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* I'm fure I never fhould negle&"No man alive has more refpe&t

Well, I fhall think of that no more, "If you'll be fure to come at four."

The Doctor now obeys the fummons,
Likes both his company and commons;
Difplays his talent, fits till ten;
Next day invited comes again;
Soon grows domeftic, feldom fails
Either at morning or at meals :
Came early, and departed late;
In short, the gudgeon took the bait.
My Lord would carry on the jest,
And down to Windfor takes his guest.
Swift much admires the place and air,
And longs to be a canon there;
In fummer round the park to ride;
In winter, never to reide.

A canon! that's a place too mean;
No Doctor, you shall be a Dean;
Two dozen canons round your fall,
And you the tyrant o'er them all :
You need but cross the Irish feas,
To live in plenty, power, and cafe.
Poor Swift departs; and, what is worse,
With borrow'd money in his purfe,
Travels at leaft an hundred leagues,
And fuffers numberlefs fatigues.

Suppofe him now a Dean complete,
Demurely lolling in his feat;

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The filver verge, with decent pride,
Stuck underneath his cushion-fde:
Suppofe him gone through all vexations,
Patents, inftalments, abjurations,
Firft-fruits and tenths, and chapter-treats;
Dues, payments, fees, demands, and cheats-
(The wicked laity's contriving

To hinder clergymen from thriving).

Now all the Doctor's money 's spent,

His tenants wrong him in his rent;
The farmers, fpitefully combin'd,
Force him to take his tithes in kind:
And Parvifol* discounts arrears
By bills for taxes and repairs.

Poor Swift, with all his loffes vex'd,
Not knowing where to turn him next,
Above a thousand pounds in debt,
Takes horie, and in a mighty fret
Rides day and night at fuch a rate,
He foon arrives at Harley's gate;
But was fo dirty, rale, and thin,
Old Read† would hardly let him in.

"Experience I have dearly bought; "You know I am not worth a groat: "But you refolv'd to have your jeft; "And 'twas a folly to contest;

I

Then, fince you have now done your worst, Pray leave me where you found me firft."

135

HORACE, BOOK II SAT. VL
'VE often wifh'd that I had clear,
For life, fix hundred pounds a-year,
A handfome house to lodge a friend,
A river at my garden's end,

A terrace walk, and half a rood
Of land fet out to plant a wood.

Well, now I have all this and more,

I ask not to increase my store;

But here a grievance feems to lie,

All this is mine but till I die;

I can't but think twould found more clever, To me and to my heirs for ever.

If I ne'er got or loft a groat,

By any trick, or any fault;

And if I pray by reafon's rules,

And not like forty other fools:

As thus, "Vouchfafe, oh gracious Maker! "To grant me this and t'other acre; « Or, if it be thy will and pleasure, "Direct my plough to find a treasure !” But only what my station fits, And to be kept in my right wits, Preferve, Almighty Providence! Juft what you gave me, competence: And let me in thefe fhades compofe Something in verfe as true as profe;

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Rentov'd from all th' ambitious fcene,

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Nor cross the Channel twice a year,

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To spend fix months with ftatesmen bere,
I muft by all means come to town,
Tis for the fervice of the Crown.
"Lewis, the Dean will be of ufe;

Send for him up, take no excufe."
The toil, the danger of the feas,
Great Minifters ne'er think of thefe;
Or let it coft five hundred pound,
No matter where the money 's found,
It is but fo much more in debt,
And that they neʼer confider'd yet.

"Good Mr. Dean, go change your gown, "Let my Lord know you 're come to town." I hurry me in hafte away.

Not thinking it is levee-day;

And find his honour in a pound.

Hemm'd by a triple circle round,

Chequer'd with ribbons blue and green : How should I thruft myself between? Soe wag obferves me thus perplex'd, | And, fmiling, whispers to the next, "I thought the Dean had been too proud, "To jufle here among the croud!" Another, in a furly fit,

Tells me I have more zeal than wit

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So eager to express your love,
"You ne'er confider whom you shove,
"But rudely prefs before a duke.”
Iown, I'm pleas'd with this rebuke,
And take it kindly meant, to fhow
What I defire the world thould know.
I get a whisper, and withdraw;
When twenty fools I never faw
Come with petitions fairly penn'd,
Delring I would stand their friend.

