currence of the morning, at the same time suggesting, as it would be Mr. Longhead's first mess-dinner, that they might have some fun. Accordingly, it was at once proposed, and soon settled, that the invitation should be a general one, as more dignified, and in the name of "the colonel and officers of the -th Regiment, requesting the honour of Mr. Longhead's company at dinner on Wednesday next" (that day week); the dinner to be a burlesque. A committee was chosen, rules drawn up, a president and vice-president appointed, every one to act a particular and specified part, the whole to be duly rehearsed (except the eating and drinking the latter, even in 18—, was not at all requisite); so that with adopting one proposition, amending a second, and rejecting a third, the evening passed busily and livelily enough, until towards its close, when Mr. O'Rourke quaintly observed, "It's all very fine and mighty well, but, just suppose he takes it into his head to fight, who amongst us, I would greatly like to know, shall have the preference?" There was a slight pause. This contingency had not been provided for. Every one then generously offered to waive his claim in favour of O'Rourke himself. "No, no, boys; not that exactly; fair play's a jewel (duel ?). Come, let's throw for it-the lowest is the man. Poor Captain G. threw lowest. He is, alas! now no more.

Who was Mr. Longhead, and what did he at the Cape of Good Hope? He was the only son of a rich and influential London merchant -a partner in the before-mentioned house of L., X., and Co.-and the young man came out to do something, or nothing, in the house.

Mr. Longhead had created an interest of which he was quite unconscious. One of the officers had seen him in the street, and was sure 'twas he, and no one else" none but himself could be his own parallel." Another had made a pretext of inquiring concerning the sailing of a vessel, and there sat Mr. Longhead-"the Douglas in his hall." Assurance was made doubly sure. The burlesque was to border on extravaganza. The rehearsal took place, and Wednesday came at last.

"The

As the clock struck seven, the drummers and fifers struck up Roast-beef of old England," but ceased abruptly upon the entrance of the "observed of all observers," Mr. Longhead. The officers had assembled in the square, outside the mess-room. As Mr. Longhead advanced, Mr. Bright did ditto to meet him. When they had shaken hands, the officers (numbering only eight) formed open ranks, facing inwards, at open intervals. One fifer played the air of "See the conquering hero comes," and led the way down the ranks, the officers bowing severally to Mr. Bright's friend and their guest as he passed them. Mr. Bright conducted him in the steps of the solitary fifer, who played till they reached the mess-room.

The president, in taking his place, awarded the post of honour, on his right hand, to Mr. Longhead, the others having their respective places assigned them. A sergeant now marched in a party, posting two sentries behind the president's chair; he passed round the table to his left, posting one behind each officer, till he came to the stranger, where, as Mr. O'Rourke afterwards remarked, he placed three-one, three deep; the sentries' arms were carried-their bayonets fixed; Mr. Longhead

regarding this military movement with mixed astonishment and curiosity. The president called "Attention!"-" Draw swords!" Out flew the blades: "Gentlemen, the usual honours, The Crest of the Regiment!' -Present arms!" The sentries did so, as laid down by Torrens and other muffs; the officers ported their swords, and lowered them, with their points meeting as nearly as possible on the centre dish; seeing which, Mr. Longhead gradually raised his arm, then slowly stretched it out, his hand and fingers extended in the direction of the sword points; the word was given to shoulder arms and return swords, and permission granted to the gentlemen to be seated. The sentries were dismissed. "Faith," said Mr. O'Rourke, in a sort of theatrical aside to his neighbour-"faith, we're as safe as the middle herring in a barrel of salt fish, So we are. Did you twig his hand ?"

The president presumed that Mr. Longhead had often dined in the Tower with the Guards ?—No, never.-With the Life Guards or Blues, then?-Another negative. In fact, it was his first mess dinner. The president expressed the greatest astonishment.

Capt. G. Mr. Longhead, we military men, you see, are great sticklers for forms and ceremonies.

Mr. Longhead. It must be very nice being in the army.

Mr. Bluff. Pipeclay.

Capt. G. Oh, sir, you honour us poor lobsters quite as well perhaps in our brown coats-eh? For my part, nothing in my mind like "the freedom of the City."

Mr. Bluff. Gammon.

Mr. Vice. Order there-order!

Mr. Bright. Well, what do you think of the crest of the th? In their opinion no regiment has a better. [It was no more their crest than it was the badge of a ticket porter.]

Mr. Bluff. Some people's geese are always swans.

Mr. Longhead again thought it very nice, and wondered how they could take it about with them, and asked if they did.

Capt. G. Oh no, for it's always a standing dish.

Captain Gimbo remarked, "G., there's no such thing as catching you upon the horns of a dilemma-eh, Bluff, what do you say ?"

