How do the friends of virtue joy to fee
Her darling fons exalted thus by thee!
Jought to their fame can now be added more,
ever'd by her whom all mankind adore.
ANOTHER.
Lewis the living learned fed, And rais 'd the fcientific head:
ur frugal Queen, to fave her meat, xalts the head that cannot eat.
. CONCLUSION drawn from the above EPIGRAMS, and fent to the DRAPIER.
SINCE Anna, whose bounty thy merits had fed, 're her own was laid low, had exalted thy head; and fince our good Queen to the wife is fo juft, 'o raise heads for fuch as are humbled in duft; wonder, good man, that you are not envaulted; r'ythee, go and be dead, and be doubly exalted.
DR. SWIFT'S ANSWER.
HER majesty never shall be my exalter;
and yet she would raise me, I know, by a halter!
WITHER from Mexico I came,
To ferve a proud lernian dame : Was long fubmitted to her will; At length fhe loft me at quadrille. Through various fhapes I often pafs'd, Still hoping to have reft at last; And ftill ambitious to obtain Admittance to the patriot dean; And fometimes got within his door, But foon turn'd out to ferve the poor* ; Not ftrolling Idleness to aid, But honeft Industry decay'd. At length an artift purchas'd me, And wrought me to the shape you fee. This done, to Hermes I apply'd:
'O THE REVEREND DR. SWIFT." O Hermes! gratify my pride;
ITH A PRESENT BOUND ON HIS BIRTH-DAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1732.
OF A PAPER-BOOK FINELY
BY JOHN EARL OF ORRERY.
O thee, dear Swift, these spotlefs leaves I fend; Small is the present, but fincere the friend. hink not fo poor a book below thy care; ho knows the price that thou canst make it bear? hough tawdry now, and, like Tyriila's face, he fpecious front fhines out with borrow'd grace; Though paste-boards, glittering like a tinfel'd coat, - rafa tabula within denote:
et, if a venal and corrupted age,
nd modern vices, fhould provoke thy rage;
warn'd once more by their impending fate,
-finking country and an injur'd state
hy great affistance should again demand,
and call forth reafon to defend the land;
hen shall we view these sheets with glad surprise
fpir'd with thought, and speaking to our eyes:
ach vacant space shall then, enrich'd, difpenfe
rue force of eloquence, and nervous sense;
form the judgment, animate the heart,
nd facred rules of policy impart.
he fpangled covering, bright with fplendid ore, hall cheat the fight with empty fhow no more;
"Be it my fate to ferve a fage, "The greatest genius of his age; "That matchlefs pen let me fupply, "Whofe living lines will never die!" I grant your fuit, the God reply'd; And here he left me to refide.
To burft with envy, spite, and rage,
The Vandals of the prefent age.
THE BEASTS CONFESSION TO
THE PRIEST.
ON OBSERVING HOW MOST MEN MISTAKE
THEIR OWN TALENTS. 1732.
He found his virtues too fevere
For our corrupted times to bear :
Yet fuch a lewd licentious age
Might well excufe a Stoic's rage.
The goat advanc'd with decent pace;
And first excus'd his youthful face;
Forgiveness begg'd, that he appear'd
('Twas nature's fault,) without a beard.
is true, he was not much inclin'd
To fondness for the female kind;
Not, as his enemies object,
HEN beafts could speak (the learned fay, From chance, or natural defect;
They ftill can do fo every day),
It seems, they had religion then,
As much as now we find in men.
It happen'd, when a plague broke out
(Which therefore made them more devout),
The king of brutes (to make it plain,
Of quadrupeds I only mean)
By proclamation gave command,
That every fubje& in the land
Should to the priest confefs their fins;
And thus the pious wolf begins:
Good father, I must own with fhame,
That often I have been to blame :
I must confefs, on Friday last,
Wretch that I was! I broke my fast:
But I defy the basest tongue
To prove I did my neighbour wrong;
Or ever went to feek my food
By rapine, theft, or thirst of blood.
The afs, approaching next, confefs'd,
That in his heart he lov'd a jeft:
A wag he was, he needs must own,
And could not let a dunce alone :
Sometimes his friend he would not spare,
And might perhaps be too fevere:
But yet, the worst that could be said,
He was a wit both born and bred;
And, if it be a fin or shame,
Nature alone must bear the blame :
One fault he hath, is forry for't,
His ears are half a foot too fhort;
Which could he to the standard bring,
He'd fhew his face before the king:
Then for his voice, there's none disputes
That he's the nightingale of brutes.
The fwine with contrite heart allow'd,
His shape and beauty made him proud :
In diet was perhaps too nice,
But gluttony was ne'er his vice :
In every turn of life content,
And meekly took what fortune fent :
Inquire through all the parish round,
A better neighbour ne'er was found:
His vigilance might fome difplease;
'Tis true, he hated floth like pease.
The mimic ape began his chatter,
How evil tongues his life befpatter :
Much of the cenfuring world complain'd,
Who faid, his gravity was feign'd:
Indeed the ftrictnefs of his morals
Engag'd him in a hundred quarrels :
He faw, and he was griev'd to fee't,
His zeal was fometimes indifcreet:
Not by his frigid constitution;
But through a pious refolution:
For he had made a holy vow
Of chastity, as Monks do now;
Which he refolv'd to keep for ever hence,
And strictly too, as doth his* Reverence.
