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Dover-only bring a little to carry you from Calais to Paris. Give the custom-house officers what I told you; at Calais give more, if you have much Scotch snuff; but as tobacco is good here, you had best bring a Scotch mill and make it yourself, that is, order your valet to manufacture it-'twill keep him out of mischief. I would advise you to take three days in coming up, for fear of heating yourselves. See that they do not give you a bad vehicle, when a better is in the yard; but you will look sharp. Drink small Rhenish to keep you cool (that is, if you like it). Live well, and deny yourselves nothing your hearts wish. So God in heaven prosper and go along with you. Kiss my Lydia, and believe me both affectionately yours,

same.

L. STERNE.

XXV.-TO THE SAME.

PARIS, May 31, 1762. MY DEAR,-There have no mails arrived here till this morning, for three posts; so I expected with great impatience a letter from you and Lydia-and lo! it is arrived. You are as busy as Thorp's wife, and by the time you receive this, you will be busier still. I have exhausted all my ideas about your journey, and what is needful for you to do before and during it; so I write only to tell you I am well. Mr. Colebrooks, the minister of Swisserland's secretary, I got this morning to write a letter for you to the governor of the Custom-House Office at Calais-it shall be sent you next post. You must be cautious about Scotch snuff-take half a pound in your pocket, and make Lyd do the "Tis well I bought you a chaise-there is no getting one in Paris now, but at an enormous price-for they are all sent to the army, and such a one as yours we have not been able to match for forty guineas, for a friend of mine who is going hence to Italy. The weather was never known to set in so hot as it has done the latter end of this month; so he and his party are to get into his chaise by four in the morning, and travel till nine, and not stir out again till six. But I hope this severe heat will abate by the time you come here. However, I beg of you once more to take special care of heating your blood in travelling, and come toute doucement, when you find the heat too much. I shall look impatiently for intelligence from you, and hope to hear all goes well; that you conquer all difficulties, that you have received your passport, my picture, etc. Write and tell me something of everything. I long to see you both, you may be assured, my dear wife and child, after so long a separation; and write me a line directly, that I may have all the notice you can give me, that I may have apartments ready and fit for you when you arrive. For my own part, I shall continue writing to you a fortnight longer. Present my respects to all friends.

You have bid Mr. C-get my visitations at P. done for me, etc. etc. If any offers are made about the inclosure at Rascal, they must be inclosed to me-nothing that is fairly proposed shall stand still on my score. Do all for the best, as he who guides all things will, I hope, do for us-so Heaven preserve you both. Believe me your affectionate L. STERNE.

Love to my Lydia-I have bought her a gold watch to present to her when she comes.

on.

XXVI. TO THE SAME.

PARIS, June 7, 1762. MY DEAR,-I keep my promise and write to you again. I am sorry the bureau must be opened for the deeds, but you will see it done. I imagine you are convinced of the necessity of bringing three hundred pounds in your pocket if you consider Lydia must have two slight negligées-you will want a new gown or two; as for painted linens, buy them in town, they will be more admired because English than French. Mrs. H-writes me word that I am mistaken about buying silk cheaper at Toulouse than Paris; that she advises you to buy what you want here, where they are very beautiful and cheap, as well as blonds, gauzes, etc. These I say will all cost you sixty guineas-and you must have them-for in this country nothing must be spared for the back; and if you dine on an onion, and lie in a garret seven stories high, you must not betray it in your clothes, according to which you are well or ill looked When we are got to Toulouse, we must begin to turn the penny, and we may (if you do not game much) live very cheap-I think that expression will divert you. And now God knows I have not a wish but for your health, comfort, and safe arrival here. Write to me every other post, that I may know how you go on. You will be in raptures with your chariot: Mr. R—, a gentleman of fortune, who is going to Italy, and has seen it, has offered me thirty guineas for my bargain. You will wonder all the way, how I am to find room in it for a third. To ease you of this wonder, 'tis by what the coachmakers here call a cave, which is a second bottom added to that you set your feet upon, which lets the person (who sits over against you) down with his knees to your ankles, and by which you have all more room-and what is more, less heat, because his head does not intercept the fore-glass-little or nothing. Lyd and I will enjoy this by turns: sometimes I shall take a bidet (a little post-horse), and scamper before; at other times I shall sit in fresco upon the arm-chair without doors, and one way or other will do very well. I am under infinite obligations to Mr. Thornhill for accommodating me thus, and so genteelly, for 'tis like

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enough not to be cut off; and let your portman-
teau be tied on the fore part of your chaise, for
fear of a dog's trick. So God bless you both,
and remember me to my Lydia. I am yours
affectionately,
L. STERNE.

