Juv. Sat. xiii. 54.

I KNOW no evil under the sun so great as the abuse of the understanding, and yet there is no one vice more common. It has diffused itself through both sexes, and all qualities of mankind; and there is hardly that person to be found, who is not more concerned for the reputation of wit and sense, than of honesty and virtue. But this unhappy affectation of being wise rather than honest, witty than good-natured, is the source of most of the ill habits of life. Such false impressions are owing to the abandoned writings of men of wit, and the awkward imitation of the rest of mankind.

For this reason Sir Roger was saying last night, that he was of opinion none but men of fine parts deserve to be hanged. The reflections of such men are so delicate upon all occurrences which they are concerned in, that they should be exposed to more than ordinary infamy and punishment, for offending against such quick admonitions as their own souls give them, and blunting the fine edge of their minds in such a manner, that they are no more shocked at vice and folly than men of slower capacities. There is no greater monster in being, than a very ill man of great parts. He lives like a man in a palsy, with one side of him dead. While perhaps he enjoys the satisfaction of luxury, of wealth, of ambition, he has lost the taste of good-will, of friendship, of innocence. Scarecrow, the beggar, in Lincoln's-innfields, who disabled himself in his right leg, and asks alms all day to get himself a warm

dern Italians express themselves in such a | No. 6.] Wednesday, March 7, 1710-11. florid form of words, and such tedious cirCredebant hoc grande nefas, et morte piandum, cumlocutions, as are used by none but pe- Si juvenis vetulo non assurrexeratdants in our own country; and at the same time fill their writings with such poor ima-Twas impious then (so much was age rever'd) ginations and conceits, as our youths are For youth to keep their seats when an old man appear'd. ashamed of before they have been two years at the university. Some may be apt to think that it is the difference of genius which produces the difference in the works of the two nations; but to show that there is nothing in this, if we look into the writings of the old Italians, such as Cicero and Virgil, we shall find that the English writers, in their way of thinking and expressing themselves, resemble those authors much more than the modern Italians pretend to do. And as for the poet himself, from whom the dreams of this opera are taken, I must entirely agree with Monsieur Boileau, that one verse in Virgil is worth all the clinquant or tinsel of Tasso. But to return to the sparrows: there have been so many flights of them let loose in this opera, that it is feared the house will never get rid of them; and that in other plays they may make their entrance in very wrong and improper scenes, so as to be seen flying in a lady's bed-chamber, or perching upon a king's throne; besides the inconveniences which the heads of the audience may sometimes suffer from them. I am credibly informed, that there was once a design of casting into an opera the story of Whittington and his cat, and that in order to it, there had been got together a great quantity of mice; but Mr. Rich, the proprietor of the play-house, very prudently considered that it would be impossible for the cat to kill them all, and that consequently the princes of the stage might be as much infested with mice, as the prince of the island was before the cat's Supper and a trull at night, is not half so arrival upon it; for which reason he would despicable a wretch, as such a man of sense. The beggar has no relish above not permit it to be acted in his house. And indeed I cannot blame him; for, as he said sensations; he finds rest more agreeable than motion; and while he has a warm fire very well upon that occasion, I do not hear and his doxy, never reflects that he dethat any of the performers in our opera pre- serves to be whipped. Every man who tend to equal the famous pied piper,* who terminates his satisfactions and enjoyments made all the mice of a great town in Ger- within the supply of his own necessities and many follow his music, and by that means cleared the place of those little noxious passions, is, says Sir Roger, in my eye, as poor a rogue as Scarecrow. But,' continued he, for the loss of public and priBefore I dismiss this paper, I must invate virtue, we are beholden to your men form my reader, that I hear there is a of fine parts forsooth; it is with them no treaty on foot between London and Wiset matter what is done, so it be done with an (who will be appointed gardeners of the air. But to me, who am so whimsical play-house) to furnish the opera of Rinaldo and Armida with an orange-grove: and ture and reason, a selfish man, in the most in a corrupt age as to act according to nathat the next time it is acted, the singing-shining circumstance and equipage, apbirds will be personated by tom-tits, the undertakers being resolved to spare neither Pears in the same condition with the fellow above mentioned, but more contemptible pains nor money for the gratification of the in proportion to what more he robs the public of, and enjoys above him. I lay it down therefore for a rule, that the whole man is to move together; that every action of any importance, is to have a prospect of public good: and that the general tendency

animals.

audience.

C.

