AN ORANGE MURDERER. loyal man, by mistaking his game at a cock fight. These murders form not one tenth of the number he committed when out with his armed com The world may form some just idea of the unbridled, or rather licensed, authority which the Exter.nina os ex-rades scouring the country, when neis ercised over the unhappy, unarmed, Peasantry, in the years 1797, 1798, and 1799, by the following facts, per formed by a Ruffan, now living in Dublin, and who lately held an official situation under the Corporation. He killed Thomas Byrne, at Nugent's, in Newcastle, county Wicklow, by cut ting his head in pieces with a light horseman's sabre. At another time he beat the brains out of James Reynolds, with the butt end of a musquet, in the same house; for he made it a practice to visit the house kept by Nugent, for the purpose of insulting and killing at pleasure. In about two months after the murder of Reynolds, he drove a fleshfork into the eyes of Michael Neill, and repeated his blows, until he killed the poor man on the spot. He murdered two other men, whose names we are promised, in the same village; but at length he was obliged to remove to Dublin, for stabbing James Fox, a ther age or sex were spared. Among others of his numerous atrocities, while on an excursion of domiciliary depredation, the party met an aged beggarman on the road, who very humbly solicited their charity, which was an swered by a loud laugh after amnsing themselves with the pauper's credulity, they turned their horses tails towards the petitioner, and continued to press on him, till they drove hi into the ditch. After floundering a while in the mud and water, to the amusement of the company, the aged victim approached the bank, and piteously requested the hand of some gentleman to assist him to get out. "Yes," said our hero, leaping down from his horse, "give me your hand, old fellow;" which the beggar speedily done, and while in this posture, the murderer presented his pistol with the other hand, and terminated the creature's life and sufferings. PROMOTIONS. Dick Headen, turnkey of Newgate, is appointed measurer of old women, under the regulations, for that purpose, introduced by Sheriff Harty. Doctor Brennan's new publication has been selected by a society of School-masters, who meet in Truckstreet, to perform a certain part, in a new Temple, the literary gentlemen have dedicated and erected to Cloacina. Bellingham's pistol has been removed from his pocket, to fill a niche in the British museum, or Westminster abbey. Sheriff Harty's counter boys, James and William, are to be Joint Weigh masters of Old Women, soliciting Per mits to visit Newgate. For JUNE, 1812, VOL. V... Browney's Cow has accepted an appointment in the gift of Gen. Ludd, Commander-in-chief of the Hungry Hosiers in the co. of Nottingham. The American Yankees have ap. pointed a committee of Mousetrapmakers, vice the Birmingham professors superseded by the "Orders in Council." · The Mass-lane Army have unanimously determined that the late legal Editor of "The Patriot" should be removed to the Sheriff's Stores, in Green-street, vice Huddlestone, provided for in the Stamp-office. Lord Castlereagh, United Irishman and Union Maker, has been restored by Bellingham's pistol to a seat among the opposition, and consequently raised to the rank of Advocate to the Catholics. John Keogh has nominated one of his feather beds to poise Doctor Brennan, vice the Doctor's bed sold by auction at the suit of Mr. Balfe, the Attorney. The petticoats of Mrs. Brennan, mother of the Wrestling Doctor, have been raised to an upper peg in Plunket street, where they are offered to the best bidder, to new-suit her medical son. Mark has, very judiciously, accepted the place of Head Carver at the Supper-table of Crow-street Gambling house, in the gift of Mrs. Thornton. Barney Coile has been appointed Electioneering Agent to Luke White the Flying Stationer, preparatory to the dissolution of Parliament. Mr. Jugsmelling Pasley's gaiters have been superseded through the interposition of the Evangelist, by a pair of new boots. Alderman Exshaw and Carleton have very handsomely nominated Barney Burgess to be Clerk in the Crown Office in the room of Jack Weldon, dismissed for holding an intimacy with women of loose manners, Lord Mountjoy has been pleased to appoint Mr. Norman to be chief ma nager of his waste grounds in Dorsetstreet, to be converted into a deer. park by the Act of Union, vice Holmes, the builder, evicted by the Commissioners of Bankrupts for the high crime of attempting to increase the widows light revenues. Mr. Wynne's big bullock, Robin, has been sent on an embassy to the Birmingham savages by the Farming Society, as an example of the care taken for the confort of Brutes in Ireland. The Misses Carrols, convicted of shop-lifting, are sentenced to one year's hard labour at the piano of Mrs. Stoker, keeper of the penitentiary prison. Mr. Clarendon, the Barber, and Common Council-man, has been nominated one of the