The clergy too, without thy aid, can tell
What texts to chuse, and on what topicks dwell; ৪০
And, uninstructed by thy babbling, teach
Their flocks celestial happiness to reach.
Rather let fuch poor fouls as you and I
Say that the holydays are drawing nigh,
And that to-morrow's fun begins the week,
Which will abound with store of ale and cake,
With hams of bacon, and with powder'd beef,
Stuff'd to give field-itinerants relief.
Then I, who have within these precincts kept,
And ne'er beyond the chimney-fweeper's stept,
Will take a loose, and venture to be feen,
Since 'twill be Sunday, upon shanks's green;
There, with erected looks and phrafe fublime,
To talk of unity of place and time,
And with much malice, mix'd with little fatire,
Explode the wits on t'other side o'th' water.
Why has my lord Godolphin's special grace
Invested me with a queen's-waiter's place,
If I, debarr'd of festival delights,
Am not allow'd to spend the perquisites?
He's but a short remove from being mad,
Who at a time of jubilee is fad,
And, like a griping ufurer, does spare
His money to be squander'd by his heir;
Flutter'd away in liveries and in coaches,
And washy forts of feminine debauches.
As for my part, whate'er the world may think,
I'll bid adieu to gravity, and drink;
And, though I can't put off a woeful mien,
Will be all mirth and cheerfulness within:
As, in defpight of a censorious race,
I most incontinently fuck my face.
What mighty projects does not he design,
Whose stomach flows, and brain turns round with wine?
Wine, powerful wine, can thaw the frozen cit,
And fashion him to humour and to wit;
Makes even S**** to disclose his art,
By racking every fecret from his heart,
As he flings off the statesman's fly disguise,
To name the cuckold's wife with whom he lies.
Ev'n Sarum, when he quaffs it stead of tea,
Fancies himself in Canterbury's see,
And S****** when the carousing reels,
Imagines that he has regain'd the feals :
W******, by virtue of its juice, can fight,
And Stanhope of commiffioners make light.
Wine gives lord William aptitude of parts,
And swells him with his family's deferts:
Whom can it not make eloquent of speech?
Whom in extremest poverty not rich?
Since, by the means of the prevailing grape,
Th****n can Lechmere's warmth not only ape,
But, half-feas-o'er, by its inspiring bounties,
Can qualify himfelf in several counties.
What I have promis'd, thou mayst rest assur'd,
Shall faithfully and gladly be procur'd.
Nay, I'm already better than my word,
New plates and knives adorn the jovial board:
And, left thou at their fight shouldst make wry faces,
The girl has scower'd the pots, and wash'd the glafies,
Ta'en care so excellently well to clean 'em,
That thou mayst see thine own dear picture in 'em.
Moreover, due provifion has been made,
That conversation may not be betray'd;
I have no company but what is proper
To fit with the most flagrant Whig at fupper.
There's not a man among them but must please,
Since they 're as like each other as are peas.
Toland and Hare have jointly sent me word,
They 'll come; and Kennet thinks to make a third, 150
Provided he 'as no other invitation,
From men of greater quality and station.
Room will for Oldmixon and J-s, be left;
But their difcourses smell too much of theft:
There would be no abiding in the room,
Should two fuch ignorant pretenders come.
However, by this trusty bearer write,
If I should any other scabs invite;
Though if I may my ferious judgement give,
I'm wholly for King Charles's number five:
That was the stint in which that monarch fix'd,
Who would not be with noisiness perplex'd:
And that, if thou 'lt agree to think it best,
Shall be our tale of heads, without one other guest.
I 've nothing more, now this is faid, to say,
But to request thou 'lt instantly away,
And leave the duties of thy present poft,
To fome well-skill'd retainer to a hoft;
Doubtless he'll carefully thy place fupply,
And o'er his grace's horses have an eye.
While thou, who'st slunk through postern more than
Doft by that means avoid a croud of duns,
And, croffing o'er The Thames at Temple-stairs,
Leav'st Philips with good words to cheat their ears.
Το LORD HARLEY, on his MARRIAGE, 1713.
MONG the numbers who employ
Their tongues and pens to give you joy,
Dear Harley! generous youth, admit
What friendship dictates more than wit.
Forgive me, when I fondly thought
(By frequent observations taught)
A fpirit fo inform'd as yours
Could never profper in amours.
The God of Wit, and Light, and Arts,
With all acquir'd and natural parts,
Whose harp could favage beasts enchant,
Was an unfortunate gallant.
Had Bacchus after Daphne reel'd,
The Nymph had foon been brought to yield:
Or, had embroider'd Mars purfued,
The Nymph would ne'er have been a prude.
Ten thousand footsteps, full in view,
Mark out the way where Daphne flew :
For fuch is all the fex's flight,
They fly from learning, wit, and light:
They fly, and none can overtake
But fome gay coxcomb, or a rake.
How then, dear Harley, could I guess
That you should meet, in love, fuccess?
For, if those antient tales be true,
Phœbus was beautiful as you :
Yet Daphne never flack'd her pace,
For wit and learning spoil'd his face.
And, since the same resemblance held
In gifts wherein you both excell'd,
I fancy'd every nymph would run
From you, as from Latona's fon.
Then where, faid I, shall Harley find
A virgin of fuperior mind,
With wit and virtue to discover,
And pay the merit of her lover?
This character shall Ca'endish claim,
Born to retrieve her sex's fame.
The chief among the glittering crowd,
Of titles, birth, and fortune proud,
(As fools are infolent and vain),
Madly afpir'd to wear her chain :
But Pallas, guardian of the Maid,
Defcending to her charge's aid,
Held out Medusa's snaky locks,
Which stupify'd them all to stocks.
The Nymph with indignation view'd
The dull, the noisy, and the lewd :
For Pallas, with celeftial light,
Had purify'd her mortal fight,
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