as we use the word Kidderminster for curtains from a town also of that name; but this is learning you have no taste for.)-I say, Madam, there are sarcasms in it, and solecisms also. But, not to seem an ill-natured critic, I'll take leave to quote your own words, and give you my remarks upon them as they occur. You begin as follows:

"I hope, my good Doctor, you soon will be here,

And I your spring velvet coat very smart will appear,
To open our ball the first day in the year."

Pray, Madam, where did you ever find the epithet "good" applied to the title of Doctor? Had you called me learned Doctor, or grave Doctor, or noble Doctor, it might be allowable, because they belong to the profession. But, not to cavil at trifles, you talk of my spring velvet coat, and advise me to wear it the first day in the year, that is in the middle of winter;— a spring velvet in the middle of winter!!! That would be a solecism indeed; and yet, to increase the inconsistence, in another part of your letter you call me a beau; now on one side or other, you must be wrong. If I am a beau I can never think of wearing a spring velvet in winter; and if I am not a beau-why-then-that explains itself. But let me go on to your two next strange lines :

"And bring with you a wig that is modish and gay,
To dance with the girls that are making of hay."

The absurdity of making hay at Christmas, you yourself seem sensible of; you say your sister will laugh, and so indeed she well may. The Latins have an expression for a contemptuous sort of laughter, Naso contemnere adunco; that is to laugh with a crooked nose; she may laugh at you in the manner of the ancients, if she thinks fit.-But now I am come to the most extraordinary of all extraordinary propositions, which is, to take your and your sister's advice in playing at loo. The presumption of the offer raises my indignation beyond the bounds of prose; it inspires me at once with verse and resentment. I take advice! And from whom? You shall hear.

First let me suppose, what may shortly be true,
The company set, and the word to be—loo;
All smirking and pleasant and big with adventure,
And ogling the stake which is fixed in the centre.
Round and round go the cards, while I inwardly damn,
At never once finding a visit from pam,

I lay down my stake apparently cool,

While the harpies about me all pocket the pool;

I fret in my gizzard, get cautious and sly,

I wish all my friends may be bolder than I ;
Yet still they sit snug ; not a creature will aim,
By losing their money, to venture at fame.
'Tis in vain that at niggardly caution I scold,
'Tis in vain that I flatter the brave and the bold;
All play their own way, and they think me an ass ;
What does Mrs. Bunbury? "I, Sir? I pass."
Pray what does Miss Horneck? Take courage, come, do!
"Who, I? Let me see, Sir; why I must pass too.'
Mrs. Bunbury frets, and I fret like the devil,
To see them so cowardly, lucky, and civil;
Yet still I sit snug, and continue to sigh on,
Till made by my losses as bold as a lion,

I venture at all; while my avarice regards

The whole pool as my own. Come, give me five cards. "Well done!" cry the ladies; "ah! Doctor, that's good, The pool's very rich. Ah! the Doctor is loo'd."

Thus foil'd in my courage, on all sides perplext,

I ask for advice from the lady that's next.

Pray, Ma'am, be so good as to give your advice;
Don't you think the best way is to venture for't twice?
"I advise," cries the lady, " to try it, I own,
Ah! the Doctor is loo'd. Come, Doctor, put down."
Thus playing and playing, I still grow more eager,
And so bold, and so bold, I'm at last a bold beggar.
Now ladies, I ask, if law matters you're skill'd in,

Whether crimes such as yours should not come before Fielding;
For giving advice that is not worth a straw,

May well be called picking of pockets in law ;
And picking of pockets with which I now charge ye,
Is by Quinto Elizabeth, death without clergy.
What justice, when both to the Old Bailey brought!
By the gods I'll enjoy it, though 'tis but in thought !
Both are placed at the bar with all proper decorum,
With bunches of fennel and nosegays before 'em ;
Both cover their faces with mobs and all that,
But the judge bids them angrily take off their hat.
When uncover'd a buzz of inquiry goes round,

66

66 Pray what are their crimes ?" They've been pilfering found." 66 But, pray whom have they pilfer'd ?" "A Doctor, I hear." What, yon solemn-faced odd-looking man that stands near?” "The same." "What a pity! How does it surprise one!

66

Two handsomer culprits I never set eyes on!"

Then their friends all come round me with cringing and leering,

To melt me with pity and soften my swearing.

First Sir Charles advances with phrases well strung,

"Consider, dear Doctor, the girls are but young." The younger the worse, I return him again,

It shows that their habits are all dyed in grain ;

"But then they're so handsome, one's bosom it grieves."
What signifies handsome when people are thieves !
"But where is your justice? Their cases are hard."
What signifies justice? I want the reward.

There's the parish of Edmonton offers forty pounds. There's the parish of St. Leonard's, Shoreditch, offers forty pounds. There's the parish of Tyburn, from the Hog in the Pound to St. Giles's Watchhouse, offers forty pounds. I shall have all that if I convict them.

"But consider their case, it may yet be your own;

And see how they kneel; is your heart made of stone ?”

This moves; so at last I agree to relent,

For ten pounds in hand and ten pounds to be spent.

I challenge you all to answer this. I tell you you cannot. It cuts deep; and now for the rest of the letter; and next-but I want room. So I believe I shall battle the rest out at Barton some day next week. I don't value you all.

THE LOGICIANS REFUTED.

IN IMITATION OF DEAN SWIFT.

LOGICIANS have but ill defined

As rational the human mind;
Reason, they say, belongs to man,
But let them prove it if they can.
Wise Aristotle and Smiglesius,

By ratiocinations specious,

Have strove to prove with great precision,
With definition and division,

Homo est ratione præditum;

But for my soul. I cannot credit 'em,
And must in spite of them maintain

That man and all his ways are vain ;
And that this boasted lord of nature
Is both a weak and erring creature.
That instinct is a surer guide

Than reason, boasting mortals' pride;
And that brute beasts are far before 'em,

Deus est anima brutorum.

Who ever knew an honest brute

At law his neighbour persecute,

O. G.

Bring action for assault and battery,
Or friend beguile with lies and flattery?
O'er plains they ramble unconfined;
No politics disturb their mind;

They eat their meals, and take their sport,
Nor know who's in or out at court;

They never to the levee go

To treat as dearest friend a foe:
They never importune his grace,
Nor ever cringe to men in place;
Nor undertake a dirty job;

Nor draw the quill to write for Bob.*
Fraught with invective they ne'er go
To folks at Paternoster-row :
No judges, fiddlers, dancing-masters,
No pickpockets, or poetasters,
Are known to honest quadrupeds;
No single brute his fellow leads.
Brutes never meet in bloody fray,
Nor cut each other's throats for pay.
Of beasts, it is confess'd the ape
Comes nearest us in human shape;
Like man he imitates each fashion,
And malice is his ruling passion :
But both in malice and grimaces
A courtier any ape surpasses.
Behold him humbly cringing wait
Upon the minister of state :
View him soon after to inferiors
Aping the conduct of superiors:
He promises with equal air,
And to perform takes equal care.
He in his turn finds imitators;

At court, the porters, lacqueys, waiters,
* Sir Robert Walpole.