This humbly offers me his cafeThat begs my intereft for a placeA hundred other men's affairs, Like bees, are humming in my ears. "To-morrow my appeal comes on; "Without your help, the caufe is gone The duke expects my lord and you, About fome great affair, at two"Put my lord Bolingbroke in mind, "To get my warrant quickly i gn'd: "Confider, 'tis my firft requeft."Be fatisfy'd, I'll do my best. Then presently he falls to teaze, "You may for certain, if you please ; "I doubt not, if his lordship knew"And, Mr. Dean, one word from you—" 'Tis (let me fee) three years and more, (Octobee next it will be four) Since Harley bid me first attend, And chose me for an humble friend; Would take me in his coach to chat, And queftion me of this and that;

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75 By an old ·

* *

*

pursued

A crazy prelate, and a royal prude‡;
By dull divines, who look with envious eyes
On every genius that attempts to rife ;
And, paufing o'er a pipe with doubtful nod,
80 Give hints that poets ne'er believe in God:
So clowns on fcholars as on wizards look,
And take a folio for a conjuring book.

Swift had the finor wit, no venial crime;
Nay, 'tis affirm'd, he fometimes dealt in rhyme ;
85 Humour and mirth had place in all he writ;
He reconcil'd divinity and wit;

As, "What's o'clock?" And, "How's the

"wind?"

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"From Pope, from Parnell, or from Gay?"

Such tattle often entertains

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He mov'd, and bowd, and talk'd, with to much grace

Nor fhew'd the parfon in his gait or face; Defpis'd luxurious wines and costly meat, Yet ftill was at the tables of the great; Frequented lords, faw those that faw the Queen; At Child's§ or Truby's never once had been; Where town and country vicars flock in tribes, Secur'd by numbers from the laymen's gibes, And deal in vices of the graver fort, Tobacco, cenfure, conee, pride, and port. But, after fage monitions from his friends, His talents to employ for nobler ends; To better judgments willing to Lubmit, 100 He turns to politicks his dangerous wit.

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And now, the public intereft to fupport, By Harley Swift invited comes to court; In favour grows with minifters of ft te; Admitted private, when fuperiors wait; 105 And Harley, not aftan'd his choice to own, Take him to Windfor in his coach alone. At Windfor Swift no fooner can appear, But St. John comes and whispers in his ear: The waiters ftand in ranks; the yeomen cry, Make room, as if a duke were paffing by.

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There flies about a trange report Of fome exprefs arriv'd at court: I'm stopp'd by all the fools I meet, And catechis'd in every street. "You, Mr. Dean, frequent the great; "Inform us, will the Emperor treat? "Or do the prints and papers lie? Faith, Sir, you know as much as I. “Ah, Doctor, how you love to jest! "'Tis now no fecret"-I protett 'Tis one to me" Then tell us, pray, "When are the troops to have their pay?" 120 And, though I folemnly declare

I know no more than my lord mayor,

Now Finch | alarms the Lords: he hears for

certain

This dangerous prieft is got behind the curtain, Finch, fai'd for tedious elocution, proves

That Swift oils many a fpring which Harley

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Walpole and Aislabie, to clear the doubt, Inform the Commons, that the fecret 's out: "A certain doctor is observ'd of late "To haunt a certain minifter of ftate; "From whence with half an eye we may difco

ver

"The peace is made, and Perkin muft come

over."

York is from Lambeth fent, to fhew the
Queen

A dangerous treatise writ against the spleen;
Which, by the ftyle, the matter, and the driit,
'Tis thought could be the work of none but
Swift.

Poor York! the harmless tool of others' hate;
He fues for pardont, and repents too late.
Now, angry Someriets her vergeance vows
On Swift's reproaches for her *****
From her red locks her mouth with venom fills;
And thence into the royal car inftills,
The Queen incens'd, his fervices forgot,
Leaves him a victim to the vengeful Scot.||
Now through the realm a proclamation spread,
To fix a price on his devoted head¶.
While innocent, he fcorns ignoble flight;
His watchful friends preferve him by a fleight,
By Harley's favour once again he fines;
Is now carefs'd by candidate divines,
Who change opinions with the changing feene;
Lord! how were they mistaken in the Dean!
Now Delawarr** again familiar grows,

And in Swift's car thrusts half his powder'd

nofe.

The Scottish nation, whom he durf offend, Again apply that Swift would be their friend.†† By faction tir'd, with grief he waits awhile, His great contending friends to reconcile, Performs what friendship, juftice, truth, require :

What could he more, but decently retire?

THE FAGGOT.

WRITTEN WHEN THE MINISTRY WERE AT

VARIANCE.

1713.

BSERVE the dying father Speak:

OBSERVE break?

Then bids the youngest of the fix

Take up a well-bound heap of ticks.

They thought it was an old man's maggot;
And ftrove by turns to break the faggot:
In vain; the complicated wands
Were much too strong for all their hands,
See, faid the fire, how foon 'tis done;
Then took and broke them one by one.
So ftrong you'll be, in friendfrip ty'd;
So quickly broke, if you divide.
Keep clofe then, boys, and never quarrel:
Here ends the fable and the moral.