XXVIII.-TO THE SAME.

PARIS, June 17, 1762. MY DEAREST,-Probably you will receive another letter with this by the same post; if so, read this the last. It will be the last you can possibly receive at York, for I hope it will catch you just as you are upon the wing. If that should happen, I suppose in course you have executed the contents of it, in all things which relate to pecuniary matters, and when these are settled to your mind, you will have got through your last difficulty-everything else will be a step of pleasure, and by the time you have got half a dozen stages, you will set up your pipes and sing Te Deum together, as you whisk it along. Desire Mr. C to send me a proper letter of attorney by you--he will receive it back by return of post. You have done everything well with regard to our Sutton and Stillington affairs, and left things in the best channel. If I was not sure you must have long since got my picture, garnets, etc., I would write and scold Mr. T- abominably-he put them in Becket's hands to be forwarded by the stage-coach to you, as soon as he got to town. I long to hear from you, and that all my letters and things are come safe to you; and then you will say I have not been a bad lad-for you will find I have been writing continually, as I wished you to do. Bring your silver coffee-pot, 'twill serve both to give water, lemonade, and orjead -to say nothing of coffee and chocolate, which, by the bye, is both cheap and good at Toulouse, like other things. I had like to have forgot a most necessary thing-there are no copper teakettles in France, and we shall find such a thing the most comfortable utensil in the house. Buy a good strong one, which will hold two quartsa dish of tea will be of comfort to us in our journey south. I have a bronze tea-pot, which we will carry also. As china cannot be brought over from England, we must make a villanous

PARIS, June 14, 1762. MY DEAREST,-Having an opportunity of writing by a friend who is setting out this morning for London, I write again, in case the two last letters I have wrote to you this week should be detained by contrary winds at Calais. I have wrote to Mr. E--, by the same hand, to thank him for his kindness to you in the handsomest manner I could; and have told him, his good heart, and his wife's, have made them overlook the trouble of having you at his house, but that if he takes your apartments near him they will have occasion still enough left to show their friendship to us. I have begged him to assist you, and stand by you, as if he was in my place with regard to the sale of the Shandys-and then the copyright. Mark to keep these things distinct in your head. But Becket I have ever found to be a man of probity, and I dare say you will have very little trouble in finishing matters with him-and I would rather wish you to treat with him than with another man; but whoever buys the fifth and sixth volumes of Shandys, must have the naysay of the seventh and eighth. I wish, when you come here, in case the weather is too hot to travel, you could think it pleasant to go to the Spa for four or six weeks, where we should live for half the money we should spend at Paris; after that we should take the sweetest season of the vintage to go to the south of France. But we will put our heads together, and you shall just do as you please in this, and in everything which depends on me; for I am a being perfectly contented when others are pleased-to bear and forbear will ever be my maxim-only I fear the heats through a journey of five hundred miles for you and my Lydia, more than for myself. Do not forget the watch-party-coloured tea equipage, to regale ourselves chains-bring a couple for a gentleman's watch likewise. We shall lie under great obligations to the Abbé M-, and must make him such a small acknowledgment; according to my way of flourishing, 'twill be a present worth a kingdom to him. They have bad pins, and vile needles here; bring for yourself, and some for presents-as also a strong bottle-screw, for whatever scrub we may hire as butler, coachman, etc., to uncork us our Frontiniac. You will find a letter for you at the Lyon d'Argent. Send for your chaise into the court-yard, and see all is right. Buy a chain at Calais, strong

and our English friends, whilst we are at Tou-
louse. I hope you have got your bill from
Becket. There is a good-natured kind of a
trader I have just heard of, at Mr. Foley's, who
they think will be coming off from England to
France, with horses, the latter end of June.
He happened to come over with a lady, who is
sister to Mr. Foley's partner; and I have got
her to write a letter to him in London, this
post, to beg he will seek you at Mr. E-'s,
and, in case a cartel-ship does not go off before
he goes, to take you under his care.
He was
infinitely friendly in the same office, last year,

