A HISTORY OF NEW-YORK. exceeding choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first | wherever a number of wise men assemble together; of alarm having in some measure sub-breaking out in long, windy speeches, caused, as phy paroxysm sided; the old women having buried all the money sicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generthey could lay their hands on, and their husbands ated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they daily getting fuddled with what was left-the com- first introduced the ingenious method of measuring munity began even to stand on the offensive. Songs the merits of a harangue by the hour-glass; he bewere manufactured in Low Dutch, and sung about ing considered the ablest orator who spoke longest the streets, wherein the English were most wofully on a question. For which excellent invention, it is beaten, and shown no quarter; and popular addresses recorded, we are indebted to the same profound This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little were made, wherein it was proved to a certainty that Dutch critic who judged of books by their size. consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnthe fate of Old England depended upon the will of the New-Amsterdammers. Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of ity of our sage forefathers, was supposed, by certain Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants as- learned philosophers, to have been imbibed, together sembled, and having purchased all the British manu- with divers other barbarous propensities, from their factures they could find, they made thereof a huge savage neighbours; who were peculiarly noted for bonfire; and in the patriotic glow of the moment, their long talks and council fires-who would never every man present, who had a hat or breeches of undertake any affair of the least importance, without But the real cause was, that the peoEnglish workmanship, pulled it off, and threw it most previous debates and harangues among their chiefs undauntedly into the flames-to the irreparable det-and old men. riment, loss, and ruin of the English manufacturers. ple, in electing their representatives to the grand In commemoration of this great exploit, they erected council, were particular in choosing them for their a pole on the spot, with a device on the top intended talents at talking, without inquiring whether they to represent the province of Nieuw-Nederlandts de- possessed the more rare, difficult, and ofttimes imstroying Great Britain, under the similitude of an portant talent of holding their tongues. The conseeagle picking the little island of Old England out of quence was, that this deliberative body was composed the globe; but either through the unskilfulness of the of the most loquacious men in the community. As sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking they considered themselves placed there to talk, every what is more, his popularity with them, required resemblance to a goose vainly striving to get hold of man concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, that he should harangue on every subject, whether a dumpling. he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty brought forward in this assembly, every member mound was formed; so, whenever a question was pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a huge mass of CHAPTER V. NEW-NETHERLANDS CAME TO BE MIRACUSHOWING HOW THE GRAND COUNCIL OF THE WITH LONG TONGUES-TOGETHER WITH A GREAT TRIUMPH OF ECONOMY. LOUSLY GIFTED IT will need but very little penetration in any one acquainted with the character and habits of that most potent and blustering monarch, the sovereign people, to discover that, notwithstanding all the bustle and talk of war that stunned him in the last chapter, the renowned city of New-Amsterdam is, in sad reality, not a whit better prepared for defence than before. Now, though the people, having gotten over the first alarm, and finding no enemy immediately at hand, had, with that valour of tongue, for which your illustrious rabble is so famous, run into the opposite extreme, and by dint of gallant vapouring and rodomontado, had actually talked themselves into the opinion that they were the bravest and most powerful people under the sun, yet were the privy counsellors of Peter Stuyvesant somewhat dubious on that point. They dreaded moreover lest that stern hero should return, and find, that instead of obeying his peremptory orders, they had wasted their time in listening to the hectorings of the mob, than which, they well knew, there was nothing he held in more exalted contempt. words. We are told, that when disciples were admitted into the school of Pythagoras, they were for two years enjoined silence, and were neither permitted to ask questions nor make remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and What a pity is it, that, while superstitiously hoardfinally to communicate their own opinions. ing up the rubbish and rags of antiquity, we should suffer these precious gems to lie unnoticed! What a beneficial effect would this wise regulation of Pythagoras have, if introduced in legislative bodies-and how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite Thus, however, did dame Wisdom, (whom the business in the grand council of the Manhattoes! wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a woman,) seem to take mischievous pleasure in jilting the venerable counsellors of New-Amsterdam. The old factions of Long Pipes and Short Pipes, which had been almost strangled by the herculean grasp of lence. Not that the original cause of difference still Peter Stuyvesant, now sprung up with tenfold vioexisted, but, it has ever been the fate of party To make up, therefore, as speedily as possible, for lost time, a grand divan of the counsellors and bur-names and party rancour to remain, long after the gomasters was convened, to talk over the critical State of the province, and devise measures for its safety. Two things were unanimously agreed upon in this venerable assembly:-first, that the city required to be put in a state of defence; and, secondly, that as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost-which points being settled, they immediately fell to making long speeches, and belabouring one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic, so universally prevalent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself principles that gave rise to them have been forgotten. To complete the public confusion and bewilderment, the fatal word Economy, which one would have thought was dead and buried with William the Testy, was once more set afloat, like the apple of discord, in the grand council of Nieuw-Nederlandts-according to which sound principle of policy, it