A NEW-YEAR'S GIFT

FOR BEC. 1723-4.

ETURNING Janus now prepares,

RETURNING Jupply of

Sent in a bag to Doctor Swift,

Who thus difplays the New-year's-gift.
First, this large parcel brings you tidings
Of our good Dean's eternal chidings;
Of Nelly's pertuefs, Robin's leafings,
And Sheridan's perpetual teazings.
This box is cramm`d on every fide
With Stella's magifterial pride.
Behold a cage with fparrows fill'd,
Firit to be fondled, then be kill'd.
Now to this hamper I invite you,
With Ex imagin'd cares to fright you,
Here in this bundle janus fends
Concerns y thousands for your friends:
And here's a pair of leathern pokes,
To hold your cares for other folks.
Here from this barrel you may broach
A peck of troubles for a coach.

This ball of wax your cars will darken,
Still to be curious, never hearken.
Left you the town may have lefs trouble in,
Bring all your Quilca's care to Dublin,
For which he fends this empty fack;
And fo take all upon your back.

To

Written on the DAY of her BIRTE, but not op
the SUBJECT, when I was fick in Bed,
ORMENTED with inceffant pains,
Can I devise poetic ftrains?
Time was, when I could yearly pay
My verfe on Stella's native day:
But now, unable grown to write,
I grieve the ever faw the light.
Ungrateful! fince to her I owe
That I thefe pains can undergo.
She tends me, like an humble flave;
And, when indecently I rave,
When out my brutifh paffions break,
With gall in every word I fpeak,
She, with foft fpeech, my anguish cheers,
Or melts my paffions down with tears:
Although 'tis easy to defcry

She wants affiftance more than I;
Yet feems to feel my pains alone,
And is a Stoie in her own.
When, among fcholars, can we find
So foft, and yet fo firm a mind?
All accidents of life confpire
To raife up Stella's virtue higher,
Or elfe to introduce the reft
Which had been latent in her breaft.
Her firmnefs who could e'er have known,
Had he not evils of her own?

Her kindness who could ever guefs,
Had not her friends been in diftrefs?
Whatever bafe returns you fnd
From me, dear Stella, ftill be kind,
In your own heart you'll reap the fruit,
Though I continue still a brute,
But, when I once am out of pain,
I promife to be good again:
Meantime, your other jufter friends
Shall for my fellies make amends;
So may we long continue thus,
Admiring you, you pitying us.

Jove never fends us downward from the skies;
Nor can they from infernal manfions rife ;
But all are mere productions of the brain,
And fools confult interpreters in vain.

For, when in bed we reft our weary limbs,

The mind unburden'd sports in various whims ;
The bufy head with mimic art runs o'er
The fcenes and actions of the day before.

The drowfy tyrant, by his minions led,
To regal rage devotes fome patriot's head.
With equal terrors, not with equal guilt,
The murderer dreams of all the blood he fpilt,
The foldier fmiling hears the widow's cries,
And ftabs the fon before the mother's eyes.
With like re morfe his brother of the trade,
The butcher, fells the lamb beneath his blade.

The statesman rakes the town to find a plot,
And dreams of forfeitures by treafen got.
Nor lefs Tom-t-d-man, of true ftatefman mold,
Collects the city filth in fearch of gold.

Orphans around his Led the lawyer fees, And takes the plaintiff's and defendant's fees. His fellow pick-purfe, watching for a job, fancies his finger 's in the cully's fob.

The kind phyfician grants the hufband's prayers, Or gives relief to leng-expecting heirs. The fleeping hangman ties the fatal noofe, Nor unfuccefsful waits for dead men's fhoes.

The grave divine, with knotty points perplext, As if he was awake, nods o'er his text: While the fly mountebank attends his trade, Harangues the rabble, and is better paid.

The hireling fenator of modern days Bedaubs the guilty great with nauseous praise : And Dick the icavenger, with equal grace, Flirts from his cart the mud in ***** s face.

Natale folum, my estate;

My dear eftate, how well I love it!
My tenants, if you doubt, will prove it,
They fwear I am fo kind and good,
I bug them, till I fqueeze their blood.
Libertas bears a large import:
First, how to fwagger in a court;
And, fecondly, to fhew my fury
Againft an un-complying jury;'
And, thirdly, 'tis a new invention,
To favour Wood, and keep my penfion;
And, fourthly, 'tis to play an odd trick,
Get the great feal, and turn out Broderick;

* The chief juftice who profecuted the Drapier.