Delegation from the Corporation to carry their address and condolence to the Prince Regent, on the lamented exit of Mr. Perceval. Sixty-seven of the educated English, now starving, have been promoted to the comforts of regular living in Chester Goal by the benevolence of the neighbouring Magistrates. The English militia have been ap pointed to protect and civilize the wild Irish, in the place of the Irish militia, sent to enjoy the rights of Old English hospitality, in Hull and Gosport. The Irish Rebel, General Thomas Wild, has been appointed by the successful rebels of America to command a company of Irish traitors, who escaped from their burnt cabbins to America. One million and eighty-four thou sand of the modern Britons have accepted places in the workhouses, under and by" Orders in Council." His Lordship, Baron Cheltenham, has appointed Mr. Scourge Papist, of Long Acre, London, to be coachmaker to the house of Cheltenham, in the room of his Irishcoach-maker, dismissed for his incivilization. Jack Keogh, of Mount Jerome, who realized a fortune by retirement, has appointed little Father Byrne, literary caterer to Dr. Brennan, to be second Chaplain to the house of Jerome. IMPORTANT The Duke of Brittleware, of Murphy's Smoking Club, had the patriot ism in the year 1803, to conceal in his house Mrs. Dillon, of Thomas-street, as the poor woman was implicated in After barrowing, under various pretexts, all the money the insurrection. she had saved from the wreck of her English Literature." A Mr. Devar has announced to his Countrymen, by an advertisement in the English papers, that he has nearly ready for publication a book, which is contain observations on the character, customs, and superstitions of the Irish, and some of the causes which have restrained the moral and political improvement of Ireland. We have had no opportunity of see house, the Duke very hospitably turning this man's book, as it is not pub ed her into the streets. English Refinement. When the news of the assassination of Mr. Perceval arrived at Nottingham, the populace there in every district evinced the greatest demonstrations of joy; never was an event in English history marked with more unrestrained approbation. The populace appeared in raptures, and their joy was manifested by songs and bonfires. Had the Irish even conducted themselves so on any similar occasion, our preaching neighbours would not have fail to have us shot and hanged as "Irish Savages," the Majors would be let loose, our villages in ruins, and the trembling gibbets would be the cer"The tificates of our turbulence. Patriot," excuses the Britons, and attributes their barbarous revelry to a French party. We are obliged to differ from this chaste publication, by saying, it would require all the optical discoveries of Mr. Grattan himself to prove to the world the existence of a French party in England. No; the suffering wretches are too illiterate, too beastly to perceive any abstract principles of Govertment; they have no higher ideas of wrong, than that of animal feeling; it is hunger only that In intelstimulates them to excessesJect much below reasoning beings, and little raised above the brute, they are mad dened into rage by famine, and are easily driven into acts of revenge, when they cannot gratify their appetites. In short, it is a bread party, not a French party, that moves the polished Britons. lished; but we anderstand by what he Our superstitions are in England un- Newgate, the prisoners in gratitude to their humane benefactor, have unanimously agreed, that the Iron Gallows, in front of the building, shall hereafter be called "The Stocking Frame.” Shoe Society. Our Correspondent, in Ballinasloe, informs us, that the Shoe Society formed in that town in February, for the purpose of bestowing brogues on the poor, was dispersed as a seditious association, tending to encourage "superabundant population,” and contributing to injure the Farming Society in their severnl businesses of styebuilding, hog-breeding, and bullock fattening. We have not learned the names of these dispersed Gentlernen, except Counsellor M'Donogh, the President. a Public Lecturer, and in defiance of tase, education and talents, by trying the effect of two or three swooning ing fits, and a belief that he has made as many excursions to the other life, his holiness is certified, and absolution follows. The visions, bawlings, and singing, are so many mechanical assistants to a state of grace and forgiveness, that the superstitious brutes mistake a weakness and debility brought on by such exertions, as a communication from the Deity. Madness frequently follow these ravings and often as their natural powers are restored, the natural unressrained passions appear in full play, and frequently the gibbet or suicide expiate the most shockingcrimes as lately happened, where a Preacher in Kent was hanged for attempting to poison two youths, his brothers-in law; and another in Truro drowned himself, after being thirty years on the The