This tale may be apply'd in few words
To treasurers, comptrollers, stewards;
And others who in folemn fort
Appear with flender wands at court;
Not firmly join'd to keep their ground,
But lafting one another round :
While wife men think they ought to fight
With quarter-paffs, inftead of white;
Or contable with aff of peace
Should come and make the clattering ceafe,
Which now difturbs the Queen and court,
And gives the Whigs and rabble fport.

In hiftory we never found
The Confuls' Fafces were unbound:
Thefe Romans were too wife to think on 't,
Except to lafh fome grand delinquent.
How would they blush to hear it faid,
The Prætor broke the Conful's head!
Or Conful, in his purple gown,
Came up, and knock'd the Prætor down!
Come, Courtiers: every man his ftick!
Lord Treasurer, for once be quick :
And, that they may the closer cling,
Take your blue ribbon for a ftring.

Come, trimming Harcourt, bring your mace
And fqueeze it in, or quit your place :
Dispatch, or elfe that rafcal Northey+
Will undertake to do it for thee:
And, be affur'd, the Court will find him
Prepar'd to leap d'er jicks, or bind 'em.

To make the bundle Atrong and fafe,
Great Ormond, lend thy General's staff ;
And, if the Crofier could be cramin'd in,
A fig for Lechmere, King, and Hambden!
You'll then defy the ftrongest Whig
With both bis hands to bend a twig;
Though with united strength they all pull,
From Somers down to Craggs and Walpole.

CATULLUS DE LESBIA.

ESBIA for ever on me rails,

★ Trey both fjoke again i him in the Houfe efto talk of me re never fails.

Commens

Tle of a Tub.

He jert a merge to afk Savif?' harden. See the Windfor Prophecy, p. 281.

The Duke of Argyll.

For cwriting The Pullic Spirit of Whigs." **Then tordreafurer of the householli, who caupioul; avuided Saif: whithi the proclamation was im, endir.

†† He was mifited by the Scottish lords more than

wer.

Now, hang me but for all her art,
I find, that I have gain'd her heart.
My proof is thus: I plainly fee,
The cafe is just the fame with me;
curfe her every hour fincerely,
Yet, hang me but I love her dearly.

Lord Chanceller.

Sir Edward Northey, Attorney-General.

EPIGRAM.

From the French

THO can believe with common ferfe,

W bacondice gives God offence;

Cr, how a herring hath a charin
Almighty vengeance to difarm?
Wrapt up in Majetty divine,
Does he regard on what we dine?

A candlestick, fnuff-dish, hnd fave-all:
And thus his houstold goods you have all
Thefe to your Lordship as a friend,
Till you have built, I freely lend:
They'll ferve your Lordship for a Lift;
Why not, as well as Doctor Swift?

I

ON A CURATE's COMPLAINT OF

HARD DUTY.

CADENUS AND VANESSA.*
Written at Windfor, 1713.

T

HE fhepherds and the nymphs were feen
Pleading before the Cyprian Queen.
The counfel for the fair began,

MARCH'D three miles through fcorching Accuting the falfe creature man.

fand,

With zeal in heart, and notes in hand;

I rode four more to Great St. Mary,
Uling four legs, when two were weary ;
To three fair virgins I did tie men,
In the clofe bands of pleafing Hymen:
I dipp'd two babes in holy water,
And purify'd their mother after.
Within an hour and ele a half,

I preach'd three congregations deaf;
Where thundering out, with lungs long-winded,
I chopp'd fo faft, that few there minded,
My emblem, the laborious fun,
Saw all these mighty labours done
Before one race of his was run.
All this perform'd by Robert Hewit:
What mortal elfe could e'er go through it!

A TRUE AND FAITHFUL INVENTORY of the GooDs belonging to DR. SWIFT, VICAR of LARA COR;

The brief with weighty crimes was charg'd,
On which the pleader much enlarg❜d;
That Cupid now has loft his art,

Or blunts the point of every dart ;-
His altar now no longer fmokes,
His mother's aid no youth invokes ;
This tempts freethinkers to refine,
And bring in doubt their powers divine g
Now love is dwindled to intrigue,
Which crimes arorefaid (with her leave)
And marriage grown a money-league.
Were (as he humbly did conceive)
Againft our fovereign lady's peace,
Against the ftatute in that cafe,
Against her dignity and crown:
Then pray
'd an aufwer, and fat down.
The nymphs with fcorn beheld their foes:
When the defendant's counsel rose,
And, what no lawyer ever lack'd,
With impudence own'd all the fact;
But, what the gentleft heart would vex,
Laid all the fault on t'other fex.
That modern love is no fuch thing
As what thofe ancient poets fing ';

Upen lending his House to the Bishop of Meath, till A fire celeftial, chafte, refin'd,

A

his Palace was re-built.

