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He will be ready, monsieur, said she, in a powers of the shop not resting in the husband, moment. And in that moment, replied I, he seldom comes there :-in some dark and most willingly would I say something very civil dismal room behind, he sits commerceless in his to you for all these courtesies. Any one may thrum night-cap, the same rough son of Nature do a casual act of good-nature, but a continua- that Nature left him. tion of them shows it is a part of the tempera- The genius of a people where nothing but the ture; and certainly, added I, if it is the same monarchy is salique having ceded this departblood which comes from the heart which ment, with sundry others, totally to the women descends to the extremes (touching her wrist), I-by a continual higgling with customers of all am sure you must have one of the best pulses of ranks and sizes from morning to night, like so any woman in the world. Feel it, said she, many rough pebbles shook long together in a holding out her arm. So laying down my hat, bag, by amicable collisions, they have worn I took hold of her fingers in one hand, and down their asperities and sharp angles, and not applied the two forefingers of my other to the only become round and smooth, but will receive, artery.
some of them, a polish like a brilliant-MonWould to Heaven! my dear Eugenius, thou sieur le Marie is little better than the stone hadst passed by, and beheld me sitting in my under your foot. black coat, and in my lack-a-daysical manner, Surely,--surely, man! it is not good for counting the throbs of it, one by one, with as thee to sit alone; thou wast made for social much true devotion as if I had been watching intercourse and gentle greetings; and this imthe critical ebb or flow of her fever! How provement of our natures from it, I appeal to, wouldst thou have laughed and moralized upon
as my evidence. my new profession !-and thou shouldst have
- And how does it beat, monsieur? said she. laughed and moralized on. - Trust me, my dear ... With all the benignity, said I, looking Eugenius, I should have said there are worse quietly in her eyes, that I expected. She occupations in this world than feeling a woman's was going to say something civil in return, but pulse.'--But a grisette's, thou wouldst have said, the lad came into the shop with the gloves. — --and in an open shop, Yorick !
Apropos, said I, I want a couple of pairs myself. -So much the better: for when my views are direct, Eugenius, I care not if all the world saw me feel it.
The beautiful grisette rose up when I said this,
and, going behind the counter, reached down a
parcel, and untied it. I advanced to the side I HAD counted twenty pulsations, and was going over against her: they were all too large. The on fast towards the fortieth, when her husband, beautiful grisette measured them one by one coming unexpectedly from a back-parlour into across my hand,- it would not alter the dimenthe shop, put me a little out in my reckoning. sions.-She begged I would try a single pair,
--'Twas nobody but her husband, she said, which seemed to be the least. She held it open: so I began a fresh score. Monsieur is so good, -my hand slipped into it at once. ---It will not quoth she, as he passed by us, as to give himself do, said I, shaking my head a little.—No, said the trouble of feeling my pulse. — The husband she, doing the same thing. took off his hat, and making me a bow, said I There are certain combined looks of simple did him too much honour; and having said subtlety-where whim, and sense, and seriousthat, he put on his hat and walked out.
ness, and nonsense, are so blended that all the Good God ! said I to myself, as he went out, languages of Babel, set loose together, could not --and can this man be the husband of this express them -- they are communicated and woman?
caught so instantaneously that you can scarce Let it not torment the few who know what say which party is the infector. I leave it to must have been the grounds of this exclamation, your men of words to swell pages about it,-it if I explain it to those who do not.
is enough in the present to say again, the gloves In London, a shopkeeper and a shopkeeper's would not do; so, folding our hands within our wife seem to be one bone and one flesh. In the arms, we both loll'd upon the counter ;-it was several endowments of mind and body, some- narrow, and there was just room for the parcel times the one and sometimes the other has it, to lay between us. so as in general to be upon a par, and to tally The beautiful grisette looked sometimes at the with each other as nearly as a man and wife gloves, then sideways to the window, then at need to do.
the gloves--and then at me. I was not disposed In Paris, there are scarce two orders of beings to break silence ;-I followed her example : so I more different, for the legislative and executive looked at the gloves, then to the window, then at the gloves, and then at her-and so on alter-all aloud; and if he had, I should in course have nately.
put the bow I made him into French too, and I found I lost considerably in every attack :- told him, 'I was sensible of his attention, and she had a quick black eye, and shot through two returned him a thousand thanks for it.' such long and silken eyelashes with such pene
There is not a secret so aiding to the progress tration, that she looked into my very heart and of sociality as to get master of this short hand, reins. - It may seem strange; but I could actu- and to be quick in rendering the several turns ally feel she did.
