfelf to an entire renunciation of the project of making, fooner or later, an acquifition of Bavaria.

The faid court, after having in its firft circular declaration diffimulated the existence of this project, aflures, indeed, in the latter in imitation of the declaration of the Court of Ruffia, that it never entertained,

nor even would entertain, the leaft thonght of a violent or forced exchange of Bavaria. But this distinction between forced or voluntary, fhews evidently that the Court of Vienna ftill entertains an idea of the poffibility of a barter of Bavaria. This conjecture, already ftrong enough in itfelf, is to well confirmed by the affertion of the Court of Vienna,"by virtue of the peace of Baden, the House Palatine has full libery to exchange its poffeffions." It is true, the 18th in cafe the Houfe of Bavaria finds it convearticle of the peace of Baden fays, "that nient to make fome exchange of its poffeffions in return for others, his Moft Chriftian Majefty promifes not to oppofe the fame." It follows, clearly, however, from this very article, that the contracting parties did not mean thereby to allow the Houle of Bavaria any thing further than a partial exchange of fome diftrict or piece of country suitable to its intereft; but it certainly was not, nor could it be underflood at that time, to allow a total exchange of a large Electorate and Fief of the empire, which (being under the difpofition of the Golpen Bull) was not at all liable to an alteration of this nature, which would have too nearly affected, perhaps overturned the effential Conftitution of the Electoral College, and even the whole confederative fyflem of the empire. Admitting even that by the peace of Baden, the Houfe of Bavaria was allowed to make a partial exchange fuitable to its intereft, of fome part of its poffeffions, this power has fince been abrogated by the eighth article of the peace of 1efchen, and by the feparate act concluded at the fame time between the Elector Palatine and the Duke of Deux Ponts; because the covenants of the Houfe Palatine of the years 1766, 1771, and 1774, are therein renewed, whereby all the pofielfions of the Houfe of Bavaria Palatine are charged with a perpetual and unalienable Fie.comis. The antient pragmatic fanction of that Houfe, concluded at Pavia in the year 1329, is likewife r ferred to therein, whereby that whole illuftrious Houfe has bound itself never to exchange nor etherw fe alienate the leaft part of its poffeffions. Now as the peace of Tefchen, together with all its feparate acts, is under the guarantee of the King and the Elector of Saxony, as principal contracting parties of that peace, likewife under the guarantee of the two mediating powers, the Courts of Ruffia and France, and the whole empire; it follows, therefore, that no exchange of Bavaria whatever can any more take place without the confent and concurrence of the powers juft mentioned; and efpecially not without the intervention of the King and all his coeftates of the empire, whofe eflential intereft it is that this great and important Dutchy

of