gentleman of information-the sister with a memory, sight, and temper equally limited in longitude. We did not exchange looks on the passage-but I gave her some. Arrived at Greenock, I left the two Majestics, and never saw the one till I had the opportunity of prescribing the cold-bath for the elongation of these essentials. There is a little chapel a mile—at least two miles—from the "Westend." It once a-year becomes the haunt of fashion-because then the resort of genius. Gianetta, though she loves to hear herself and a Cheshire squire speak-if in the shape of a question-likes next best to listen to Dr. Chalmers. It was a fine Sabbath when she walked in, a threatening one when she walked out, and a pouring one ere she had run much farther than the length of her own memory. I had a roomy umbrella with me, and a friend's house hard by. The draggled beauty took refuge in a gateway, with about fifteen other resortants to this " Refuge for the Destitute." She was as far from home as was the day from giving one symptom of a change for the better. I went up to the "close" with an umbrella under my arm and one over my head. The shower-bath had strengthened her eye-sight and given activity to her memory. It did so to mine too. Beside her was an old woman who was a perfect stranger; to her I gave the spare umbrella; to a young man near, the spare arm and the shelter of mine own awning; to Gianetta a look of remembrance; and now, to your fair readers, Mr. Saveall, I give an opportunity of each deducing his own moral from the narrative of

BEN BIDE-A-WEE.

Trades' Land.

MINUTES

OF A

SEDERUNT OF THE CARELESS CLUB.

HARRY HARUM-SCARUM in the Chair,

Which had, in conformity with the Laws of the Society, remained without a leg it had lost at last Meeting. THE Minute-Book having been forgotten, a jotting on the back of a ruffled play-bill was ordered to be made by the quickest writer, without reference to legibility, and time was refused to fill the ink bottle, upon application being made by the clerk, who therewith anticipated the order

of business by suggesting that the club should instantly proceed to ballot for the election of Charles Heron to be a member; as he alleged, that he knew of nobody who wrote so carelessly, or upon such miserable scraps of paper. It was then agreed to, without any pause for consideration, that the fitness of this gentleman for the office of member should be discussed forthwith.

Mr. Archy Throughither objected to the candidate, on the ground that, phrenologically speaking, his organ of order was very largely developed; but, on the other hand, Sandy Tidiless alleged that he was occasionally given to procrastination, and then was of course compelled to depart from due order in making up lee-way. This was admitted as a counterbalance to the statement, upon Mr Combe's authority.

Peter Paidleplay then declined to support the candidate's pretensions, on the score of his having been heard to boast that he never broke a promise or an appointment, or revealed a secret, but agreed to withdraw from any decided opposition, upon being assured that he contemplated writing a tale, the title of which should be "Five Minutes too Late," and its chief incidents, it was suspected, would be drawn from his own experience. It was, however, alleged, in regard to this, that Mr. Heron could only mean this peculiarity to be taken metaphorically, or in reference to a fate rather than a failing. Evidence was however furnished that he had repeatedly been too late for a steam-boat, "lost a coach," and arrived at a fine point of view after the sun had set; and it was agreed to pass over this allegation, and allow the intention, (proved to have existed without being put into practice for three years too,) to write such a tale, to be held as one qualification.

Peregrine Postpone-a-day then objected to his admissibility on the score of its being notorious that he shaved once a-day, and was systematic in a love of clean linen; but twenty voices were in a moment heard in explanation of this-one asserting that it was the colour of his beard that so much resembled his skin that nobody could guess whether he ever shaved or not; another exclaiming that he had no beard at all; and the majority vociferating that it was well known he so often dreamed away his time on the "Sofa," or wasted it on a chair with a new magazine or novel in his hand, that many a day he left himself barely time to huddle on a yesterday's neckcloth, let alone shaving a yesterday's beard. The most weighty objection, however, which occurred, was that formally brought

forward by the Treasurer, Mr. Post-too-late, namely, that the connection betwixt the candidate and Mr. Solomon Saveall, in the publication of "The Ant," was now perfectly notorious, as was also the character of that work, at least in its Selections, for good order and neat arrangement, and so forth, while it was undeniable, that, unlike any other periodical that had ever appeared in Glasgow, it has never been one hour behind the regular time of publishing its successive numbers, but has actually anticipated the day of its appearance in every case, and in one flagrant instance, two numbers instead of one were actually published in the same week!

