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Speed. Item, She is not to be kissed fasting, in respect of her breath.
Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on.
Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth.
Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep.
Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep no in her talk.
Speed. Item, She is slow in words.
Laun. O villain, that set this down among he vices! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't; and place it for hei chief virtue.
Speed. Item, She is proud.
Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.
Speed. Item, She hath no teeth.
Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
Speed. Item, She is curst."
Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite. Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor. Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item, She is too liberals
Laun. Of her tongue she cannot; for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not; for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that I cannot help. Well, proceed.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, ana more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.
Laun. Stop there; I'll have her she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article: rehearse that once more.
Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, Laun. More hair than wit, it may be; I'll prove it: the cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit, is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next?
Speed. And more faults than hairs, —
Laun. That's monstrous : 0, that that were out! Speed. And more wealth than faults.
Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: Well, I'll have her; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,
Speed. What then!
Laun. Why, then I will tell thee, - that thy master stays for thee at the north gate. Speed. For me?
Vul. No more; unless the next word that thou
Have some malignant power upon my life:
Pro. Cease to lament for that thou canst not help,
Val. I pray thee, Launce, an if thou seest my boy,
Speed. How, now, signior Launce? what news with your mastership?
Laun. With my 'master's ship? why, it is at
Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: What news then in your paper!
Laun. The blackest news, that ever thou heard'st.
Laun. Why, as black as ink.
Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head; thou canst not read.
Laun. I will try thee; tell me this: who begot thee?
Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Laun. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves, that thou canst not
Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper.
Speed. Item, She brews good ale.
Laun. And thereof comes the proverb,-Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.
Speed. Item, She can sew.
Laun. That's as much as to say, Can she so?
Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock?
Speed. Item, She can wash and scour. Laun. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured.
Speed. Item, She can spin.
Laun. Then may I set the world on wheels when she can spin for her living.
Speed. Item. She hath many nameless virtues. Laun. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues: that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.
Speed. Here follow her vices.
St. Nicholas presided over young scholars.
Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou? he hath staid for a better man than thee.
Speed. And must I go to him?
Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love-letters! [Exit. Laun. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter: An unmannerly slave, that will thrust him self into secrets! — I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's [Ex. SCENE II.-The same. A room in the Duke's Palace.
Enter DUKE and THURIO; PROTEUS behind. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love you,
Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.
Thu. Since his exile she hath despised me most,
Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure
Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously
Licentious in lar gunge.
Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace, Let me not live to look upon your grace.
Duke. Thou know'st how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter. Pro. I do, my lord.
Duke. And also, I think, thou art not ignorant dow she opposes her against my will.
Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine
Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do: 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman; Especially, against his very friend. Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him,
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you;
Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:-
Duke. Ay,much is the force of heaven-bred poesy.
Your slander never can endamage him:
Being entreated to it by your friend.
Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it, This, or else nothing, will inherit her.
But, say this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love sir Thurio.
Thu. Therefore, as you unwind her love from him, Let us into the city presently
Lest it should ravel, and be good to none,
Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this
SCENE I.-A Forest near Mantua.
1 Out. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger.
2 Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em.
Enter VALENTINE and SPEED.
3 Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have
If not, we'll make you sit, and rifle you.
1 Out. That's not so, sir; we are your enemies.
2 Out. Peace; we'll hear him.
3 Out. Ay, by my beard, will we;
A man I am, cross'd with adversity:
My riches are these poor habiliments,
Of which if you should here disfurnish me,
You take the sum and substance that I have.
2 Out. Whither travel you?
Val. To Verona.
1 Out. Whence came you?
f crooked fortune had not thwarted me.
1 Out. What, were you banish'd thence? Val. I was.
Duke. This disciplines hows thou hast been in love.
Thu. And thy advice this night I'll put in practice.
To sort some gentlemen well skill'd in music:
2 Out. For what offense?
Fal. For that which now torments me to rehearse: ⚫kill'd a man, whose death I much repent;
Pro. We'll wait upon your grace till after supper:
But yet I slew him manfully in fight,
1 Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so: But were you banish'd for so small a fault?