to the lady who now writes to him, and nursed her on ship-board, and defended her by land with great good-will. Do not say I forget you, or whatever can be conducive to your ease of mind in this journey. I wish I was with you, to do these offices myself, and to strew roses on your way; but I shall have time and occasion to show you I am not wanting. Now, my dears, once more pluck up your spirits. Trust in God -in me--and in yourselves. With this, was you put to it, you would encounter all these difficulties ten times told. Write instantly, and tell me you triumph over all fears; tell me Lydia is better, and a helpmate to you. You say she grows like me-let her show me she does so in her contempt of small dangers, and fighting against the apprehensions of them, which is better still. As I will not have F-'s share of the books, you will inform him so. Give my love to Mr. Fothergill, and to those true friends which envy has spared me-and for the rest, laissez passer. You will find I speak French tolerably-but I only wish to be understood. You will soon speak better; a month's play with a French demoiselle will make Lyd chatter like a magpie. Mrs. understood not a word of it when she got here, and writes me word she begins to prate apace-you will do the same in a fortnight. Dear Bess, I have a thousand wishes, but have a hope for every one of them-you shall chant the same Jubilate, my dears, so God bless you. My duty to Lydia, which implies my love too. Adieu, believe me your affectionate L. STERNE.

day before (Jehu-like), and that he had neither corn nor hay, therefore I was not to pay for the horse. But I might as well have whistled as have spoke French, and I believe my Latin was equal to my uncle Toby's Lillibullero-being not understood because of its purity; but by dint of words I forced my judge to do me justice-no common thing, by the way, in France. My wife and daughter are arrived-the latter does nothing but look out of the window, and complain of the torment of being frizzled. I wish she may ever remain a child of nature-I hate children of art.

I hope this will find your ladyship well-that you will be kind enough to direct to me at Toulouse, which place I shall set out for very I am, with truth and sincerity, your ladyship's most faithful L. STERNE.

soon.

XXX.-TO MR. E-.

PARIS, July 12, 1762. DEAR SIR,-My wife and daughter arrived here safe and sound on Thursday, and are in high raptures with the speed and pleasantness of their journey, and particularly of all they see and meet with here. But in their journey from York to Paris nothing has given them a more sensible and lasting pleasure than the marks of kindness they received from you and Mrs. E—. The friendship, good-will, and politeness of my two friends I never doubted to me or mine; and I return you both all a grateful man is capable of, which is merely my thanks. Have taken, however, the liberty of sending an Indian taffety,

Memorandum: Bring watch-chains, tea-kettle, which Mrs. E- must do me the honour to wear knives, cookery-book, etc.

You will smile at this last article--so adieu. At Dover, the Cross Keys; at Calais, the Lyon D'Argent-the master, a Turk in grain.

XXIX.-TO LADY D-.

PARIS, July 9, 1762.

I WILL not send your ladyship the trifles you bid me purchase without a line. I am very well pleased with Paris-indeed I meet with so many civilities amongst the people here that I must sing their praises; the French have a great deal of urbanity in their composition, and to stay a little time amongst them will be agreeable. I splutter French so as to be understood -but I have had a droll adventure here, in which my Latin was of some service to me. I had hired a chaise and a horse to go about seven miles into the country, but, Shandean-like, did not take notice that the horse was almost dead when I took him. Before I got half-way, the poor animal dropped down dead; so I was forced to appear before the police, and began to tell my story in French, which was that the poor beast had to do with a worse beast than himself, namely. his master, who had driven him all the

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for my wife's sake, who would have got it made up, but that Mr. Stanhope, the consul of Algiers, who sets off to-morrow morning for London, has been so kind (I mean his lady) as to take charge of it; and we had but just time to procure it; and had we missed that opportunity, as we should have been obliged to have left it behind us at Paris, we knew not when nor how to get it to our friend. I wish it had been better worth a paragraph. If there is anything we can buy or procure for you here (intelligence included), you have a right to command mefor I am yours, with my wife and girl's kind love to you and Mrs. E—, LAU. STERNE.

XXXI.—TO J— H— S-, Esq.

TOULOUSE, August 12, 1762.

MY DEAR H.,-By the time you have got to the end of this long letter, you will perceive that I have not been able to answer your last till now -I have had the intention of doing it almost as often as my prayers in my head-'tis thus we use our best friends. What an infamous story is that you have told me! After some little remarks on it, the rest of my letter will go on like silk. **** is a good-natured old easy fool,