*June 26, 1284, the rats and mice by which Hame. en was infested, were allured, it is said, by a piper, to a contiguous river in which they were all drowned.

London and Wise were the Queen's gardeners at

this time.

of our indifferent actions ought to be agree- | any thing more common, than that we run able to the dictates of reason, of religion, in perfect contradiction to them? All which of good-breeding; without this, a man as I is supported by no other pretension, than have before hinted, is hopping instead of that it is done with what we call a good walking, he is not in his entire and proper grace. motion."

Nothing ought to be held laudable or becoming, but what nature itself should prompt us to think so. Respect to all kinds of superiors is founded, I think, upon instinct; and yet what is so ridiculous as age?

tion of this vice, more than any other, in order to introduce a little story, which I think a pretty instance that the most polite age is in danger of being the most vicious.

It happened at Athens, during a public representation of some play exhibited in honour of the commonwealth, that an old gentleman came too late for a place suitable to his age and quality. Many of the young gentlemen, who observed the difficulty and confusion he was in, made signs to him that they would accommodate him if he came where they sat. The good man bustled through the crowd accordingly; but when he came to the seats to which he was invited, the jest was to sit close and expose him, as he stood, out of countenance, to the whole audience. The frolic went round the Athenian benches. But on those occasions there were also particular places assigned for foreigners. When the good man skulked towards the boxes appointed for the Lacedæmonians, that honest people, more virtuous than polite, rose up all to a man, and with the greatest respect received him among them. The Athenians being suddenly touched with a sense of the Spartan virtue and their own degeneracy, gave a thunder of applause; and the old man cried out, "The Athenians understand what is good, but the Lacedæmonians practise it. R.

While the honest knight was thus bewildering himself in good starts, I looked attentively upon him, which made him, I thought, collect his mind a little. What I aim at,' says he, is to represent that II make this abrupt transition to the menam of opinion, to polish our understandings, and neglect our manners, is of all things the most inexcusable. Reason should govern passion, but instead of that, you see, it is often subservient to it; and, as unaccountable as one would think it, a wise man is not always a good man.' This degeneracy is not only the guilt of particular persons, but also, at some times, of a whole people: and perhaps it may appear upon examination, that the most polite ages are the least virtuous. This may be attributed to the folly of admitting wit and learning as merit in themselves, without considering the application of them. By this means it becomes a rule, not so much to regard what we do, as how we do it. But this false beauty will not pass upon men of honest minds and true taste. Sir Richard Blackmore says, with as much good sense as virtue, 'It is a mighty shame and dishonour to employ excellent faculties and abundance of wit, to humour and please men in their vices and follies. The great enemy of mankind, notwithstanding his wit and angelic faculties, is the most odious being in the whole creation.' He goes on soon after to say, very generously, that he undertook the writing of his poem 'to rescue the Muses out of the hands of ravishers, to restore them to their sweet and chaste mansions, and to engage them in an employment suitable to their dignity.' This certainly ought to be the purpose of every man who appears in public, and whoever does not proceed upon that foundation, in- No. 7.] Thursday, March 8, 1710-11. jures his country as fast as he succeeds in his studies. When modesty ceases to be the chief ornament of one sex; and integrity of the other, society is upon a wrong basis, and we shall be ever after without rules to guide our judgment in what is really becoming and ornamental. Nature and reason direct one thing, passion and humour another. To follow the dictates of these two latter, is going into a road that is both endless and intricate; when we pursue the other, our passage is delightful, and what we aim at easily attainable.

I do not doubt but England is at present as polite a nation as any in the world; but any man who thinks, can easily see, that the affectation of being gay and in fashion, has very near eaten up our good sense and our religion. Is there any thing so just as that mode and gallantry should be built upon exerting ourselves in what is proper and agreeable to the institutions of justice and piety among us? And yet is there

Somnia, terrores magicos, miracula, sagas,
Nocturnos lemures, portentaque Thessala rides?
Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. ii. 208.