Apply the tale, and you fhall find,
How juft it fuits with human-kind.
Some faults we own but can you guess ?
-Why, virtues carried to excess,
Wherewith our vanity endows us,
Though neither foe nor friend allows us.
The lawyer fwears (you may rely on't)
He never fqueez'd a needy client;
And this he makes his conftant rule;
For which his brethren call him fool:
His confcience always was fo nice,
He freely gave the poor advice;
By which he loft, he may affirm,
A hundred fees laft Eafter-term.
While others of the learned robe
Would break the patience of a Job,
No pleader at the bar could match
His diligence and quick dispatch;
Ne'er kept a cause, he well may boast,
Above a term, or two at most.
The cringing knave who seeks a place
Without fuccefs, thus tells his cafe :
Why should he longer mince the matter?
He fail'd, because he could not flatter;
He had not learn'd to turn his coat,
Nor for a party give his vote :
His crime he quickly understood;
Too zealous for the nation's good:
He found the minifters/refent it,
Yet could not for his heart repent it.
The chaplain vows he cannot fawn,
Though it would raise him to the lawn:
He pafs'd his hours among his books;
You find it in his meagre looks:
He might, if he were worldly wife,
Preferment get, and spare his eyes;
But own'd he had a ftubborn fpirit,
That made him trust alone to merit :
Would rife by merit to promotion;
Alas! a mere chimeric notion.
The doctor, if you will believe him,
Confefs'd a fin; and, (God forgive him!)
Call'd up at midnight, ran to fave
A blind old beggar from the grave:
But fee how Satan fpreads his fnares ;
He quite forgot to say his prayers.
* The priest his confeflor
e cannot help it for his heart
metimes to act the parfon's part:
notes from the Bible many a sentence,
hat moves his patients to repentance :
nd, when his medicines do no good,
pports their minds with heavenly food,
which, however well intended,
hears the clergy are offended,
id grown fo bold behind his back,
› call him hypocrite and quack.
his own church he keeps a feat;
78 grace before and after meat;
d calls, without affecting airs,
shoufhold twice a day to prayers.
fhuns apothecaries' fhops,
d hates to cram the fick with flops:
fcorns to make his art a trade,
r bribes my, lady's favourite maid:
Inurfe-keepers would never hire,
recommend him to the fquire;
ich others, whom he will not name,
ve often practis'd to their shame.
The statesman tells you, with a fneer,
fault is to be too fincere ;
d, having no finifter ends,
pt to disoblige his friends.
e nation's good, his master's glory, ́
thout regard to Whig or Tory,
ere all the schemes he had in view;
t he was feconded by few:
ough some had spread a thousand lyes,
was be defeated the Excife.
was known, though he had borne afperfion,
at flanding troops were his averfion :
practice was, in every station,
ferve the king, and please the nation
ough hard to find in every case
e fittest man to fill a place :
promises he ne'er forgot,
t took memorials on the spot :
s enemies, for want of charity,
d, he affected popularity:
s true, the people understood,
at all he did was for their good;
eir kind affections he has try'd;
love is loft on either fide.
came to court with fortune clear, hich now he runs out every year: uft, at the rate that he goes on, vitably be undone :
if his Majefty would please give him but a writ of ease, ould grant him licence to retire, it hath long been his defire, fair accounts it would be found, 's poorer by ten thousand pound. owns, and hopes it is no fin, ene'er was partial to his kin; e thought it bafe for men in stations o crowd the court with their relations: is country was his dearest mother, nd every virtuous man his brother; hrough modefty or awkward fhame For which he owns himself to blame), He found the wifeft man he could, ithout refpect to friends or blood;
Nor never acts on private views,
When he hath liberty to choose.
The sharper swore he hated play,
Except to pafs an hour away:
And well he might; for, to his coft,
By want of fkill he always loft:
He heard there was a club of cheats,
Who had contriv'd a thousand feats;
Could change the ftock, or cog a dye,
And thus deceive the fharpeft eye.
Nor wonder how his fortune funk;
His brothers fleece him when he 's drunk.
I own the moral not exact:
Befides, the tale is falfe in fact;
And fo abfurd, that, could I raise up
From fields Elysian, fabling Æfop,
I would accufe him to his face
For libeling the four-foot race.
Creatures of every kind but ours
Well comprehend their natural powers;
While we, whom reafon ought to sway,
Mistake our talents every day.
The afs was never known fo ftupid
To act the part of Tray or Cupid;
Nor leaps upon his mafter's lap,
There to be ftroak'd, and fed with pap,
As Efop would the world perfuade;
He better understands his trade:
Nor comes, whene'er his lady whiftles;
But carries loads, and feeds on thistles.
Our author's meaning, I prefume, is
A creature bipes et implumis ;
Wherein the moralift defign'd
A compliment on human-kind:
For here he owns, that now and then
Beafts may degenerate into men.