and has been deceived by the most artful of her sex, and she must have abundance of impudence and charlatanry to have carried on such a farce. I pity the old man for being taken in for so much money-a man of sense I should have laughed at. My wife saw her when in town, and she had not the appearance of poverty; but when she wants to melt ****'s heart, she puts her gold watch and diamond rings in her drawer. But he might have been aware of her. I could not have been mistaken in her character-and 'tis odd she should talk of her wealth to one, and tell another the reverse-so goodnight to her. About a week or ten days before my wife arrived at Paris, I had the same accident I had at Cambridge, of breaking a vessel in my lungs. It happened in the night, and I bled the bed full; and finding in the morning I was likely to bleed to death, I sent immediately for a surgeon to bleed me at both arms. This saved me, and, with lying speechless for three days, I recovered upon my back in bed; the breach healed, and, in a week after, I got out. This, with my weakness and hurrying about, made me think it high time to haste to Toulouse. We have had four months of such heats that the oldest Frenchman never remembers the like: 'twas as hot as Nebuchadnezzar's oven, and never has relaxed one hour. In the height of this, 'twas our destiny (or rather destruction) to set out by way of Lyons, Montpellier, etc., to shorten, I trow, our sufferings. Good God!-but 'tis over; and here I am in my own house, quite settled by M-'s aid and good-natured offices, for which I owe him more than I can express, or know how to pay at present. "Tis in the prettiest situation in Toulouse, with near two acres of garden-the house too good by half for us-well furnished, for which I pay thirty pounds a year. I have got a good cook-my wife a decent femme de chambre, and a goodlooking laquais. The Abbé has planned our expenses, and set us in such a train we cannot easily go wrong though, by the bye, the D-1 is seldom found sleeping under a hedge. Mr. Trotter dined with me the day before I left Paris. I took care to see all executed according to your directions-but Trotter, I dare say, by this, has wrote to you. I made him happy beyond expression with your Crazy Tales, and more so with its frontispiece-I am in spirits, writing a crazy chapter-with my face turned towards thy turret. "Tis now I wish all warmer climates, countries, and everything else, at that separates me from our paternal seat-ce sera là où reposera ma cendre-et se sera là où mon cousin viendra repandre les pleurs dues à notre amitié. I am taking asses' milk three times a day, and cows' milk as often. I long to see thy face again once more. Greet the Colonel kindly in my name, and thank him cordially from me for his many civilities to Madame and Mademoiselle Shandy at York, who send all due

acknowledgments. The humour is over for France and Frenchmen, but that is not enough for your affectionate cousin, L. S.

(A year will tire us all out, I trow), but thank Heaven the post brings me a letter from my Anthony. I felicitate you upon what Messrs. the Reviewers allow you--they have too much judgment themselves not to allow you what you are actually possessed of, 'talents, wit, and humour.' Well, write on, my dear cousin, and be guided by thy own fancy. Oh! how I envy you all at Crazy Castle! I could like to spend a month with you-and should return back again for the vintage. I honour the man that has given the world an idea of our paternal seat— 'tis well done--I look at it ten times a-day with a quando te aspiciam? Now farewell. Remember me to my beloved Colonel; greet Panty most lovingly on my behalf; and if Mrs. C- and Miss C-, etc. are at G-, greet them likewise with a holy kiss. So God bless you.

XXXII. TO MR. FOLEY, AT PARIS.

TOULOUSE, August 14, 1762. MY DEAR FOLEY,-After many turnings (alias digressions), to say nothing of downright overthrows, stops, and delays, we have arrived in three weeks at Toulouse, and are now settled in our house, with servants, etc. about us, and look as composed as if we had been here seven years. In our journey we suffered so much from the heats, it gives me pain to remember it. I never saw a cloud from Paris to Nismes half as broad as a twenty-four sols piece. Good God! we were toasted, roasted, grill'd, stew'd, and carbonaded on one side or other all the way

and being all done enough (assez cuits) in the day, we were eat up at night by bugs, and other unswept-out vermin, the legal inhabitants (if length of possession gives right) of every inn we lay at. Can you conceive a worse accident than that in such a journey, in the hottest day and hour of it, four miles from either tree or shrub which could cast a shade of the size of one of Eve's fig-leaves, that we should break a hind wheel into ten thousand pieces, and be obliged, in consequence, to sit five hours on a gravelly road, without one drop of water, or possibility of getting any? To mend the matter, my two postillions were two dough-hearted fools, and fell a crying. Nothing was to be done! By Heaven! quoth I, pulling off my coat and waistcoat, something shall be done, for I'll thrash you both within an inch of your lives-and then make you take each of you a horse, and ride like two devils to the next post for a cart to carry my baggage, and a wheel to carry ourselves. Our luggage weighed ten quintails. Twas the fair of Baucaire; all the world was going or returning; we were asked by every soul who passed by us, if we were going to the fair of Baucaire? No

wonder, quoth I, we have goods enough! vous avez raison, mes amis.