Visions, and magic spells, can you despise,
And laugh at witches, ghosts, and prodigies?
GOING yesterday to dine with an old ac-
quaintance, I had the misfortune to find the
whole family very much dejected. Upon
asking him the occasion of it, he told me
that his wife had dreamt a strange dream
the night before, which they were afraid
portended some misfortune to themselves
or to their children. At her coming into
the room, I observed a settled melancholy
in her countenance, which I should have
been troubled for, had I not heard from
whence it proceeded. We were no sooner
sat down, but after having looked upon me
a little while, My dear,' says she, turning
to her husband, you may now see the
stranger that was in the candle last night.
Soon after this, as they began to talk of

as from real evils. I have known the shooting of a star spoil a night's rest; and have seen a man in love grow pale, and lose his appetite, upon the plucking of a merrythought. A screech-owl at midnight has alarmed a family more than a band of robbers; nay, the voice of a cricket hath struck more terror than the roaring of a lion. There is nothing so inconsiderable, which may not appear dreadful to an imagination that is filled with omens and prognostics. A rusty nail, or a crooked pin, shoot up into prodigies.

family affairs, a little boy at the lower end of the table told her, that he was to go into join-hand on Thursday. Thursday!' says she, 'No, child, if it please God, you shall not begin upon Childermas-day; tell your writing-master that Friday will be soon enough.' I was reflecting with myself on the oddness of her fancy, and wondering that any body would establish it as a rule, to lose a day in every week. In the midst of these my musings, she desired me to reach her a little salt upon the point of my knife, which I did in such a trepidation and hurry of obedience, that I let it drop by the I remember I was once in a mixt assemway; at which she immediately startled, bly, that was full of noise and mirth, when and said it fell towards her. Upon this I on a sudden an old woman unluckily oblooked very blank; and, observing the con- served there were thirteen of us in compacern of the whole table, began to consider ny. The remark struck a panic terror into myself, with some confusion, as a person several who were present, insomuch that that had brought a disaster upon the fami- one or two of the ladies were going to leave ly. The lady, however, recovering herself the room; but a friend of mine taking notice after a little space, said to her husband, that one of our female companions was big with a sigh, 'My dear, misfortunes never with child, affirmed there were fourteen in come single.' My friend, I found, acted the room, and that instead of portending one but an under part at his table, and being a of the company should die, it plainly foreman of more good-nature than understand- told one of them should be born. "Had not my ing, thinks himself obliged to fall in with friend found this expedient to break the all the passions and humours of his yoke-omen, I question not but half the women in fellow. Do not you remember, child,' the company would have fallen sick that says she, that the pigeon-house fell the very night. very afternoon that our careless wench spilt the salt upon the table?" "Yes,' says he, my dear, and the next post brought us an account of the battle of Almanza.' The reader may guess at the figure I made, after having done all this mischief. I despatched my dinner as soon as I could, with my usual taciturnity; when, to my utter confusion, the lady seeing me quitting my knife and fork, and laying them across one another upon my plate, desired me that I would humour her so far as to take them out of that figure, and place them side by side. What the absurdity was which I had committed I did not know, but I suppose there was some traditionary superstition in it; and therefore, in obedience to the lady of the house, I disposed of my knife and fork in two parallel lines, which is the figure I shall always lay them in for the future, though I do not know any reason

for it.

It is not difficult for a man to see that a person has conceived an aversion to him. For my own part, I quickly found by the lady's looks, that she regarded me as a very odd kind of fellow, with an unfortunate aspect. For which reason I took my leave immediately after dinner and withdrew to my old lodgings. Upon my return home, I fell into a profound contemplation on the evils that attend these superstitious follies of mankind; how they subject us to imaginary afflictions, and additional sorrows, that do not properly come within our lot. As if the natural calamities of life were not sufficient for it, we turn the most indifferent circumstances into misfortunes, and suffer as much from trifling accidents,

An old maid, that is troubled with the vapours, produces infinite disturbances of this kind among her friends and neighbours. I know a maiden aunt, of a great family, who is one of these antiquated Sybils, that forebodes and prophesies from one end of the year to the other. She is always seeing apparitions and hearing death-watches; and was the other day almost frighted out of her wits by the great house-dog, that howled in the stable at the time when she lay ill of the tooth-ache. Such an extravagant cast of mind engages multitudes of people, not only in impertinent terrors, but in supernumerary duties of life; and arises from that fear and ignorance which are natural to the soul of man. The horror, with which we entertain the thoughts of death, (or indeed of any future evil) and the uncertainty of its approach, fill a melancholy mind with innumerable apprehensions and suspicions, and consequently dispose it to the observation of such groundless prodigies and predictions. For as it is the chief concern of wise men to retrench the evils of life by the reasonings of philosophy; it is the employment of fools to multiply them by the sentiments of superstition.