Val. I was, and held me glad of such a doom. 1 Out. Have you the tongues?
For he's a proper man.
Val. Then know that I have little wealth to lose; Such as the fury of ungoverned youth
Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy; Or else I often had been miserable.
3 Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction. 2 Out. We'll have him: sirs, a word.
Speed. Master, be one of them;
It is an honorable kind of thievery.
2 Out. Tell us this: have you anything to take
Val. Nothing, but my fortune.
3 Out. Know then, that some of us are gentlemen,
Val. From Milan.
3 Out. Have you long sojourn'd there?
Val. Some sixteen months; and longer might And, partly, seeing you are beautified
With goodly shape; and by your own report
2. Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd mar
Thrust from the company of awful men :
2 Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, Whom, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heart.
1 Out. And I. for such like petty crimes as these. But to the purpose, -(for we cite our faults, That they may hold excus'd our lawless lives,)
Birdlime. • Mournful elegy. Choose out. 1 Languages. 2 Lawful. Anger, resentment
To maksa pustue of necessity,
Jul. You mistake; the musician likes me not And live, as we do, in this wilderness?
Host. Why, my pretty youth? 3 Out. Wat say'st thou ! wilt thou be of our J!11. He plays false, father. consort!
Host. How? out of tune on the strings? Fay, ay, and be the captain of us all :
Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my We'll do thee homage, and be rul'd by thee, very heart-strings. love thee as our coinmander, and our king.
Host. You have a quick ear. 1 Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. Jul. Ay, I would I were deaf! it makes me 2 Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have have a slow heart. ofler'd.
Host. I perceive you delight not in music.
Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! On silly women, or poor passengers.
Jul. Ay; that change is the spite. 3 Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Host. You would have them always play but Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, one thing? And show thee all the treasure we have got ;
Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose. But, host, doth this sir Proteus, that we talk on,
(Exeunt. often resort unto this gentlewoman?
Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me, SCENE II. — Milan. Court of the Palace.
he loved her out of all nick.. Enter PROTEUS.
Jul. Where is Launce ?
Host. Gone to seek his dog; which, to-morrow, Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine, by his master's command, he must carry for a And now I must be as unjust to Thurio.
present to his lady. Under the color of commending him,
Jul. Peace! stand aside! the company parts. I have access my own love to prefer :
Pro. Sir Thurio, fear not you! I will so plead But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy,
That you shall say, my cunning drift excels. To be corrupted with my worthless gifts.
Thu. Where meet we? When I protest true loyalty to her,
Pro. At saint Gregory's well. She twits me with my falsehood to my friend:
Thu. Farewell. When to her beauty I commend my vows,
(Exeunt THURIO and Musiciars She bids me think, how I have been forsworn In breaking faith with Julia whom I lov'd:
Silvia appears above, at her window. And, notwithstanding all her sudden quips, The least whereof would quell a lover's hope, Pro. Madam, good even to your ladyship. Yet, spaniel-like, the more she spurns my love, Sil. I thank you for your music, gentlemen: The more it grows and fawneth on her still. Who is that, that spake? But here comes Thurio: now must we to her window, Pro. One, lady, if you knew his pure heart's truth, And give some evening music to her ear.
You'd quickly learn to know him by his voice.
Sil. Sir Proteus, as I take it.
Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant. Thu. How now, sir Proteus, are you crept
Sil. What is your will ! before us ?
That I may compass yours. Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio; for you know, that love Sil. You have your wish; my will is even this,Will creep in service where it cannot go.
That presently you hie you home to bed. Thu. Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here. Thou subtle, perjur’d, false, disloyal man ! Pro. Sir, but I do; or else I would be hence. Think'st thou, I am so shallow, so conceitless, Thu. Whom? Silvia ?
To be seduced by thy tlattery, Pro. Ay, Silvia, — for your sake.
