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UNNION AND VALENTINE. No. 5.
Ar the siege of Namur by the allies, there were in
the ranks of the company commanded by captain Pincent, in colonel Frederic Hamilton's regiment, one Unnion a corporal, and one Valentine a private sentinel there happened between those two men a dispute about a matter of love, which, upon some aggravations, grew to an irreconcileable hatred. Unnion, being the officer of Valentine, took all opportunities even to strike his rival, and profess the spite and revenge which moved him to it. The sentinel bore it without resistance; but frequently said, he would die to be revenged of that tyrant. They had spent whole months thus, one injuring, the other complaining; when, in the midst of this rage towards each other, they were commanded upon the attack of the castle, where the corporal received a shot in the thigh and fell: the French pressing on, and he expecting to be trampled to death, called out to his enemy, Ah, Valentine! can you leave me here? Valentine immediately ran back, and, in the midst of a thick fire of the French, took the corporal upon his back, and brought him through all that danger as far
as the abbey of Salfine, where a cannon ball took off his head: his body fell under his enemy whom he was carrying off. Unnion immediately forgot his wound, rose up, tearing his hair, and then threw himself upon the bleeding carcase, crying, Ah, Valentine! was it for me who have so barbarously used thee, that thou hast died? I will not live after thee. He was not by any means to be forced from the body, but was removed with it bleeding in his arms, and attended with tears by all their comrades who knew their enmity. When he was brought to a tent, his wounds were dressed by force; but the next day, still calling upon Valentine, and lamenting his cruelties to him, he died in the pangs of remorse and despair.
POLITE CONVERSATION. No. 31.
THIS evening I was with a couple of young ladies: one of them has the character of the prettiest company, yet really I thought her but silly; the other, who talked a great deal less, I observed to have understand ing. The lady who is reckoned such a companion among her acquaintance, has only, with a very brisk air, a knack of saying the commonest things: the other, with a sly, serious one, says home things enough. The first, mistress Giddy, is very quick; but the second, Mrs. Slim, fell into Giddy's own style, and was as good company as she. Giddy happens to drop her glove; Slim reaches it to her. Madam, says Giddy, I hope you will have a better office. Upon which Slim immediately repartees, and sits in her lap, and cries, Are you not sorry for my heaviness? The sly wench
pleased me, to see how she hit her height of understanding so well. We sat down to supper. Says Giddy mighty prettily, Two hands in a dish, and one in a purse says Slim, Ay, madam, the more the merrier; the fewer the better cheer. I quickly took the hint, and was as witty and talkative as they says I,
He that will not when he may,
When he will, he shall have nay;
and so helped myself. Giddy turns about; What, have you found your tongue? Yes, says I, it is manners to speak when I am spoken to ; but your greatest talkers are the least doers, and the still sow eats up all the broth. Ha ha! says Giddy, one would think he had nothing in him, and do you hear how he talks, when he pleases! I grew immediately roguish and pleasant to a degree, in the same strain. Slim, who knew how good company we had been, cries, You will certainly print this bright conversation.'
INVENTORY OF A PLAYHOUSE †. No. 42.
THIS is to give notice, that a magnificent palace, with great variety of gardens, statues, and water-works, may be bought cheap in Drury-lane; where there are likewise several castles to be disposed of, very delight
*This sketch, apparently so slight, is inserted because in it we see the original idea which Swift afterwards expanded into the volume which bears the title of Polite Conversation.
This was written upon an order from the lord cham
berlain for shutting up Drury-lane.
fully situated; as also groves, woods, forests, fountains, and country-seats, with very pleasant prospects on all sides of them; being the moveables of Christopher Rich, esquire, who is breaking up housekeeping, and has many curious pieces of furniture to dispose of, which may be seen between the hours of six and ten in the evening.
Spirits of right Nantz brandy, for lambent flames. and apparitions.
Three bottles and an half of lightning.
One shower of snow in the whitest French paper.
A sea, consisting of a dozen large waves; the tenth bigger than ordinary, and a little damaged.
A dozen and half of clouds, trimmed with black, and well-conditioned.
A rainbow, a little faded.
A set of clouds after the French mode, streaked with lightning and furbelowed.
A new moon, something decayed.
A pint of the finest Spanish wash, being all that is left of two hogsheads sent over last winter.
A coach very finely gilt, and little used, with a pair of dragons, to be sold cheap.
A setting sun, a pennyworth.
An imperial mantle, made for Cyrus the great, and worn by Julius Cæsar, Bajazet, king Henry the eighth, and signior Valentini.
A basket-hilted sword, very convenient to carry milk in.