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Enter Clown and Shepherd.
Afide, afide,—here's more matter for a hot brain; every lane's end, every fhop, church, feffion, hanging, -yields a careful man work.
Clo. See, fee; what a man you are now! there is no other way, but to tell the King fhe's a Changling, and none of your flesh and blood.
Shep. Nay, but hear me.
Clo. She being none of your flesh and blood, your flefh and blood has not offended the King; and, fo your flesh and blood is not to be punish'd by him. Shew thofe things you found about her, those secret things, all but what she has with her; this being done, let the law go whistle; I warrant you.
Shep. I will tell the King all, every word; yea, and his fon's pranks too; who, I may fay, is no honest man neither to his father, nor to me, to go about to make me the King's brother-in-law.
Clo. Indeed, brother-in-law was the fartheft off could have been to him; and then your blood had been the dearer by I know how much an ounce.
Aut. Very wifely, puppies!
[Afide. Shep. Well; let us to the King; there is that in this Farthel will make him fcratch his beard.
Aut. I know not, what impediment this Complaint may be to the flight of my mafter.
Glo. Pray heartily, he be at the Palace.
Aut. Tho' I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. Let me pocket up my Pedler's excrement. How now, rufticks, whither are you bound? Shep. To th' Palace, an it like your Worthip. Aut. Your affairs there,-what? with whom? the
* What he means by his Pedler's excrement, I know not.
condition of that farthel? the place of your dwelling? your names? your age? of what having, breeding, and any thing that is fitting for to be known, discover. Clo. We are but plain fellows, Sir.
Aut. A lie; you are rough and hairy; let me have no lying; it becomes none but tradefmen, and they often give us foldiers the lye; but we pay them for it with ftamped coin, not ftabbing fteel, therefore they do not give us the lye .
Clo. Your Worfhip had like to have given us one, if you had not taken yourself with the manner. Shep. Are you a Courtier, an like you, Sir?
Aut. Whether it like me, or no, I am a Courtier. Seeft thou not the air of the Court in thefe enfoldings? hath not my gaite in it the measure of the Court? receives not thy nofe court-odour from me? reflect I not, on thy basenefs?-court contempt. Think'ft thou, for that I infinuate, or toze from thee thy business, I am therefore no Courtier? I am courtier, Cap-a-pè; and one that will either push on, or pluck back thy bufinefs there; whereupon I command thee to open thy affair.
Shep. My bufinefs, Sir, is to the King.
Aut. What Advocate haft thou to him?
Clo. Advocate's the court-word for a pheasant"; fay, you have none.
Shep. None, Sir; I have no pheasant cock, nor hen. Aut. How blefs'd are we, that are not fimple men! Yet Nature might have made me as thefe are, Therefore I will not difdain.
Clo. This cannot be but a great Courtier.
Shep. His garments are rich, but he wears them not handfomely.
Clo. He feems to be the more noble in being fantaftical. A great man, I'll warrant; I know, by the picking on's teeth'.
Aut. The farthel there? what's i'th' farthel? Wherefore that box?
Shep. Sir, there lies fuch fecrets in this farthel and box, which none must know but the King; and which he fhall know within this hour, if I may come to th fpeech of him.
Aut. Age, thou haft loft thy labour.
Aut. The King is not at the Palace: he is gone aboard a new fhip, to purge melancholy and air himself; for if thou be'ft capable of things ferious, thou muft know, the King is full of grief.
Shep. So 'tis faid, Sir, about his fon that fhould have married a fhepherd's daughter.
Aut. If that fhepherd be not in hand-faft, let him fly; the curfes he fhall have, the tortures he fhall feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monfter. Clo. Think you fo, Sir?
Aut. Not he alone fhall fuffer what wit can make heavy, and vengeance bitter; but thofe that are germane to him, tho' remov'd fifty times, fhall all come under the hangman; which tho' it be great pity, yet it is neceffary. An old fheep-whiftling rogue, a ramtender, to offer to have his daughter come into grace! fome fay, he fhall be fton'd; but that death is too foft for him, fay I. Draw our throne into a fheep-coat! all deaths are too few, the fharpeft too easy.
? A great man- by the pick ing of his teeth.] It feems, that to pick the teeth was, at this time, a mark of fome pretenfion to greatnefs or elegance. So the
baftard in King John, speaking of the traveller, fays,
He and his pick-tooth at my worship's mess.
Clo. Has the old man e'er a fon, Sir, do you hear an't like you, Sir?
Aut. He has a fon, who fhall be flay'd alive, then 'nointed over with honey, fet on the head of a wafp's neft, then stand 'till he be three quarters and a dram dead; then recover'd again with Aqua-vita, or fome other hot infufion; then, raw as he is, and in the hottest day prognoftication proclaims, fhall be be fet against a brick-wall, the Sun looking with a fouthward eye upon him, where he is to behold him, with flies blown to death. But what talk we of these traitorly rafcals, whose miseries are to be smil'd at, their offences being fo capital? Tell me, (for you seem to be honest plain men) what you have to the King; being something*gently confider'd, I'll bring you where he is abroad, tender your perfons to his prefence, whifper him in your behalf, and if it be in man befides the King to effect your fuits, here is a man fhall do it.
Clo. He feems to be of great authority; clofe with him, give him gold; and though authority be a stubborn Bear, yet he is oft led by the nofe with gold; fhew the inside of your purfe to the outside of his hand, and no more ado. Remember, fton'd, and flay'd alive.
Shep. An't pleafe you, Sir, to undertake the bufinefs for us, here is that gold I have; I'll make it as much more, and leave this young man in pawn 'till I bring it you.
Aut. After I have done what I promifed?
Shep. Ay, Sir.
Aut. Well, give me the moiety. Are you a party in this business?
Cla. In fome fort, Sir; but tho' my cafe be a pitiful one, I hope, I fhall not be flay'd out of it.
the hottest day, &c.] That is, the hottest day foretold in the Almanack.
-gently confider'd] That is, I who am regarded as a gentleman will bring you to the king,
Aut. Oh, that's the cafe of the fhepherd's fon; hang him, he'll be made an example.
Clo. Comfort, good comfort; we must to the King, and fhew our strange fights; he must know, 'tis none of your daughter, nor my fifter; we are gone elfe. Sir, I will give you as much as this old man does, when the bufinefs is perform'd: and remain, as he says, your Pawn 'till it be brought you.
Aut. I will truft you, walk before toward the feafide, go on the right hand; I will but look upon the hedge, and follow you.
Clo. We are bleffed in this man, as I may fay, even blefs'd.
Shep. Let's before, as he bids us; he was provided to do us good. [Exeunt Shep. and Clown. Aut. If I had a mind to be honeft, I fee, Fortune would not fuffer me; fhe drops booties in my mouth. I am courted now with a double occafion: gold, and a means to do the Prince my mafter good; which, who knows how that may turn back to my advancement? I will bring these two moles, these blind ones, aboard him; if he think it fit to fhore them again, and that the complaint they have to the King concerns him nothing, let him call me rogue, for being fo far officious; for I am proof against that Title, and what fhame elfe belongs to't: to him will I prefent them, there may be matter in it.