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Thy thread-bare gown, thy caffock rent,
Thy credit funk, thy money spent,
Thy week made up of fafting-days,
Thy grate unconscious of a blaze,
And, to complete thy other curses,
The quarterly demands of nurses,
Are ills you wifely wish to leave,
And fly for refuge to the grave:
And, oh, what virtue you express,
In wishing fuch afflictions lefs!
But, now, fhould Fortune fhift the scene,
And make thy Curateship a Dean;
Or fome rich benefice provide,
To pamper luxury and pride;
With labour fmall, and income great ;
With chariot lefs for ufe than state;
With fwelling fcarf and gloffy gown,
And licence to refide in town;
To fhine, where all the gay refort,
At concerts, coffee-houfe, or court,
And weekly perfecute his Grace
With vifits, or to beg a place;
With underlings thy flock to teach,
With no defire to pray or preach;
With haughty spouse in vefture fine,
With plenteous meals and generous wine;
Wouldst thou not wifh, in fo much ease,
Thy years as numerous as thy days?
OOR ladies! though their business be to play, 'Tis
Pris hard they must be bufy night and day.
Why should they want the privilege of men,
Nor take fome fmall diverfions now and then?
Had women been the makers of our laws
(And why they were not, I can fee no cause),
The men fhould flave at cards from morn to night,
And female pleafures be to read and write.
N inundation, says the fable,
AO'erflow'd a farmer's barn and stable;
Whole ricks of hay, and stacks of corn,
Were down the fudden current borne;
While things of heterogeneous kind
Together float with tide and wind.
The generous wheat forgot its pride,
And fail'd with litter fide by fide;
Uniting all, to fhew their amity,
As in a general calamity.
A ball of new-dropt horfe's dung,
IN THE MODERN TASTE. 1733. Mingling with apples in the throng,
Said to the pippin plump and prim,
"See, brother, how we apples fwim."
Thus Lamb, renown'd for cutting corns,
An offer'd fee of Radcliff fcorns:
"Not for the world-we doctors brother,
"Muft take no fees of one another."
Thus to a Dean fome Curate floven
Subscribes, "Dear Sir, your brother loving."
Thus all the footmen, fhoe-boys, porters,
About St. James's, cry, “We courtiers.”
Thus H-e in the house will prate,
"Sir, we the minifters of ftate."
Thus at the bar the blockhead Bettesworth,
Though half a crown o'erpays his fweat's worth,
Who knows in law nor text nor margent,
Calls Singleton his brother ferjeant.
And thus fanatic faints, though neither in
Doctrine nor difcipline our brethren,
Are Brother Proteftants and Christians,
As much as Hebrews and Philistines:
But in no other fenfe, than nature
Has made a rat our fellow-creature.
Lice from your body fuck their food;
But is a loufe your flesh and blood?
Though born of human filth and fweat, it
May as well be faid man did beget it:
But maggots in your nofe and chin
As well may claim you for their kin.
Yet criticks may object, Why not?
Since lice are brethren to a Scot:
Which made our swarm of fees determine
Employments for their brother vermin.
But be they English, Irish, Scottish,
What Proteftant can be fo fottish,
While o'er the church these clouds are gathering,
To call a fwarm of lice his brethren ?
As Mofes, by divine advice,
In Egypt turn'd the duft to lice;
And as our fects, by all defcriptions,
Have hearts more harden'd than Egyptians;
As from the trodden duft they fpring,
And, turn'd to lice, infeft the king:
For pity's fake, it would be just,
A red fhould turn them back to duft.
Let folks in high or holy ftations
Be proud of owning fuch relations;
Let courtiers hug them in their bosom,
As if they were afraid to lofe 'em :
While I, with humble Job, had rather
Say to corruption-" Thou 'rt
my
For he that has fo little wit
To nourish vermin, may be bit.
THE KEVAN BAYL'S NEW BALLAD,
UPON SERJEANT KITE'S INSULTING THE DEAN.
To the Tune of "Derry down."
At length his Old Master (I need not him name) To this damnable Speaker had long ow'd a fhame; When his fpeech came abroad, he paid him off clean, By leaving him under the pen of the Dean. Knock bim down, &c.
He kindled, as if the whole Satire had been The oppreffion of Virtue, not wages of Sin. He began, as he bragg'd, with a rant and a roar; He bragg'd how he bounc'd, and he swore how he Knock him down, &c.
Though he cring'd to his Deanfhip in very low ftrains,
JO11 Yboys of St, Kevan's, Stu, if not sold before, To others he boafted of knocking out brains,
How Betterworth, that booby, and fcoundrel in And flitting of nofes, and cropping of ears,
Hath infulted us all by infulting the Dean.
Knock him down, down, down, knock him down.
The Dean and his merits we every one know;
While his own afs's zaggs were more fit for the fhears.
On this Worrier of Deans whene'er we can hit, But this fkip of a Lawyer, where the De'el did he] We 'll fhew him the way how to crop and to flit; grow?
How greater his merit at Four Courts or House,
Than the barking of Towzer, or leap of a louse ? Knock bim dorun, &c.
We'll teach him some better addrefs to afford
To the Dean of all Deans, though he wears not a
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