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very fad;

from me:

So Mary got me to bed, and cover'd me up, The devil take me! said she (blessing herself) if

ever I iaw't ! However, the stole away my garters, that I might So the roar'd like a Bedlam, as though I had do myself no harn.

calp'd ber all to naught. % I tumbled aud tois'd all night, as you may ve So you know, what could I say to her any ry well think,

more? But hardly ever set my eyes together, or fept a I e'er leit her, and came away as wise as I was

before. E I was a-drean'd, methought, that we not

Well; but then they would have had me gone to aud kvarc'i'd the folks round,

the currirg man! And in a crroer of lir. Dules's * box, ty'd in a No, said I, 'is the same thing, the chaplain will rag, the morty was found.

be here anon. su nesi mörring we told Whittle f, and he tell So the chaplain* caine in. Now the servants say a iweari:g :

he is my sweetheart, Then my s'une Wadgar came ; and she, you Because he 's always in my chamber, and I alknow, is thick of hearios,

ways take his part. Dame, said I, as lour a: Flould bawl, do you So, as the devil would have it, before I was aware, row what a lois Llave had ?

out I blunder'd, Nay, faid she, my Lord Clway's g folks are a! Parlor, said I, can you cast a nativity, when a

body plunderd ? For my Lord Dromedary|| comes a Tuesday (Now, you must know, he hates to be call'd without fail.

farfon like the devil!) Pugh! faid I, but that 's not the business that I Truly, says he, Mrs. Nab, it might become you ail.

to be more civil : Says Cary**, says be, I have been a fervant this. If your money be gone, as a learned divine says, five and twenty years, come spring,

d'ye see, And in all the places I liv'd I never heard of You are no text for my handling : fo take that

such a thing. Yes, says the fiewardtt, I remember, when II was never taken for a conjurer before, I'd have was at my Lady Shrew Bury'i,

you to know. Such a thing as this happen' just about the time Lord! said I, do't be angry, I am sure I never of yooseberries..

thought you so ; So I went to the party fufpected, and I found her | You know I honour the cloth; I design to be a full of grief,

parson's wife; (Now, you inuit know, of all things in the world, I never took one in your coat for a conjurer in all

I hate a thief.) | However, I am refolv'd to brir.g the discourse with that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope, Nily about :

as who should say, Mrs. Dukes, faid !, here is an ugly accident has Now you may go hang yourself for me! and so

happer's out: Tis not that I vaiue the money three kips of a Well : I thought I should have fwoon'd. Lord!

said I, what shall I do? But the thing I fand upon is the credit of the I have lost my money, and shall lose my true love houit.

too! 'Tis true, seven pounds, four shillings, and fix Then my Lord callid mc : Harry*, said my' 12.ce, makes a great hele inny wages :

Lord, don't cry ; Lerid s, as they say, service is no inheritance in I'll give you something towards thy loss; and,

says niy Lady, so will I. Sow, Mrs. Du'es, you know, and cvery body Oh! but, said I, what is, after all, the chaplain undertards,

won't come to That though 'is hard to judge, yet movey can't For that, he said, (an't please your Excellencies) g without hands.

I must petition you.

The prizinisies tenderly confider'd, I defire your * Mife to one of the footwe".

Excellencies protection, * Ewrl of Der keley's I'n'ei.

And that I may have a share in next Sunday's

colication; 1 T. oid deuf housekeeper.

And, over and above, that I may have your Galwiy.

Excellencies letter, \\ Tie Eirl of Drogheda, cuno, ceithire Pri- With an order for the chaplain aforesaid, or, in

stead of him, a better : mate, 1948 16 fucceed the two Earis. ** Clerk of the hilcien.

* Dr. Swift. itt Ferris.

* A cant word of Lord and Lady B. to Mrs. An usual frying of hers.



my life.

went away:

louie il

th se ages.

Vol. V,

And then your poor feritienit, both night and

day, Or the chaplain (for 'tis his trade), as in duty

bound, mall ever pray.



GAME OF TRAFFIC. Written at the Castle of Dublin, 1699.

Motordt; to find out who must deal,

Delivers cards about,
But the first knave does seldom fail

To find the Doctor out.
But then his Honour cry'd, Gadzooks !

And seem'd to knit his brow :
For on a knave he never looks

But h’ thinks upon Jack How*. My Lady, though she is no player,

Some bungling partner takes,
And, wedg'd in corner of a chair,

Takes fnuff, and holds the ila kes.
Dame Floydt looks out in grave suspence

For pair-royal- and fequents ;
But, wisely cautious of her pence,

The castle seldom frequents. Quoth Herries, fairly putting cases,

I'd won it on my words
If I had but a pair of aces,

And could pick up a third.
But Weston has a new-cast gown

On Sundays to be fine in,
And, if she can but win a crown,

'Twill juf new-dye the lining. « With these is Parfir Cilt,

« Not knowi.g how to frend bis time, 6 Does make a wretched kit,,

« To deafon them with puns and rhyme.”