And, fifthly, (you know whom I mean)
To hum: le that vexatious Dean;

And, fixthly, for my foul, to barter it
For fifty times its worth to Carteret.

Now, fince your motto thus you conftrue, I must confefs you 've spoken once true. Libertas et natale folum:

You had good reafon, when you ftole 'em.

Sent by Dr. DELANY to Dr. SWIFT, In order to be admitted to speak to him, when he was DEAF. 1724.

DEA

EAR fir, I think 'tis doubly hard,
Your ears

and doors fhould both be barr'd,
Can any thing be more unkind?
Muft I not fee, 'caufe you are blind?
Methinks a friend at night should cheer you,
A friend that loves to fee and hear you.
Why am I robb'd of that delight,
When you can be no lofer by 't?
Nay, when 'tis plain (for what is plainer?)
That, if you heard, you'd be no gainer?
For fure you are not yet to learn,
That hearing is not your concern.
Then be your doors no longer barr'd
Your bufinefs, fir, is to be heard.

THE

THE

ANSWER.

HE wife pretend to make it clear, 'Tis no great lofs to fofe an ear. Why are we then fo fond of two, When by experience one would do?,

7

'Tis true, fay they, cut off the head, And there's an end; the man is dead; Becaufe, among all human race, None e'er was known to have a brace: But confidently they maintain, That where we find the members twain, The lofs of one is no fuch trouble, Since t' other will in ftrength be double, The limb furviving, you may fwear, Becomes his brother's lawful heir; Thus, for a trial, let me beg of Your reverence but to cut one leg off, And you will find, by this device, The other will be ftronger twice; For every day you shall be gaining New vigour to the leg remaining. So, when an eye has loft its brother, You fee the better with the other. Cut off your hand, and you may do With t' other hand the work of two; Because the foul her power contracts, And on the brother limb re-acts. But yet the point is not fo alear in Another cafe, the fenfe of hearing: For, though the place of either ear Be diftant as one head can bear;

+ Lord lieutenant of Ireland.

Yet Galen moft acutely fhews you,
(Confult his book de partium usu)
That from each ear, as he obferves,
There creep two auditory nerves,
Not to be feen without a glass,
Which near the os petrofum pafs;

Thence to the neck; and moving thorow there,
One goes to this, and one to t' other ear;
Which made my grand-dame always stuff her
ears,

Both right and left, as fellow-sufferers.
You fee my learning; but, to fhorten it,
When my left ear was deaf a fortnight,
To t' other ear I felt it coming on:
And thus I folve this hard phænomewion.
'Tis true, a glafs will bring fupplies
To weak, or old, or clouded eyes;

Your arms, though both your eyes were loft,
Would guard your nofe against a poft;
Without your legs, two legs of wood
Are ftronger and almost as good;
And as for hands, there have been thofe
Who, wanting both, have us'd their toes*,
But no contrivance yet appears
To furnish artificial ears.

He mark'd the conjugal difpute;
Nell roar'd inceffapt, Dick fat mute;
But, when he faw his friend appear,
Cry'd bravely, Patience, good my dear!
At fight of Will, the bawl'd no more,
But hurry'd out, and clap'd the door.

Why Dick! the devil's in thy Nell,
(Quoth Will) thy houfe is worfe than hell:
Why what a peal the jade has rung!
Dn her, why don't you flit her tongue?
For nothing elfe will make it cease.
Dear Will, I fuffer this for peace:
I never quarrel with my wife;
I bear it for a quiet life.

Scripture, you know, exhorts us to it;
Bids us to feek peace, and erfue it.
Will went again to visit Dick;
And entering in the very nick,
He faw virago Nell belabour,

With Dick's own ftaff, his peaceful neighbour:
Poor Will, who needs muft interpofe,
Recciv'd a brace or two of blows,

But now, to make my story short,
Will drew out Dick to take a quart.
Why, Dick, thy wife has devilish whims ;
Ods-buds! why don't you break her limbs ?
If the were mine, and had fuch tricks,
I'd teach her how to handle sticks :

Z-ds! I would fhip her to Jamaica,
Or truck the carrion for tobacco:
I'd fend her far enough away--
D.ar Will; but what would people say?
Lord! I fhould get fo ill a name,

The neighbours round would cry out fhame,
Dick fuffer'd for his peace and credit;
But who believ'd him, when he said it?
Can he who makes himself a flave,
Confult his peace, or credit fave?
Dick found it by his ill fuccefs,
His quiet fmall, his credit lefs.
She ferv'd him at the ufual rate;

She ftunn'd, and then he broke, his pate;
And, what he thought the hardest cafe,
The parish jecr'd him to his face ;
Thofe men who wore the breeches leaft,
Call'd him a cuckold, fool, and beast.
At home he was pursued with noise;
Abroad was pefter'd by the boys:
Within, his wife would break his bones;
Without, they pelted him with stones :
The 'prentices procur'd a riding*,
To act his patience, and her chiding.