Mr. Bluff (to servant). Bring-horn of ale.

Capt. G. I say, Gimbo, old fellow, you might just as well take the bull by the horns at once as speak to Old Sulky.

Mr. Vice. Order, gentlemen-order! I must have order!

It may be as well to describe in some measure the style and character of "the first mess-dinner" Mr. Longhead ever sat down to, and how the table was set out, not omitting to state what this crest was that they were all talking about.

Of

The table had two boxes placed one at each end for the plates of the president and vice to rest upon, of proportionate height to their chairs, which had been raised in order to give them an imposing and commanding position. The tablecloth was the union-jack of Great Britain. the soup there is nothing particular to state; and the names the fish bore from their godfathers and godmothers, viz. King Klip, Cabaljan, &c., were deemed, from want of euphony, sufficient chokers to a stranger, even without the bones. The side dishes, six in number, were highly decorated,

and set off with carved vegetables, pastry, or rice in fantastic forms. Those on the near side, peaceful; on the further side and opposite to the stranger, warlike. The centre dish on the further side (a delicate little attention in compliment to the stranger) was a model of St. Paul's in pastry and rice. The dome being removed, it was found to contain a fricassée. Flanking it on one side were "côtelettes à la Soubise," surrounded by figures of Punch and Shakspeare, a ballet girl and Milton, Judy and Newton. On the other flank, the pâtés took the form of the court cards. Each dish had its motto: the domed building, "Don't rob Peter to pay Paul;" Punch held a little flag, whereupon was inscribed, "Punch cures the gout, the colic, and the phthisic;" the king of spades,

The hoary majesty of spades appears,

Puts forth one leg, to sight revealed,
The rest his many-colour'd robe concealed.

On the near side, in the centre, a tongue seemed to be licking a pair of fowls, it being left to the imagination to decide whether from relish or simply affection. A front of fortification in rice, with cannon of vegetables duly mounted, protected the interesting group. In short, one side was as good as the other in design, and both not bad when taken inside. The top dish was a goose, garnished by two huge black-puddings, bearing a line each:

And fat black puddings, proper food,

For warriors that delight in blood.

Mr. Vice was entrusted with the care of a sucking-pig, but, as an inferior in office, was only allowed one line from the same author:

Fat pig and goose themselves oppose.

The epergne had a truly singular appearance. Amidst the flowers there was a duck, supposed to have retired to roost for the night, whilst two Cape crayfish, far larger than lobsters, were represented crawling up its branches, as one might imagine the smallest insect in Brobdignag to be doing at that very time.

But what was the centre dish-the regimental crest? Neither more nor less than a bull's head boiled whole with the skin, hair, and horns on! The horns were six feet eight inches from tip to tip, the points covered with gilt paper, the bottoms of two soda-water bottles made large protruding eyes-Jealousy herself, the green-eyed monster, could not match them. It must be recorded, that to make this dish tidy, the skin was left long enough to hide any unsightly appearance arising from the absence of the gentleman's stout neck. The head was supported on the animal's own four great toes (one can't say pettitoes in this case), after the manner of death's head upon marrow-bones.

This opportunity will serve to state that the second course was after the manner of the first-" enough is as good as a feast."

The different designs were duly explained to Mr. Longhead, who praised the cook's artistical skill. Champagne was handed round with a liberal hand, conversation flagged not. Mr. Bright had asked his friend if he could not detect the slightest possible flavour of hippopotamus in the pâté. "Wasn't sure-was it really?-very nice. Certainly he did

VOL. XLIV.

2 K

think it rather different from a London pâté." G. advised him never to refuse a porcupine ham; Gimbo thought a giraffe's tongue much better, only you could not always get them; while the president gave his casting vote in favour of the rhinoceros jelly one got on the frontier. Marvellous stories were told of adventures both in love and war; Mr. Longhead enjoyed himself, his questions were more numerous, his answers more free and longer. Every one had, of course, taken wine with their guest.

Eau-de-Cologne and lavender-water were handed round when the finger-glasses were put on, O'Rourke observing "how stingy it was of the messman, that a man couldn't have tincture of myrrh at the same time, for it was mighty improving to the gums.'

The climax of the evening had now arrived, when, following the dessert, two hand-barrows, the last of the properties, were placed against the wall to accommodate such gentlemen as would not go "home till morning," and then could not go of themselves if they wished; at least the presence of the barrows was so accounted for to Mr. Longhead. The faithful historian must here confess that, in spite of the rehearsal, the actors, at the best, but smothered their laughter.