For my own part, I should be very much troubled were I endowed with this divining quality, though it should inform me truly of every thing that can befal me. I would not anticipate the relish of any happiness, nor feel the weight of any misery, before it actually arrives.

I know but one way of fortifying my soul against these gloomy presages and terrors of mind, and that is, by securing to myself the friendship and protection of that Being

who disposes of events, and governs futurity. I must let you know, that the design of this He sees at one view the whole thread of my existence, not only that part of it which I have already passed through, but that which runs forward into all the depths of eternity. When I lay me down to sleep, I recommend myself to his care; when I awake, I give myself up to his direction. Amidst all the evils that threaten me, I will look up to him for help, and question not but he will either avert them, or turn them to my advantage. Though I know neither the time nor the manner of the death I am to die, I am not at all solicitous about it; because I am sure that he knows them both, and that he will not fail to comfort and support me under them. C.

No. 8.]

paper is to give you information of a certain irregular assembly, which I think falls very properly under your observation, especially since the persons it is composed of are criminals too considerable_for the animadversions of our society. I mean, sir, the Midnight Mask, which has of late been frequently held in one of the most conspicuous parts of the town, and which I hear will be continued with additions and improvements. As all the persons who compose the lawless assembly are masked, we dare not attack any of them in our way, lest we should send a woman of quality to Bridewell, or a peer of Great Britain to the Counter: besides that their numbers are so very great, that I am afraid they would be able to rout our whole fraternity, though we were accompanied with our guard of constables. Both these reasons, which secure them from our authority, make them obnoxious to yours; as both their disguise and Virg. n. i. 415. their numbers will give no particular person reason to think himself affronted by you.

Friday, March 9, 1710-11.

At Venus obscuro gradientes aere sepsit,
Et muito nebulæ circum Dea fudit amictu,
Cernere ne quis eos

They march obscure, for Venus kindly shrouds
With mists their persons, and involves in clouds.

Dryden.

I SHALL here communicate to the world a couple of letters, which I believe will give the reader as good an entertainment as any that I am able to furnish him with, and therefore shall make no apology for them:

"If we are rightly informed, the rules that are observed by this new society, are wonderfully contrived for the advancement of cuckoldom. The women either come by themselves, or are introduced by friends, who are obliged to quit them, upon their first entrance, to the conversation of any body that addresses himself to them. There are several rooms where the parties may retire, and if they please, show their faces by consent. Whispers, squeezes, nods, and embraces, are the innocent freedoms of the

libidinous assembly seems to terminate in assignations and intrigues; and I hope you will take effectual methods, by your public advice and admonitions, to prevent such a promiscuous multitude of both sexes from meeting together in so clandestine a manner. 'I am,

"I am one of the directors of the society for the reformation of manners, and therefore think myself a proper person for your correspondence. I have thoroughly ex-place. In short, the whole design of this amined the present state of religion in Great Britain, and am able to acquaint you with the predominant vice of every market town in the whole island. I can tell you the progress that virtue has made in all our cities, boroughs, and corporations; and know as well the evil practices that are committed in Berwick or Exeter, as what is done in my own family. In a word, Sir, I have my correspondents in the remotest parts of the nation, who send me up punctual accounts, from time to time, of all the little irregularities that fall under their notice in their several districts and divisions.

Your humble servant, and fellow-labourer, 'T. B.'

Not long after the perusal of this letter, I received another upon the same subject; which, by the date and style of it, I take to be written by some young templar: 'SIR,

'I am no less acquainted with the parMiddle Temple, 1710-11. ticular quarters and regions of this great 'When a man has been guilty of any vice town, than with the different parts and dis- or folly, I think the best atonement he can tributions of the whole nation. I can de- make for it, is to warn others not to fall into scribe every parish by its impieties, and the like. In order to this I must acquaint can tell you in which of our streets lewd-you, that some time in February last I went ness prevails, which gaming has taken possession of, and where drunkenness has got the better of them both. When I am disposed to raise a fine for the poor, I know the lanes and alleys that are inhabited by common swearers. When I would encourage the hospital of Bridewell, and improve the hempen manufacture, I am very well acquainted with all the haunts and resorts of female night-walkers.