Falfe patience and mistaken pride!
There are ten thousand Dicks befide,
Slaves to their quiet and good name,
Are us'd like Dick, and bear the blame.

THE BIRTH OF MANLY VIRTUE. Inferibed to Lord CARTERET, 1724. "Gratior & pulchro veniens in corpore Virtus." VIRG

NCE on a time, a righteous Sage, Grier'd at the vices of the age, Applied to Jove with fervent prayer: "O Jove, if Virtue be fo fair "As it was deem'd in former days "By Plato and by Socrates, "Whofe beauties mortal eyes efcape, "Only for want of outward fhape; "Make then its real excellence,

For once, the theme of human fense:
"So fhall the eye, by form confin'd,
"Direct and fix the wandering mind,
"And long-deluded mortals fee
"With rapture what they us'd to flee."

Jove grants the prayer, gives Virtue birth,
And bids him blefs and mend the earth,
Behold him blooming fresh and fair,
Now made-ye gods-a fon and heir:
An heir; and, ftranger yet to hear,
An heir, an orphan of a peer;
But prodigies are wrought, to prove
Nothing impoffible to Jove.

Virtue was for this fex defign'd
In mild reproot to woman-kind;
In manly form to let them fee
The loveliness of modesty,

* A well-known humeurous cavalcade, in ridi

The thousand decencies that shone
With lefTen'd luftre in their own;
Which few had learn'd enough to prize,
And fome thought modifh to defpife.

To make his merit more difcern'd,
He goes to school-he reads-is learn'd;
Rais'd high, above his birth, by knowledge,
He fhines diftinguish'd in a college;
Refolv'd nor honour, nor eftate,
Himfelf alone fhould make him great.
Here foon for every art renown'd,
His influence is diffus❜d around ;
Th' inferior youth, to learning led,
Lefs to be fam'd than to be fed,
Behold the glory he has won,

And blush to fee themfelves outdone;
And now, inflam❜d with rival rage,
In fcientific ftrife engage;
Engage-and, in the glorious ftrife,
The arts new-kindle into life.

Here would our Hero ever dwell,
Fix'd in a lonely learned cell;
Contented to be truly great,
In Virtue's beft-belov'd retreat;
Contented b--but Fate ordains
He now fhall fhine in nobler fcenes
(Rais'd high, like fome celeftial fire,
To fhine the more, ftill rifing higher);
Completely form'd in every part,
To win the foul, and glad the heart.
The powerful voice, the graceful mien,
Lovely alike, or heard, or feen;
The outward form and inward vie,
His foul bright beaming from his eye,
Ennobling every act and air,
With juft, and generous, and fincere.
Accomplish'd thus, his next refort
Is to the council and the court,
Where Virtue is in leaft repute,
And intereft the one purfuit;

Where right and corong are bought and fold,
Barter'd for beauty, and for gold;
Here Manly Virtue, even here,
Pleas'd in the person of a peer,
A peer; a fcarcely-bearded youth,
Who talk'd of justice and of truth,
Of innocence the fureft guard,
Tales here forgot, or yet unheard;
That he alone deferv'd efteen,
Who was the man he wish'd to feem;
Call'd it unmanly and unwife,
To lurk behind a mean difguife;
(Give fraudful Vice the mark and screen,
'Tis Virtue's intereft to be feen ;)
Call'd want of frame a want of fenfe,
And found, in blushes, eloquence.

Thus, acting what he taught fo well,
He drew dumb Merit from her cell,
Led with amazing art along

The baft.ful dame, and loos'd her tongue;
And, whilst he made her value known,
Yet more difplay'd and rais'd his own.

Thus young, thus proof to all temptations, He rifes to the highest stations

(For where high honour is the prize,
True Virtue has a right to rife):
Let courtly flaves low bend the knee
To Wealth and Vice in high degree:
Exalted Worth difdains to owe
Its grandeur to its greatest foe.