At this stage of the business, an unanimous vote of exclusion would certainly have passed, but for the entrance of Frederick Flickerflighty, who, in an eloquent speech, advocated the claims of his absent friend, producing from his breeches pocket, in corroboration of his testimony, sundry notes of importance which Mr. Heron had sent unsealed, others written to ceremonious people upon outside sheets of foolscap, and others addressed to himself, which had been so carelssly written, that neither he nor their author had ever been able to make out the full extent of their meaning, or decide upon some points of decipheration connected with them, even with M. Champolion's assistance. In conclusion, he produced not only some of the MS. "copy" his friend was in the habit of contributing to " The Ant," which showed marks of having been written with extraordinary speed, in as far as illegibility could be regarded as indicating such, but actually furnished the club with some of the slips of proofs and revises of that work, at the latter of which it was obvious that he had never looked to see whether the mistakes inseparable from the former had been corrected; and concluded by producing as many stray numbers of that periodical as he could gather together, having lost three-fourths of his own, upon which Dr. and a young

student had blotted marks at the places where they fancied that errors had occurred, to such an extent as to leave them no room for the commentary on its manifold beauties, which they had already disinterestedly intended to compose; summing up with pointing out, in a recent number, a me where an I should have stood, and producing Mr. Heron's own voluntary certificate, that nothing could surpass the painstaking and care of his printer, himself fond of the pursuit of letters.*

* Query, Types?-Printer's Devil.

After this, there could be but one opinion, and, without a vote, but with a truly "careless " cheer, Mr. Charles Heron was admitted a member of the club.

The author of "Virginius was then proposed, but rejected on the score that his qualifications were more to be attributed to the abstractions of superior poetic genius than any natural aptitude for the peculiar distinctions of the society, even in spite of his having put a letter into the Post Office without an address on it or in it.

The Sederunt broke up-and the chair broke downupon the laws of the Dunce Club being placed upon the table, with a motion that the members of that body should be honorarily so of ours, because dull men, however systematic, do as little real business and as much real mischief as even the most careless.

MORE MISERIES.

Groan 15th.

Finding that your dictionary is complete in all its pages but one, and the blurring or stains are just upon the explanation you are in search of.

Groan 16th.

After coming out from a cold swim, discovering that you have dropped your towel as you passed that part of the shore which is now occupied by a party of ladies bathing.

N. B.-No boy within half-a-mile that can run to procure you another, and the shore sandy.

Groan 17th.

Carrying the latest Blackwood with you in a steam-boat on a west country day, and finding that two sheets of the same sort have been sewed into it, and one, whereon was printed the catastrophe of some interesting story, is a duplicate-elsewhere.

Groan 18th.

Being engaged in perusing an important letter, while a person keeps chattering to you and dove-tailing his own silly phrases into your correspondent's pithy matter, which may then read thus:"Indispensable to"-" wet weather."- "The moment that"said no more," &c.

Groan 19th.

." I

Having conceived something either in the shape of a sonnet, a groan, or a maxim, that, to become immortal, only wants to be written; and finding that the best evidence of what you may trust to the strength of your memory is furnished by your having left the only sheet of paper within five miles of you-exactly that distance off.

THE SOFA. No. VI.

SCENE-The ground-floor parlour in M‘Glashan's George Inn, Gourock.

HARRY HARUM-SCARUM, HERON, and a Quiet Gentleman. Heron. Another jorum, Mr. M'Glashan. That is transcendant whisky, and we get here what is uncommon in the country-water boiling hot.

Harum.-Hot water! I'faith, no wonder. You have kept our worthy host in that for a month and more. What the devil ailed you at him, to allow the Hermit to sneer at his house?

Quiet Gent.-Indeed, Mr. Charles Heron, this is the last place at which I should have expected to be asked to drink` a tumbler of toddy with you.

Harum.-Why, where could you get it better betwixt the Tontine of Greenock, and Underwood's at Largs? But what brought you here, after all, Heron?

Heron. That will do, Mr. M'Glashan. A little more sugar, by the bye.-The fact is, gentlemen, that I wished to spend another day in Gourock, and Mrs.

having left the place, I must needs go to an inn; and, whatever the grumbling Hermit may, in a hasty moment, have said, I know of no place better than M'Glashan's. In truth, the

old boy came when the house was crammed, and went away at four in the morning, half asleep, and wholly cross; and on his absence in Skye, the literal growl of the morning was printed without the mellowing of the good day that followed.

Harum. But it was you who made the second allusion. Heron.-I admit it. But I was provoked to spleen by an angry letter and some meddling go-betweens. M'Glashan is as commendable as his own whisky, and I should never have forgiven myself if I had gone to another inn in Gourock.

Harum.-When does the Hermit visit Rothsay?

Heron. He has been there, and almost forgot that he is a sworn celebist. But Bute is too vast for a sketch: its beauties would require a volume to describe, and "Attic Stories has done all that indication can for them.

Quiet Gent. You forget the toddy is getting cool. We'll drink the landlord's health, if you please.—( All drink.)

Heron.-Whisky punch after dinner, and salt water before breakfast, are the two noblest of liquid substances. Did you bathe this morning?

Harum.-Twice: and drank as much as I do now. Compare a plunge from the rocks beyond Mr. Rankine's with a squat at the Dominie's Hole. It is wretched sport bathing in fresh water.