EPILOGUE TO THE COMEDY OF

"THE SISTER."1

HAT? five long acts--and all to make

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us wiser!

Our authoress sure has wanted an
adviser.

Had she consulted me, she should have made
Her moral play a speaking masquerade;
Warmed up each bustling scene, and in her rage
Have emptied all the green-room on the stage.
My life on't, this had kept her play from sinking;
Have pleased our eyes, and saved the pain of
thinking.

Weli! since she thus has shown her want of skill,
What if I give a masquerade ?--I will.
But how? ay, there's the rub! [pausing]-I've got

my cue:

you.

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The world's a masquerade! the masquers, you, you, [To Boxes, Pit, and Gallery. Lud! what a group the motley scene discloses ! False wits, false wives, false virgins, and false

spouses!

Statesmen with bridles on; and, close beside 'em, Patriots in party-coloured suits that ride 'em.

1 The Sister] A comedy by Mrs. Charlotte Lennox, 1769; taken from the authoress's own novel, Henrietta. It was performed only one night. The author of the Biographia Dramatica says that "this epilogue is the best that has appeared the last thirty years."

There Hebes, turned of fifty, try once more
To raise a flame in Cupids of threescore.
These in their turn, with appetites as keen,
Deserting fifty, fasten on fifteen,

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Miss, not yet full fifteen, with fire uncommon,
Flings down her sampler, and takes up the woman :
The little urchin smiles, and spreads her lure,
And tries to kill, ere she's got power to cure.
Thus 'tis with all-their chief and constant care
Is to seem everything—but what they are.
Yon broad, bold, angry spark, I fix my eye on,
Who seems to have robbed his vizor from the lion;
Who frowns, and talks, and swears, with round
parade,

Looking, as who should say, dam'me! who's afraid?

[Mimicking.

Strip but his vizor off, and sure I am
You'll find his lionship a very lamb.
Yon politician, famous in debate,
Perhaps, to vulgar eyes, bestrides the state;
Yet, when he deigns his real shape t' assume,
He turns old woman, and bestrides a broom.
Yon patriot, too, who presses on your sight,
And seems, to every gazer, all in white,

If with a bribe his candour you attack,
He bows, turns round, and whip-the man's in

black!

Yon critic, too—but whither do I run?

If I proceed, our bard will be undone !

Well then a truce, since she requests it too :
Do you spare her, and I'll for once spare you.

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40

EPILOGUE TO THE COMEDY OF "SHE

STOOPS TO CONQUER."

SPOKEN BY MRS. BULKLEY IN THE CHARACTER OF MISS HARDCASTLE.

MELL, having Stooped to Conquer with

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success,

And gained a husband without aid
from dress,

Still, as a barmaid, I could wish it too,
As I have conquered him, to conquer you :
And let me say, for all your resolution,
That pretty barmaids have done execution.
Our life is all a play, composed to please,
"We have our exits and our entrances."
The First Act shows the simple country maid,
Harmless and young, of every thing afraid;
Blushes when hired, and, with unmeaning action,
"I hope as how to give you satisfaction."
Her Second Act displays a livelier scene-
The unblushing barmaid of a country inn,
Who whisks about the house, at market caters,
Talks loud, coquets the guests, and scolds the
waiters.

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Next the scene shifts to town, and there she soars,
The chop-house toast of ogling connoisseurs.
On 'squires and cits she there displays her arts,
And on the gridiron broils her lovers' hearts:
And as she smiles, her triumphs to complete,

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Even common-councilmen forget to eat.

The Fourth Act shows her wedded to the 'squire,
And madam now begins to hold it higher;
Doats upon dancing, and in all her pride,

Swims round the room, the Heinel of Cheapside;
Ogles and leers with artificial skill,

"Till having lost in age the power to kill,

She sits all night at cards, and ogles at Spadille.
Such, through our lives, the eventful history- 30
The Fifth and Last Act still remains for me.
The barmaid now for your protection prays,
Turns female barrister, and pleads for bays.1

INTENDED EPILOGUE TO "SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER."

Enter Mrs. Bulkley, who curtsies very low as beginning to speak. Then enter Miss Catley, who stands full before her, and curtsies to the audience.

MRS. BULKLEY.

OLD, Ma'am, your pardon. What's your business here?

The Epilogue.

MISS CATLEY.

The two Epilogues which follow, written by Goldsmith for this same comedy, appear never to have been spoken.

The Epilogue?

MRS. BULKLEY.

MISS CATLEY.

Yes, the Epilogue, my dear.

MRS. BULKLEY.

Sure you mistake, Maʼam. The Epilogue? I bring it.

MISS CATLEY.

Excuse me, Ma'am. The author bid me sing it.

RECITATIVE.

Ye beaux and belles, that form this splendid ring, Suspend your conversation while I sing.

MRS. BULKLEY.

Why, sure the girl's beside herself! an Epilogue of singing?

A hopeful end indeed to such a blest beginning. 10 Besides, a singer in a comic set!—

Excuse me, Ma'am, I know the etiquette.