That hast deceiv'd so many with thy vows? Thu. I thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen, Return, return, and make thy love amends. Let's tune, and to it lustily a while.
For me, --- by this pale queen of night I swear,
I am so far from granting thy request, Enter Host, at a distance; and Julia in boy's That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit; clothes.
And by and by intend to chide myself, Host. Now, my young guest! methinks you're Even for this time I spend in talking to thee. allycholly ; I pray you, why is it?
Pro. I grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady, Jul. Marry, mine host, because I cannot be merry. But she is dead. Host. Come, we'll have you merry: I'll bring
'Twere false, if I should speak it; you where you shall hear music, and see the gen- For I am sure she is not buried.
[Aside. tleman that you ask'd for.
Sil. Say that she be; yet Valentine, thy friend, Jul. But shall I hear him speak?
Survives ; to whom, thyself art witness, Host. Ay, that you shall.
I am betrothed: And art thou not asham'd Jul. That will be music.
[Music plays. To wrong him with thy importúnacy?. Host. Hark! hark !
Pro. I likewise hear, that Valentine is dead. Jul. Is he among these ?
Sil. And so, suppose, am 1; for in his grave Host. Ay, but peace, let's hear 'em.
Assure thyself my love is buried.
Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. SONG.
Sil. Go to thy lady's grave, and call her's thence, Who is Silvia? What is she?
Or, at the least, in her's sepulchre thine.
Jul. He heard not that.
(Aside Holy, fair, and wise is she ;
Pro. Madam, if your heart be so obdurate, The hearens such grace did lend her, Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love, That she might admired be.
The picture that is hanging in your chamber;
To that I'll speak, to that I'll sigh and weep :
For, since the substance of your perfect self
Is else devoted, I am but a shadow;
And to your shadow, I will make true love.
Jul. If 'twere a substance, you would, sure, do And, being help'd, inhabits therc.
ceive it, Then to Silvia let us sing,
And make it but a shadow, as I am. (Aside That Silvia is excelling;
Sil. I am very loth to be your idol, sir; She exrels each mortal thing.
But, since your falsehood shall become you well Upon the dull earth dwelling;
To worship shadows, and adore false shapes, To her let us garlands bring.
Send to me in the morning, and I'll send it.
And so good rest. Ilost. How now ? are you sadder than you were Pro.
As wretches have o'er night, before !
That wait for execution in the morn. How do you, man ? the music likes you not.
(Exeunt PROTEUS, and Silvia from above. • Passionate reproaches.
• Beyond all reckoning.
Jul. Host, will you go?
Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night
Egl. This is the hour that madam Silvia
SILVIA appears above, at her window.
dogs, under the duke's table: he nad not been there (bless the mark!) a pissing while; but all the char ber smelt him. Out with the dog, says one; Whus cur is that? says another; Whip him out, says tha third; Hang him up, says the duke. 1, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab; and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: Friend, quoth I, you mean to whip the dog? Ay, marry, do 1, quoth he. You do him the mor wrong, quoth I; 'twas I did the thing you wot of He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for their servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed: I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for t: thou think'st not of this now!-Nay, I remember the trick you served me, when I took my leave of madam Silvia; did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou sce me heave up my leg, and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst thou ever see ma do such a trick?
Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself.
I am thus early come, to know what service
Sil. O Ezlamour, thou art a gentleman,
T pon whose grave thou vow'dst pure chastity.
To Mantua, where, I hear, he makes abode;
Which heaven and fortune still reward with plagues. Or ne'er return again into my sight.
I do desire thee, even from a heart
As full of sorrows as the sea of sands
Away, I say: stay'st thou to vex me here?
A slave, that, still an end, turns me to shame.
To bear me company, and go with me:
Ez. Madam, I pity much your grievances:
As much I wish all good befortune you.
Sil. Good-morrow, kind sir Eglamour. [Exeunt.
SCENE IV. The same.
