Графични страници
PDF файл
ePub

In times when the country was better to do
His bishopric Nicholas always passed through
With plenty of state,

And magnificence great,

With choristers fifty, and chaplains twice eight,
And three score young deacons, on whom to dilate
Would take me more time than my readers can
wait:

But now when by Moore's, or some other such work, it
Appeared 'twas the season for going on circuit,

Thinking p'rhaps 'twould be hard to get prog in his progress,

St. Nicholas, ere on his way he did jog, res-
Olved to dispense with his bevy of subs,-

Those same cata-pillars, as 'twere, of the
church

Intending to leave, for this once, in the lurch, On account of the general scarceness of grubs.. So accordingly he'd to explain to his retinue"Children, the trouble you'd give me in gettin' you Food to your mind,

Makes me leave you behind.

Though it causes me sorrow, I vow, as a sinner,
To think I must part with my suites after dinner."
Having uttered which words, the good worthy old
feller,

Took his pastoral staff and his gingham umbreller,
And set out on his journey-the which, understand,
Though all over the see, was accomplished by land.
As for his kit,

There was not much of it!

Ilis portable property was, you'll admit,

Than "Somebody's Luggage" consid'rably lighter.
For a shirt and some collars he stuffed in his mitre,
Put a pair of clean socks and some soap in his pocket,
And was off on his travels at once like a rocket.

I need not describe

How tribe after tribe,

In all parts of the see did his learning imbibe;
Or how, while the laity striving to urge, he
Did not forget to look after his clergy,

And unfrocked several parsons, because Mrs.
Grundy

Declared they were seen at a cockfight on Sunday.
Suffice it for me

That his reverence, he

Had seen-to whate'er he'd to see-to, per see.
But happened, returning to Myra again,

To be six minutes late for the five o'clock train,
Which (so Bradshaw declared) if to catch he
should fail,

There was no other choice but to take the nightmail.

So when he reached Myra the hour was so late He declined to get down at his own palace gate, Declaring of right he should not feel observant, If-though himself tired—he should knock up a ser

vant.

And having said thus,

Directed the 'bus

To take him to some decent inn without fuss.
He found "Mrs. Lirriper's Lodgings" were full,
And so were the Rainbow, the Cock, and the Bull,
The landlords declared they were torn with despair
To think that they had not a chamber to spare
To offer his reverence- -not anywhere.

A plethora likewise the Bell and the Dragon ails,
And also the Boar and the Devil and Bag o'Nails,
Once a public-house noted

'Mong topers devoted,

For its "8 as, per sextary, in your own flagon" ales.
At length-nor feeling sure

He of sleep would procure

(For already 'twas long past the night's dreary middle) a wink

He put up at—and had to put up with—a “ Kiddlea-wink."

The host was a bad man- a sad evil-doer,

Of infants a butcher, of mischief a brewer.
For he lured little children by crafty decoys-
Put the girls in a stew, and made broth of the boys;-
Nay, at that very time, when St. Nicholas came,
Had got into a pickle three lads,—what a shame!
He'd lured them with tarts,

Just after their hearts,

And all manner of goodies and sweetstuff had stood for 'em,

Until they'd all eaten much more than was good for 'em, And then suddenly vowed, as if shocked at the rigs of

'em;

They'd made pigs of themselves, and so he would make pigs of 'em.

He smothered them first with some pillows and towels, And when they were mutes, why, he cut out their— vowels,

By which I mean eyes"

Put their flippers in pies,

Which was wrong :—though if I don't my classics forget,

The Latin for 'and is most frequently et.

Well, when he these steps with his victims had taken,
To pickle his pork, without saving their bacon,
He soused them, with pepper and salt, in some vinegar,
And put by till his guests were their meals to begin
eager.

St. Nicholas just was beginning to dose,

And indulge in the sounds that are signs of repose (I speak of those nasal ones every one knows), When morsels a score

Come in at the door,

And ranged themselves all round his bed, on the floor. 'Twas the children, young pickles, late slain by the host,

Who quietly shirkin'

Their bed in the firkin,

With vinegar's spectre-and Pepper's famed ghost,
Slipt out of their pickle as

Soon as St. Nicholas

Seemed to be sleeping as sound as a post :-
And, though greatly cut-up by their pitiable plight,
Contrived-like one Walter Montgomery hight-
In several parts to appear in one night.
Without waiting repairs,

They went piecemeal upstairs,

(For not finding the pies, that they, wanting their 'ands,

Could not manage conjunctions, one well understands,)
And then of the bishop's repose each disturber
Began to address him in these porka verber :
"Rub-a-dub, dub,

Three lads in a tub,

Chopt-up, and pickled, and made into grub !"

Just imagine the fright,

As he jumped bolt-upright,

Of St. Nicholas seeing that very strange sight;
For each piece was indued

With life, and kootooed,

As much as to say "Although raw, we're not rude!"

"Twould have frightened most people, I think, into fits, To have seen such an instance of "livers--and bits." Then a piece on the boards

(Like those one awards

The title "sensation") solution affords,
Remarking, "My lord, it seems curious—but
I speak sober truth, though I'm terribly cut,
When I say that your host-I'm repeating no scandal—
Took a very large knife with an knifery handle,
And in spite of our joining, all round, in a bawl,
He—not to mince matters-just chopped us up small:
And although being flesh we were not right materials,
He put us in tubs

That his guests needing grubs

Might in parts take us in, just as if we were serials.

What right, St. Nicholas,

Had he to pickle us?

Answer that question, most learned of clerks!"
And with that the bit ended its cutting remarks.
Said the bishop, "Dear me,

I really don't see,

I protest, what this wicked host's purpose can be:-
Unless, at a guess-I don't like being beaten-

He intended you well-drest young scholars for Eton. However it seems, my young friends, bless your hearts,

You are very well able to take your own parts.
Say, what can I do

To be useful to you!

Why not stop in your barrel, so cosy and roomy?" Whereupon all the bits replied gloomily, “Glue me!"

"Bless me, yes—glue!"

Said the bishop, "Quite true :

I'can easily manage that matter for you;

Only when it's applied to each edge, joint, and suture,
You must promise you'll all stick together in future;
And to plans for your welfare I'll presently mention
Must swear you will give undivided attention."
Said the morsels, "We swear!—

Are you

satisfied? There!"

With that to his mitre his reverence went,

And fetched out a bottle of Diamond Cement,

And ere long had contrived to frame three chopping boys,

Out of what seemed but stuffing for fine saveloys.

As soon as 'twas day,

The bishop and they

Rang the bell for the landlord, and ordered a shay :—
The host, in great terror,
Acknowledged his error,

When he came in and found that his victims were

living;

For assaulting, and salting alike, begged forgiving,

« ПредишнаНапред »