Then all in the place,

He left a void space, And so weit to bed in a desperate cale : When behold the next morning a wonderful ril

dle ! He found it was strangely fül'd up in the rid.

dle. Cho. Let conuring critics then think schat line

Who would rst write verses with facha?

This put me the friar into an amaze mert:

For he wisely coní der'd it mult be a sprite ; That he came through the key-bole, or in allen

casement; And it needs must be one that could both rez and write :

Yet he did not know

If it were friend or foe,
Or whether it came from above or below :
However, 'twas civil in angel or eli,
For he ne'er could have fill'd it so well of him

Cho. Lt caring, ếc.

Even so Master Doctor had puzzled his brains

In making a ballad, but was at a stand :
He had mix'd little wit with a great deal ci

pains ; When he found a new help from invifil: ha.:d.

Then, good Doctor Swifi,

Pay thanks for the gift;
For you freely mult owr, you were at a dean'
And, though some malicious young spirit ca
You may know by the hand it had no closca

Cho. Le: ctv/rirp, oc.

list :


THE DISCOVERY. THEN wife Lord Birkeley frit came heres

To the Tune of The Cut-Purse*.

NCE on a time, as old stories rehearse,

Nor thought to find so great a peer

Ere a week past committing blunders.

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tin; But was forly put to't in the midlt of a verse,

Because he could f:d no word to come pat in :
The Earl of Berkeley.
* Payma er to the army.
+ See the verses on this Lidy, p. 271.
See the nete following.

Lady Betty Berkeley, fooling the precering Terle in the author's room unfinipel, write under them the concluding fianza ; which give occafiem to this tallad, written by the author in a counterfeit hand, as if a third person had done

When folks came thick to make their couri, Out fiipt a mystery of fiate,

To give tee town and country sport. Now enters Buih with new ftate airs,

His lordinip's premier minifter;
And who in all profrund affairs

Is held as needfrill as his † clyfter.
* To Ireland, as creef :'.e Lurds Juftices.

* Buff by some undernard inliruation, ebevices the post of secretary; which had been promifen in Swift.

Always taken before my Lord wer: 10 Csizma

With bead reclining on his shoulder,

He deals and hears mysterious chat, While every iguorant beholder

Alks of his neighbour, Who is that? With this he put up to my lord,

The courtiera kept their distance due, He twitch'd liis neeve, and tole a word;

Then to a corner both withdrew.
Imagine now, my Lord and Buth

Whispering in junto most profound;
Like good king | Phyz and good king Ush,

While all the reft itood gaping round,
At length a spark not too well bred,

Or forward face and car acute,
Advanc'd on tiptoe, lean'd his head,

To over-hear the grand dispute :
To learn what Northern kings desg.),

Or from Whitehall fome new express,
Papifts difarm’d, or fall oi coin :

For sure (thought he) it can't be less. My lord, said Buth, a friend and I,

Disguis:d in two old thread-bare coats, Ere morning's dawn, stole out to spy

How markets went for hay and oats. With that he draws two handfuls out,

The one was oats, the other hay; Puts this to 's excellency's snout,

And begs he would the other weighi, My lord seems plea:'d, but still directs

By all means to bring down the rates ; Then, with a congee circumflex,

Bush, smiling round on all, retreats. Our listener food a while confus'd,

But, gathering spirits, wisely ran for 't, Enrag'd to see the world abus d

By two such whispering kings of Brentford,

So, when a weazel you torment,
You find his patrion by his fcent.
We read of kings, who, in a fright,
Though on a throne, would fall to the
Bufde all this, deep scholars know,
That the main string of Cupid's bow
Once on a time was an a- gut ;
Now to a nobler office put,
By favour or desert preferr'd
From giving passage to ata;
But still, though fix'd among the stars,
Does lyimpathize with human a-,
Thus, when you feel an hard-bound breech,
Conclude love's bow-itrig at full ftretch,
Till the kuad looseness comes, and then
Conclude the bow relax'd again.

And now, the ladies all are bent
To try the great experiment,
Ambitious of a regent's hcart,
Spread all their charnis to catch a fm;
Watching the first unfavoury wind,
Some ply before, and some behind.
My lord, on fire amidst the dames,
Fts like a laurel in the flames.
The fair approach the speaking part,
To try the back-way to his heart :
For, as when we a gun discharge,
Although the bore be neer so large,
Before the Hame from muzzle burst,
Juit at the breech it falhes first;
So from my lord 'his passion broke,
He fd first, and then he spoke.