After this short account of myself, I

to the Tuesday's masquerade. Upon my first going in I was attacked by half a dozen female quakers, who seemed willing to adopt me for a brother; but upon a nearer examination I found they were a sisterhood of coquettes, disguised in that precise habit. I was soon after taken out to dance, and as I fancied, by a woman of the first quality, for she was very tall, and moved gracefully. As soon as the minuet was over, we ogled one another through our masks; and as I

am very well read in Waller, I repeated to her the four following verses out of his poem to Vandyke:

"The heedless lover does not know

Whose eyes they are that wound him so;
But, confounded with thy art,
Inquires her name that has his heart."

| of folding doors. If a candidate for this corpulent club could make his entrance through the first, he was looked upon as unqualified; but if he stuck in the passage, and could not force his way through it, the foldingdoors were immediately thrown open for ther. I have heard that this club, though his reception, and he was saluted as a broit consisted but of fifteen persons, weighed above three tons.

I pronounced these words with such a languishing air, that I had some reason to conclude I had made a conquest. She told me that she hoped my face was not akin to In opposition to this society, there sprung my tongue, and looking upon her watch, I accidentally discovered the figure of a coro- skeletons, who, being very meagre and enup another composed of scarecrows and net on the back part of it. I was so trans-vious, did all they could to thwart the deported with the thought of such an amour, that I plied her from one room to another with all the gallantries I could invent; and at length brought things to so happy an issue, that she gave me a private meeting the next day, without page or footman, coach or equipage. My heart danced in raptures; but I had not lived in this golden dream above three days, before I found good reason to wish that I had continued true to my laundress. I have since heard, by a very great accident, that this fine lady does not live far from Covent-garden, and that I am not the first cully whom she has passed herself upon for a countess.

Thus, sir, you see how I have mistaken a cloud for a Juno; and if you can make any use of this adventure, for the benefit of those who may possibly be as vain young coxcombs as myself, I do most heartily give you leave.

'I am, Sir,

'Your most humble admirer,
'B. L.'

signs of their bulky brethren, whom they till at length they worked them out of the represented as men of dangerous principles; favour of the people, and consequently out of the magistracy. These factions tore the corporation in pieces for several years, till at length they came to this accommodation: that the two bailiffs of the town should be annually chosen out of the two clubs; by at this day coupled like rabbits, one fat and which means the principal magistrates are

one lean.

ther the confederacy of the Kings. This Every one has heard of the club, or ragrand alliance was formed a little after the mitted into it men of all qualities and proreturn of King Charles the Second, and adname of King, which, as they imagined, fessions, provided they agreed in the sursufficiently declared the owners of it to be altogether untainted with republican and anti-monarchical principles.

A christian name has likewise been often I design to visit the next masquerade occasion of a club. That of the Georges, used as a badge of distinction, and made the myself, in the same habit I wore at Grand which used to meet at the sign of the Cairo; and till then shall suspend my judg-George, on St. George's day, and swear ment of this midnight entertainment,

No. 9.] Saturday, March 10, 1710-11.
-Tigris agit rabida cum tigride pacem
Perpetuam: sævis inter se convenit ursis.

C.

Juv. Sat. xv. 163.

Tiger with tiger, bear with bear you'll find
In leagues offensive and defensive join'd.

Tate.

'Before George,' is still fresh in every one's

memory.

There are at present, in several parts of this city, what they call street-clubs, in which the chief inhabitants of the street converse together every night. I remember, upon my inquiring after lodgings in Ormond-street, the landlord, to recommend that quarter of the town, told me, there was at that time a very good club in it; he also told me, upon further discourse with him, that two or three noisy country 'squires, who were settled there the year before, had considerably sunk the price of house-rent; and that the club (to prevent the like inconveniencies for the future) had thoughts of taking every house that became vacant into their own hands, till they had found a tenant for it, of a sociable nature and good conversation.

MAN is said to be a sociable animal, and, as an instance of it, we may observe, that we take all occasions and pretences of forming ourselves into those little nocturnal assemblies, which are commonly known by the name of clubs. When a set of men find themselves agree in any particular, though never so trivial, they establish themselves into a kind of fraternity and meet once or twice a week, upon the account of such a fantastic resemblance. I know a considerable market-town, in which there was a club of The Hum-Drum club, of which I was fat men, that did not come together (as you | formerly an unworthy member, was made may well suppose) to entertain one another up of very honest gentlemen, of peaceable with sprightliness and wit, but to keep one dispositions, that used to sit together, another in countenance. The room where smoke their pipes, and say nothing, till midthe club met was something of the largest, night. The Mum club (as I am informed) and had two entrances, the one by a door is an institution of the same nature, and as of a moderate size, and the other by a pair | great an enemy to noise.