IX.

JOHN AND JOAN;

OR,

A MAD COUPLE WELL MET.

To the tune of The Paratour.

From an old black letter copy in Major Pearsons collection. To this copy were subjoined the letters M. P. the initials, without doubt, of MARTIN PARKER, a Grub-street scribler and great Ballad monger of Charles the Firsts time.

You nine Castalian sisters
That keep Parnassus hill,
Come down to me,
And let me bee

Inspired with your skill;
That well I may demonstrate,
A piece of household stuffe:
You that are wed

Mark what is sedd,
Beware of taking snuffe.

A mad phantastic couple,
A young man and a lasse,
With their content,

And friends consent,
Resolv'd their times to passe
As man and wife together,

And so they marry'd were;

Of this mad match

I made this catch,

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Which you may please 'to' hear.

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[V. 20. may.]

They both had imperfections,

Which might have caused strife

The man would sweare

And domineere,

So, also, would his wife.

If John went to one alehouse,

Joan ran into the next:

Betwixt them both

They made an oath,

That neither would be vext.

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Whatever did the goodman

If

His wife would doe the like,
If he was pleas'd,

She was appeas'd,

If he would kick, shee'd strike.
queane or slut he cal'd her,

She call'd him rogue and knave;
If he would fight,

Shee'd scratch and bite.
He could no victory have.

If John his dog had beaten,

Then Joan would beat her cat.

If John, in scorne,

His band would burn,

Joan would have burnt her hat.

If John would break a pipkin,

Then Joan would break a pot;
Thus he and she

Did both agree

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To waste all that they got.

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Nay more than this,

Ere they would misse,

Good liquor for their taste,

John would have damm'd his doublet,

His cloak or any thing,

And Joan would pawne

Her coife of lawne,

Her bodkin or her ring.

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If John were drunk and reeled,
Then Joan would fall i' th' fire,
If John fell downe

I' th' midst o' th' towne,
Beewraid in dirt and mire,
Joan, like a kind copartner,
Scorn'd to stand on her feet,

But down shee'd fall

Before them all,

And role about the street.

If John had cal'd his host knave,

Joan cal'd her hostess wh-;

For such-like crimes

They, oftentimes,

Were both thrust out of dore.

If John abus'd the constable,

Joan would have beat the watch;

Thus man and wife,

In peace or strife,

Each other sought to match.

But, mark, now, how it chanced:

After a year or more,

This couple mad

All wasted had,

And were grown very poore:

John could no more get liquor,
Nor Joan could purchase drink ;

Then both the man

And wife began
Upon their states to thinke.

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100

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Thus beat with their own wepons,
John, thus, to Joan did say,
Sweet-heart, I see,

We two agree,

The cleane contràry way;

Henceforth let's doe in goodnesse,

As we have done in ill,

I'le do my best,

Doe thou the rest:

A match, quoth Joan, I will.

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So leaving those mad humors
Which them before possest,

Both man and wife

Doe lead a life

In plenty, peace and rest:

Now, John and Joan both, jointly,

Doe set hands to the plough:

Let all do soe,

In weale or woe,

And they'l do well enough.

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