P. S. This I end at Lord Orrery's, in company with Dr. King. Wherever I can find two or three that are yours, I adhere to them naturally, and by that title they become mine. I thank you for fending Mr. Swift to me; he can tell you more of me.

LETTER LV.

Auguft 28, 1731.

ou

You

pro

and the Duchess ufe me very ill, for, I fefs, I cannot distinguish the style or the handwriting of either. I think her Grace writes more like you than herself, and that you write more like her Grace than yourself. I would fwear the beginning of your letter writ by the Duchefs, though it is to pass for yours; because there is a curfed lie in it, that she is neither young nor healthy, and befides it perfectly resembles the part fhe owns. I will likewife fwear, that what I must suppose is written by the Duchefs, is your hand; and thus I am puzzled and perplexed between you, but I will go on in the innocency of my own heart. I am got eight miles from our famous metropolis, to a country Parfon's, to whom I lately gave a City-living, fuch as an English Chaplain would leap at. I retired hither for the public good, having two great works in hand: one to reduce the whole politenefs, wit, humour, and

style

style of England into a short system, for the use of all perfons of quality, and particularly the maids of honour. The other is of almoft equal importance; I may call it the Whole Duty of Servants, in about twenty. several stations, from the fteward and waitingwoman down to the fcullion and pantry-boy '.-I believe no mortal had ever fuch fair invitations, as to be happy in the best company of England; I wish I had liberty to print your letter with my own comments upon it. There was a fellow in Ireland, who from a fhoe-boy grew to be feveral times one of the chief governors, wholly illiterate, and with hardly common fense: a Lord Lieutenant told the first King George, that he was the greatest subject he had in both kingdoms; and truly his character was gotten and preferved by his never appearing in England, which was the only wife thing he ever did, except purchasing fixteen thousand pounds a year-Why, you need not ftare: it is eafily applied: I must be absent, in order to preferve my credit with her Grace-Lo, here comes in the Duchefs again (I know her by her dd's; but am a fool for discovering my Art) to defend herself against my conjecture of what fhe faid-Madam, I will imitate your Grace, and write to you upon the fame line. I own it is a

e

bafe

Waghtaff's Dialogues of Polite Conversation, published in his life-time.

W.

f An imperfect thing of this kind, called Directions to Servants in general, has been published fince his death.

W.

base unromantic fpirit in me, to fufpend the honour of waiting at your Grace's feet, till I can finish a paltry law-fuit. It concerns indeed almost all my whole fortune; it is equal to half Mr. Pope's, and twothirds of Mr. Gay's, and about fix weeks rent of your Grace's. This curfed accident hath drilled away. the whole fummer. But, Madam, understand one thing, that I take all your ironical civilities in a literal fenfe, and whenever I have the honour to attend you, fhall expect them to be literally performed: though perhaps I fhall find it hard to prove your hand-writing in a Court of Justice; but that will not be much for your credit. How miferably hath your Grace been mistaken in thinking to avoid Envy by running into exile, where it haunts you more than ever it did even at Court? Non te civitas, non Regia domus in exilium miferunt, fed tu utraque. So fays Cicero, (as your Grace knows,) or so he might have faid.

I am told that the Craftsman in one of his papers is offended with the publishers of (I suppose) the last edition of the Dunciad; and I was afked whether you and Mr. Pope were as good friends to the new difgraced perfon as formerly? This I knew nothing of, but suppose it was the confequence of fome miftake. As to writing, I look on you just in the prime of life for it, the very feafon when judgment and invention draw together. But fchemes are perfectly

VOL. IX.

acci

accidental; fome will appear barren of hints and matter, but prove to be fruitful; and others the contrary and what you fay, is paft doubt, that every one can beft find hints for himself: though it is poffible that fometimes a friend may give you a lucky one just suited to your own imagination. But this is almost past with me: my invention and judgment are perpetually at fifty-cuffs, till they have quite difabled each other; and the mereft trifles I ever wrote are ferious philofophical lucubrations, in comparison to what I now bufy myself about; as (to fpeak in the author's phrase) the world may one day fee.

LETTER LVI.

September 10, 1731.

IF

F your ramble was on horfeback, I am glad of it on account of your health; but I know your arts of patching up a journey between ftage-coaches and friends coaches for you are as arrant a cockney as any hofier in Cheapfide. One clean shirt with two cravats, and as many handkerchiefs, make up your equipage; and as for a night-gown, it is clear from Homer,

*As were the fubjects of the Lutrin, and Rape of the Lock, and the Difpenfary.

g His ludicrous prediction was, fince his death, and very much to his dishonour, seriously fulfilled.

W.

I have

that you

Homer, that Agamemnon rofe without one. often had it in my head to put it into yours, ought to have fome great work in scheme, which may take up feven years to finish, befides two or three under-ones, that may add another thousand pound to your stock: and then I fhall be in lefs pain about you. I know you can find dinners, but you love twelve-penny coaches too well, without confidering that the interest of a whole thoufand pounds brings you but half a crown a day. I find a greater longing than ever to come amongst you; and reason good, when I am teazed with Dukes and Ducheffes for a vifit, all my demands complied with, and all excufes cut off. You remember, "O happy Don "Quixote! Queens held his horfe, and Ducheffes "pulled off his armour," or fomething to that purpose. He was a mean-fpirited fellow; I can fay ten times more; O happy, etc. fuch a Duchefs was defigned to attend him, and fuch a Duke invited him to command his Palace. Nam iftos reges cæteros memorare nolo, hominum mendicabula: go read your Plautus, and obferve Strobilus vaporing after he had found the pot of gold.-I will have nothing to do with that Lady: I have long hated her on your account, and the more, because you are fo forgiving as not to hate her; however, fhe has good qualities enough to make her esteemed; but not one grain of feeling. I only wifh fhe were a fool.-I have been several months writing near five hundred lines