The ladies vanish in the fmother,
To conter notes with one another ;
And now they all agreed to name
Whom cach-one thought the happy dame.
Quoth Neal, wliate'er the rest may think,
I'm sure 'twas 1, that smelt the stink.
You sinell the stink! by G, you lye,'
Quoth Ross, for Yll be sworn ' was I.
Ladies, quoth Levens, pray for bear :
Let's not fall out; we all hard Mare ;
And, by the mot I can discover,
Mly lord 's an universal lover.


sex ?



ID ever problem thus perplex, ,
So sweet a pallion, who would think,
Jove ever form'd to make a fiok ?
frhe ladies vow and swear, they 'll try
Whether it be a truth or lye.
Love's fire, it seems, like inward heat,
Works in my lord by stoo) and sweat,
Which brings a stink froin every pore,
And rom bebind and from berore;
Yet, what is wonderful to tell it,
None but the favourite nymph can smell it,
But now, to solve the natural cause
By sober philofophic laws :
Whether all paffions, when in ferment,
Work out as anger does in vermin;

| See The Rehearsal.


1706. Pliny, Nat. Hif, lib, x. c. 67. 1.5. xxix. C. 4. S Mastiff Dogs in inodern phrase are

As Pyes and Daws are often ity!"
With Christian nicknames, like a child ;
As we say Monfieur to an Ape,
Without ofience to human thape ;
So men have got, from bird and brute,
Names that would best their natures fuit,
The Lion, Eagle, Fox, and Boar,
Were Heroes titles heretofore,




Bestow'd as hieroglyphics fit
To shew their valour, firengih, or wit:
For what is understood by fame,
Beid's thie getting oi a rut:c?
But, e'er fuce men invented guns,
A diffrent way their fancy, runis:
To paint a Hero, we inquire
For something that will conquer fire.
Would you describe Turenne or Trump?
Think of a bucker or a bumf.
Are there too low ?-then find out grandes,
Call my lord Cutts a Sala ander.
'Tis well; but, ince we live among
Detractors with an evil tongue,
Who may object against the term,
Pliny shall prove wliat we affirm :
Pliny Thall prove, and we'll apply,
And I'll be judg’d by ftanders-by.

Firít, then, our author has defined
This reptile of the Serpent kind,
With gaudy coat and itining train;
But loathsome spots his body !tain ;
Out from some hole obscure he fies,
When rains defcend, and tempeft; rile,
Till the sun clears the air; and then
Crawis back neglected to his den.

So, when the war has rais'il a storm,
I've seen a Snake in human form,
All fain'd with infamy and vice,
Leap from the dunghill in a trice,
Buruin, and make a wdy show,
Become a general, peer, and beau,
Till peace haz wiade the ky iirene;
Then ir rink into its hole again.
“ All this we grani--why then look yonder :
« Sure that must be a Salamander !"

Farther, we are by Pliny told,
This Serpent is extremely cold;
So coki, that, put it in the tire,
' [will make the very tames expire :
Befdes, it ipués a filthy froth
(Whether through rage or lust, or both)
Oi matter purulent or white,
Which, harcoing on the fkia to light,
And there corruping to a wou: d,
Spreads leprosy and baldnt fi round.

So have I seen a batter'd beau,
Ey age and claps grown cold as frow,
Whore breach or touch, were-e'er he came,
Blew out Love's torch, or chili'd the faine :
And shou!ci fonie vymp', winner was cruel,
Like Charlton cheap, or iam'ı De-Ruel,
R live the flth which be ejci?
Sia: foon would find the fame eticcts
Her tainted carcale to purive,
As from the Salamander's fpue;
A dumal hedding of her lock,
And, if no luprofi, a pox.
“ Then I'll appeal to each by-ander,
56 If this be not a Salamurder?"


ORDANTO All the trump of fame,

The Chriftian world; his carls proclaim, And prints are crouded with his name.

la journies he oufrides the post, Sit: up till mid: ig'ıt with his luc!, Talls politicks, and gives the toait ;

Kuows every prince in Furope's tace, Flie: like a fquib from place to place, Aad travels not, but runs a race.

From Pari, gazette à-la-malih,
This day arriv'd, without his train,
Mordanto in a wee from Spain.'

A medienger cones all a-reek,
Mordacto at Madrid to feck;
He leat the town above a week,

Next day the pott-boy wiods his horn,
A-d rides through Dover in the mora :
Hordanto's landed from Leghorn.

Morganto gallops on'alone ;
The roads are with her followers ftrown;
This breaks a girth, and that a bone.

His body active as his mind,
Returning Cound in limb and wind,
Except fomne leather loa behind.

A fileton in outward figure,
His isagre corpse, though tull of vigour,
Would lialt behind him, were it bigger.

So wonderful his expedition,
When you have not the leatt fu picion,
He's with you l ke ari apparition :

Shines in all climates like a fiar;
In legates bold, and fierce in war ;
A land commander, and a tar :

Ecroic actions early bred in ;
Ne'er to be match'd in modern reading,
But by his name-take Charles of sweden.