Well! here we are, after all, my dear friend, and most deliciously placed at the extremity of the town, in an excellent house, well furnish'd, and elegant beyond anything I look'd for. 'Tis built in the form of a hotel, with a pretty court towards the town-and behind, the best garden in Toulouse, laid out in serpentine walks, and so large that the company in our quarter usually come to walk there in the evenings, for which they have my consent: 'the more the merrier.' The house consists of a good salle à manger above stairs, joining to the very great salle à compagnie as large as the Baron d'Holbach's; three handsome bed-chambers with dressing-rooms to them; below stairs two very good rooms for myself, one to study in, the other to see company. I have, moreover, cellars round the court, and all other offices. Of the same landlord I have bargained to have the use of a country-house which he has two miles out of town; so that myself and all my family have nothing more to do than to take our hats and remove from the one to the other. My landlord is, moreover, to keep the gardens in order. And what do you think I am to pay for all this? Neither more or less than thirty pounds a-year. All things are cheap in proportion-so we shall live for very little. I dined yesterday with Mr. II-. He is most pleasantly situated, and they are all well. As for the books you have received for D-, the bookseller was a fool not to send the bill along with them; I will write to him about it. I wish you was with me for two months; it would cure you of all evils ghostly and bodily: but this, like many other wishes both for you and myself, must have its completion elsewhere. Adieu, my kind friend, and believe that I love you as much from inclination as reason, for I am most truly yours, L. STERNE.

My wife and girl join in compliments to you. My best respects to my worthy Baron d'Holbach and all that society. Remember me to my friend Mr. Panchaud.

XXXIII.-TO J- H-S-, Esq.

TOULOUSE, Oct. 19, 1762. MY DEAR H-,-I received your letter yesterday, so it has been travelling from Crazy Castle to Toulouse full eighteen days. If I had nothing to stop me, I would engage to set out this morning and knock at Crazy Castle gates in three days less time, by which time I should find you and the Colonel, Panty, etc., all alone, the season I most wish and like to be with you. I rejoice, from my heart down to my reins, that you have snatch'd so many happy and sunshiny days out of the hands of the blue devils. If we live to meet and join our forces as heretofore, we will give these gentry a drubbing, and turn them for

ever out of their usurped citadel. Some legions of them have been put to flight already by your operations this last campaign, and I hope to have a hand in dispersing the remainder the first time my dear cousin sets up his banners again under the square tower. But what art thou meditating with axes and hammers? I know the pride and the naughtiness of thy heart,' and thou lovest the sweet visions of architraves, friezes, and pediments, with their tympanums; and thou hast found out a pretence à raison de cinq cent livres sterling to be laid out in four years, etc. etc. (so as not to be felt, which is always added by the D-1 as a bait), to justify thyself unte thyself. It may be very wise to do this, bu 'tis wiser to keep one's money in one's pocket whilst there are wars without and rumours of wars within. St. advises his disciples to sell both coat and waistcoat, and go rather without shirt or sword than leave no money in thei: scrip to go to Jerusalem with. Now these quatre ans consecutifs, my dear Anthony, are the most precious morsels of thy life to come (in this world, and thou wilt do well to enjoy that morsel without cares, calculations, and curses, and damns, and debts; for as sure as stone is stone, anċ mortar is mortar, etc., 'twill be one of the many works of thy repentance. But after all, if the Fates have decreed it, as you and I have sometime supposed it, on account of your generosity, 'that you are never to be a monied man,' the decree will be fulfilled whether you adorn your castle and line it with cedar, and paint it within side and without side with vermilion, or not, et celle étant (having a bottle of Frontiniac and glass at my right hand)-I drink, dear Anthony, to thy health and happiness, and to the final accomplishment of all thy lunary and sublunary projects. For six weeks together, after I wrote my last letter to you, my projects were many stories higher, for I was all that time, as I thought, journeying on to the other world. I fell ill of an epidemic vile fever which killed hundreds about me. The physicians here are the errantest charlatans in Europe, or the most ignorant of all pretending fools. I withdrew what was left of me out of their hands, and recommended my affairs entirely to Dame Nature. She (dear goddess) has saved me in fifty different pinching bouts, and I begin to have a kind of enthusiasm now in her favour, and in my own, that one or two more escapes will make me believe I shall leave you all at last by translation and not by fair death. I am now stout and foolish again as a happy man can wish to be, and am busy playing the fool with my uncle Toby, whom I have got soused over head and ears in love. I have many hints and projects for other works; all will go on, I trust, as I wish in this matter. When I have reaped the benefit of this winter at Toulouse, I cannot see I have anything more to do with it; therefore, after having gone with my wife and girl to Bagnieres, I shall return

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