was deemed more expedient to throw away twenty thousand guilders upon an inefficacious plan of defence, than thirty thousand on a good and substantial one-the province thus making a clear saving of ten thousand guilders. CHAPTER VI. IN WHICH THE TROUBLES OF NEW-AMSTERDAM But when they came to discuss the mode of defence, then began a war of words that baffles all description. The members being, as I observed, enlisted in opposite parties, were enabled to proceed with amazing system and regularity in the discussion of the questions before them. Whatever was proposed by a Long Pipe, was opposed by the whole LIKE as an assemblage of politic cats, engaged in tribe of Short Pipes, who, like true politicians, con- clamourous gibberings, and caterwaulings, eyeing sidered it their first duty to effect the downfall of the one another with hideous grimaces, spitting in each Long Pipes-their second, to elevate themselves-other's faces, and on the point of breaking forth into and their third, to consult the welfare of the country. This at least was the creed of the most upright among the party; for as to the great mass, they left the third consideration out of the question altogether. In this great collision of hard heads, it is astonishing the number of projects for defence that were struck out, not one of which had ever been heard of before, nor has been heard of since, unless it be in very modern days-projects that threw the windmill system of the ingenious Kieft completely in the background. Still, however, nothing could be decided on; for so soon as a formidable host of air castles were reared by one party, they were demolished by the other. The simple populace stood gazing in anxious expectation of the mighty egg that was to be hatched with all this cackling; but they gazed in vain, for it appeared that the grand council was determined to protect the province as did the noble and gigantic Pantagruel his army-by covering it with his tongue. a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly put to scampering rout and confusion by the startling appearance of a house-dog-so was the no less vociferous council of New-Amsterdam, amazed, astounded, and totally dispersed, by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member made the best of his way home, waddling along as fast as his short legs could fag under their heavy burden, and wheezing as he went with corpulency and terror. When he arrived at his castle, he barricadoed the street door, and buried himself in the cider cellar, without daring to peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon-ball. The sovereign people all crowded into the marketplace, herding together with the instinct of sheep, who seek for safety in each other's company, when the shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his neighbour's face, in search of encouragement, but only found in its woebegone lineaments, a confirmation of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy--while the old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their fate, and incessantly calling for protection on Saint Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. Indeed, there was a portion of the members, consisting of fat, self-important old burghers, who smoked their pipes and said nothing, excepting to negative every plan of defence that was offered. These were of that class of wealthy old citizens, who, having amassed a fortune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, look rich, and are good for nothing all the rest of their lives. Like some phlegmatic oyster, Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lionwhich, having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, set-hearted Peter !-and how did they long for the comtles down in the mud, and parts with its life sooner forting presence of Antony Van Corlear! Indeed, a than its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adthese worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An venturous heroes. Day after day had elapsed since armed force was a legion of locusts, preying upon the alarming message from the governor, without the public property-to fit out a naval armament, bringing any farther tidings of his safety. Many a was to throw their money into the sea-to build for- fearful conjecture was hazarded as to what had betifications, was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they fallen him and his loyal 'squire. Had they not been settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and pockets were full, no matter how much they were Cape Cod?-were they not put to the question by drubbed-A kick left no scar-a broken head cured the great council of Amphyctions?--were they not itself-but an empty purse was of all maladies the smothered in onions by the terrible men of Piquag? slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing|--In the midst of this consternation and perplexity, for the patient. Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away that time which the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay was ruinous. At length St. Nicholas, taking compassion on their distracted situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in the midst of one of their most noisy debates on the subject of fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was happily settled by a messenger, who bounced into the chamber and informed them that the hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually advancing up the bay! when horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New-Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by a strange and distant sound-it approached-it grew louder and louder-and now it resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well-known sound--a shout of joy burst from their lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came galloping into the market-place. The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round the honest Antony, as he dismounted from his horse, overwhelming him with greetings and congratulations. In breathless accents he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible Thus was all farther necessity of either fortifying Amphyctions. But though the Stuyvesant manuor disputing completely obviated, and thus was the script, with its customary minuteness where any grand council saved a world of words, and the prov- thing touching the great Peter is concerned, is very ince a world of expense--a most absolute and glori-particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, ous triumph of economy! yet the particular state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it A HISTORY OF NEW-YORK. suffice to say, that while Peter Stuyvesant was anx-lors and burgomasters, not for the