ON THE UNION. The Queen has lately boat a part,

Of her ENTIRELY-EAGISH* heart;
For want of whic!), by way of botch,
She picc'd up again with COTCH.
Blcit revolution ! which creates
Divided hearts, united states !
See how the double nation lies;
Like a rich coat with skirts of irize :
A ij a nan, in maling pose,
should bundle thilles

up with roses.
Wlo over yet a union law
Of bingdoms witbou faith or law?
Henc forward let ro itatiman dare
A kingdom to a flip compare ;
Leit be rock call our commonweal
A vetiel with a double Seel :

* The mette er: Queen Anne's coronation medal.

Which, just like ours, new rigg'd and mann'd,
Ad goc about 1 caguc fro'n land,
B; chaige oi wind to leeward id,
The pilot new not how to guide,
En toil: sfaction will o'erwhelm
Dar crazy double-bottom'd realm.

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ON MRS. BIDDY FLOYD. Or, The RECEIPT to form a BEAUTY*. THEN Cupid did his gra:dfre Jove intreat

V To form foire Beauty by a new receipt, Jove feat, and found far in a country-leene Truth, inaocence, good-nature, look f-rene : Froon which ingredients first the dextrous boy Pick'd the demure, the aukward did the coy. The Graces from top court did next provide Breading, and wit, and air, and decent pride : These Venus cleans from every spurious grain Of nice, coquet, a rectori, port, and vain. Jove mix'd up a'l, and his best ciay einploy'd; Then called the bappy Composition Floy!.

Hear my request, the virgin said;

Let which I please of all the Nine Attend, where'er I want their aid,

Obey my call, and only mine. By vow oblig'd, by passion led,

The god could not refuse her prayer : Howay'i his wreatlı tbrice o'er her head,

Thrice mutter'd something to the air. And now he thought to seize his due :

But the the charm already tried, Thalia heard the call, and flew

To wait at bright Aro-lia's side, On sight of this cele!tial prude,

Apollo thought it vain to ftay; Nor in her presence durft be rude ;

But inade his leg and went away. He hop'd to ind some lucky hour,

When on their Queen the Muses wait ; But Pallas owns Ardelia's power ;

For vows divine are kept by Fate. Then, full of rage, Apollo spoke :

Deceitful Nymph ! I see thy art ;
And, though I can't my gift revoke,

I'll disappoint its nobler part.
Let stubborn pride possess thee long,

And be thou negligent of fame ;
Wtth every Muse to grace thy song,

May'lt thou despise a poet's name! Of modeft poets thou be first;

"To filent inades repeat thy verse, Till Fame and Echo alınost burst,

Yet hardly dare one line rehearse. And last, my vengeance to complete,

May' It thou defcend to take renown, Prevail'd on by the thing you hate,

A Whig ! and one that wears a gownt



Hon. Mrs. Finch,
Afterwards Countess of Winckelferi, under her

Nume of Ardelia.
now shortening

every shade,
Up to the noridern tropic came,
And thence beheld a lovely maid,

Attending on a royal dame.
The god laid down his feeble rays,

Then lighted from his glittering coach;
But tene'd his head with his own lays,

Before he durit the nymph approach. Under those facred leaves, secure

From common lightning of the kies,
He fondly thought hini ai endure

The flahes of Ard lid eve:
The nymph, who ol' bad rzad in boolis

Oi that brigt god who iar.is invoke,
Soon knew Apollo by his Inoke,

Ad gueir'd ais buluess ere he spoke. H., in the old celestial cait,

Confef3'd his famı', and ivore by Styx, Wbate'er she would deiire, to gra ilma

But wife Ardelia kaew his tricks, Ovid had warn'J her, to beware

Of strolling gods, winde usual trade is, Under pr tence of taking air,

To pick up sublunary ladies. Howe'er, she gave no tiat denial,

A haviig inalice in her heart'; And was refolu'd upon a trial,

To cheat the god in bis own art.

* Ar eleganı Lalin version of this little poem is in the fixth volume of Drycker's Miscellanies.

VANBRUGH's HOUSE, Built from the Ruins of Whitehall,

1706*. N

And poets their own veries (ung,
verse would draw a itone or beam,
Tijal pow would over-load a team;
Lead them a dance of many a mile,
Then rear them to a goodly pile.
Each number had its different power :
Heroic strains could build a tower ;
Sonnets, or Elegies to Chloris,
Might raise a houte about two stories ;
A lyric Ode would late ; a Catch
Would tile ; an Epigram would thatch,

But, to their own or landlord's cost,
Now poets icel this art is loft.
Not one of all our tuneful throng
Can raise a lodging for a forg:

* See the note p. 273

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