N caken, broken elbow-chair;
A caudle-cup, without an ear;
A batter'd, fhatter'd afh bedftead;
A box of deal, without a lid;
A pair of tongs, but out of joint;
A back-fword poker, without point;
A pot that 's crack'd across, around
With an old knotted garter bound;
An iron lock, without a key;

A wig, with hanging quite grown grey;
A curtain worn to half a ftripe ;
A pair of bellows, without pipe ;

A dish which might good meat afford once;
An Cvid, and an old Concordance;
A bottle-bottom, wooden platter,
One is for meal, and one for water:
There likewife is a copper fillet,
Which runs as faft out as you fill it;

*Written extempore by a gentlemen who was reproved by fome of his companions for eating eggs and bacon on a fufl-day.

Conceiv'd and kindled in the mind;
Which, having found an equal flame,
Unites, and both become the fame,
In different breasts together burn,
Together both to ashes turn.
But women now feel no fuch fire,
And only know the grofs defire.
Their paffions move in lower fpheres,
Where'er caprice or folly fteers.
A dog, a parrot, or an ape,
Or fome worse brute in human shape,
Ingrofs the fancies of the fair,
The few foft moments they can spare,
From vifts to receive and pay;

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The out or infide of their heads,
Between their toilets and their beds.

In a dull ftream, which moving flow,
You hardly fee the current How;
If a small breeze obtruct the course,

It whirls about, for want of force,

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For Cowley's briefs, and pleas of Waller, Still their authority was fmaller.

There was on both fides much to fay: She'd hear the caufe another day.

And fo fhe did: and then a third

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And in its narrow circle gathers

Nothing but chaf, and ftraws, and feathers.
The current of a female mind

Stops thus, and turns with every wind;
Thus whirling round together draws
Fools, fops, and rakes, for chatt and ftraws.
Hence we conclude, no women's hearts
Are won by virtue, wit, and parts :
Nor are the men of fenfe to blame,
For breafts incapable of flame;
The fault muft on the nymphs be plac'd,
Grown fo corrupted in their tafte.

The pleader, having spoke his beft,
Had witnefs ready to atteft,
Who fairly could on oath depofe,
When queftions on the fact arofe,
That every article was true;
Nor further these de onents knew it
Therefore he humbly would infift,
The bill might be with cofts difmifs'd.
The caufe appear'd of fo much weight,
That Venus, from ber judgment-feat,
Defir'd them not to talk fo loud,
Elfe the muft interpofe a cloud :
For, if the heavenly folk fhould know
Thefe pleadings in the courts below,
That mortals here difdain to love,
She ne'er could fhew her face above;
For gods, their betters, are too wife
To value that which men defpifc.
And then, faid he, my fon and I
Muft ftroll in air, 'twixt land and sky:
Or elfe, fhut out from heaven and earth,
Fly to the fea, my place of birth;
There live, with daggled mermaids pent,
And keep on fifh perpetual Lent.

But, fince the cafe appear'd fo nice,
She thought it beft to take advice.
The Mufes, by their King's permiffion,
Though foes to love, attend the feffion,
And on the right hand took their places
In order; on the left, the Graces:
To whom the might her doubts propofe
Cu all emergencies that rofe.

The Mufes oft' were feen to frown;
The Graces half-aam'd look down;
And 'twas obferv'd, there were but few
Of either fex among the crew,
Whom he or her affeffors knew.
The goddefs foon began to fee,
Things were not ripe for a decree;
And faid he must confult her books,
The levers Fletas, Bratons, Cokes.
First to a dapper clerk the beckon❜d,
To turn to Ovid, book the fecond;
She then referr'd them to a place
In Virgil (vide Dido's cafe);.
As for Tibullus's reports,
They never pass'd for law in courts:

Long bills, and answers ftuff'd with lies, Demur, imparlance, and effoign, The parties ne'er could iffue join : For fixteen years the caufe was fpun, 60 And then stood where it first begun. Now, gentle Clio, fing or fay. What Venus meant by this delay. The goddefs, much perplex'd in mind To fee her empire thus declin'd,

65 When first this grand debate arofe,
Above her wifdom to compofe,
Conceiv'd a project in her head

To work her ends; which, if it fped,
Would fhew the merits of the caufe

70 Far better than confulting laws.

In a glad hour Lucina's aid
Produc'd on earth a wondrous maid,
On whom the Queen of Love was bent
To try a new experiment.

75 She threw her law-books on the shelf,

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And thus debated with herself.
Since men alledge, they ne'er can find
Those beauties in a female mind,

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Where not one carelefs thought intrudes,
Lefs modeft than the fpeech of prudes;
Where never blush was call'd in aid,

105 That fpurious virtue in a maid,
A virtue but at fecond-hand;
They bluth, because they understand,
The Graces next would act their part,
And fhew'd but little of their art;
Their work was half already done,
The child with native beauty shone;
The outward form no help requir'd :
Each, breathing on her thrice, infpir'd

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