of looks and limbs, with all their inflections and It is no matter, said I, taking up a couple of delineations, into plain words. For my own the pairs next me, and putting them into my part, by long habitude, I do it so mechanically, pocket.
that, when I walk the streets of London, I go I was sensible the beautiful grisette had not translating all the way; and have more than asked a single livre above the price. I wished once stood behind the circle, where not three she had asked a livre more ; and was puzzling words have been said, and have brought off my brains how to bring the matter about.-Do twenty different dialogues with me, which I you think, my dear sir, said she, mistaking my could have fairly wrote down and sworn to. embarrassment, that I could ask a sous too much I was going one evening to Martini's concert at of a stranger--and of a stranger whose polite- | Milan, and was just entering the door of the hall, ness, more than his want of gloves, has done me when the Marquisina de F was coming out, the honour to lay himself at my mercy?-M'en in a sort of a hurry. She was almost upon me croyez capable ?-Faith! not I, said I; and if you before I saw her: so I gave a spring to one side, were, you are welcome. So, counting the money to let her pass. She had done the same, and on into her hand, and with a lower bow than one the same side too : so we ran our heads together. generally makes to a shopkeeper's wife, I went She instantly got to the other side to get out: I out; and her lad with his parcel followed me. was just as unfortunate as she had been ; for I
had sprung to that side, and opposed her passage again. We both flew together to the other side,
and then back,-and so on :-it was ridiculous; THE TRANSLATION,
we both blushed intolerably. So I did at last the
thing I should have done at first ;-I stood stock PARIS.
still, and the Marquisina had no more difficulty. THERE was nobody in the box I was let into, but I had no power to go into the room till I had a kindly old French officer. I love the charac-made her so much reparation as to wait and ter, not only because I honour the man whose follow her with my eye to the end of the passage. manners are softened by a profession which she looked back twice, and walked along it makes bad men worse, but that I once knew rather sideways, as if she would make room for one-for he is no more, -and why should I not any one coming up-stairs to pass her.-No, said rescue one page from violation by writing his 1, that's a vile translation; the Marquisina has name in it, and telling the world it was Captain a right to the best apology I can make her, and Tobias Shandy, the dearest of my flock and that opening is left for me to do it in :--so I ran friends, whose philanthropy I never think of at and begged pardon for the embarrassment I had this long distance from his death, but my eyes given her, saying it was my intention to have gush out with tears ? For his sake, I have a made her way.-She answered, she was guided predilection for the whole corps of veterans ; | by the same intention towards me ;--so we reciand so I strode over the two back rows of procally thanked each other. She was at the benches, and placed myself beside him. top of the stairs ; and seeing no cicisbeo near her,
The old officer was reading attentively a small I begged to hand her to her coach ; so we went pamphlet (it might be the book of the opera) down the stairs, stopping at every third step to with a large pair of spectacles. As soon as I sat talk of the concert and the adventure.—Upon down, he took his spectacles off, and, putting my word, madam, said I, when I had handed them into a shagreen case, returned them and her in, I made six different efforts to let you go the book into his pocket together. I half rose out.-And I made six efforts, replied she, to let up, and made him a bow.
you enter.-I wish to Heaven you would make Translate this into any civilised language in a seventh, said I.--With all my heart, said she, the world, the sense is this :
making room.-Life is too short to be long about ‘Here's a poor stranger come into the box; he the forms of it ;-so I instantly stepped in, and seems as if he knew nobody; and is never likely, she carried me home with her. . . . And what was he to be seven years in Paris, if every man became of the concert ? St. Cecilia, who I suphe comes near keeps his spectacles upon his pose was at it, knows more than I. nose : 'tis shutting the door of conversation ab- I will only add that the connection, which solutely in his face, and using him worse than a arose out of the translation, gave me more pleaGerman.'
sure than any one I had the honour to make in The French officer might as well have said it Italy.
some distress at the side of the gutter which THE DWARF.
ran down the middle of it, I took hold of his hand and helped him over. Upon turning up
his face to look at him after, I perceived he I HAD never heard the remark made by any one was about forty.... Never mind, said I, some in my life, except by one; and who that was good body will do as much for me when I am will probably come out in this chapter; so that, ninety. being pretty much unprepossessed, there must I feel some little principles within me, which have been grounds for what struck me the mo- incline me to be merciful towards this poor ment I cast my eyes over the parterre, -and that blighted part of my species, who have neither was the unaccountable sport of Nature in form- size nor strength to get on in the world.-I ing such numbers of dwarfs.- No doubt, she cannot bear to see one of them trod upon; and sports at certain times in almost every corner of had scarce got seated beside my old French officer the world; but in Paris there is no end to her ere the disgust was exercised by seeing the very amusements. — The goddess seems almost as thing happen under the box we sat in. merry as she is wise.