purpose of asking tously revolving in his mind how he could make their advice, for that, as has already been shown, he good his escape with honour and dignity, certain of valued not a rush; but to make known unto them the ships sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes his sovereign determination, and require their prompt Before, however, he convened his council, he retouched at the eastern ports, to obtain needful sup- adherence. plies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its promised co-operation. Upon hearing of this, solved upon three important points; first, never to the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay give up the city without a little hard fighting, for he were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decamp-deemed it highly derogatory to the dignity of so rement, though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be nowned a city, to suffer itself to be captured and obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes. stripped, without receiving a few kicks into the barMany hair-breadth 'scapes and divers perilous mis-gain-secondly, that the majority of his grand council haps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound was composed of arrant poltroons, utterly destitute of trumpet, through the fair regions of the cast. Al- of true bottom-and, thirdly, that he would not ready was the country in an uproar with hostile therefore suffer them to see the summons of Col. preparation, and they were obliged to take a large Nichols, lest the easy terms it held out might induce circuit in their flight, lurking along through the them to clamour for a surrender. woody mountains of the Devil's Back-bone; from whence the valiant Peter sallied forth one day, like a lion, and put to rout a whole region of squatters, consisting of three generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take possession of some corner of the New-Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony had great difficulty at sundry times to prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border towns, who were marshalling forth their draggletailed militia. ron. The first movements of the governor, on reaching his dwelling, was to mount the roof, from whence he contemplated, with rueful aspect, the hostile squadThis had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., informs us, "three hundred valiant red-coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down, and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his anchoring in the harbour without obtaining previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though I have it from undoubted authority, that his teeth were clinched, and he had a bitter sardonic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town, with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches pockets, and whistling a Low Dutch psalm tune, which bore no small resemblance to the music of a north-east wind, when a storm is brewing. The very dogs, as they eyed him, skulked away in dismay-while all the old and ugly women of NewAmsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment! The reply of Col. Nichols, who commanded the invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor-declaring the right and title of his British Majesty to the province, where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers; and demanding that the town, forts, etc., should be forthwith rendered into his majesty's obedience and protection-promising at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free trade, to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his majesty's government. Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer, who has long been fattening upon his neighbour's soil, reads the loving letter of John Stiles, that warns him of an action of ejectment. The old governor, however, was not to be taken by surprise, but thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket, he stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehemence, and then loftily waving his hand, promised to send an answer the next morning In the meantime, he called a general council of war of his privy counsel His orders being duly promulgated, it was a pit-. eous sight to behold the late valiant burgomasters, who had demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places, and then crawling cautiously forth; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys; starting at every little dog that barked, as though it had been a discharge of artillery-mistaking lamp-posts for British grenadiers, and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing busses at their bosoms! Having, however, in despite pumps into formidable soldiers, levelling blunderof numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, arrived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in a full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped himself in this portentous manner, unless something of a martial nature were working within his fearless pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their pipes in breathless suspense. The great Peter was as eloquent as he was valorous-indeed, these two rare qualities seemed to go hand in hand in his composition; and, unlike most great statesmen, whose victories are only confined to the bloodless field of argument, he was always ready to enforce his hardy words by no less hardy deeds. His speeches were generally marked by a simplicity approaching to bluntness, and by a truly categorical briefly upon the perils and hardships he had sustaindecision. Addressing the grand council, he touched ed in escaping from his crafty foes. He next reproached the council for wasting, in idle debate and party feuds, that time which should have been devoted to their country. He was particularly indignant at those brawlers, who, conscious of individual security, had disgraced the councils of the province by impotent hectorings and scurrilous invectives, against a noble and powerful enemy-those cowardly ings at the lion, while distant or asleep, but the mocurs, who were incessant in their barkings and yelpment he approached, were the first to skulk away. He now called on those who had been so valiant in their threats against Great Britain, to stand forth and support their vauntings by their actions-for it was deeds, not words, that bespoke the spirit of a nation. He proceeded to recall the golden days of former prosperity, which were only to be regained by manfully withstanding their enemies; for the peace, he observed, which is effected by force of arms, is always more sure and durable than that which is patched up by temporary accommodations. He endeavoured, moreover, to arouse their martial fire, by reminding |