Enter PROTEUS and JULIA
Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well, And will employ thee in some service presently. Jul. In what you please; I will do what I can. Pro. I hope thou wilt.- How now, you whoreson peasant? [TO LAUNCE. Where have you been these two days loitering? Laun. Marry, sir, I carried mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.
Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Laun. Marry, she says, your dog was a cur; and tells you, currish thanks is good enough for such a present.
Pro. But she received my dog?
Laun. No, indeed, she did not: here have 1 brought him back again.
Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Laun. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the market-place: and then I offered her mine own; who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Pro. Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Sebastian, I have entertained thee,
At friar Patrick's cell, She loved me well, deliver'd it to me.
Jul. It seems you loved her not, to leave her token: She's dead, belike.
Enter LAUNCE, with his dog.
Pro. Why dost thou cry, alas?
Pro. Wherefore shouldst thou pity her!
Pro. Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it! I have taught him-even as one would say precisely, Thus I would teach a dog. I was sent to deliver him, as a present to mistress Silvia, from my master; and I came no sooner into the diningchamber, but he steps me to her trencher, and steals ber capon's leg. O, 'tis a foul thing when a curI claim the promise for her heavenly picture. cannot keeps himself in all companies! I would Your message done, hie home unto my chamber, bate, as one should say, one that takes upon him Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary. to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all [Exit PROTEUS things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take Jul. How many women would do such a message a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd been hanged for 't: sure as I live, he had suffered A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs: fort. you shall judge. He thrusts me himself Alas, poor fool! why do I pity him to the company of three or four gentleman-like That with his very heart despiseth me? •Holy dame, blessed lady. Injunction, command. Because he loves her, he despiseth me; •Compassionate. 2 In the end.
Not so; I think, she lives.
Because I ove him, I must pity him.
But cannot be true servant to my master,
Gentlewoman, good day! I pray you, be my mean
Jul. From my master, sir Proteus, madam
Sil. Ursula, bring my picture there.
Sil. I pray thee, let me look on that again. Jul. It may not be; good madam, pardon me. Sil. There, hold,
I will not look upon your master's lines:
Jul. Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
Sil. What say'st thou?
Jul. I thank you, madam, that you tender her: Poor gentlewoman! my master wrongs her much. Sil. Dost thou know her?
Jul. Almost as well as I do know myself.
Sil. Belike, she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her.
Jul. I think she doth, and that's her cause of
Sil. Is she not passing fair?
Jul. She hath been fairer, madam, than she is: When she did think my master loved her well, She, in my judgment, was as fair as you: But since she did neglect her looking-glass, And threw her sun-expelling mask away, The air hath starv'd the roses in her checks And pinch'd the lily-tincture of her face, That now she is become as black as 1.
SCENE I.-The same. An Abbey.
Egl. The sun begins to gild the western sky;
And now, it is about the very hour
Sec, where she comes: Lady, a happy evening!
Egl. Fear not: the forest is not three leagues off;
If we recover the, we are sure enough. [Exeunt
Sil. How tall was she?
Jul. About my stature: for at Pentecost,
Sil. She is beholden to thee, gentle youth!-
Jul. And she shall thank you for 't, if e'er you know her.
A virtuous gentlewoman, mild, and beautiful.
Her eyes are grey as glass; and so are mine:
I should have scratch'd out your unseeing eyes, To make my master out of love with thee. [Exit.
SCENE II. The same. An Apartment in the Duke's Palace.
Enter THURIO, PROTEUS, and JULIA. Thu. Sir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit! Pro. O, sir, I find her milder than she was; And yet she takes exceptions at your person. Thu. What, that my leg is too long? Pro. No; that it is too little.
Thu. I'll wear a boot to make it somewhat rounder.
Pro. But love will not be spurr'd to what it loaths
Thu. Nay, then, the wanton lies; my face is black. Pro. But pearls are fair; and the old saying is Black men are pearls in beat teous ladies' eyes. Jul. 'Tis true; such pearls as put out ladies' eyes.