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That Beauty vow'd

(Though not aloud),
She liked him still better in that than his own!
Liked him still better in that than his own!

wife-very

LAW ; OR, BULLUM versus BOATUM.

W. STEPHENS. Law is law-law is law; and as such and so forth and hereby, and aforesaid, provided always, nevertheless, notwithstanding. Law is like a country dance-people are led up and down in it till they are tired. Law is like a book of surgery—there are a great many desperate cases in it. It is also like physic—they that take the least of it are best off. Law is like a homely gentlewoman, very well to follow. Law is also like a scolding

bad when it follows us. Law is like a new fashion-people are bewitched to get into it. It is also like bad weather-most people are glad when they get out of it. We shall now mention a cause,

“ Bullum versus Boatum;" it was a cause that came before me. The cause was as follows:

There were two farmers : Farmer A. and Farmer B. Farmer A. was seized or possessed of a bull: Farmer B. was seized or possessed of a ferry-boat. Now, the owner of the ferry-boat, having made his boat fast to a post on shore, with a piece of hay twisted rope-fashion, (or, as we say, vulgo vocato, a hay-band) after he had made his boat fast to a post on shore, as it was very natural for a hungry man to do, he went up town to dinner; Farmer A.'s bull, as it was very natural for a hungry bull to do, came down town to look for a dinner; and observing, discovering, seeing, and spying out some turnips in the bottom of the ferry-boat, the bull scrambled into the ferry-boat; he ate up the turnips, and, to make an end of his meal, fell to work on the hay-band. The boat being eaten from its moorings,

floated down the river, with the bull in it: it struck against a rock; beat a hole in the bottom of the boat, and tossed the bull overboard: whereupon the owner of the bull brought his action against the boat, for running away with the bull; the owner of the boat brought his action against the bull, for running away with the boat; and thus notice of trial was given, Bullum versus Boatum-Boaturn versus Bullum.

Now, the counsel for the bull began with saying, “My Lord, and you, gentlemen of the jury, we are counsel in this cause for the bull. We are indicted for running away with the boat. Now, my Lord, we have heard of running horses, but never of running bulls before. Now, my Lord, the bull could no more run away with the boat than a man in a coach may be said to run away with the horses, therefore, my Lord, how can we punish what is not punishable? How can we eat what is not eatable ? Or ow can we drink what not drinkable? Therefore, my Lord, as we are counsel in this cause for the bull, if the jury should bring the bull in guilty, the jury would be guilty of a bull.”

Now, the counsel for the boat observed, that the bull should be nonsuited; because in his declaration, he had not specified what colour he was of: for thus wisely, and thus learnedly spoke the counsel—"My Lord, if the bull was of no colour, he must be of some colour; and if he was not of any colour, what colour could the bull be of ?" I overruled this motion myself, by observing, the bull was a white bull, and that white is no colour; besides, as I told my brethren, they should not trouble their heads to talk of colour in the law, for the law can colour anything.

This cause being afterwards left to a reference, upon the award, both bull and boat were acquitted, it being proved that the tide of the river carried them both away; upon which I gave it as my opinion, that, as the tide of the river carried both bull and boat away, both bull and boat had a good action against the water-bailiff. My opinion being taken, an action was issued ; and, upon the traverse, this point of law arose :-How, wherefore, and whether, why, when, and what, whatsoever, whereas, and whereby, as the boat was not a compos mentis evidence, how can an oath be administered? That point was soon settled by Boatum's attorney declaring, that, for his client, he would swear anything.

The water-bailiff's charter was then read, taken out of the original record, in true law Latin ; which set forth, in their declaration, that they were carried away either by the tide of the flood, or the tide of the ebb. The charter of the water-bailiff was as follows :Aquæ bailiffi est magistratus in choisi super omnibus fishibus qui habuerunt finnos et scalos, claws, shells, et talos qui swimmare in freshibus, vel saltibus riveris, lakis, pondis, canalibus, et well-boats; sive oysteri, prawni, whitini, shrimpi, turbutus, solus; that is, not turbots alone, but turbots and soles both together.

But now comes the nicety of the law; the law is as nice as a new-laid egg, and not to be understood by addle-headed people. Bullum and Boatum mentioned both ebb and flood, to avoid quibbling; but it being proved that they were carried away neither by the tide of flood nor by the tide of ebb, nor exactly upon the top of high water, they were nonsuited; but such was the lenity of the court, upon their paying all costs, they were allowed to begin again de novo.

THE LEGEND OF ST. NICHOLAS; OR, THE PRE

LATE AND THE PICKLED PORK.

Tom Hoop.

READER! Once on a time (if a date I must venture, I
Think I should lay it about the Fourth Century),
In a town—but what town I not positive am in-
Of Lycia, there broke out a terrible famine.

It might have been Myra,

Which chanced to acquire a
New Bishop just then, and the best e'er wore tiara-
St. Nicholas. (Legends here passim examine
And write any marginal notes you can cram in.)
'Twas a regular starver, and that there's no doubt of,
For victuals and drink e'en each inn it was out of,
And, of course, when each (ch)inn fails to keep the jaws

wagging,
One's swallows a summary cause for not bragging.
The people of Myra grew weekly less strong
Because their Short Commons had lasted so long.

(Short Commons, you know,

Their origin owe To the old Barebones Parliament held long ago.) E'en the clergy declared they felt very so-so, And a fast so continuous thought rather slow. While as for the army of valorous Asians, They had shortened to “rats” all their regular

" rations :" Since the footmen, too hungry for fanciful trammels,

Were past straining at rats,

Or even at gnats,
The cavalry'd long ago swallowed their camels.

The crowd behaved well,

For though it befell That some turbulent spirits, inclined to rebel, Called the people together their king to condemn Not to fill now the throne, as he did not fill them,They found the attendance was always so thin

(Just mere bone and skin,) They did nobody harm, save themselves, by their din:

For the appetite grows

By much speaking, one knows. So they talked themselves hungry with mere empty

ravings, Then ate their own words to stop appetite's cravings. The butchers had long ago failed on all hands In attempting to meat the consumer's demandsNot the wealthiest slaughterman had the effront’ry To say

that he had the least steak in the country.

Yes, the butchers in blue

That one formerly knew
So beefy and portly, and so well-to-do,
Had really become—the sad fact not to smother----
So skinny and weak, they'd to lean on each other.
Then who'd to a pastrycook's go for a stuffin'
When all that there is in an oven's a nuffin'?-

Not a biscuit, the seediest,

No bread of the knead-iest,
Not a crumb of a crumpet, or muff of a muffin;

Not e'en ratafias

To give hunger some ease, Not the plainest of cakes that are plain ; though to some

a cake Seems like the cause—not the cure- of a stomach ache; But then they of grub saw such little redundance In Myra just now that a bun seemed abundance. Then who'd to the vendor of flour reveal, Quite peck-ishly, he was in want of a meal, When he'd proofs—and internal ones, too, by the

acher That a twist might be got without troubling the baker?

In short to express

The state of distress
At Myra in cupboards, pots, larders, and kettles-

What 'twixt lack of nutrition

And want of conditionThey'd no victuals for waste—and they'd no waist for

victuals !

St. Nicholas went his episcopal tour,
Bound, like a doctor, to visit his cure ;-

Never had been

A bishop, I ween,
More careful in all things himself to demean

As the canons directed.

He ne'er was detected
Omitting one act of a bishop expected-
As the oldest inhabitant well recollected.

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