Parliament of 1786, was a mission, to avoid a more shameful death Farming Society on a large scale. In for an English vice. Mr. Devar, as that year, the Attorney General, John he promises to shew, what retards the Fitzgibbon, afterwards Earl Clare, moral and political improvement of brought a bill into the House " for Ireland, we hope will not omit the pulling down Popish Chapels," and English Statutes, for the encourage-another bill for the better protection of ment of killing the mere Irish, for Dog-kennels. shaving their upper lips, for hanging Priests, and for extending education by. the execution of school-masters; and Jatterly, by the Parliamentary munifi cence of 8000/. for educating five mil. Johs of people. We will leave Mr. Devar for the present, to resume the subject when his book appears before the public. Killing off By letters from Manchester, dated the 15th of May, we learn, that the Scotch Greys have drawn off some of the superabundant English population, to the amount of 167 weavers. We hope this experiment will deter hungry fellows from acts of insubordination. The Stocking Frame. Since the passing of Sheriff Harty, the hozier's act, for the 'regulation of Popish Chapels and Dog Kennels. Razor Making. The people of the city of Bostan, in America, have declared hostilities against the people of Sheffield, in England, by establishing a cutlery mann factory on an extensive scale. This is not the first time this celebrated city raised the standard of revolt against the parent country, and we apprehend this second circumstance will be as fatal to Sir Charles Mordant's razor-inakers, as the first has been to the British Em pire. Perhaps the Republicans have taken this hasty step through a spat of revenge, on hearing of Sir Charles's assertion in the House of Commons, that the Americans could neither share themselves or catch their mice, with out applying to England. Whatever has driven them to this desperate expe dient, we are afraid if it succeeds, will encourage some other disaffected INSTABILITY OF HUMAN GRANDEUR. city to venture on mouse-trap making. Columbus, who discovered a world, by the strength of a great mind and invincible perseverance, never took more pride in the comprehensive reflections that enlarged the range of human industry, than Sheriff Harty plumes himself on in the regulations he has introduced for tormenting the inhabitants of Newgate. The variations in the structure of the human mind, are among the designs of Providence; one man is calculated for one sphere of social duty, and another for a different purpose-yet every creature is a link on the great chain that cor. rect society. Robbers are as necessary to exercise the wisdom of the bench, as fools are to give reputation to the satyrist. Though aspiring talents were ever so industrious to obtain distinction, they would be unheeded, were not human infirmity a material, ready on every occasion, to lend its aid to the exhibition of human perfection. Men are distinctly allotted different capacities. A Curran would not be qualified to be a Sirr, nor would a Sirr be fitted to be a Curran; one man is to be an evidence of the vast ness of the human mind, the other an evidence of its degradation. Columbus could not be a Harty, nor Harty a Columbus; one was to enlarge the world, the other to circumscribe a dungeon. On Saturday, the 9th of May, Mr. Perceval was defending the policy of the Orders in Council, under which Orders his Countrymen are starving; and on the subsequent Tuesday, Lord Castlereagh applied to the House of Commons for a provision to maintain the orphan children of Mr. Perceval. We would venture to say that one of the Button-makers, or even one of Sir Charles Mordaunt's Mousetrap Engineers, have contributed more to the comforts of life, than all the lazy Percevals that ever existed; and those Button-makers and Mousetrap-makers, with their families, are all starving, and not one Castlereagh is to be found to propose any adequate remedy more than the enactment of a hanging statute for their relief. SIMILAR CASES. Mr. Perceval, at his death, left twelve children to lament the loss of a parent. In point of children, Maguire, of Mount Kennedy, whose eyes were dug out from his skull by the spurs spurs of some ancient Britons, in 1798, is exactly equal to the dead premier. We have another family, parallel to Mr. Perceval, in our eventful history, that of Tom Walsh of Naas, whose heart was roasted and ate by a detachment of the Suffolk Fencibles. Poor Walsh had thirteen children, who were present when the " Educated Englishment were breakfasting on their father's body, and we never heard that the Irish Legislature, on their knowledge of these facts, closed the House, adjourned their Sittings, went into Mourning, or made any Provision for the Orphans. No! our Senators were so much hurried, whipping us in every corner, and negociating the sale of themselves with the British Minister, that the care of the orphan was left to the mercy of the murderer. EARL |