At the end of the orchestra, and betwixt that As I carried my idea out of the Opera Comique and the first side-box, there is a small esplanade with me, I measured everybody I saw walking left, where, when the house is full, numbers of in the streets by it.—Melancholy application ! all ranks take sanctuary. Though you stand, as especially where the size was extremely little in the parterre, you pay the same price as in the the face extremely dark-the eyes quick-the orchestra. A poor defenceless being of this nose long - the teeth white - the jaw promi- order had got thrust, somehow or other, into nent,--to see so many miserables, by force of this luckless place;—the night was hot, and he accidents, driven out of their own proper class was surrounded by beings two feet and a half into the very verge of another, which it gives higher than himself. The dwarf suffered inexme pain to write down :every third man a pressibly on all sides; but the thing which pigmy;
;- some by rickety heads and hump- incommoded him most was a tall, corpulent backs ; — others by bandy legs ;- :- a third set German, near seven feet high, who stood directly arrested by the hand of Nature in the sixth and betwixt him and all possibility of his seeing seventh years of their growth ;-a fourth, in either the stage or the actors. The poor dwarf their perfect and natural state, like dwarf apple did all he could to get a peep at what was going trees; from the first rudiments and stamina of forwards, by seeking for some little opening their existence, never meant to grow higher. betwixt the German's arm and his body, trying
A Medical Traveller might say 'tis owing to first on one side, then on the other; but the undue bandages ;-a Splenetic one, to want of German stood square in the most unaccommoair ; and an Inquisitive Traveller, to fortify the dating posture that can be imagined :—the dwarf system, may measure the height of their houses, might as well have been placed at the bottom of the narrowness of their streets, and in how few the deepest draw-well in Paris; so he civilly feet square, in the sixth and seventh storeys, reached up his hand to the German's sleeve, and such numbers of the Bourgeoisie eat and sleep told him his distress. — The German turned his together. But I remember, Mr. Shandy the head back, looked down upon him as Goliath Elder, who accounted for nothing like anybody did upon David, -and unfeelingly resumed his. else, in speaking one evening of these matters, posture. averred that children, like other animals, might I was just then taking a pinch of snuff out of be increased almost to any size, provided they my monk's little horn-box.-And how would thy came right into the world; but the misery was, meek and courteous spirit, my dear monk, so the citizens of Paris were so coop'd up that they tempered to bear and forbear— how sweetly had not actually room enough to get them.-I would it have lent an ear to this poor soul's do not call it getting anything, said he ;-'tis complaint ! getting nothing.–Nay, continued he, rising in The old French officer seeing me lift up my his argument, 'tis getting worse than nothing, eyes with an emotion, as I made the apostrophe, when all you have got, after twenty or five-and- took the liberty to ask me what was the matter? twenty years of the tenderest care and most -I told him the story in three words, and nutritious aliment bestowed upon it, shall not added, how inhuman it was. at last be as high as my leg. Now, Mr. Shandy By this time the dwarf was driven to extremes, being very short, there could be nothing more and in his first transports, which are generally said of it.
unreasonable, had told the German he would As this is not a work of reasoning, I leave the cut off his long queue with his knife.-The Gersolution as I found it, and content myself with man looked back coolly, and told him he was the truth only of the remark, which is verified welcome, if he could reach it. in every lane and bye-lane of Paris. I was walk- An injury sharpened by an insult, be it to ing down that which leads from the Carousal to whom it will, makes every man of sentiment a the Palais Royal, and observing a little boy in party : I could have leaped out of the box to -Rein que
have redressed it. -The old French officer did sçavoir vivre, was by seeing a great deal both it with much less confusion ; for, leaning a of men and manners ; it taught us mutual little over, and nodding to a sentinel, and toleration ; and mutual toleration, concluded pointing at the same time with his finger at he, making me a bow, taught us mutual love. the distress, the sentinel made his way to it.- The old French officer delivered this with an There was no occasion to tell the grievance- air of such candour and good sense as coincided the thing told itself ; so, thrusting back thc with my first favourable impressions of his German instantly with his musket, he took the character :-I thought I loved the man ; but poor dwarf by the hand, and placed him before I fear I mistook the object : 'twas my own him. ... This is noble! said I, clapping my way of thinking, -the diiference was, I could hands together. . . . And yet you would not not have expressed it half so well. permit this, said the old officer, in England. It is alike troublesome to both the rider and
In England, dear sir, said I, we sit all his beast--if the latter goes pricking up his at our case.
