Slen. My will? Od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

Anne. I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?

Slen. Truly for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole. They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your father; there he is. [Pointing off] Let's go to him-Oh, Mistress Anne! [Exeunt L.

SCENE V.-The Garter Inn.-Chairs on.

Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH, L.

Fal. Bardolph, I say.

Bard. Here, sir,

Fal. Go, fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARDOLPH, L.] Have I liv'd to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be serv'd such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies; fifteen i'the litter; and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drown'd, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing should I have been, when I had been swell'd! I should have been a mountain of mummy.

Enter BARDOLPH, with the Sack, L.

Bard. Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.

Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallow'd snow-balls.-Call her in.

Bard. Come in, woman.

Enter MRS. QUICKLY, L.

Quick. By your leave;-I cry you mercy :-Give your worship good-morrow.

Fal. Go, brew me a pot of the sack finely.
Bard. With eggs, sir?

Fal. Simple of itself.-[Exit BARDOLPH, L.]—How now?

Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.

Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of Ford.

Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault; she does so take on with her men, they mistook her.

Fal. So did I, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.

Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a-birding: she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly she'll make you amends, I warrant you.

Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.

Quick. I will tell her.

Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou?

Quick. Eight and nine, sir.

Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

Quick. Peace be with you, sir!

[Exit, L.

Fal. I marvel, I hear not of Master Brook; he sent

me word to stay within: I like his money well.-0, here he comes.

Enter FORD, L. disguised.

Ford. 'Bless you, sir!

Fal. Now, Master Brook?-you come to know what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife?

Ford. That indeed, Sir John, is my business.

Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me.

Ford. And how sped you, sir?

Fal. Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.

Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

Fal. No, Master Brook: but the peaking carnuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, kiss'd, protested, and as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a

rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.

Ford. What, while you were there?

Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket. Ford. A buck-basket!

Fal. By the lord, a buck-basket: ramm'd me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villainous smell, that ever offended nostril.

Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal. Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffer'd, to bring this woman to evil for your good.Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave, their master, in the door; who ask'd them once or twice, what they had in their basket: I quak'd for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have search'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brooks: I suffer'd the pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous bell-wether: next, to be compass'd, like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopp'd in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that a man of my kidney-think of that-that am as subject to heat, as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle, to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe: think of that-hissing hot-think of that, Master Brook.

[Goes up and throws himself into a large

Chair, L. c.

Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry, that for my sake you have suffer'd all this. My suit is then desperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Ætna, as I have been into the Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have receiv'd from her another embassy of meeting: 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.

Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crown'd as I told you: Adieu.-You shall have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.

[Exit, L.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? Is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, Master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buckbaskets!-Well, I will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take the lecher; he's at my house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid; yet, to be what I would not, shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn mad. [Exit, L.

END OF ACT III.

ACT IV.

SCENE I.-The Garter Inn.

Enter FENTON and HOST, R.

Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me.

Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose;

E

And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
A hundred pound in gold.

Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton.

Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you
With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;
Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection :-
Now, here it rests-that you'll procure the vicar
To stay for us at church, 'twixt twelve and one;
And, in the lawful name of marrying,

To give our hearts united ceremony.
Host. Well, I'll to the vicar:

Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.
Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee.
Host. Have I not said it? Ha, ha!-'tis done.

[Exit, L. Fent. Pray heaven he fail not! yet ere I thus to stratagem resort, I'll make one more appeal.

SONG.-FENTON.

A lover's eyes will strike an eagle blind,
A lover's ears will hear the lowest sound,
From woman's eyes this doctrine we derive,
They sparkle still the bright Promethean fire;
And when love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Makes heaven echo with the harmony.

[Exit, L.

SCENE II.-Ford's House.-The Buck-basket in the centre of the Room.-Doors on R. and L.

Enter FALSTAFF and Mrs. FORD, R.

Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance: I see, you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breath; not only, Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now ?

Mrs. Ford. He's a-birding, sweet Sir John.

Mrs. Page. [Within, L.] What hoa, gossip Ford! what hoa!

Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, Sir John. [Exit FALSTAFF, R.