Now rais'd on high, fee Virtue shows
The godlike ends for which he rose ;
For him, let proud Ambition know
The height of glory here below,
Grandeur, by goodhefs made compleat!
To blefs, is truly to be great!
He taught how men to honour rife,
Like gilded vapours to the skies,
Which, how foever they difplay
Their glory from the god of day,
Their nobleft ufe is to abate
His dangerous excefs of heat,
To fhield the infant fruits and flowers,
And blefs the earth with genial fhowers.

Now change the feene; a nobler care
Demands him in a higher fphere* :
Diftrefs of nations calls him hence,
Permitted fo by Providence;
For models, made to mend our kind,
To no one clime thould be confin'd;
And Marly Virtue, like the fun,
His courfe of glorious toils fhould run;
Alike diTufing in his flight
Congenial joy, and life, and light,
Pale Envy fickens, Error flies,
Aud Difcord in his prefence dies;
Oppreffion hides with guilty dread,
And Merit rears her drooping head;
The arts revive, the valles fng,
And winter foftens into fpring:

The wondering world, where'er he moves,
With new delight looks up and loves;
One fex confenting to admire,
Nor lefs the other to defire;
Whilft be, though feated on a throne,
Confines his love to one alone;
The rest condemn'd, with rival voice
Repining, do applaud his choice.

Fane now reports, the Wettern Ife
Is made his manfon for a while,
Whofe anxious natives night and day
(Happy beneath his righteous fway)
Weary the gods with ceafelefs prayer,
To blefs him, and to keep him there;
And claim it as a debt from fate,
Too lately found, to lofe him late.

RIDDLES,

BY DR. SWIFT AND HIS FRIENDS,
Written in or about the Year 1724.
I. ON A PEN.

For bathing in the waters fair,

youth exalted high in air,

Nature to form me took delight,
And clad my body all in white,
My perfon tall, and flender waift,
On either fide with fringes grac'd;
Till me that tyrant man efpy'd,

And dragg'd me from my mother's fide:
No wonder now I look fo thin;
The tyrant ftript me to the skin :
My fkin he flay'd, my hair he cropt;
At head and foot my body lopt;

And then, with heart more hard than stone,
He pick'd my marrow from the bone.
To vex me more, he took a freak

To fit my tongue, and make me speak:
But, that which wonderful appears,
I fpeak to eyes, and not to ears.
He oft' employs me in difguife,
And makes me tell a thousand ties:
To me he chiefly gives in truft
To pleafe his malice or his luft:
From me no fecret he can hide;
I fee his vanity and pride:
And my delight is to expose
His follies to his greatest foes.

All languages I can command,
Yet not a word I understand.
Without my aid, the best divine
In learning would not know a line:
The lawyer muft forget his pleading;
The fcholar could not fhew his reading.
Nay, man my mafter is my flave;
I give command to kill or fave;

An alderman,

Can grant ten thousand pounds a year,
And make a beggar's brat a peer,
But, while I thus my life relate,
I only haften on my fate.

My tongue is black, my mouth is furr'd,
I hardly now can force a word.
I die unpitied and forgot,
And on some dunghill left to rot.

II. On GOLD.

ALL ruling tyrant of the earth,

To vileft flaves I owe my birth. How is the greatest monarch bleft, When in my gaudy livery dreit! No haughty nymph has power to run From me, or my embraces fhun. Stabb'd to the heart, condemn'd to flame, My confiancy is ftill the fame. The favourite meffenger of Jove, And Leminian God, confulting ftrove To make me glorious to the fight Of mortals, and the Gods delight. Soon would their altars' flame expire, If I refus❜d to lend them fire.

III.

BY fate exalted high in place,

Lo, here I ftand with deable face; Superior none on earth I fnd; But fee below me all mankind. Yet, as it oft' attends the great, I almost sink with my own weight. At every motion undertook, The vulgar all confult my lock. I fometimes give advice in writings But never of my own editing.

I am a courtier in my way; For those who rais'd me, I betray; And fome give out, that I entice To luft, and luxury, and dice; Who punishments on me inflict, Because they find their pockets pickt, By riding pot, I lofe my health; And only to get others wealth.

IV. On the POSTERIORS.

ECAUSE I am by nature blind,

BI wiiely choofe to walk behind;

However, to avoid difgrace,
I let no creature fee my face.

My words are few, but fpoke with fenfe;
And yet my freaking gives offence:
Or, if to whisper I prefume,
The company will fly the room.
By all the world I am oppre? ;
And my oppreffion gives them reft.