ears, and starting all the way at every object The old French officer would have set me at which he never saw before. I have as little unity with myself, in case I had been at vari- torment of this kind as any creature alive ; and ance, by saying it was a bon mot ;-and, as a yet I honestly confess that many a thing gave bon mot is always worth something in Paris, he me pain, and that I blushed at many a word offered me a pinch of snuff.
the first month, which I found inconsequent and perfectly innocent the second.
Madame de Rambouliet, after an acquaintTHE ROSE.
ance of about six weeks with her, had done me
the honour to take me in her coach about two PARIS.
leagues out of town.--Of all women, Madame It was now my turn to ask the old French de Rambouliet is the most correct ;-and I officer, “What was the matter?' for a cry of never wish to see one of more virtues and * Haussez lcs mains, Monsicur l'Albė,' re-echoed purity of heart.-In our return back, Madame from a dozen different parts of the parterre, de Rambouliet desired me to pull the cord-I was as unintelligible to me as my apostrophe asked her if she wanted anything? to the monk had been to him.
pour pisser, said Madame de Rambouliet. He told me it was some poor Abbé in one Grieve not, gentle traveller, to let Madame of the upper loges, who he supposed had got de Rambouliet p--ss on.-And, ye fair mystic planted perdu behind a couple of grisettes in nymphs, go each one pluck your rose, and order to see the opera, and that the parterre, scatter them in your path,-for Madame de espying him, were insisting upon his holding up Rambouliet did no more.--I handed Madame both his hands during the representation. . . de Rambouliet out of the coach ; and had I And can it be supposed, said I, that an ecclesi- been the priest of the chaste Castalia, I could astic would pick the grisettes' pockets –The not have served at her fountain with a more old French officer smiled, and, whispering in respectful decorum. my ear, opened a door of knowledge which I had no idea of.
THE FILLE DE CHAMBRE. ... Good God ! said I, turning pale with astonishment,-is it possible that a people so
PARIS. smit with sentiment should at the same time be so unclean, and so unlike themselves ?- What the old French officer had delivered Quelle grossierté ! added I.
upon travelling, bringing Polonius' advice to The French officer told me it was an his son upon the same subject into my head, illiberal sarcasm at the church, which had --and that bringing in Hamlet, -and Hamlet begun in the theatre about the time the Tar- the rest of Shakespeare's Works, I stopt at the tuffe was given in it, by Moliere,--but, like Quai de Conti, in my return home, to purchase other remains of Gothic manners, was declin the whole set. ing: -Every nation, continued he, have their The bookseller said he had not a set in the refinements and grossiertés, in which they take world. ... Comment ! said I, taking one up the lead and lose it of one another by turns ;-- out of a set which lay upon the counter betwixt that he had been in most countries, but never
He said, they were sent him only to be in one where he found some delicacies, which got bound; and were to be sent back to Versailles others seemed to want. Le pour et le contre se in the morning to the Count de B**** trouvent en chaque nation; there is a balance, And does the Count de B****, said I, said he, of good and bad everywhere ; and read Shakespeare? ... C'est un espirt fort, renothing but knowing it is so can emancipate plied the bookseller.--He loves English books ; one half of the world from the preposses- and, what is more to his honour, monsieur, he sion which it holds against the other :- that loves the English too. .. You speak this so the advantage of travel, as it regarded the civilly, said I, that it is enough to oblige an Englishman to lay out a louis d'or or two at i I could not avoid paying to virtue, and would your shop.—The bookseller made a bow, and not be mistaken in the person I had been renwas going to say something, when a young dering it to for the world ; but I see innocence, decent girl, about twenty, who by her air and my dear, in your face, and foul befall the man dress seemed to be fille de chambre to some who ever lays a snare in its way! devout woman of fashion, came into the shop The girl scemed affected, some way or other, and asked for Les Egaremens du Caur et de with what I said:-she gave a low sigh :-I found l'Esprit. The bookseller gave her the book I was not empowered to inquire at all after it, directly ; she pulled out a little green satin so said nothing more till I got to the corner of purse, run round with a riband of the same the Rue de Nevers, where we were to part. colour, and, putting her finger and thumb into -But is this the way, my dear, said I, to it, she took out the money and paid for it. As the Hotel de Modene ? . She told me it I had nothing more to stay me in the shop, we was,-or that I might go by the Rue de Gueneboth walked out of the door together.