The usual royal toast was proposed by the president, and drunk. Permission being given to Mr. Bright, he rose, and spoke as follows:

"Mr. President and Gentlemen,-Words cannot express-I cannot express-the Bank of England can't express-notes of admiration sufficient wherewith to measure adequately the honour conferred on us this day. The Duke of Wellington and the army are thankful for it. The toast I propose-now, when I say toast, you will understand there is no allusion to roasting bread at the fire-no, gentlemen, emphatically I say (and the president will correct me if I am in error)—that will come byand-by with the anchovies. (Cheers.) Gentlemen, I give you the health of Mr. Longhead, coupling therewith the mercantile interests of England. (Much applause.) Gimbo, you're a shopkeeper; you're another, G.; even the president himself is a shopkeeper. (Order! from Mr. Vice.) Did not that great soldier Napoleon call us all a nation of shopkeepers? and so we must be. (No shop,' from Bluff.) All this sinks into insignificance when compared with a counting-house; it was sometimes noble, and always honourable. (Hear, hear.) He would prove it. Had his hearers forgotten their history? was it lost upon them? if not, then they would surely remember that The king was in his counting-house, counting out his money!' And was it not notorious how often the House of Commons was counted out? (G.-Was that honourable?') But there was another house-not the House of Lordsno, he meant the house of L. and X. (Great cheering.) He had that morning had a bill cashed at par. (Much excitement, mixed with groans.) He now called upon them to rise, as one man, and support that house. (Every one threatened to draw bills in the morning but Bluff, who said, 'Don't count chickens before hatched.") From the French polish on your boots, gentlemen, to the unicorn's balm, that makes lisser et fixer' the very hairs of your head, are you not indebted to merchants? Whence the tobacco, or the port? (Or the Irish whisky?' from Bluff.) Yes, and the whisky-I thank my friend. For all these neces

saries of life, gentlemen, we are indebted to merchants. May they long continue to transport them, as they do us, with joy, and may this arid and habitable part of the globe long continue to receive such transports of bliss unalloyed by those transports that make Botany Bay a-a sheer hulk. (Cheers.) Mr. President, our guest has been reared in the lap and cradle of Commerce, and he does that lady credit; his dwelling-place, like John Gilpin (being a citizen of credit and renown'), the resort and mart of all the earth,' as Romeo says. Our distinguished guest, like Moses-I allude, gentlemen, to the Vicar of Wakefield's son, who began his career early, and was a dealer in horses and green spectacles (a sad spectacle for his anxious parent, doubtless). Mr. Longhead, jun., will never so treat Mr. Longhead, sen. His very name is guarantee sufficient. (Bravo!) What are the merchants of Damascus, of Bagdad, or even the Merchant of Venice himself when contrasted with those of England? (Hear,' from Mr. Longhead.) The latter made fuss enough in sharpening his knife, but I assert-I dare to say fearlessly, boldly, and without dread of contradiction, and in the broad face of day, too, if requisite-that it is just probable his knife had the Sheffield mark upon it. (Applause.) Gentlemen, I again remind you of your glory as shopkeepers; before us stands the scion of a leading London firm-I say firm, stable as a stall of integrity; forget not that in London is the harbour, basin, and dock of all trades, save one-the slave trade. (Shame, shame!' from the president -not of the United States.) Gentlemen, let us drink the health of Mr. Longhead and the mercantile interests of England." (Vehement and long-continued cheers greeted Mr. Bright as he sat down, very thirsty.) The toast was drunk with three times three, and one cheer more. Mr. Longhead rose. Cries of "Hear!" taps of the table, "Silence!" "Hurrah!" and cheers, emphatically marked his rising.

Mr. Longhead thus addressed his hosts: "Gentlemen, unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I thank you all, and that gentleman for proposing the honour of drinking my health. I am sure, and I wish Mr. X., or my father-(a pause)-(Cheers, and cries of Glad to see them!')—I am sure it's very nice in the army, but mamma wouldn't let me, though I'm tall enough, because I'm-I suppose-I-I mean, I'm an only son-though I've got sisters though. (Here the two junior ensigns offered to marry them, and devilish glad to do it.) I beg to thank you for the honour-and I am very much obliged-and here's to all your healths in return-and I wish you many happy returns-and I drink your healths." (Thunders of applause.) Mr. Longhead did not immediately resume his seat, his neighbour Gimbo having pushed his chair quietly back out of his way, and the speaker was very nearly brought to "the floor of the house.'

,,

The wine circulated freely in medium between the president and vice. Mr. Longhead declined singing. O'Rourke said he would endeavour to make him some amends for not having seen the Hottentots hanged that morning, and sang "The night before Larry was stretched." Gimbo sang concerning the "Conversation 'twixt the Monument and St. Paul's," and the president" Wapping Old Stairs," both in compliment to the stranger's place of nativity.

Various were the topics discussed-Joe Miller and Baron Munchausen