guault, which was the next turn. ... Then And what have you to do, my dear, said I'll go, my dear, by the Rue de Gueneguault, I, with The Wanderings of the Heart, who scarce said I, for two reasons : first, I shall please know yet you have one ? nor, 'till Love has first myself ; and next, I shall give you the protectold you it, or some faithless shepherd has made tion of my company as far on your way as I it ache, canst thou ever be sure it is so. can. -The girl was sensible I was civil,-and La Dieu m'en garde ! said the girl. With said she wished the Hotel de Modene was in reason, said I; for, if it is a good one, 'tis a the Rue de St. Pierre. ... You live there? pity it should be stolen ; 'tis a little treasure said I. . . . She told me she was fille de chambre to thee, and gives a better air to your face than to Madame R****.... Good God! said I, 'tis if it was dressed out with pearls.
the very lady for whom I have brought a letter The young girl listened with a submissive from Amiens. ... The girl told me that Madame attention, holding her satin purse by its riband R****, she believed, expected a stranger with a in her hand all the time. —'Tis a very small letter, and was impatient to see him. . . . So I one, said I, taking hold of the bottom of it- desired the girl to present my compliments to (she held it towards me)—and there is very Madame R****, and say I would certainly wait little in it, my dear, said I ;-but be but as upon her in the morning. good as thou art handsome, and Heaven will We stood still at the corner of the Rue de fill it. I had a parcel of crowns in my hand to Nevers whilst this passed.—We then stopped a pay for Shakespeare; and, as she had let go the moment whilst she disposed of her Egarements purse entirely, I put a single one in ; and, tying du Caur, etc., more commodiously than carryup the riband in a bow-knot, returned it to her. ing them in her hand :-they were two volumes;
The young girl made me more a humble so I held the second for her whilst she put the curtsey than a low one--'twas one of those first into her pocket ;--and then she held her quiet, thankful sinkings; where the spirit bows pocket, and I put in the other after it. itself down,--the body does no more than tell 'Tis sweet to feel by what fine-spun threads it. I never gave a girl a crown in my life our affections are drawn together. which gave me half the pleasure.
We set off afresh ;-and as she took her third My advice, my dear, would not have been step, the girl put her hand within my arm. worth a pin to you, said I, if I had not given I was just bidding her,- but she did it of herself, this along with it: but now, when you see the with that undeliberating simplicity which showed crown, you'll remember it;-so don't, my dear, it was out of her head that she had never seen lay it out in ribands.
me before. For my own part, I felt the convic. . . Upon my word, sir, said the girl, tion of consanguinity so strongly that I could earnestly, I am incapable ; in saying which, not help turning half round to look in her face, as is usual in little bargains of honour, she and see if I could trace out anything in it of a gave me her hand :-En verité, monsieur, je family likeness.-Tut! said I, are we not all mettrai cet argent apart, said she.
relations? When a virtuous convention is made betwixt
When we arrived at the turning up of the man and woman, it sanctifics their most private Rue de Gueneguault, I stopped to bid her adieu walks ; so, notwithstanding it was dusky, yet for good and all : the girl would thank me again as both our roads lay the same way, we made for my company and kindness. -She bid me 20 scruple of walking along the Quai de Conti adieu twice ;-I repeated it as often ; and so together.
cordial was the parting between us that, had it She made me a second curtsey in setting off ; happened anywhere else, I'm not sure but I and, before we got twenty yards from the door, should have signed it with a kiss of charity, as as if she had not done enough before, she made warm and holy as an apostle. a sort of a little stop, to tell me again-she But in Paris, as none kiss each other but tho thanked me.
men,- I did what amounted to the same thing,-It was a small tribute, I told her, which I bid God bless her!